Artemis Twilight and Chat Oh My

by katiehorse

this was writen 3 years ago by my and two friend but i cant remember their usernames because it was so long ago but if you take the time to read it, it is pretty hillarriiouusssss. so you better. or die. appologies in advance basic Instant Messaging f

1. Wikipedia Intorductions

Bella: Vampgirl08

Edward: bronze-not-ginger

Emmett: theebestist

Jasper: not_emo_so_there_:-P

Alice: XlittleXpixieX

Rosalie: sexier_than_you!

Esme: my*kids*have*problems

Carlisle: I'agree'with'esme

Jacob: .bone.

Artemis: 2smart4skl

Holly: try,to,.harmbourge,incident.

Butler: youwantaknucklesandwich

Foaly: tinfoil...off.

Root: ..explosive.

Opal: queen;of;the;universe;

Chips: Chips

Pex: Pex

Mulch: bumflapkingoftheunderground.

Theebestist says:
so I was eating these nachos when…

2smart4skl says:
MOO HAHAHAHAHA I ARTEMIS FOWL THE SECOND HAS HACKED ALL OF YOUR COMPUTERS AND BROUGHT US TOGETHER AS PART OF MY EVIL PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

Not_Emo_So_There_:-P says:
oow I wanted to hear the nacho story

XlittleXpixieX says:
…

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGH I HAT ITS OPAL

theebestist:
i know natchoes are farrrrr more interesting than world domination

tinfoil...off.:
whats going on

2smart4skl:
*SCREAMSSSSSSS LIKE A GIRLS AND HIDES BEHIND BUTLER*

tinfoil...off.:
*winnies in fear*

youwantaknucklesandwich:
*squeals and hides behind arty*

XlittleXpixieX:

2smart4skl:
er butler ? you are the youngest person ever to recieve the blue star and your hiding behind a 17 year old from a pixie?

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:
DONT U PLAY DUM W WITH MEEEE

OPAL
KOPAL

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:
pah stop bigging up your age your only 15

2smart4skl:
:P

sexier_than_you!:

WTF IS GOINON

theebestist:
WAIT

not_emo_so_there_:-P:
WAIT

2smart4skl:
okay lets introduce our selves

WE HAVE DISOVCED SOMETHING ON
ON

not_emo_so_there_:-P:
WIKIPEDIA

bronze-not-ginger:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

theebestist:
tell us who u are and well wiki u

bronze-not-ginger:
DONT SAY THAT WORD
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

not_emo_so_there_:-P:
…

Vampgirl08:
its okay doll, your alright

2smart4skl:
so what did you find ? that im SEVENTEEN

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

YOUR FIFTEEN YOU COWPOG

not_emo_so_there_:-P:

ok who do we have here ?

2smart4skl:

im artemis fowl the second, your rular im SEVENTEEN

theebestist:

here is what it says

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

im holly and artemis is NOT seventeen he is FIFTEEN

Wiki:

Artemis Fowl, an Irish child prodigy and a ruthless master criminal who takes charge of rebuilding his family fortune following the disappearance of his father. In Artemis Fowl, the first book in the series, he kidnaps Captain Holly Short, a member of the reconnaissance unit of the fairy police force,
the Lower Elements Police (LEP), LEPrecon. His objective is to obtain the gold which the fairy government has set aside to ransom captured officers. In spite of their less-than-friendly attitudes towards each other in the first book, Holly needs Artemis' help to save her world in the second book. They later save their worlds from impending doom on several occasions, and little by little, Artemis' moral character and emotional disposition improve. Although Artemis is never fully described in the books, we know that he is pale and cold, but charismatic. He is also known to have blue eyes (The Eternity Code and The Arctic Incident)

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

wow human technology is soooo out dated

Wiki:

but later switched one of his eyes with Holly Short and black hair (The Lost Colony) and it can be inferred that his hair is a little long, as when in The opal Deception his hair gets wet, he has to push it back from his eyes. on more than one occasion, his smile has been said to be horrible, like a vampire's (Artemis Fowl). He has a minor dust mite allergy (Artemis Fowl). Despite his intelligence, he is shown to be quite lonely on occasions
However, he seems to display romantic inclinations towards Minerva in The Lost Colony, going as far as risking his life for her. He also shows romantic inclinations towards Captain Holly Short, and vice versa, later in the series, but they blame the feelings on the time travel they have undergone. His family's motto is "Aurum est Potestas", meaning "Gold is Power".

