1Star Wars III
A long time ago,
In a galaxy far, far away…
Red laser blasts darted across the battle field. X-wings and Y-wings were scattered as they twirled around shooting wildly. The massive planet of Coruscant spread itself across the blackness that encircled them. Two jedi star fighters whizzed through the action. Inside them were two bickering Jedi.
"There you go again! I thought you said you didn't care about my style!" Anakin Skywalker yelled through his head set. The pristine voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi chimed through.
"It's not that," he tried to say in a calm voice "I just don't see why you have to take a half an hour to leave the docking bay."
"I had to wait for one that was yellow! God!"
"Why yellow? Not to be rude or anything, but that really isn't your color."
"Your mom Obi-Wan! You mom!"
"Oh no you did not!"
"You say it wrong, you dweeb." Anakin sat back in his seat and glared at the red fighter slicing through the air next to him. He looked up and fixed his mirror so he could see himself. He smiled and toiled his hair. He blew kisses at it shifted around in super model poses.
"We're coming closer to Grevious's ship Anakin." said Obi-Wan. Anakin sat up and crossed his arms.
"I'm not talking to you."
"Ani,"
"It's Anakin to you! I told you! Only my closest friends can call me Ani!" he expected to hear one of Obi-Wan's "snappy" come backs but instead her a small sob. "Obi-Wan, don't cry."
"I give you twelve years of my life and what do I get in return?" he whimpered.
"I didn't mean it like that Obi-Wan, you know how I get when I forget to take my medicine."
"YOU FORGOT YOUR MEDICINE!" screamed Obi-Wan suddenly forgetting his sorrow. "How many times must I tell you? Your medicine is your life! You never can pay attention when you forget your medicine!"
Suddenly Anakin's gaze shifted. Obi-Wan's voice became a dull mumble. A small piece of medal was fluttering about outside after something exploded.
"So shiny." He gaped in amazement.
"Anakin?" asked Obi-Wan looking over and seeing his drooling comrade. Suddenly his fighter jolted forward. Small buzz droids began to poke and prod his fighter. He hurriedly turned on the wind shield wipers hoping they would knock off a few. One buzz droid clanked forward. Two arms with can openers shot out of it's body and sliced the wipers in half. "Anakin!" he cried.
"So shiny," he continued.
"Anakin! Turn your gay head over here! I'm going to flippin' die!" he failed to pull Anakin out of his trance. Just when he had lost all hope something amazing happened. The piece of medal landed on Obi-Wan's fighter. The buzz droids immediately attacked with fury.
"No!" cried Anakin. His fighter veered to face Obi-Wan's. He severed the droids in a furious blind shoot out with smoke and flashing lights.
"Thanks Anakin." said Obi-Wan.
"What?" Just as suddenly as the buzz droids had come they plummeted straight into a tower protruding from a ship. Fire swallowed everything in lightning blast. The medal screeched and melted into liquidy goo on the floor. But, amazingly, they walked out unharmed. Do you know why? Because they had their tray tables up and their seats back in the full up right position.
They stammered away from the twisted burning wreckage like drunk politicians. Anakin smiled as the gasoline from the fighters ignited in a fiery death. His eyes burned with excitement and interest as everything lit.
"That is so nefarious." said Anakin in awe. Obi-Wan, on the other hand, was cursing loudly and pulling his hair.
"That gas cost $2.89 a gallon! Yoda is going to be so ticked when he finds out I stole gas money from his wallet and burnt it all in a fiery death again!"
"So much fire, so much DESTRUCTION!"
"Come on you arsonist, we need to find the chancellor." Obi-Wan dragged Anakin away by the hood, his eyes still inflated to maximum size.
"DESTRUCTION! DESTRUCTION! DESTRUCTION! DESTRUCTION!"
The two ran through the deserted halls. Obi-Wan had tried to calm him down by injecting his medicine, but that only made things worse. He fell to the ground crying like a baby because it "hurt so bad". But, when Obi-Wan gave him a picture of himself it made things better.
"So master, what do you think?" Anakin stopped and struck a pose. "Wait, I'm not done yet!" he then proceeded to put his hood up and strike another pose.
"You mean, which one do I think is hooter?" asked Obi-Wan.
"You mean hotter." said Anakin.
"That's what I said."
"No, you said hooter."
"Oh sorry, my mind is still at dinner. Yoda, Mace, and I went out to eat."
