Hallooo!
So, this is a Voltron thing, but it has nothing to do with I'll Leave the Love. Sorry! Chapter six is well under way, though, so be happy!
Now down to business.
This is a take on the classic "Lance was abused at home" prompt. My friend asked me to write it, and the conditions were "No siblings, mother has passed away, dad at the bottom of a bottle. And no romance!"
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Drunk father, CHILD ABUSE. NOT MILD. I don't want to give anything away up here, but the ENDING AN HAS A MORE DETAILED DESCRIPTION IF YOU WANT TO SKIP AHEAD AND MAKE SURE YOU'LL BE GOOD. IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE DON'T READ IT.
Spoilers: Just the general idea of the show. Nothing particular.
PLEASE READ RESPONSIBLY AND CHECK THE ENDING AN TO MAKE SURE THIS WON'T UPSET YOU!
I Swear I'm Not Broken (Just Don't Look Too Close)
The five Paladins were sitting in a circle, cross legged on the floor of the training deck, a box full of mind-meld headsets in the middle.
Allura had dragged them all out of bed early this morning, determined to strengthen their mental bond.
"When you fight, you work together brilliantly," she said over the speakers from where she and Coran sat in the control room. "But mentally, emotionally, you're still so distant from each other. Hopefully, this will change that. Everyone grab a headset."
Shiro grabbed one and shoved the box to Keith. "This should be interesting," he said with a grin.
Keith rolled his eyes. "Right," he muttered. "I'll get to see just how empty Lance's head really is."
"Hey!" the Cuban boy shot him a glare. "I resent that!"
"Paper airplane, Lance," Keith deadpanned.
Lance's eyes flashed, and Hunk quickly broke in. "I think it'll be great for us all to get to know each other better," he said, "especially since we don't have to worry about all those crazy secrets anymore."
Pidge cleared her throat. "Um, yeah." She rubbed the back of her neck. "Sorry about that."
Lance instantly softened, reaching over and mussing her hair. "Don't sweat it, Pidgey."
She glared at him. "I've told you a thousand times not to call me that, you idiot!"
Shiro tried to bite back his chuckle at the highly offended look the Blue Paladin was giving Pidge. "Okay, guys, settle down. Everybody grab a headset."
Hunk, Pidge and Keith did so immediately, but Lance swallowed hard before he pulled his on.
"Alright, good," Coran said. "Now I'm going to start with something simple and happy. Shiro, we'll start with you. What is waiting for you back on Earth?"
A smile lit up his face. "My parents," he said instantly. The images that whirled by in front of him all consisted of Shiro himself, a man, and a woman. Keith featured in a fair number of them. The stream of memories finally froze on a still image, like a picture. It featured himself and his parents. His dad was about his height, but his mom was well over a foot shorter than both of them. The man's hair was starting to turn gray, and he wore a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. The woman's eyes were sparkling with laughter, and the lines on her face were clear outlines of how often she smiled. Shiro himself had an arm slung over both of their shoulders, which just emphasized the height difference even more. They were all in shorts and t-shirts and beaming happily.
Shiro reached out and gently punched Keith's shoulder. "And this guy."
Keith ducked his head and muttered something, but none of them missed his tiny, pleased smile.
"Keith?" Allura asked.
Keith swallowed hard and ducked his head. Another burst of images whizzed by, some happy and most of them very decidedly not.
A tiny child playing with his parents... A young man, angry and alone, being sent back to a cold, brick building with the words "Not a good fit" ringing in his ears…
Finally, a memory came up, of Keith walking sleepily into a kitchen. Shiro's mother suddenly bustled onto the scene, fussing, and had Keith seated at the table with a plateful of food before he knew what had happened. Shiro's dad and Shiro himself wandered in and were given the same treatment.
"You live with Shiro?" Lance said, sounding surprised.
Keith stared at his hands as he nodded. "I'm an—" he swallowed again. "I'm an orphan."
There were some sharp inhalations from around the circle, and Keith flinched minutely.
"Hey, dude," Lance said, voice gentle. "Look at me?"
Keith peeked up at him through his bangs.
Lance smiled, bright and warm. "That's totally chill, man. Doesn't make any difference to me. The stuff you've been through, the good and the bad…that's what makes you you. And—"he grimaced. "—and I'm never going to say this again, so listen up—I happen to think that you're a pretty awesome guy. So, yeah." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
Keith stared at him for a moment, and then a tiny smile pulled at his mouth. "Thanks, Cargo Pilot," he muttered.
Lance snorted. "Oh, shut up, Mullet."
"That was very brave, Keith," Coran said warmly. "Next up: Pidge!"
Pidge laughed, and then started shooting memories by them so fast they could barely keep up. There was an overwhelming impression of laughter and light and love. There were computer screens and made-up languages, and secret messages even when the boys were on a mission. The stream froze on the image they were all familiar with by now, Matt standing in full uniform with Pidge under his arm.
"Very cool, dude," Hunk said with a huge grin.
