ACTS OF KINDNESS: Pt 3 and 4 ACTS OF KINDNESS: Pt 3 and 4
Absence
Ianto glanced at his watch and puffed out a sigh. Another day had escaped him without him even noticing. Turning off the laptop he placed it on the shelf next to the stack of files he was currently working on. He picked up his PDA and his clipboard and silently made his way out of the vaults turning out the lights and locking the doors behind him as he went. It was high time he went home, though he half wondered what he had to go home for, an empty apartment and an even emptier bed. Unhappily he made his way up passing via the cells to check on Janet. The weevil was curled up with her new tartan blanket sound asleep. Once at his excuse for a desk he dumped the things he was carrying and retrieved his car keys and wallet from the draw. He pulled on his winter coat and unconsciously glanced in the direction of Jack's still empty office and yet again he felt something tighten in his chest as he looked away. He was about to leave when Owen emerged from the autopsy bay yanking his lab coat off and slinging it over the nearest chair. He frowned at the younger man.
"I thought you went home hours ago." Owen's cockney accent was never more apparent. How long had he lived in Cardiff? Ianto found himself wondering. Ianto shrugged.
"I'm still completing the archive. I think there's stuff missing, but until I've been through it all I can't be sure."
Owen pulled on his leather jacket. "Why Ianto?"
The young Welshman was puzzled by the question. "Its my job Owen. Jack asked me to catalogue everything down there and get it stowed properly, that's what I do when I am not running Jones' coffee and cake emporium, or cleaning up or feeding the animals…" He responded bitterly.
Owen sighed registering the edge in the younger man's tone. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."
Ianto had to force himself to relax his posture. "I'm sorry Owen. I am not mad at you." He said.
"I know mate. Fancy a beer before bed time?"
Ianto thought about this for a moment. "Yes, I do."
"Right then, I'll drive us back to mine, you order the pizzas and I'll see if Gwen and Tosh want to join us shall I?"
Ianto totally failed to hide his surprise at the suggestion. "Why are you doing this Owen?"
"Because Jack fucking Harkness has gone, you're heart broken, I'm really angry and Gwen and Tosh are pretty pissed about it too. I think we should have a team Torchwood lets bash Jack night."
Ianto almost managed a smile.
PART 4: THE WANDERER RETURNS
They had to avoid themselves for 12 hours, not difficult really as none of them spent much time at home, home seemed like the obvious choice. Tosh and Gwen went to Tosh's apartment though Gwen would have much preferred to have a holed up in a hotel with Jack for the night. Either way she couldn't go to her place because of Rhys. Tosh invited her back knowing full well that Jack and Ianto had things they needed to discuss and Gwen had no business getting in the way of that. Owen went home took a shower and found a bar and later a stranger's bed to share for the duration, nothing new there then.
Ianto got out of the front passenger seat of the SUV, he turned to face Jack before closing the door.
"Where will you go?"
Jack shrugged. "Hotel I guess."
Ianto paused sucking in a steadying breath, wondering how soon he would regret this next sentence. "Stay here Jack."
Jack turned the engine off and looked somewhat nervously at Ianto. "Are you sure?"
"My sofa is to die for actually."
Jack wasn't certain whether he was joking or not.
Jack followed Ianto up three flights of stairs, (Ianto had had a thing about not using elevators after his earlier encounter with John.) to the top floor flat he shared with Moses, Estelle's cat. The moment Ianto opened the door the black and white cat shot out and starting rubbing himself around Ianto's ankles. Ianto gathered him up, talking to him softly in Welsh and rubbing his ears affectionately as he made his way to the kitchen.
Jack closed the door behind them.
"Coffee Jack?"
"Yeah, thanks." He glanced around the immaculate surroundings as he caught up with Ianto in the kitchen. Ianto fed the cat and gestured with his free hand.
"Lounge is through there, make yourself at home."
Jack wasn't sure what to expect of Ianto's living space, he had never been here before, but it wasn't this. The wall that faced him as he stepped into the room was completely hidden behind a bookshelf full of books. Most of the volumes it contained looked old and Jack as ever drawn to all things old stepped closer to get a better look. He was surprised to find to find, three different versions of the Bible, a copy of the Koran, another of the Torah and at least a dozen titles referring to eastern mysticism and anthropology. The following shelf housed Arthur Conan Doyle, Jules Verne and HG Wells respectively along with collected poems and medieval poetry. Jack half found himself wondering if they were just for show, but somehow he doubted that. On turning to face the opposite wall there were two large framed photographs hanging on the magnolia paintwork. One of Ianto in the arms of the late Lisa Hallet and one that Jack recognised as Ianto's parents probably not long before their deaths. The couch did indeed look comfortable and so did the rug that was spread out in front of the open hearth on the polished boards. The only piece of modern technology in the room was a reading lamp. It took Jack a moment to realise that Ianto was standing in the doorway proffering a mug of coffee. Jack accepted it.
