All For The Victory

1. Ice Queen

Never trust a blonde. I do not give that warning lightly my friend, so you should not take it for granted. And I'm not even being the slightest bit dramatic.

Honestly.

I give this warning not only because of personal experience, but because from the bottom of my heart I believe it to be true.

I also wholeheartedly believe that Victoire Weasley (a rather untrustworthy blonde herself) is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

Honestly.

It all started with detention. Something that happened quite often if I'm to tell the truth.

But I had to do something to break the daily grind.

That bloody Darren Boot and his luscious flowing locks. The git had practically blackmailed me into this whole business.

Well, sort of.

Picture this scene if you will: detention, sun shining on a glorious day that I was not to take part in, many disgruntled students boxed into the dusty Hogwarts trophy room.

Despite having to polish every trophy in the known universe, my joy refused to be contained even on such a day and perhaps my natural buoyancy and confidence was grating to some of my fellow inmates.

But you can't win 'em all I suppose.

Enter Darren Boot: Ravenclaw seventh year, Head Boy, considered quite attractive by the general population of Hogwarts, also a full time professional tosser in my opinion.

And of course he has to supervise detention the day I'm there.

"Teddy," he said to me, his thick brown hair flowing in the wind (well in the draft whistling from underneath the door), "Victoire has decided to spend some time apart from me."

"You mean she's dumped you." I replied innocently.

"Well if you must put it so crudely, then yes I suppose she has."

"Pull your finger out Boot. Just admit that even you couldn't melt the Ice Queen." Gilligan Jones chimed in to the discourse.

Gilligan was easily the roughest bloke at Hogwarts; he was well smart but grumpy as a disgruntled Hungarian Horntail and wore a dusty old eye-patch at all times (everyone was too afraid to ask him why).

"The Ice Queen? Who's that?" A bright eyed little first year asked.

At this point in the conversation I chose to tune out completely as Gilligan recounted a cautionary tale about Victoire.

Who is a fit bird, I will give her that.

But no girl, no matter how well off in the looks department, deserves the bloody legendary status Victoire Weasley has somehow managed to gain for herself.

Oh go on then, if you insist, Gilligan's little tale went like this.

"Victoire Weasley is easily the finest thing on legs to walk through this castle." Gilligan began.

"As opposed to the finest thing not on legs?" I cheerily asked.

Gilligan narrowed his eye at me, then returned to his speech.

"As I was saying, before the Hufflepuff interrupted," Gilligan retorted (as if belonging to my House is an insult, us Puffs are a bit of an alright if you ask me), "Victoire is not just fit, it's downright ridiculous how bloody good-looking she is. The girl is an institution at Hogwarts: has been ever since fifth year when she had a growth spurt and got them legs on her."

During Gilligan's unabashed appreciation for his ex-girlfriend, Darren was of course looking ready to let loose a few Unforgivables.

Or stab Gilligan to death with the nearest blunt object, whichever you prefer.

"Obviously there have been many attractive girls come and go at Hogwarts. What elevates Victoire to legendary status is her sheer perfection: top of her class, insanely popular, she's obviously going to be Head Girl next year and she's tipped to have a job as under-secretary to the Minister for Magic when she finishes her N.E.W.T.s." Gilligan listed off Victoire's many achievements.

He made her sound like a bit of a swot to be honest.

"But the thing that makes her so desirable is her unavailability. I mean, look at this bloke, he's fecking gorgeous," Gilligan gestured to Darren and I'm delighted to say the prat was in better spirits immediately after that compliment, "and even he got dropped after two weeks."

I'm even more delighted to say that Darren quickly entered into a sulk after being reminded of this.

Bloody wanker.

"What I'm trying to say here gentleman, and little firsties who are only just now being brought up to speed, is that Victoire Weasley is quite possibly the fittest bird in both the Wizarding and muggle worlds. And unfortunately butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Hence the illustrious title of 'Ice Queen'." Gilligan finished his little tale.

I swear some of the first years actually applauded at this point.

During this spiel it was clear to see Darren was on a rollercoaster of emotion. He was clearly stoked to have had a shot with someone so universally hankered after, yet obviously sour about the being dumped part.

Looking at his expression after Gilligan had finished talking was the first indication I got of any scheme brewing in that shiny head of his.

And I was having none of it.

"So she breaks up with everyone?" Another first year asked.

"Rarely does that girl agree to date anyone, but yes, generally speaking. Around the two week mark every single bloke gets dropped like a hot coal." Gilligan answered.

Again the expression on Darren's face was of an alarmingly scheme-ish nature.