"Glad you think so, Hunk, because you're next!" Allura said cheerfully.
"Oh," Hunk blinked. "Um, okay."
He concentrated for a long minute, and slowly, his memories came to life before them. There were a lot of Hunk and his parents cooking together, and way too many of Hunk sitting by himself in school, other kids pointing fingers at him and laughing. Abruptly, a larger image formed in the center of the circle.
"Whoa, what's happening?!" Hunk said nervously.
"This is marvelous, Hunk!" Allura said. "This memory is very valuable to you, and you were able to connect so deeply with your fellow paladins that it's almost like it's their own memory! Not only will you be able to watch the memory as though it were happening in front of you, you'll be able to hear everything that goes on as well!"
"Oh," Hunk blinked, and all of a sudden, the memory started.
There was a large group of children on a school playground.
Hunk was sitting by himself on the swings when a group of kids noticed him and wandered over. A boy even taller than Hunk shoved him to the ground. The boy's little gang of minions burst into laughter, but it didn't last long. A blurry shape flew over Hunk and slammed the bully into the ground, letting loose with a very, very passionate flood of Spanish.
The bullies' friends shook off their shock and let out yells of their own, jumping forward and grabbing the other kid, holding him up in the air.
The tiny explosion—also known as Lance McClain—was being held off the ground by his shirt collar, and did not appear to care. He was still spitting mad, yelling in Spanish and punching and kicking anything that got close enough. When the bullies made to move toward Hunk again, Lance twisted his lithe body into an inhuman position and bit the boy still holding him up. The boy let go with a shout of pain, and Lance threw himself back into the mix.
When all was said and done, Lance had a black eye, a split lip, scraped hands and knees, and he was limping. But his eyes were still sparkling as he pulled Hunk up, babbling away a mile a minute in Spanish as the bullies sprinted for the school building.
Hunk roared with laughter as Lance buried his head in his hands and groaned.
"And that's how I met Lance," Hunk gasped out.
"Whoa," Pidge said, eyes wide. She turned to look at Lance. "You're even tinier than I am!"
Lance just slumped farther towards the floor. "I know," he moaned. "My ribs hurt for weeks after that."
Hunk instantly sobered. "Hey, man, I'm sorry," he started, but Lance peeked up at him with those same sparkling eyes.
"I'd do it again in a heartbeat," he said, and Hunk gave him a brilliant smile.
"I know," he said.
Keith gaped at him. "You were like, less than a third of their size!" he said sharply. "What were you thinking?!"
Lance shrugged. "That I didn't like it when they picked on others."
Hunk snorted. "Lance, I have yet to meet another person who's been bullied and made fun of as often as you. It's not even funny anymore, dude."
Lance just grinned. "Aw, I can take 'em."
Shiro shook his head. "How old were you?" he asked softly.
Lance squinted for a second. "Um, six?"
Allura sighed. "We really need to work on your self-sacrificing tendencies, Lance," she said fondly.
"I'll say!" Coran grumbled.
He laughed. "As you wish, Princess," he said with a wink towards the window.
She huffed. "Yes, yes. It's your turn now! What's waiting for you when you get home?"
Lance's eyes widened for a heartbeat and he swallowed hard. "Nah, we don't need to do me," he argued weakly.
Keith glared at him. "I had to do it, you have to do it," he said.
Lance set his jaw. "I'd really rather not," he said carefully.
Keith shot to his feet. "Well, too bad!" he shouted. "The rest of us had to do it, so deal with it, you idiotic—"
"Keith!" Shiro said sharply. He probably would have said more, but all Lance could hear was the blood pounding in his ears.
Lance's chest heaved as his eyes went distant, and a memory formed between them.
The house was basically a trailer. Two extra rooms and a large porch had been built on to it, but it was obviously in disrepair. There was a young boy, no more than thirteen, pulling up weeds and digging holes for fenceposts in the backyard.
A door slammed.
"Get in here, you idiotic, worthless waste of air!" slurred a furious male voice.
Lance's head shot up, and he scrambled to his feet. His face was streaked with dirt, and there was a fading bruise on his cheekbone. His chocolate-colored hair almost reached his shoulders in thick, tangled curls. He was alarmingly thin, and his much-too-large t-shirt slipped off of one shoulder as he sprinted barefoot across the yard towards the trailer.
"Coming, Papa!" he shouted.
He burst through the door, jumping over piles of trash on the floor until he reached the kitchen. There was a man there, tall and tan, with bleary eyes. He was clutching a bottle of whiskey, and he tilted it back and drained it in three long pulls.
Then he wound his arm back and flung it at the boy with deadly accuracy.
Lance hit the floor with a quiet gasp, and the bottle shattered against the wall. Glass rained down on his head.
"Where's dinner?" the man growled, collapsing into a chair at the rickety table.
Lance pulled himself upright, running shaking fingers through his hair to get out the glass fragments. "I put it in the oven to keep it warm, sir," he said softly.