not_emo_so_there_:-P:

NEXT

wiki:

Captain Holly Short, the first female LEPrecon (Lower Elements Police Reconnaissance)

2smart4skl:

gosh ive had romantic inclamations with everyone on the planet by now

officer so far, is more skilled, has more chutzpah, and is far more daring than most of her fellow officers. Her talents are often under-appreciated because of her gender. Holly looks up to Julius Root, her LEP commander and something of a father figure,

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

WAIT what age did it say artemis is ?

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

I IZ THE BEST :P

Wiki:

who has high expectations of her. Holly, who has an unwavering moral code, typically operates on intuition, rather than on protocol; a trait that often leads her into trouble. Artemis abducts her in the first book, and her tenacity and creative intellect help her to escape not only her cell, but Fowl Manor as well.

Throughout the series Holly and Artemis understand each other on a very personal level, and consequently recognize each other as friends. In the sixth book, The Time Paradox, there are also romantic qualities related to her and Artemis, because when they go back in time, she is transformed into a fairy adolescent and kisses him. It is still unknown if Colfer is going to bring the two together.

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

*looks around* WHO IS COLFER?

theebestist:

whos next
?

EOIN COLFER:

I AM COLFER MOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

...

eoin colfer has signed oiout

XlittleXpixieX:

well that was random

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

WHAT AGE DID IT SAY ARTEMIS IS

theebestist:

it didnt
NOWSHUT UP WHO IS NEXT?

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

2smart4skl:
:P

tinfoil...off.:
... MEEEEEEEE

theebestist:
and u are?

not_emo_so_there_:-P:
yh and u R?

tinfoil...off.;
foalllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy only the cleverest cenour made by the gods

wiki:

Foaly, a centaur, is the LEP's technological genius. He is paranoid about discovery by humans, choosing to wear tin-foil hats to protect his brain from mind-probing rays in case humans invent them.

XlittleXpixieX:
why do you like tinfoil hats

wiki:

He is also quite vain about his work and appearance. His inventions keep Holly one step ahead of the game. He has a tendency to make sarcastic remarks and they cause him trouble on more than one occasion. However, he cannot be fired, lest human technology be allowed to catch up with the fairy brand

tinfoil...off.:

they are a gret sorce of protection do you want be to email you some?

He marries Caballine, a journalist, during Artemis and Holly's absence in The Lost Colony, though this detail is not mentioned until The Time Paradox. He and Mulch Diggums are friends, though whenever they meet they usually comunicate largely through insults.

XlittleXpixieX:

well that was broing

tinfoil...off.:
I AM NOT BORING

XlittleXpixieX:

:P

*stampss hoof*

not_emo_so_there_:-P:

and nexxt?

Minerva:

MEEEE

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

ugh. Minerva is gay. That's what it said

Minerva:

hey shuttup grrr

wiki:

Minerva Paradizo debuts in The Lost Colony. She is a teenage genius, like Artemis, who captures the imp No1 and tries to present him as her project for the Nobel Prize in Stockholm.

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

this should be full of intresting stuff

wiki:
She is 3 years younger than Artemis and believes she can outsmart him when he tries to save the magical world from discovery. Near the end of the book, she realizes that there was much more to the fairy world then she had discovered, and changes her mind.
According to Butler at the end of The Lost Colony, she has developed feelings for Artemis. However, she does not appear in The Time Paradox and it is implied that she will not be in The Atlantis Complex (the as yet unpublished, and indeed unwritten, seventh installment).

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

KERCHING

2smart4skl:

no ones said that since like...2004

2smart4skl:
oh your just jeoius

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:
SHUT THE FUCK UP
:

I AM NOT

XlittleXpixieX:
touchy i think there might be some thing here

No1:
DO ME NEXT PLEASE OH WONDERFUL BEING

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

DIE BITCH
:P

Minerva:

HOLLY WHY DO U HATE ME

?
?