"Thanks."
"You hungry?" Ianto asked.
"Now that you mention it." Jack smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes and that did not escape Ianto's attention.
"I'll order Chinese, my coffee may be pretty good but my cooking is lousy. You can sit you know, just not on the rug that's where Moses sleeps and he is very selective about who he shares his bed with, anyway it's covered in cat hair." Ianto left the room to make the call. Jack realising he had no where to put his mug had a bit of a dance as he shrugged off his greatcoat and draped it over the back of the couch before sitting down.
A moment later and Ianto was back sitting down on the couch beside him but careful not to make physical contact, a mug of tea in his hand.
"Dinner will be here in an hour." He said.
"You don't have a TV." Jack commented.
Ianto smiled. "You're right. No TV, no Skybox, no stereo or ipods and definitely no computers. The most advanced thing in my flat is the toaster."
Jack turned himself so he could face Ianto properly. "Why?"
"I'm not here very often and I really don't need those things and after what happened to Lisa to be honest I just don't want the technology in my home."
Jack's face dropped. "I'm sorry. I didn't think."
Ianto frowned at him perplexed by the apology. "You've no need to be sorry Jack." He was not accustomed to seeing Jack so far out of his comfort zone; there was none of the cheesy flirting for a start. "So tell me, why did you leave us for 5 months?"
It was Jack's turn to pull a face now. "Do we have to do this now?"
Ianto was resolute. "We have to do this before we go on that date, if you were being serious about it that is."
"Do you want me to be serious about it?"
Ianto sighed exasperated already. "I want some honesty and some trust from you."
"You have that." Jack responded on autopilot.
Ianto flared. "Bullshit. You CHOSE to leave us without explanation or a half decent apology. You left me hanging like so much dead weight." Ianto paused gathering a breath. "It fucking hurt so don't think for one moment that things between us are going to go back to the way they were."
Jack was at a loss for words for one of the first times in his long life, thoroughly uncomfortable under Ianto's intense gaze.
"I can't talk to you about my time away."
Ianto's look was bordering on venomous and Jack found himself physically shrinking away from it. He had never imagined that Ianto would ever look at him like that.
"I can't. I'm sorry. I'm not ready."
Ianto just shook his head and got up leaving the room. A moment later he returned and threw a small-framed photograph into Jack's lap. Not understanding Jack picked it up and saw Ianto's smiling face, the happiest he had ever seen him, the person holding him was Jack.
"I have held on to that hope the whole time you were away. I grieved Jack because I believed you were never coming back. I loved you so much that I felt like I was breaking apart from the inside and all the time you've been gone I've been doing your work, lying to the others to protect your secrets. You owe me an explanation." He shouted. Jack couldn't look at him.
"Jack!"
"I ran away because I thought the doctor could fix me, make me mortal again. I'd waited so long stuck here unable to do anything. I was tired of being alive of never feeling my spirit burn with just the joy of knowing it could all end. He couldn't help me. He said I was a fixed thing and that I was all wrong and that there was nothing he could do…" He trailed off registering the anger on Ianto's face.
"And that took 5 months?" The tone was accusatory.
Jack realised that he was not going to let this drop. "Actually it took me a year, time travel it complicates things." He replied distantly really not wanting to have this conversation, but Ianto was right; Jack did owe him.
Ianto sat down heavily realising for the first time that Jack looked liked he was hurting as much as he was. He fidgeted for a moment.
"Jack there's something I have to tell you, something I need to ask."
Jack met his look and almost drowned in Ianto's beautiful blues eyes.
"What is it?"
Ianto took a moment to think of the right words. "While you were away. I had nightmares, not like my old ones. These were different, real….I….."
Jack finally found a faint smile. Ianto was as bad at talking about his feelings as Jack was and Jack was keen to take the pressure of himself for a bit.
"Go on."
"I am in a room with you. You're in pain, screaming at me. I mean really screaming. I am in pain myself and I can't reach you to help you, but I have a gun in my hand and you keep screaming at me not to shoot. I put the gun to my own head and I die. I feel it Jack. And I'm drowning in blackness……I just think it wasn't a dream at all, more like a premonition."
Jack's jaw dropped and he gaped at Ianto. "How could you know that?"
Ianto swallowed. "Know what?"
"I was here on Earth. I lived a whole year of a different timeline. The earth was decimated by an alien invasion. The Doctor and I were both held prisoner. Gwen, Tosh and Owen went out to Asia to follow up a false lead, they managed to escape capture, but you stayed behind in Cardiff. They picked you up about eight weeks later. You surrendered yourself in exchange for Rhys. We were locked up together and I was forced to watch whilst you were tortured. The final day came when we were given a gun with a single bullet in it and told that if we didn't use it on one another Martha's family would all die. You got to the gun before I did and shot yourself through the head." Jack's face was blank as he relayed the tale. Ianto sat there; he really didn't know what to say for a long while.
