Since some people, apparently, cannot tell good fanfiction from horrible writing, I wrote this loose explanation of what Twilight fanfiction should NOT look like. If you wish to become a better writer (there is always hope) try to avoid these mistakes like the plague. Oh, and if you have any more ideas, please tell me about it. I may wish to continue this, after all. I take it upon myself to save the world from sheer stupidity (a disease that appears to be contagious)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. I just try to make sure that the people on fanfiction don't ruin the series for the rest of the world.
General mistakes in writing fanfiction: First, you've got the general ground to cover. Your story may be decent, or even good, but you'll get flamed from here to some distant location if you don't follow these guidelines.
Use proper punctuation, grammar, and spelling. If you are incapable of this, find help. If no one can read your story, that gets you nowhere. And it just makes you sound stupid.
Don't stick an author's note in every sentence. The reader doesn't care if you wear the same shoes as the character, or you have an inside joke with some particular remark that a character made. We really don't. And it distracts from the actual story!
Do not pull a Gossip Girl and make your story an advertisement for every clothing brand and car company out there. If it plays a big part, or adds to character development, it's okay. If you use it excessively, it's a major no-no.
Leave the inside jokes out of the story! Contrary to popular belief, most people do not have cameras following them all their life, and the footage is not widely distributed to everyone in the world. Unless you live in a "Truman Show" type thing.
Don't make the whole chapter one long paragraph. No matter how hard your reader tries to concentrate, their eyes will inevitably jump around and not be able to follow the story.
Don't rush the story. SLOW DOWN! Don't try to fit a scene that should be 2,000 words long into 500. It just sounds bad. Really bad. Like, the Titanic being a bad idea, bad.
Don't hire a bad beta. Just because someone checked it, doesn't mean there are no mistakes. If you advertise that you have a beta, the mistakes just jump out that much more.
Don't make idiotic pairings, unless they're idiotic on purpose. For instance: Emmett and Jessica. If you can't see what's wrong with that, then you are beyond hope in your writing. Or maybe you just have a really, really good imagination.
Cross-species relationships that don't work. At all. Here's a not very subtle example, a goldfish and a vampire. A less subtle, yet equally bad idea: A non-vegetarian vampire and a werewolf.
Don't trust story ideas that you think of while you are one or more of the following: half-asleep, PMS'ing, under the influence, recovering from a head injury, or anything else that might affect your judgment.
Crazy, random stories are great and amusing right now, but when you grow up you will most likely get tired and embarrassed of them. Be ready.
Think twice about all story ideas. Make sure to rethink after the initial "I'm so clever! That's such a great idea!" feeling passes. You may realize that you have a crossover that would never happen.
Don't copy things directly from books. The reader will notice. If you know nothing about being sarcastic, don't copy sarcastic comments from the books. The readers have most likely read the books too!
Try to not make sentences that sound like a kindergartener wrote them. Ex. "The cat jumped table. Cat fell off table. Cat hurt. Cat gets their foot amputated by a highly skilled surgeon, in a futile attempt to save the feline." Obviously, my brain couldn't stand to write any more horrid sentences, and switched to sounding like a kindergartner with an encyclopedia.
Always re-read what you've written.
Make sure everything is realistic. We don't want Batman taking modern jazz classes (unless it's a comedy). Also, make sure facts are accurate. Don't make a snowstorm in California. In the summer.
Just be careful about what you write. Authors do read fanfiction (as proven by Alice's new shopping addiction, and J.K Rowling's revelation that Dumbledore was gay. With Grindelwald.
It's okay to write bad stories when you're starting off. Looking back at stories that I wrote in 7th grade, I wish to lock my 7th grade self in a closet with an English textbook, and never let her out. We all make mistakes, but let's grow from them.
Out Of Character- When authors do it they get fans that write death threats. Fanfiction authors tend to make this mistake, but with less extreme results.
Here are some common OOC examples for Carlisle: -Hey kids! Let's go kill some humans and drink their blood!
-Esme, you want to play Doctor? (Insert sketchy waggling eyebrows here)
-Anyone want to go out for pizza after we do our Voodoo chicken sacrifice ritual?