Now don't get me wrong, usually I'm all for a good scheme but not one involving Victoire.

Or her prat of an ex-boyfriend.

"Thank you Mr Jones for that enlightening little speech. However, before we got off track I was intending to speak to Teddy about this matter." Darren said.

One important thing to know about Darren is that even though he's in the same year as us, he thinks just because he's Head Boy that he can go around calling us 'Mr Bones' and 'Mr Lupin'. He's only calling me Teddy to get me on side.

Which is obviously never going to happen.

"As a close friend of Victoire's family I thought perhaps you could have a word with her. Maybe persuade her to rethink her decision on this issue." Darren asked.

I was fuming by this point.

Not only was the wanker asking me to essentially exploit my relationship with the Weasley family, he's made Victoire sound like a bloody toddler.

If she'd made the decision to dump his sodding arse than she obviously had good reason.

For all that's said about her, Vic has always known what she's about.

"I'm sorry Darren, but as you know Victoire and I aren't particularly close." I answered.

Well, it was true.

But once again Darren got that scheme-ish look that suggested a simple refusal really wasn't going to cut it.

"Well Mr Lupin I'm afraid that's unacceptable."

I was of course right.

One more important thing to know about Darren: not only does he think he is superior because of his Head Boy status, he actively enforces this deluded superiority by blackmailing just about everyone he wants something from.

Bit sad that quite literally the smallest amount of power ever given to someone has gone to Darren's head.

Well, like I said before, he is a wanker.

"I'm sure however, that I can find some way to… persuade you." Darren said. He was seriously stroking his chin.

CRASH!

And then he knocked over about three trophies with one swoop of his arm.

What the bloody hell was the point of that?!

"You see Mr Lupin, just how easy it would be for me to make your life just that much harder."

Ah, there was the point of that.

Then a bloody Professor ran in, there was a lot of commotion and Darren kept saying it was an 'accident' in this really smarmy voice.

I knew the second I told him to sod of he'd have the same Professor in here, telling them I'd tried to start a riot or some rubbish.

"Fine, fine. I will bloody talk to Victoire."

"I knew you'd come around to my point of view."

"Oh sod off Boot."

So as you can see I really had no choice in the whole business.

I was not pleased though, let me tell you.

After detention, I returned to the Hufflepuff common room. The whole place was cozy, warm and just a little too much like my nana's living room.

I did love the place though.

And I must admit, the place loved me as well, judging by the amount of first years that high-fived me as I walked past them.

Clearly I was quite the celebrity in my House.

Not that any of my friends seemed to think much of me.

I call them my friends loosely, as most them are bloody prats.

"Hello hello Lupin, heard you had a bit of a run in with our gorgeous Head Boy this morning."

"So, when can we expect to hear those wedding bells?"

See what I mean? Bloody prats.

"Oh piss off Phillips."

Andrew Phillips and Malachi Warren were my best mates, yet I often questioned this decision.

"Only reporting the truth Teddy." Gilligan pitched in.

Despite Gilligan actually being sorted into Gryffindor, he spends more time in our common room than his own.

He's always going around saying he's an honorary Hufflepuff.

We mostly pretend we don't know him.

I rolled my eyes. "Sod off Gilligan, you absolute wanker."

Gilligan narrowed his eye at me.

He's a burly looking bloke, Gilligan. Short brown hair, his one eye a stony grey colour. Quite intimidating really.

"Ease up Ted. You don't want to make him angry." Malachi was lounging about, and despite his seeming interest in my personal safety, I knew he was more interested in the girls to our left.

Malachi really was too attractive for his own good.

As a bloke totally comfortable with my sexuality, I can say that Mal's tousled black hair and dark blue eyes were positively dreamy.

He was often a bit of an inspiration for me when I could be bothered transforming my appearance.

"Yeah, you won't like him when he's angry and all that." Andrew said. He's always going on with Muggle nonsense like that.

Andrew is obviously Muggleborn, also a wet blanket and foil to all our capers.

He's just as mad as the rest of us, he just hides it better if you ask me.

Andrew is good-looking too, in a tall foppish kind of way. Wavy brown hair, greens eyes always narrowed behind horn-rimmed glasses and all that.

We're all quite fit in our own way, like a boy band.

I swear some girls have posters of us in their dormitories.

"I have to go and find Victoire." I said.

And I wasn't exactly happy about it.

"For the last bloody time, I DO NOT KNOW WHY A RAVEN IS A LIKE A WRITING DESK!"

Okay, so I may have a short temper.