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

arty is she dead yet *tags on sleeve*

minerva has signed out

theebestist:

ANYWAY

Wiki:

N°1 is a very powerful imp warlock who serves as Qwan's apprentice in The Lost Colony (book five). He helps to save Hybras, the lost colony of the title. Before that, however, N°1 gets involved with Artemis Fowl and is kidnapped by Minerva Paradizo. In The Time Paradox (book six), he transports Holly and Artemis through time so they can save Artemis' dying mother. He is incredibly powerful but

but still in training, meaning that while he often has the raw power for the job, he doesn't have the expertise.

theebestist:

I thinks dats everyone

2smart4skl:

wait no.1 i never invited you to the convo

no.1:

warlock ? duhhh

no.1:

I WANT 2 LooK THE NICE PPL UP

2smart4skl:

wait you left loads out

youwantaknucklesandwich:

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

JUST BECOUSE BEETROOTS DEAD DOOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN LEAVE HIM OUT

PAY SOME RESPECT

wiki:
Domovoi Butler is Artemis' butler and bodyguard. He is most often referred to as "Butler"; his first name is not revealed until the third book "The Eternity Code", when he thinks he is going to die (after being shot).

youwantaknucklesandwich:
yerr he was a good soldier

wiki: He tells Artemis his first name, normally forbidden by his bodyguard training, because keeping it secret doesn't matter any more. The Butler family has served the Fowl family for generations, with a Butler being assigned to each new Fowl at birth. He has comprehensive knowledge of weapons and extensive training in martial arts, enough so as to become the only human ever to fight a troll and win (The second book, The Arctic Incident, asserts that there are only two men on the planet better educated in various martial arts than Butler. In the third book, The Eternity Code, Butler is accidentally turned 15 years older by the healing process used to save him from perishing of the aforementioned bullet. Butler is more than what he seems (for example, in the Artemis Fowl Handbook it is revealed in an "interview" with Butler he stated that he enjoys romance novels.) (But he also informs the interviewer, "...if you tell anyone, I will hunt you down.") and follows Artemis around the world on his adventures. He is also one of Artemis' few good friends.

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

now do root

theebestist:

WHAT IF I DONT WANT 2 ITS TO MUCH PRESSUREEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2smart4skl:

its alright weel get to him soon enough

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

DIE BASTURD

theebestist:

sobs into jazz's shoulder

not_emo_so_there_:-P:

U MADE MA BFFL CRIE
*CRY

not_emo_so_there_:-P:

shouldn't you be sobbing on fros's sholder

*rose

XlittleXpixieX:

Ill do the next few

bumflapkingoftheunderground:

er i dont think roses has sholders

wiki: Mulch Diggums is a kleptomaniac dwarf with explosive flatulence. He is called upon by Commander Julius Root to break into the Fowl Manor in the first book, having already lost his magical abilities due to entering human's dwellings without permission.

XlittleXpixieX:

ewwww bumflap you may be ahead in tech but your waaaaay behind in fassion

wiki:

Like all male dwarves, Mulch is adapted for tunneling, and his unhingeable jaw and accelerated digestion have proved vital on many of his criminal ventures. An amoral thief who loves luxury and cares little for the law or the environment the People hold dear,
he nevertheless develops sentiments towards Julius, Holly, and Artemis, eventually risking his life on their behalf. At first he is a criminal, but later in the series his name is cleared when Artemis hacks into the LEP arrest records and nullifies several search warrants.
Although he often complains about being dragged unwillingly into most of the books adventures, it is implied several times that he actually does want to help. Mulch has also been viewed as a anti environmentalist due to his methane gas, or major powerful farts that can send him and people around him flying.

XlittleXpixieX:

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWTHATS GROSSSSSSS

bumflapkingoftheunderground:

oooooo your leious

XlittleXpixieX:

wheva

ill do the person i was compared to

2smart4skl:

wait i thought opal was in prison ?

wiki:

Opal Koboi is a narcissistic pixie genius and the main antagonist of the second, fourth, and sixth book starting with The Arctic Incident. She masterminded the Goblin uprising with the help of Briar Cudgeon in The Arctic Incident but was defeated by Artemis, Holly and the LEP.

2smart4skl:
what are you doing on a chatroom
?

