CHAPTER ONE: THE TRAIN THAT KILLED THE ORPHANS
This story starts in the small town of Heinzig, Austria. A small baby boy was born in a hay silo one winter morning. His mother, Queen Amidala, and his father, Elrond of Rivendell were very proud of this boy. But one day, they discovered a terrible birth mark on the boy's forehead. It was in the shape of Stalin's moustache. So the parents put him in a straw basket and floated him down the river Nile, only to be picked up by the great pharaoh, Saruman of many colors.
Harry quickly grew up with his father, but as he grew older, he began to realize something: all the rainbow flags in his fathers house, all these male 'visitors' his father had over, the many parades his father went to, and the absence of a female mother, Harry clearly realized that Saruman of many colors baked terrible cake, as he had a tendency to forget cracking the eggs, and left to find a new home.
Soon, he was picked up by a large man in a white van. The man was very nice, and had lots of other children to. But on one day they stopped in Britain for another one of the man's 'fun times' where he chose one kid to come with him into the hotel room, never to be seen again. Harry slipped out and wandered around. Soon enough, he came to a train station. And that's were this story begins….
"Ron, you terrible child, you're the worst child and I hate you!" roared an angry British nanny.
Harry turned around just in time to see a plump red headed woman shove her son into a brick wall. The boy smacked his head against the wall and was bleeding from the nose, eyes, and freckles. He died, and the mother was taken away to police custody. Wanting to join the fun, Harry jumped at the brick wall, but he felt no pain. When he opened his eyes (because he had just closed them) he was in front of a large crowd of people, and one giant black object he had never seen before. It had wheels, and one big stack coming from the head that bellowed smoke. It was a black man in a wheel chair.
"Oi' lad!" yelled the black man rolling his way to Harry, "My names Osca! Im da' grounds keepa' uv' 'Ogwarts!"
Just then an even larger black man with a big curly black beard pushed the homeless cripple into a blender.
"I'm Jamal, the real grounds keeper! You can call me Hagrid."
"Ok!" replied Harry
Curious, Harry boarded a train that I forgot to mention because I got carried away with colored people. But the train door slammed shut and took off, despite a group of orphans sitting in front.
"Take your seats!" roared Brunhilda, the magical lunch cart lady with a moustache. It wasn't a peach fuzz moustache, it was a full blown moustache, like one you'd see on some Italian. Harry jumped into a booth with a red headed kid sitting in there.
"Hi, I'm Ron!"
"I thought you died".
"That was my brother, Ron, I'm Ron".
"Oh" replied Harry.
"My father touches me" retorted Ron.
Next Chapter: Los Locos…