The man sniffed. "And is it supposed to magically serve itself?"
"No, sir," Lance whispered. He hurried to the sink and scrubbed his hands clean before pulling a casserole dish out of the oven. He served up a massive portion onto a plate and set it down before the man.
"I'll be right back with your drink," he said, and he hurried out onto the porch, pulling two bottles of beer out of the icebox. He quickly returned and put them on the table for his father.
He grabbed another plate out of the cabinet and made to put food on it, but the man interrupted him.
"What do you think you're doing?" he snapped, fingers tightening around the neck of the bottle.
Lance's fingers started to tremble. "I was getting some supper, Papa," he said.
The man's face flushed in anger. "And what makes you think you deserve to eat tonight?" he shouted.
Lance swallowed hard. "I got all of the weeds out of the front flowerbed," he said, "and I only have two more holes to dig tomorrow before the fence can be put in."
The man's eyes bugged out. "You didn't finish your chores?!" he bellowed, standing up so abruptly that his chair flipped over.
Lance's face went white, and he flew backwards until he crashed into the wall and could go no further. "I-I'm sorry, sir, I tried, I—"
"Sorry?! SORRY?! You're about to be sorry!" the man unbuckled his belt, and Lance slid along the wall towards the door.
"Please, Papa, I'm sorry!" he begged, desperately. "Please don't! I swear I'll do better! I can do better! I'll do more tomorrow! Please don't punish me!"
"If you weren't so useless and stupid, I wouldn't have to," the man said, pulling his belt free. "You're not worth the air you breathe, boy, and you're a failure. You can't do anything right, not even follow directions. Your mother—" the man's voice broke, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "Your mother was too kind to tell you that. But she's not here anymore." His eyes hardened again, and he reached out, grabbing Lance's hair and dragging him to him. He ripped the boy's shirt off and flung him to the floor.
Lance's chest was horrifyingly thin, and all of his ribs could be seen. His torso was littered with bruises and scars, both old and new. He hit the floor hard, barely catching himself on his hands.
"Please, Papa!" He said again, voice breaking. "Mama said—"
"You dare speak of her?!" the man screamed.
The belt hissed through the air.
It cracked over Lance's back, but the boy didn't make a single sound of pain. His fingers clawed into the kitchen floor, and tears welled in his eyes, but he didn't make a single sound.
"You killed her!" The man screamed, belt rising and falling and striking over and over and over. "She's dead because of you!"
"No!" Lance sobbed.
"Yes! You! Did!" the man punctuated every word with another blow. The boy's back was already bright red, numerous welts streaking into existence.
"If it weren't for you, she'd still be with me!" the man heaved the belt down on the boy's back with enough force to split the skin. Again and again he brought it down, and blood began to drip down his back.
Lance bit through his lip, and blood started dripping down his chin.
The man stopped—at last, at last!—and lowered the belt.
Lance's whole body was shaking in pain, and blood was now running down his arms in rivulets to pool on the floor.
"I'm sorry, Papa," he whispered, voice hoarse. "I didn't mean to kill Mama." His voice broke, and more tears streamed down his face.
The man's face contorted with rage. "I told you to never speak her name!"
He brought the belt down again, but this time, he struck the boy with the buckled end.
Lance finally screamed.
The man beat him a few more minutes before throwing the belt down and grabbing his bottle. He drained it in moments.
Then he smashed it over the back of Lance's skull, and the boy's eyes rolled back in his head as he collapsed to the bloodstained floor.
When the boy awoke, his father was sitting at the table, halfway through his second bottle. The dinner dishes were in the sink, and the casserole had been put away.
Lance slowly pushed himself up to his hands and knees, and his father kicked his shirt over wordlessly.
"Thank you, Papa," Lance said, voice hoarse from his earlier screams. He slowly and carefully eased his shirt back on, paling and trying not to cry out as the rough fabric dragged painfully over his ruined back.
"Get that mess cleaned up," the man said quietly, gesturing to the blood on the floor, "and wash the dishes. I'll want to put in that fence tomorrow, so finish digging those holes first thing."
"Yes sir," Lance said quietly. He stood up, and nearly collapsed. Using the wall to support himself, he staggered over to the sink and rummaged around underneath it until he came up with a roll of paper towels and several bottles of cleaner.
He tried to stand again and failed, so he just crawled back to the puddle of blood.
He started to scrub at the stains, using different cleaners to get up as much of it as he could.
"Sing for me, Lancito," the man said gruffly, tilting his bottle back and taking a long drink.
So Lance did. His soft, beautiful voice filled the room, singing a lullaby in Spanish. His gentle voice, combined with the rhythmic scrubbing of the floor, was enough to send the man into a deep, peaceful sleep.
Lance struggled to his feet, falling twice before he managed to find his balance.
He walked out of the room for a moment, then came back with a blanket. He carefully wrapped it around the man before turning and letting out the water in the sink.
"Now where did I put the bandages last time?" he muttered to himself. He snapped his fingers. "Oh, yeah!"