-Life is terrible. There is no reason to exist. I'm going to cut my wrists with a sledgehammer, dye my hair black, and listen to loud music.
-My homies! What's-a-crack-a-lack-in'? Word.
And now let's look at Esme OOC: -Who cares about your feelings?
- I just bought the whole furniture department at IKEA!
-So… Edward… what are you doing Saturday night? Because Carlisle and I were thinking about this threesome…
- I'm going to take a yoga class!
- I hate kids. Can't we send them off to some summer camp, or something?
It's not so much fun doing Esme OOC, so let's move onto Rosalie: - I'm cutting off my hair and giving it to cancer patients. Wait, what do you mean it doesn't grow back?!
- Bella. I'm going to kidnap you, lock you in a closet, and use several forms of torture and two types of Kung Fu on you. And possibly eat your elbow.
-You know, I like that Mike kid. Emmett, I'm leaving you for him.
- Emmett, I'm becoming a nun. So, no more kinky sex for you.
- Can vampires fly?
-Edward, can you read my mind? Because all I'm getting is elevator music, and I want to be know what I'm thinking.
(Goes into a relationship with anyone other than Emmett)
Emmett OOC: - You guys, I have a secret. I'm Hannah Montana.
I wonder what happens when you mix these two highly dangerous chemicals together…
Oh yeah, Bella. I sent Charlie an email telling him all about the vampires. Did I mention the Volturi visit in an hour?
I'm rebelling against killing animals. I now live off the blood of plants.
You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and shake it all about. You do the hokey- pokey and you turn it all around. That's what it's all about.
Alice OOC: -I just spent the rest of our money on designer clothing! We're in poverty, but look at this Betsey Johnson dress!
Jasper, you're too tall for me, you I have taken it upon myself to surgically graft stilts onto myself.
(Lots of squealing and giggling)
Basically, most of what Alice does in Breaking Dawn.
I'm going ghetto.
Jasper OOC: -I is going to go kill every human in a 100-mile radius. (Bad grammar intended)
-I love the Union Army!
-Do these pants make my butt look big?
Bella OOC: -La la la! Isn't life, like, wonderful!
-I'm going to put on three-inch heels and a floor length gown for a trip to the mall
-I'm going to kill Charlie.
-I'm going to develop an eating disorder!
Bad Story Ideas: If you are a great author, or you can develop these ideas fantastically, great for you. But in most cases, these types of stories suck. Badly.
Mike rapes Bella, tries to kill her seven times, murders Edward, rapes Bella (again), and joins the Volturi as the first human member of the Vorturi.
Rosalie runs off with Edward, Bella marries Emmett, and then continues on to become an elite assassin that goes around killing CEOs of big companies with malicious intents. I think Emmett goes on to become an arms dealer… (I seriously read one of these stories. It was a while back, so I don't know if anyone remembers it)
Stories that get mashed into paragraph. Example: I love Edward, but he got eaten by Jacob. I was mad at Jacob, but he gave me a pet bunny, that I ate. Then the Volturi came, and I said hello. They said that I had to die, and so I complied.
Embry imprints on a human male. Edward ALSO imprints on the human male (somehow) and leaves Bella. The human male falls in love with Bella, who still loves Edward. Yeesh.
The fine line between comedy and crap: There's a fine line between comedies, and really bad stories. Everyone has his or her own views on where that line is, but here is my idea:
Comedy: Here's an example of comedy (in my views)- Leah and Jacob have a baby. The baby comes out while Leah's phased, so the baby looks like a baby wolf. Not knowing what to do, they give the baby wolf to Bella, under the cover of a birthday present of a puppy. Edward tries to eat the "puppy" and Bella scolds him. 15 years pass, and the "puppy" never grows, until one day, the "puppy" phases in the family room, into a teenager.
That story explanation might have been bad, but the story idea sounds funny to me.
Bad story that's meant to be funny: Edward loses a shoe. Bella finds the shoe, and looks inside to find… drugs. Bella confronts Edward, who eats her and runs off with Jacob to get eloped.
Right. Obviously a bad story. A VERY bad story.
And that's it for this chapter. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but reviews are welcome! I hope I helped you with your writing!