A/N: Post-Green Christmas. Please read and review.
I told her I would try.
The thing of it is…I am afraid of growing accustomed to living in Boston. Not just the view of the Charles River or the skyline or the food – but the firm, as well. I do not want to get used to the zaniness. While it does help the workday to become more tolerant of my surroundings, I don't want to become light on my feet, complacent.
I'm afraid of waning in value. I'm a lawyer—of course I view myself in terms of value, net worth, assets and liabilities. Being held in high esteem is important to me. I am a confident man but like any normal human being, I allow my worth to lie in what others think of me. Here, I am the fuddy-duddy, the killjoy, the man who has failed to get through (well I think perhaps I've reached Katie at the least. Maybe Jerry, after he felt the need to go hide under my desk).
Most of all, I am afraid of losing myself here. Honestly, I'm afraid of what'll happen if Shirley finally tires of me. It's not that I can't live without her. It's that I don't want to. There is part of me that wonders if New York will be waiting for me if Boston falls through. Always have a back up plan – that's me, the man with a plan. Until now.