He limped out of the kitchen, blood spreading across the back of his shirt like a twisted painting.
Lance threw the headset to the floor, gasping and staggering to his feet. His face was white.
"I-I'm so sorry," he stammered. "You weren't—I didn't—"
"Lance—" Shiro started, standing and reaching for him.
The boy flinched.
Shiro could feel the blood draining from his face. Lance had flinched away from him. Lance was afraid of him.
"I'm—I'm sorry," Lance whispered, and then he fled.
Shiro made a move to follow him, but Hunk held up his hand.
"Just…give him some time," the Yellow Paladin said quietly. "He'll come back when he's ready."
Pidge looked like she was about to be sick. "Did you—did you know?" she croaked.
Hunk's eyes flooded with tears. "No," he rasped out, burying his face in his hands. "No, I—That's…Oh, God. That was a nightmare. I don't—how? How could anyone ever treat him like that?"
"I don't—I don't know," Shiro swallowed hard, feeling pretty ill himself. "He…he flinched away from me."
"No!" Hunk's head snapped up. "No, Shiro. Not from you. He flinched away from everyone for years. I—" He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. "I suspected that something like this had happened in the past, but whenever I asked, he just gave me this big, warm smile and told me that he was fine, but it meant the world to him that I cared enough to ask."
"I called him an idiot," Keith said faintly, face so pale it was nearly translucent. "His dad…I called him an idiot." His legs gave out, and he crashed to the floor, shaking. "I triggered that. Oh God, he must hate me now." His fingers dug into his hair.
"No," Pidge crawled across the floor and wedged herself into Keith's lap. "No, no, and no. Stop it. You call Lance an idiot all the time. I call Lance an idiot all the time. Lance calls you an idiot all the time. It wasn't your fault. It was just the whole situation. It's not your fault, Keith. Lance doesn't hate you. It's just not in his nature to hold a grudge. He'll forgive you, I promise."
The door opened, and Allura sprinted in, tear tracks clear on her face.
"I can't find him!" she cried, shoulders still shaking with sobs. "I didn't mean—I never intended—"
Shiro wrapped her in his arms. "He knows that," he assured her. "He knows that. He just…"
"He just needs some time, guys," Hunk said tearfully. "Whenever something really upsets him, he hides. But he always comes back and faces it. He just needs some time."
Coran came running in, panting and just as white as the rest of them. "Nothing," he said. "He's not in Blue's hangar, he's not in his room or the bridge or the observation deck or—" he shook his head. "I can't find him anywhere."
Hunk sobbed. "He'll come back when he's ready," he repeated.
Allura broke down in Shiro's arms. "He is a child," she gasped. "And he still looked up at that—that monster with love. How? How could anyone lay a hand on a boy so bright and loving?"
Shiro felt tears sting his own eyes. "I don't know," he answered hoarsely.
"Why didn't he tell us?" Keith whispered, clinging to Pidge.
"Because thanks to Iverson, his self-esteem is currently hiding somewhere down next to the Earth's core," Pidge answered. She sniffed, and tucked her head into Keith's shoulder. "And apparently, his dad has been conditioning him to think he's worthless for his whole life." Her shoulders started shaking.
Keith looked down at her. "Wait. What about Iverson?"
Pidge's eyes widened. "Oops," she muttered.
Hunk sniffed. "Iverson hated Lance," he said. "I don't know or understand why. But he hated him with a passion. He was always super hard on him, always trying to make sure that he failed. I remember one time Iverson went around the school, personally informing every one of his trainees that there was going to be a test on the last day of the week. I thought it was weird that he didn't just announce it in one of the sessions, but I didn't really think anything of it until Lance asked me what I was studying for."
Shiro clenched his fists. "He didn't tell Lance."
Coran let out a sharp word in Altean.
Hunk shook his head wordlessly. "He didn't sleep for two days, but he passed that stupid exam with a 100. Only person in our age group to score that high. Iverson was furious. Two days later, the class rosters came out. He made sure Lance only made it to cargo."
Keith's mouth dropped open. "Iverson personally recommended me for fighter class," he said. "I had no idea…"
Shiro looked like he was about to explode. "How did none of the other faculty members notice this?!" he growled.
Hunk sighed. "I don't know. We didn't realize what had happened until it was already too late. And Lance looked so scared when he didn't make fighter…I guess now we know why."
Coran closed his eyes. "His father must have been expecting him to make the fighter class."
Pidge sobbed. "After you dropped out, Keith, Iverson made a point of always asking Lance, 'Why can't you be more like Keith?' He never missed a chance to put him down or criticize him."
Allura was shaking with rage. "This Iverson," she bit out. "An instructor at your Earthen flight school?"
Shiro was pacing, Pidge was curled up in a tiny ball on Keith's lap, and Keith himself was actually in tears, so Hunk answered her.
"Yeah," he said. "Iverson was the Garrison Commander."