"You went to Hooters!" yelled Anakin bursting into laughter.
"Yes, why?"
"You at Hooters! Obi-Wan Kenobi, at Hooters! Now, Yoda and Mace I can understand, but you? That's hilarious!"
"Oh no you did not." growled Obi-Wan stepping closer to Anakin.
"Dude, you're in my bubble." Anakin waved his hand and Obi-Wan flew into the wall.
"You're getting better!" yelled Obi-Wan in approval.
Finally, after many stops while Anakin tried to explain things to Obi-Wan about why he didn't really fit at Hooters, they arrived where the chancellor was being held by Count Dooku.
"Anakin! Yay! You came!" yelled Palpatine in excitement.
"I love your nails!" remarked Anakin.
"I did them myself." came a deep and creepy voice from behind them. They turned to see Count Dooku himself, not Count Dracula, but Count Dooku. Even though they are played by the same person, this one is Dooku. I know because Dooku has a lightsabor and Dracula has sharp teeth. We don't know if Dooku has sharp teeth though. The only one who's gotten close enough to his mouth to tell is Anakin, but he never "kisses and tells".
"Count Dooku," said Obi-Wan feeling an insult coming on. "I never knew you were so feminine."
"You never write, you never call, what do you expect me to do besides paint prisoners nails?" he asked.
"At last, the time has come, to do what we came here for." announced Anakin. A long silence followed. Everyone looked at him. "I kind of forgot what we're doing here."
"It's a secret!" yelled Obi-Wan. "He's not supposed to know what we're doing here either! I can't just tell you in front of him!"
"You can whisper it in my ear!" persisted Anakin cupping his hands around his ear.
"I thought I was 'popping your bubble'!" sniggered Obi-Wan.
"I forgive you, now just tell me!"
"No."
"Come on!"
"No."
"Please!"
"Just let me say it." yelled Obi-Wan.
"Fine! Glory hog." another long silence followed. "Any day now?"
"I kind of forgot too."
"For god's sake! You came here to fight me and free the Chancellor!" yelled Count Dooku.
"Oh yeah!" chimed Obi-Wan and Anakin in unison. After they heard that they glared at each other and stepped away. Once again a long silence followed.
"Well?" asked Dooku.
"What?" asked Obi-Wan.
"Fight me you dweebs!"
"If you say so." mumbled Anakin jumping into the air igniting his ice blue lightsabor. He twirled around lashing at the hand railing and screaming like a monkey. He flew into the air in a karate battle stance above Dooku's head. Dooku shook in fear below the mad man. Anakin was about to impale his head when suddenly the "I'm too sexy" song came to their ears. Anakin froze. Then his face cleared of fright and surprise as he turned off his lightsabor and pulled out his cell phone.
"Hello? Wassup girlfriend? Oh, nothing important, just standing around." Dooku turned to Obi-Wan who in turn screamed like a little girl and darted crazily around in the room. Dooku waved his hand sending things flying at him. They continued their pursuit of cat and mouse virtually destroying the entire room. "Oh yeah, he's right here." Anakin held the phone out facing the Chancellor. "Palpy! It's Aayla!"
"Ooh! Bring it over here!" he cried.
"Anakin!" screamed Obi-Wan. "Help me! Help me!"
"Shhhh! Gosh Obi-Wan! Can't you see I'm holding the phone for Palpy! Can't you think about anyone but yourself? He's old!"
"So am I!"
"You're right, you are. I don't know if you noticed, but your side burns are graying."
"Really?" Obi-Wan looked at him with an inquiring gaze still trying to escape Count Dooku who was now laughing menacingly.
"You should dye it! Oh! I have the perfect idea! I'll set you up with Jen! She's fabulous. You should get golden brown, that's what I have!"
"Hmm," Suddenly the walkway above Obi-Wan gave out and landed on top of him.
"Obi-Wan! This is no time for a nap! I know you need your beauty sleep, but that hair won't ungray itself."
"Mwahahahaha!" laughed Dooku. He closed his eyes and fell to his knees sending his laugh echoing through the room. Anakin came up behind him and cut off his head.
"He's so annoying!" yelled Anakin. "I guess we had better get out of here." Palpatine got off the phone and walked over. "Ewe, I have to carry him!" he wined looking at Obi-Wan.
"Just leave him for crying out loud!" yelled Palpatine.
"I can't, the Jedi will get all pissed at me."