Zigzag to a Ziggurat (*)
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Based on "The Puzzle of the lost pyramid" from Uncle Scrooge 266 (1992).
And "The rich also cry" in Russian Ducktales site.
(*) OK, so it's NOT called a ziggurat there. Launchpad isn't called "Zigzag" here, either.
I have this theory that cartoonists have the bad habit of "pushing" their less than popular characters and suppressing ones that could be popular if given the chance because they themselves were unpopular.
This would explain the people behide the Turtles pushing Leonardo and Donatello when I'm almost 100% sure that Mickey and Rapheal are a lot more popular. And the Turtles look almost exactly alike, so that makes even less sense than usual.
This would also explain Disney's attitude problem with Launchpad. Especially since he's drop dead gorgeous and their artists and writers look like 5 miles of bad road. (Don't ya love how I'm supposed to care about those dweebs but I'm not supposed to notice that?)
I COULD BE WRONG! THAT'S ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY! I honestly believe that if Disney would drop the Launchpad is an incompetent moron bit and push him instead, they could make mucho lira off of him. I'll probably never know if I'm right or not, because they won't try it and see, not even to shut me up. (and I mean REALLY trying and seeing, not pretending to push him, while making him look stupid, like you're done BEFORE, lord knows.)
Launchpad was flying Mr. McDuck, the Trins and Webby to investigate a ziggurat that had been found south of the border. I came along with my camera to keep an eye on the kids (Mrs. Beakly looks after our kids and I look after "hers") and because this sounded like a good story for the Duckburg Daily News. And to be with my Launchpad, of course.
"Is there really a pyramid nobody knew about before down there, Unca Scrooge?" Webby asked.
Mr. McDuck was preoccupied with the maps and didn't answer her. So I said:
"Ziggurat. It's got steps. And it's in America. So it's a ziggurat, not a pyramid. Is that right, Mr. McDuck? Was it built by the Aztecs or the Mayans? I admit I get them mixed up, sort of the way I get Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett mixed up." I replied
"Ziggurat is an Arab word! A pyramid with steps, in the Americas is a stepped pyramid, not a ziggurat!" Mr. McDuck replied.
"That's what I get for showing off! Sorry, Webby! You were right, and I was wrong!" I laughed.
"Where is this stepped pyramid, anyway?" Huey asked.
"And how come nobody found it before? " Dewey asked.
"And how did somebody find it now?" Louie asked.
"It's in a desert in South America. Nobody found it before because it's in the desert and nobody lives there. Somebody found it now because more cities and towns have been built on the fridges of the desert and some people have been exploring the desert, to get away from the noise and the crowds." Mr. McDuck explained.
"Why would somebody build a pyramid in the middle of a desert in the first place?" Launchpad asked.
"To keep its treasures safe! By putting it in the middle of no place, they hoped nobody would rob it! Usually didn't work, but it was worth a try." Mr. McDuck replied.
"So why are you trying to rob it now?" Launchpad asked.
"I am not robbing it! I own the land and all the land rights to it! I bought it as soon as I heard about this pyramid. I have every right to dig up whatever priceless treasures lay hidden there! And I'll donate them to a museum, to be put in a wing with my name on it. Preserve my name, forever." chuckled Mr. McDuck.
Launchpad landed near the pyramid. It was in the middle of a large, empty space.
"Mr. McDee, do you think maybe there are more buildings buried here? There's an awful lot of space for just one pyramid." Launchpad asked.
"Possibly. I intend to check that out AFTER I find the treasures of the pyramid. But this is the middle of the desert, and more buildings would indicate that people lived here, not merely buried here. (1)Or had their treasures hidden here. And where would people find enough water to live here, in the middle of the desert?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"The markings on the pyramid indicate that the pyramid itself marks their greatest treasure. But it doesn't say exactly where or what the treasure is." Mr. McDuck said.
"If they were trying to hide the treasure, they'd hardly say exactly where it is." Huey commented.
"Then why did they bury it in or near the pyramid in the first place?" Dewey asked.
"So THEY could find it again, dummy!" Louie replied.
"So the pyramid is sort of a giant "x marks the spot"? Launchpad asked.
"One that they could find years and years later." Mr. McDuck replied.
"Must have been a very important treasure to be worth all that trouble to mark its location." Launchpad muttered.
"Quit yakking and start digging!" Mr. McDuck snapped, handing my Launchpad a shovel.
So, despite the fact it ain't his job and that Launchpad doesn't profit off the treasure, Launchpad dug ANYWAY. (2) Mr. McDee and the boys dug, too. They dug up bits of pottery, bones and other such "treasures". The kinds of "treasure" archeologists usually find. Fascinating. (ZZZZ)
Launchpad (who was wearing shorts, a short-sleeve top, sunglasses, a sunhat, light socks and shoes), dug on. Until he got a faceful of water. He had hit an underground spring and it sprayed a gusher of water, right in his face.
"I hit water!" Launchpad said.
Now, a crowd of sight-seers had gathered to watch the "fun". When Launchpad hit water, some of them rushed forward excitedly.
"WATER! He's hit WATER! And it's fresh water, not salt!" One said. "This is a priceless treasure. Water is rare in this area. And more and more 'people" keep moving nearby, needing more and more water."
"I bought this land, including the land rights! That means I own this water!" Mr. McDuck said, quickly.
Soon, McDuck Waterworks was in business, pumping precious water to nearby towns and cities. In digging up the underground river, they found the ruins of an ancient city!
"The ancient city must have used this underground river for their water. They built the pyramid to mark the location of the river, so they could find it again if a well ever petered out. Or if they had to abandon the city because of bandits or invaders." Mr. McDuck said.
"And they did eventually abandon the city when ducks from Europe invaded. So to them, their most priceless treasure was WATER." Launchpad replied.
The End.
(1) Did the Aztecs or the Mayans bury their kings like the Egyptians did? How should I know?
(2) Which is why I love him.
Know how many people spend equal amounts of time, energy and effort doing spiteful things?
Once, when I asked him why he helps out the way he does he said
"Because I can! That's a good enough reason for doing something nasty, ain't it? So how come it's not a good enough reason to do something NICE?"
I kissed him.