"When we take you back to Earth," she hissed, "I am going to teach that wretched slug a lesson." Her hands clenched into fists.
Hunk's eyes lit up even as they filled with tears, and he all but tackled Allura in a bear hug. "Thank you," he whispered. "I know that to you, this seems like the only course of action and the obvious right thing to do. But to Lance, this will mean the world."
Shiro dropped a hand on Hunk's shoulder. "She won't be alone," he said. "I am going to use every drop of influence I have to make sure that Iverson is utterly ruined."
"I can testify," Keith said hoarsely. "He wrote a letter of recommendation for me. Three other instructors had expressed concerns about me. Not in a mean way, but legitimate concerns, like reckless flying, disrespectful attitude towards orders, things like that. They had suggested that I take another year of basic training before trying for fighter class again. Iverson overruled all of that and sent me straight through."
Shiro nodded, grimly satisfied.
"Perfect," Allura said strongly.
Coran smiled sharply. "And don't forget: Allura is a royal. A visiting royal. Once we land back on Earth, there will have to be negotiations, treaties, terms and conditions. The complete and utter ruination of this man should be easy to accomplish."
Hunk beamed at all of them. "Thank you guys, so, so much," he said. "And Keith?"
The raven-haired boy looked up.
"Lance never hated you," Hunk said. "He hated himself, for not being good enough to keep up with you."
"He was always good enough," Keith said hoarsely. "Always. He is a brilliant pilot, and we never would have even gotten off of Earth without him. He's got the biggest heart out of anyone I've ever met, and he cares so much about all of us. I don't know what we'd do without him."
Shiro crouched next to Keith and put his arm around him. "We need to tell him that," he said softly. "I think we've all been taking advantage of Lance's big heart and forgiving nature. He makes us laugh and relax with all those jokes and puns, but we don't reciprocate. He makes sure that we're all okay, but we never even ask him how he's doing."
"Lance is the Blue Paladin," Allura said softly. "The Blue Lion is the heart of Voltron. She is compassionate, loving, accepting, and encouraging. Her Paladin must match all of these characteristics." She raised her head, tears shining in her eyes. "Her previous Paladin came from a home much like Lance's. They give love because they know what it feels like to never receive it. They have compassion, because they know what happens to people without any. They are always willing to sacrifice themselves to save the others, because they know what it feels like to left alone with no hope of rescue." She wiped her eyes. "Lance is the heart of this team. Without him, we would all fail. I think we need to remind him of that, and assure him that we think no less of him in light of these new developments."
"All that's well and good, and it definitely needs to be done," Pidge said, sitting up and wiping her own face. "But we need to think long-term here, too."
"What do you mean?" Keith looked down at her, but Hunk nodded in agreement.
"When we get back to Earth," the Yellow Paladin said. "Where's Lance gonna go?"
"He's not going back to that man," Keith said instantly. "Never again."
Allura nodded firmly. "Ever. I will end that wretched creature's life should he ever dare to lay one finger upon my Paladin again."
"If all else fails," Coran said. "He can stay with us, here in the Castle."
"He can come home with us," Shiro said, squeezing Keith's shoulder. "If you're okay with that?"
"Yes!" Keith scrubbed his tears away. "God, yes. Just—anything that gets him out. I lived with my dad until I was seven. He passed away from cancer, but I never doubted for one second that he really did love me. And yeah, I was in some seriously crappy foster homes, but those weren't permanent. I always knew that I could get out, that somebody would save me. Lance didn't have that. And the man beating him wasn't some stranger. It was his father. That's just…that's so messed up. But he's got us now, and he is never going back there. Or to the Garrison." His fists clenched. "Iverson used me to hurt him, and that is so not okay."
Pidge nodded tearfully. "When we get back to Earth," she said. "I am going to hack every piece of technology that Iverson has. I am going to implant a different virus in every single file on every single piece of technology he possesses. And every time he tries to transfer something to a new machine, the virus will just follow and multiply. If he wipes it all and gets a new machine, I'll be alerted and I will do the exact same thing over and over until the day he dies." Her fists clenched. "As for Lance's father…don't know what I'm going to do just yet. But it will be drastic."
"Whatever it is, count me in," Keith said, eyes burning.
Shiro nodded firmly.
Hunk raised an eyebrow. "Not gonna tell us that's petty and vengeful and vengeance never helped anyone?"
"Nope," Shiro clenched his jaw. "I'm going to put out a nation-wide notice on the man and get him arrested for the rest of his life."
Three pairs of eyes widened, and Allura nodded, satisfied. "That's a good start," she said. "Now, Hunk? I realize that you said he would come back, but…" she wrung her hands. "I need to find him. Please?"
"Yeah, me, too," Pidge shot to her feet. "I'm gonna check all the cameras!"
Hunk nodded. "That's as good a place to start as any, because I don't know where he hides. I can never find him."
Allura took a deep breath. "Shiro, with me. Let's check the Lions again."
"I'll get the kitchen and the bedrooms!" Hunk said as Shiro nodded.