Wiki:
She returned in The Opal Deception, the collapse of her previous plan and her year long coma having reduced her to a paranoid madwoman bent on revenge. She also planned to mobilize humans and fairies in a cross-species war and conquer the world. In this book, she also murders Julius Root (see Protagonists above).
pal made her vast fortune by forming "Koboi Laboratories" after bankrupting her father's company and merging it with her own. Opal is a rival of Foaly, with whom she held a bitter grudge over her loss of an invention contest when they were both in the fairy equivalent of college.

At the end of The Opal Deception she is robbed of her powers and arrested. Her younger self returns in the sixth book, when, in an extremely confusing time paradox, she uses a time tunnel created by the protagonists to travel forward in time and cause the need for the time tunnel in the first place.
Her ultimate goal in this case is the brain fluid of Jayjay, a silky sifaka lemur, which can both heal Spelltropy (a deadly, magic-based disease), and increase magical power.

XlittleXpixieX:

moving on

sexier_than_you!:

I WANNA HAVE A GOOOOO

2smart4skl:

but thats all there is ?

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

she could do chips and pex ?

2smart4skl:

if she mustttttttttttt

sexier_than_you!:
*reads off wiki* Commander Julius Root of LEPrecon has the personality of an old soldier. He smokes noxious fungus cigar, and his short temper earns him the nickname "Beetroot", as he is often purple in the face with rage. Julius follows protocols more closely than Holly, or indeed any other LEPrecon officer,

2smart4skl:

oh yes beetroot we almost 4got

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

HOW COULD YOU FORGETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

but driven by his concern for his subordinates and the fairy People he serves, he bends rules where necessary. He is murdered by Opal Koboi in The Opal Deception. Holly Short is held responsible for his death until the end of the book where Artemis, with the help of the People, clears her name. Holly deeply respects him, and up until his death he is a mentor as well as a father figure for her.

Vampgirl08:

Oooh dramatic

try,to,.harmbourge,incident :

*dreamy eyes* daddy

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

: DIE BITCH

Vampgirl08:

Arrrrrggghhhhhh ihat

*runs*

try,to,.harmbourge,incident :

:D

sexier_than_you!:

thats it then

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

shall we find out about u lot?

2smart4skl:

im seventeen years old and very clever :D

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

YOU ARE 15 YOU BASTURD

..socks:

i do belive ive found some info

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

well you would wouldn't you

wiki:
Isabella "Bella" Marie Swan (later Bella Cullen) is a clumsy, accident-prone teenage girl

2smart4skl:

please share

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

HAHA BITCH

Wiki:

who moves from Phoenix, Arizona, to Forks, Washington, to live with her father, Charlie. Though many boys are attracted to her when she arrives, she falls in love with Edward Cullen, a mysterious boy she discovers to be a vampire.

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

Boooooriiinnngggggg

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

(8) maybe its not my weekend but its gunna be my year ... iw wanna feal weightless(8)

not_emo_so_there_:-P:

3 that song

theebestist:

MEEE TOO

tinfoil...off.:
HELLO

Wiki:
in an attempt to protect Bella from his lifestyle, Edward leaves her. Bella falls into a depression and is comforted by her friend, Jacob Black. She comes to love Jacob as well,

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

hi

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

THREEESOME

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

HAHA depressed bitch

Wiki:
though not as deeply as she loves Edward. She eventually marries Edward and, after a complicated pregnancy, gives birth to their daughter, Renesmee, and becomes a vampire at age 18. After Bella's transformation, she has the ability to shield her and others' minds from mental attacks.

Vampgirl08:

WAIT

try,to,.harmbourge,incident :

Blah blah blah blahhh

Vampgirl08:

THIS HASN'T HAPPENED YET

YOUR SPOILING MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEE

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

HAH BITCH

tinfoil...off.:

HELLO

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

I SED HI
SHEESH

2smart4skl:

always attion steeling

tinfoil...off.:

I AM NOTTTT

Haha genius cant spell ATTENTION

2smart4skl:

SHUTTUP

2smart4skl:

ANY WAY ... IM SEVENTEEN

try,to,.harmbourge,incident:

FIFTEEN TOY NINNY

Im am terribly sorry but the rest of this chapter was eaten by a Gnu. 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again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try 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again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try 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again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again… Please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…please hang up and try again…..Battery low, please replace the batteries …