"Then I should be dead." He finally muttered, and he got up and walked out of the room. Jack remained there stony face unwilling to let his emotions unfold into the tears he was desperate to hold back. It was too soon for all this.
The food arrived and the two of them sat and ate in silence. Ianto cleared up and made Jack another cup of coffee. They were back on the sofa lost in their own thoughts.
"Ianto?"
Ianto looked at him his face unreadable.
"Please say something Ianto."
"You hurt all of us when you left. It's not going to be easy for me to accept you back."
"I know that. But I did come back and for the first time in my life I know that this is where I belong. You know how it goes you don't know what you've got until it goes missing. I won't leave you again."
Ianto sighed wishing he could believe that. A long yawn escaped him and he tried to stifle it.
"I need to sleep." He left the lounge for a minute coming back with a quilt and a couple of pillows for Jack.
"Like I said, the couch is very cosy." He retrieved his photo. "If you need anything, just help yourself. There's a towel in the bathroom for you. Night Jack."
Rather abruptly he left Jack to his own devices closing his bedroom door behind him. Ianto sat down on the edge of his bed and cried as quietly as he could.
Disappointed but not surprised Jack got himself undressed and settled himself down on Ianto's couch and fell straight to sleep, feeling safe for the first time in a year.
Ianto lay sprawled out on his bed in T-shirt and shorts, wide-awake and aching from every corner of his soul.
Ianto got up at 5am having not slept and took a long hot shower. He padded quietly through the flat to the kitchen towelling at wet hair. It was going to be a long day. Moses strolled out of the lounge leapt up on to the bench and stretched. Ianto fed him giving him a rub on his whiskery chin before making himself a very strong cup of coffee and a round of toast.
"Yan?"
Ianto froze unhappy at the use of Jack's pet name for him.
"Ianto!" The tone was much louder, more demanding this time and sighing Ianto wandered into the lounge to see what it was that Jack wanted. To his dismay he found that Jack was still asleep tangled in a disarrayed quilt. His beautiful face marred with a fearful expression. Words were uttered in a language that Ianto did not recognise. And then his name again.
"Please leave him alone, please." It was pitiful and Ianto sucked in a worried breath, he had heard all this before in his own dreams. Jack pulled the covers tightly to his chest.
"Please no…."
Ianto cautiously sat on the edge of the couch curiosity and pity fighting for dominance.
"Ianto! No!"
Ianto gently rested his hand on Jack's arm. "Sshh……it's ok. Jack it's ok. It's just a dream." He said soothingly. Jack shuddered and his eyes snapped open as he lurched upright gasping for breath.
"No!"
Ianto quickly with drew his hand. Jack blinked away his momentary confusion and looked at Ianto, surprised to see him there.
"Ianto?" He rubbed at his face.
"You were having a nightmare Jack. I woke you up. Sorry, but you seemed quite upset."
Jack sat there searching Ianto's eyes, he leaned forward to kiss him but Ianto stood up "I'm making some breakfast. You want some?"
Jack sighed. "Yeah, thanks."
Ianto walked away from him. Before he realised it Jack was there behind him grabbing hold of his arm and pulling him round so they were facing each other. He quickly moved his other hand to the small of Ianto's back moulding their bodies together and kissing him. Ianto just froze unwilling to respond at first, but his resolve quickly melted as he pulled Jack in deepening the kiss. Ianto finally came to his senses and pulled away and gently shoved Jack a pace to create a little space between them. But Jack wouldn't let go of his hand.
"Ianto, tell me I have a chance to make things up to you?"
Ianto was shocked at the look of hope and worry on Jack's face. He had never seen this man like this before and Ianto had to admit to himself that it frightened him to see Jack so fragile.
"I don't want to get hurt again, or to be used any more. You left me and I am tired and I am lonely. Quite frankly? The last 5 months have been shit. I know it's been bad for you too, whatever it is you've had to endure while you were away. But I am not ready to let you back into my heart or my bed for that matter. You really want me? Then I expect some respect and not to be treated like some part time sex toy." Ianto was shaking as he yanked his hand away from Jack's grasp.
Jack was devastated, but he kept his face straight. Ianto could tell though, he always could and he felt guilty for what he had just said.
"Lets just leave things for a while. Wait till you're settled back in. I need some time Jack and so do you."
Jack finally nodded. He wanted to tell Ianto that he loved him but he knew that Ianto wasn't ready to listen.
Thank you for your reviews of my last piece.