"I'll check the bridge and medical bays," Coran said. "Lots of little nooks to tuck away in."
Keith nodded. "I'll take the observation decks and the garden level."
"Alright, guys," Shiro said. "Let's find our boy."
"Any particular reason you wanted to check the Lions?" Shiro asked Allura as they jogged down the hallway.
Allura nodded. "Yes. The mice went down there earlier this morning. I can tell that they're all still there, and they're very upset about something, but they won't tell me what. I think they might be with Lance."
Shiro shook his head. "I still can't believe it," he said softly. "I don't want to believe it. Even thinking about someone being cruel to him…"
"I know," Allura said, just as quiet. "I never really thought all that much about Lance, to be honest with you. But seeing someone hurt him…all I could think about was his bright smile, his joyful laugh, and his great, compassionate heart. And all of a sudden, hurting him, making that smile disappear, seemed like the most wretched crime in all the universe."
"I'm pretty much the same," Shiro replied, punching the floor number into the elevator controls. The lift started to move, and he let his head thunk back against the wall. "I know Pidge through Matt and Commander Holt's stories. I obviously know Keith. I've gotten to know Hunk over the last few weeks. But Lance…I just kind of wrote him off as a jokester. I never…I never really took him seriously."
Allura wiped her eyes. "It never even occurred to me to check on him. Blaytz—the former Blue Paladin—was just like Lance. He joked, he flirted, he was just infuriating at times. But he used all of that as a mask, to hide just how broken he was on the inside."
"Lance isn't broken," Shiro said sharply.
Allura looked at him with old eyes. "Then why does he wear the mask?"
Shiro couldn't answer her.
They arrived at Blue's hangar as quickly as they could. Her particle barrier was up.
"They don't usually have their barriers up," Allura said, eyes shining. "I was right. He's in there. She's protecting him, hiding him. Blaytz used to do the same thing."
She ran to the barrier. "I know you can hear me, Blue," she said. "And I know you remember me. Remember what we used to do with Blaytz. Please, let me in. Don't let him be alone with his pain."
Blue's eyes lit up, and her head tilted ever so slightly.
Shiro stepped forwards, pressing both hands against the barrier. "I want to help him," he said, voice hoarse. "No matter where or what he comes from, he's one of ours, and we love him. Please, I need—I need to see him. I need to know that he's okay."
There was a moment of silence, and then the particle barrier fell, and Blue's mouth opened.
"Thank you," Shiro gasped, and he and Allura rocketed into the cockpit. Shiro slammed to a stop just outside the door.
"Lance?" he called. "It's Shiro and Allura. Can we come in?"
There was no answer.
"Please?!"
Allura's fingers twisted around Shiro's.
"Lance," she said, soft but urgent. "May we come in, please?"
Silence for a long moment, and then…
"Yes." It was so quiet that they almost missed it.
Allura hurried in, then stopped and let out a soft sound. Shiro looked around her and felt his heart squeeze.
Lance was curled up in a tiny ball on the far side of the cockpit, wrapped up in a blanket. He looked so very small.
Allura crouched down in front of him. "Oh, Lance," she whispered, voice choked with tears. "I'm so sorry. Hunk told us that you just needed some time, but I just…I needed to see you. Are you alright?"
He peeked up at her through his bangs. "I'm fine," he said softly.
Allura snorted softly. "For the love of…"
She moved towards him again—slowly!—and ever-so-carefully wrapped her arm around his too-thin shoulders. She pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.
Shiro took her place in front of the boy.
"Hey, kiddo," he said quietly. He held out his hands, palms up, and Lance placed his own on top. Shiro felt tears sting his eyes at how hard Lance's hands were trembling. "Can you look at me, buddy?"
Lance raised his head just enough to meet Shiro's eyes, and he smiled.
"There are those baby blues," he teased lightly, and was rewarded with a soft huff of laughter. Shiro gently wrapped his fingers around Lance's wrists, keeping his grip loose enough that the boy could easily get away if he wanted to. There was a tiny, aborted flinch, but Lance didn't pull away.
"Lance," Shiro said. "He was wrong. I want to get that point across right now. Your father was very, very wrong. You are not stupid. You are not useless, and you are most certainly not a failure."
Lance closed his eyes and bowed his head, but not before a tear escaped and ran down his cheek.
"Oh, Lance," Shiro whispered, exchanging heartbroken looks with Allura.
She pulled him closer and kissed his head again. "I never told you what the Blue Lion represents," she said.
Lance shook his head. "Don't," he said wearily. "I don't wanna—"
"She is the heart of Voltron," Allura went on as though he hadn't spoken.
Lance inhaled sharply, and his eyes went wide.
Allura stroked his hair and continued softly. "She is encouraging, accepting of others, compassionate, loving, and forgiving. Much like you."
"I'm not," Lance rasped, entire body shaking very bad now. "I'm a failure, I'm worthless, I don't deserve to live—"
Shiro could feel his heart shattering.
