Hello there! I'm Tanya Tanguya of Scare TV, and I'm here with Hellsing's legendary Alucard.

Tanya: So, Alucard, what have you been up to?

Alucard: Well, I took a break after filming the first Anime. After having to deal with Integra, I needed one.

Tanya: *Laughs* Quite the demanding one, eh?

Alucard: That's an understatement. Anyway, we're working on the Hellsing Ultimate now.

Tanya: And how's that going?

Alucard: Well, there's more action. I'm allowed to show more personality in this, and more of my history is revealed. *Grins* They're longer films, however, which means more time dealing with Integra.

Tanya: *Chuckles* I'm sorry. I've heard that you and Integra are in love. I take it that that isn't true?

Alucard: *Smirks* Well, if this is love, I prefer hate.

Tanya: *Grins* I see. Is there a love in your life?

Alucard: *Chuckles* Depends on which fan fiction you're reading. In many, I'm with that psycho Integra. In others, I'm with the Police Girl. I've also seen a lot of original characters as my lover. There's been an Elizabeth Hellsing, which I reportedly helped raise and then fell in love with. There's also an Elizabeta Van Hellsing, who I was said to fall in love with after being captured, and turned, who is a vampire/werewolf hybrid. Ironically, that character evolved from another Elizabeth who I raised, turned and had fall in love with me. The two writers have never met.

Tanya: *Listens* Huh. Ironic. But what about the real you? Are you and Seras together? Is there someone we don't know about?

Alucard: Well, there's Lydia.

Tanya: Oh, yeah? And who's Lydia?

Alucard: She's the teenage reincarnation of my true love, Mina.

Tanya: I see. Is she here with us?

Alucard: No, I left her at home. We're still bonding, and as of now she is very unpleasant to travel with.

Tanya: *Giggles* Oookay, then. *Pauses* Wait a minute… We're not talking about the girl who got kidnapped, are we? Lydia Johnston?

Alucard: ….Yeah, that's the girl.

Tanya: *Stares at Alucard in shock*

Alucard: What?

Tanya: ….Oh, would you look at the time!? Well, folks, that's the end of the show. (Forever!) This is Tanya Tanguya, wishing you the worst night of your life!

Backstage:

Tanya: That's it! We're finished! Over!

Alucard: What's the big deal? I just kidnapped the girl.

Tanya: Exactly!

Alucard: … I don't get it.

Tanya: *Sighs* Just… go home and bond.

Alucard: *Walks off, muttering,* Humans are so confusing.

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Alrighty! Sorry that was so short. It was just something I did at 5:00 AM, when I couldn't get to sleep. And yes, there are two different Elizabeths. One (now Elizabeta Van Hellsing) was created by me, and she should show up in future stories. The other was a character I found in a random Hellsing fic on here. Here it is: .net/s/3731276/1/

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this little skit. Keep an eye out for this 'Lydia' character. She'll hopefully show up in more future fics. ;)