But seriously these riddles are just an effing joke.

Suddenly the door to the Ravenclaw common room swung open and out stepped just the girl I was here to see.

Victoire narrowed her eyes at me, crossed her arms and simply stood there, as if to say 'who is this madman accosting an enchanted door knocker?'

Bloody hell I'd forgotten how attractive she was.

I really should have transformed into something a bit more crowd pleasing; my natural brown hair and brownish hazel eyes were not my usual get up when trying to charm the ladies.

"And what exactly are you trying to achieve here Lupin?" Victoire asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Good afternoon to you too Vic. Listen love, I need a word with you."

I was trying to smile charmingly but somehow I didn't think it was working.

"I'm on my way to the library, I really don't have time for any of your nonsense."

Victoire tried to swish past me but I stepped in front of her, still smiling charmingly (although I'm sure I looked like a lunatic at this point).

"Vic, I need your help here, alright?" I pleaded. She turned around to stare at me.

Hah, I knew she was a sucker for people in need.

"Your twat of an ex-boyfriend, already known school wide as the biggest idiot ever taken in by Hogwarts, is now blackmailing me into persuading you to take him back." I explained slowly.

Originally I was just going to do what Darren had told me to but I figured Victoire deserved to know the truth about him.

I'd also never really been good at doing what I'm told, something my nana can attest to I'm sure.

"You have got to be kidding me." Victoire said. I could tell she was pissed off.

Mission accomplished.

Then she got a scheme-ish look in her eyes.

Oh no.

Mission… not accomplished?

"So, how did it go? Has she changed her mind?" Darren asked emphatically.

Uh, overeager git he is.

"Darren, you might want to sit down."

I'd managed to arrange a meeting with Darren in a quiet corridor during one of his patrols.

"Get on with it Lupin. What did she say?"

I sighed and tried to look remorseful.

Or something.

"I want you to know, I never ever intended for this to happen-"

"GET ON WITH IT YOU DICKHEAD!"

Darren seemed to be losing it a little. I was suddenly a bit nervous being alone with him in a darkened hallway.

My virtue could be compromised or something.

But then the portraits hanging on the wall behind us started snickering and I realized I was scared of the least intimidating person in the known universe.

"I talked to Victoire, I did everything you said. But she sort of, well, it was quite unexpected but she-"

"You realize I can and will dock fifty points from Hufflepuff right this second unless you get on with it." Darren warned.

Bloody git, all this was his own fault because of his little tantrum over Victoire.

"She's in love. With me." I said abruptly. "She's in love with me."

Darren looked positively apoplectic, his eyes were practically falling out of his head.

Bloody hell he might have been having a stroke.

"What?!" Darren managed after some stuttering.

"Well, she said that she loves me, and that's why she broke up with you and she'll never ever want anyone else-"

"IT WAS A RHETORIC QUESTION!"

Blimey, this bloke is cracked.

So we stood there for a quarter of an hour, Darren gasping and stuttering and generally making an arse of himself, until he eventually seemed to gather his thoughts.

"This is perfect." He said.

No, wait, he'd gone even more 'round the twist.

"Err, did you hear what I said before mate?" I asked nervously.

Darren looked at me pointedly. "Are you in love with Victoire?"

"Well obviously not, she's a bit like a sister, or a cousin, or a lamp." I answered hesitantly.

"Perfect than. You're going to help me destroy her."

"Come again?"

"You've got her, now all you need to do is lead her on until she's really eating it up, then crush her in front of the entire school like she's done to me."

Bloody hell.

"Erm Darren, she hasn't really 'crushed' you now has she? It wasn't in front of the school either. She's just broken up with you mate." I tried to reason.

"No, no, she's humiliated me. I'm sure this is the reason my Ministry internship application was rejected."

"C'mon buddy, it's important to know there's life after Victoire."

This conversation really wasn't going the way I'd planned.

I'd kind of thought Darren would sort of crumple to the floor after I told him, and I could back away slowly and get on with my life.

"Sit down and shut up Lupin. Here's what you need to do."

Why do these things happen to me?

After a conversation that was equal parts terrifying and traumatizing, I trudged back to my common room.

I was not taking this whole scheme business well.

"Did he buy it?" A voice asked from the shadows.

"AAAH!" I screamed (in a totally manly-not-at-all-sounding-like-a-little-girl way).

Victoire sidled up to me looking unimpressed.

"Did he buy it? Do you think he'll back off now?"

"Err, about that."

Didn't seriously think Vic actually fancied me?

As if anything in my life could ever be that simple.