He reached forwards, carefully grabbing Lance's shoulders and making him meet his eyes. "Don't say that," he whispered fiercely. "Don't you ever say that, and don't you ever let anyone tell you that. I don't care what your father said. You are absolutely vital to us, Lance. You are utterly irreplaceable in every sense of the word. Your puns and jokes make us laugh—or groan, as the case may be—and your loving heart and beautiful smile brighten even the darkest days. We would be completely screwed without you, Lance."
Tears swam in those blue eyes.
Allura took over. "Your undying loyalty to your teammates make each one of them feel valued and cherished. You cook with Hunk, train with Keith, and you let Pidge babble for hours about things that I could never even begin to comprehend. You clean the Castle with Coran, and I know how simple that sounds, but believe me when I tell you that it means more to him than you will ever know. Your flirting with me, while annoying at first, has become endearing and sweet. Your compliments are valid and from the heart, and knowing that you think that highly of me…" she shrugged. "It would be a lie to say it does not make me smile and feel better about myself."
"I thought I just annoyed you," Lance whispered, curling closer to her.
She wrapped both arms around him, and Shiro did the same from the boy's other side.
"You are not an annoyance, Lance," Shiro said. "You lift our spirits and remind us that we're more than just soldiers. You make the others laugh, and act like the kids that they still are."
Allura gently turned his head and met his eyes. "You matter, Lance McClain," she said quietly. "You matter. You are important. You are needed. And above all, remember this, Little One: You are loved."
With a strangled cry, the broken boy buried his face in Allura's shoulder and started sobbing. She ran her fingers through his hair.
"I love you," she whispered firmly. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
Shiro pressed a fatherly kiss to the boy's head and held him tighter.
"I love you," he murmured, rocking them gently back and forth. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
They said it over and over and over, and didn't even try to fight their own tears.
The three of them stayed there for a long time.
Finally, Lance's tears slowed, but he didn't let go of them, and they didn't let go of him.
"Thank you," he whispered after a while. "I'm sorry for crying all over your dress, Allura."
"Ah, it needed a wash anyways," she said, stroking his hair again. "Feel better?"
He nodded. "I really do," he said. "I always knew that not everything he said was right, but at the same time…Papa said it. And I just…" he laughed wetly. "He's still my Papa. I still love him."
Shiro kissed his head. "That you can still say that, after everything he put you through, is absolutely incredible."
Lance blushed, but there was a tiny, pleased smile on his face. "Thanks, Shiro," he said.
Shiro tousled his hair. "Anytime, kiddo."
Allura smiled. "I realize that one day and one good cry is not enough to fully banish a lifetime's worth of pain," she said. "But Lance, we love you."
Shiro grinned. "And our arms will always be open to you," he said. "Always. That's a promise, little brother."
Lance teared up and tackled him. Shiro caught him with a laugh, and then Allura joined in.
"Thanks, Space Dad," Lance said with an impish grin, and Shiro's look of mock outrage had Lance and Allura laughing out loud.
Lance's smile was back, and his eyes were bright.
Allura kissed his cheek. "You're ours now," she said. "And we will never, ever let you go."
"You know what?" Lance looked back and forth between them. "I think I believe you."
Shiro nodded. "Good," he said firmly. "Now, first thing's first. You are the size of a toothpick." He reached out and poked Lance in the stomach, making Lance squeal and jerk away.
Allura got a wicked grin, and Lance's eyes widened. "Oh, no," he said in mock terror.
"Oh, yes," the Princess answered.
She lunged for him, and he shot to his feet and took off down the hallway.
"HUNK! SAVE MEEEEEE!" Lance wailed, waving his arms frantically.
Allura and Shiro sprinted after him, both of them laughing.
Lance looked back over his shoulder. His smile was wide, and his eyes were sparkling, and for the first time since they'd known him, he looked completely and totally content.
He sprinted around a corner, and there was a cacophony of yelps and thuds and crashes, and then Lance's laughter was ringing out through the hallways.
Shiro and Allura skidded to a stop at the scene before them.
Hunk, Pidge, Keith, and Coran had been running towards them, having heard Lance's scream, and the five had crashed into each other, ending up in a tangled heap on the floor.
Allura gave a battle cry and tackled Lance, prompting him to laughingly shriek and try to get away.
"LANCE!" five voices chorused in various degrees of worry.
"Keith!" he squawked, latching on to the closest Paladin. "She's after me!"
"Wh—Allura?!" The Red Paladin was utterly baffled, but Shiro's heart warmed at the way he instantly put himself between Lance and his "enemy". "Um…I'm confused?"
The Black Paladin threw back his head and roared with laughter. "Don't worry about it," he said. "She's not actually after him."
Lance gave him a highly offended look. "I beg to differ! You horrid person."
Keith snorted in spite of himself, then his mind seemed to catch up with who, exactly, was behind him. "Lance!" His eyes widened as he spun around to face his Blue counterpart.
