"Keep Holding On"
Lyrics by Avril Lavigne
The silence was permeable, the only sound being the steady ticking of the clock as every second, every minute passed, never to be used again. Lily gazed at it, biting at her lip in fear as she realized that time was running out. Three hours left. Two hours. An hour. What if it all went wrong? What if Harry never made it through? What if…
She closed her eyes, willing it to all be over. There was too much at stake, too much resting on her own actions. Loneliness sank into her bones, settling there as if to never leave, knowing that when her time came, there would be no one to help her, no one to hold her, no one to tell her she was doing the right thing, no one to kiss away her tears.
No one would be left.
You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
She gazed blankly into James' eyes as he took hold of her hands, kneeling in front of her. There were so many things to say, so many words unspoken, and yet as he looked into her eyes, held her shaking hands within his own, she knew his love, knew that no matter what would happen, what was about to happen, he would always be there, holding her hand. Keeping her steady when the ground underneath her would be threatening to break.
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
A shiver of coldness went through her, and she could sense, before she even looked with trepidation out the window, that he was there, sweeping up the garden path, his red eyes glittering with evil anticipation. Her eyes flickered of their own volition around the room, wanting to find some escape, somewhere to hide, but, even as she did so, she knew there was no place to go. There was nowhere to hide. Fate controlled her destiny, and her destiny came down to this single moment.
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in
She steadied herself willing herself to breath. She couldn't, wouldn't, give in. The front door crashed open with a flash of blinding red light, and it gave her strength she didn't know she had. Her wand was out, her eyes blazing with fervent power. She clenched her jaw, and tossed her head, ridding herself of any emotions that would threaten the plan, the plan she knew must occur.
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
One look at James' face almost crumpled her newly founded strength. She needed him – she couldn't go through this without him. He was her life. She grasped his hand desperately, never wanting to let go. Because she knew that if she did, if she let go, if she stopped holding on she would never see him again. Never feel his warm, strong arms around her, never hear him whisper her name, never see the tender love in his eyes that he reserved only for her.
He looked back at her, and for a moment she saw his courageous exterior disintegrate for a moment, but then it was back. He held her in his arms for a millisecond, nothing more, but it was all that she needed. She thought she heard him whisper, "Stay strong" before he turned, shouting a warning that wasn't necessary "Lily, take Harry and go It's Him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off-"
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
She flew up the stairs, already hearing Voldemort's cruel laugh, burning through her senses, enveloping her in his terror. But even he could do nothing. She knew one truth, in all of the terror and fear that surrounded her, and that was James' love. She paused on the top step, hearing James' own words in her mind, words that blocked every other terrifying thought and left an inward peace, "I'm here for you."
Voldemort's laugh of triumph jolted through her senses, and despite everything her brain was telling her to do, she turned away from her son's room to see her husband arc through the air, so slowly it was almost a dream, to fall to the ground, still and lifeless.
So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
JAMES! Her breath caught in her throat and she knew he was gone. Gone. The word was so final, so incomplete. He couldn't be dead! She was just dreaming – it was all a dream. She would wake up and find herself next to James' sleeping form, his breathing, living form.
Even as she thought it she knew it wasn't a dream. It was real, and it wasn't about to disappear.
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
The door slammed behind her, leaving her alone with Harry, but she knew it was only moments before the end. It was looming ever nearer, shadowing her every movement, knowing that one of them would be her last. She gulped, trying to suppress every natural reaction as she held her son in her arms. He blinked at her, oblivious to the threat that was coming ever closer, but knowing something was wrong. He tugged upon her finger, wanting her to smile, wanting her to laugh and play with him, not stare at him with that expression of utter despair.
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah
A single tear slipped down her cheek as she felt Harry's warm, childish, innocent gesture of love. She tightened her hold on him, pressing her lips to his head as she whispered, "I love you."
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
Whatever else, she knew she had to tell him she loved him. He had to know that she had cared, that every action she took was for him, was for his life, not just for the wizarding world, but for him. She had lived her life. She had tasted happiness, and she could only hope that he would too. She kissed his forehead again, placing him in the cot as she heard Voldemort's footsteps outside the door.She wanted to tell him everything that had gone through her mind in the past few weeks, wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how much he was a part of her, how much she wanted him to live, how much she wanted to hold him when the years ahead would become hard for him, but she couldn't. She swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat, and turned away from her son for the last time.
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
The door crashed open, and for a heart stopping moment she couldn't see anything in the glare. She stepped backwards, holding onto the cot. Harry! Where was Harry? His gurglish cry behind her told her he was still in the cot, and her heart thudded back into place. She tried to calm him with a movement of her hand. She didn't want him to watch this, she didn't want him to know what he couldn't prevent.
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Voldemort circled around her playing with his wand, his eyes glittering as he eyed his prize. Her son.
Buzzing filled her brain as she followed Voldemort's movements, covering Harry at every angle. She didn't want it to end like this, didn't want Harry to know, but even as fear enveloped her heart she knew the truth. She knew Harry would survive, and with that one glimmer of hope etched in her mind she faced Voldemort's every persuasion with remarks of love. She would not let Harry die. He would make it through. He had to.
Voldemort's eyes flickered with – was that disappointment? – before raising his wand.
It was now.
Filling her mind with only thoughts of Harry, of his arms around her neck as he gurgled happily, of the way he would tug at her thumb to show her he cared, of the way he would clap his hands excitedly whenever she and James kissed, of the way…
A green flash of light filled the air.
She knew no more.
Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Voldemort stepped forward, over Lily's fallen body. He traced his finger over his wand, savouring the moment. Harry looked up at him, blinking, a frown etched on his face as he wondered why his mother wouldn't get up. He laughed, cruelly, and highly, knowing that it was almost over. There would be no more threats after tonight.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
For a moment, just a moment, Lily smiled upon her son who cried fretfully as power surged through him. She whispered only two words before letting herself drift up, away from the rubble that had been her home, away from the world, and towards the bright white light.
"Stay strong."