"Ye-es?" Lance tilted his head.
"Are you—you're—you look—are you good?" Keith stuttered.
Lance looked confused for a heartbeat longer, and then a tiny, genuine, beautiful smile pulled at his mouth, and his eyes softened. "Not really," he said with a shrug. "But I think I can get there."
Keith's shoulders sagged in obvious relief. "That's good," he said. "But if you ever need—that is, if you—I'm— I know I'm not really the best at stuff like this, and I'll probably be super blunt and unhelpful and it's more likely than not that I'll say something stupid and hurt you, but—"
Lance's smile widened. Then he shot forward, arms winding around Keith's neck.
Keith's eyes got very wide for a moment, and he went as stiff as a board. But as Lance felt it and started to let go, the older boy wrapped his own arms around Lance's waist, tight, and Lance basically melted into the hug.
"Thank you," he whispered.
Keith just squeezed him once and let go, bright red and rubbing the back of his neck. "Um, don't mention it," he said.
Lance grinned at him, and opened his mouth—probably to tease him—but was cut off by Pidge tackling him to the floor.
"I'm sorry for every time I ever called you an idiot!" she sobbed. "I swear I didn't mean it! I—you—I think you're brilliant! I really do. You're not my kind of smart, but you're people smart, and honestly, I think that's a lot more helpful in general. I'm so—"
"Hey, hey, whoa," Lance sat up, running his hand up and down her back. "It's okay, Pidgeon."
"It is not!" she pulled back to glare at him and punched his shoulder. Then she realized what she'd done and turned white. "I'm—I didn't—"
Lance snorted and punched her back. "I'm still me, Pidge. And I know you. All of you. I know you're not going to hurt me. I'm not gonna start flinching at every move you make around me."
She regained some color and nodded. "Of course not. I'm sorry, that was foolish of me." Her honey colored eyes took on a decidedly mischievous gleam. "So…you wouldn't be averse to me waking you up by jumping up and down on top of you and screaming profanities at one o'clock in the morning?"
He glared. "So help me, I will jettison you out of the airlock—"
A tiny, relieved smile stretched over her face, and she dove back in for another hug. "You're not Matt," she told him, "but you're still my big brother, and I love you. I know I don't really show it a lot, but…you mean a heck of a lot to me, Lance."
Lance closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. "You mean a heck of a lot to me, too, Kit Kat," he whispered.
She rolled her eyes and jabbed him in the ribs, but didn't let go. "I told you not to call me that," she muttered.
Lance grinned and shrugged unrepentantly. "Hey, you didn't shock my teeth out with your bayard," he retorted. "For you, that's basically a written invitation."
She muttered some more, but dropped a gentle kiss on his forehead before she got up.
Hunk was next, and he didn't say anything. He just pulled Lance into his arms and held him tight. And Lance clung to him like his very soul depended on it. The slender boy's shoulders started shaking again, and Keith made a sharp, unhappy sound.
"No, no," Hunk reassured quietly. "These are good tears."
Keith nodded, looking relieved.
Then Pidge sniffed.
"Screw you, Lance," she muttered, scrubbing at her eyes.
Both Lance and Hunk started laughing, even as Lance's tears continued to fall.
Keith looked confused again, and Pidge grumped out, "He's making me cry!"
Lance snorted and raised one arm without moving from Hunk's embrace. Pidge darted under it and snuggled into his chest.
Keith hesitated a moment too long, and Lance's other hand twisted into his jacket and dragged him in as well.
Shiro's heart warmed to see them, all wrapped around each other and practically oozing family and happiness and love.
Coran burst into loud, messy sobs and dove into the hug as well, followed by Allura, her eyes sparkling. She held out a hand to Shiro, and he took it, kneeling down next to Keith. He dropped a kiss to his head, then leaned over and pressed his forehead against Lance's.
"We are your family now," he said, soft and gentle and Lance's eyes shone.
"Okay," he said. "Okay."
Okay, so the abuse is basically his dad beating him with both ends of a belt until he bleeds. He also throws a beer bottle at him (doesn't hit him) and knocks him out by breaking one over his head. That's it. IF THAT WILL TRIGGER YOU, AGAIN, PLEASE DON'T READ! I would hate to really upset somebody with this!
So yeah, there's that! Just a little plot bunny that bit my foot and wouldn't let go.
Um, there is one thing I think I'm just gonna try to head off before I inevitably get somebody asking me this: "Why did Keith blush after he hugged Lance?"
THIS IS NOT ROMANCE, Y'ALL. KEITH JUST HAS THE SOCIAL SKILLS OF A PIECE OF GRANITE. He's blushing because he did something waaayyyy out of his comfort zone, and he's feeling super awkward and unsure.
Got it? Good!
So!
Chapter six of I'll Leave the Love should be out in the next couple of days. I know, I know, I keep saying this, but I can (finally!) give you a definite: Thursday at the absolute latest.
You guys have been so super patient, and I really appreciate it!
Till next time!