This is a crossover between Hellsing and James Bond.

I haven't read Fleiming's books, so i base my work on the movies- and on a big deal of imagination. Don't flame about the cahnges of the plots, i just adapted everything at my need. You'll find alive a lot of characters who are supposed to be dead. I have altered both plots to make everything work.

I have decided to insert in the next chapters a romance between two certain characters, which is dedicated to my fellow writer Hana Bakemono... you guess what pair is!

"Sir, your cab has arrived."

"Very good. Thank you." The man in the suit dropped a conspicuous tip in the baggage boy's hand, then walked out of the hotel's glass doors.

"Where are we going, mister?" asked the taxi driver as the man went in. His baggage had already been stuffed in the cab's luggage van, but he was still holding a small metallic briefcase, tied to his right wrist with an handcuff.

"Take me to the airport."

The cab slowly started to move, quickly taking speed.

"This is not the road to the airport."
"I'm taking a short cut mister, makes you spare a some money."

The man in the suit looked at the rear-view mirror. The driver was taking something from his pocket... a gun.

The man in the suit threw the briefcase above on the man's head, hitting him; Then he grabbed the briefcase with his left hand and used the chain as a strangle wire, holding him tight to his seat.

The driver choked and fell, motionless. The man held the wheel with a single hand, leaning against the seat, while with the other he took the gun. The dead one's feet was stuck on the throttle.

"What a waste of effort!" a voice resonated from the cab's radio.

A laser pointer appeared on the man's suit. He quickly turned around and shot a sniper on a nearby balcony. While he struggled to keep the car on the road, he shot another assassin aiming at him.

Another pointer appeared on his chest, just above his heart. He aimed the gun and heard the clink on the empty magazine.

Maniacal laughter echoed as a bullet pierced his skin and reached his heart.

He had a confused vision of a man in a wheelchair holding a rifle, on the rooftops.

Then he fell. "Farewell, agent Bond!" he heard, among the laughter.

FROM TRANSYLVANIA WITH LOVE

Integra grabbed the phone as soon as it started ringing. She knew who was calling.

"Hellsing Organization." she said in the phone.

"Nice to ear you, Sir Hellsing" answered the Queen. "I think you've been informed of the newest situation."

"Yes your majesty, although i haven't received details yet."

"You will have them soon, i've already spoken with Agent M. You will be briefed soon."

"Very well."

"I also wanted to congratulate for your solving of the Ghoul Boy Scouts case. I've just been informed, it's been a most effective action."

Integra bit her lip. She had made up the whole ghoul boy scout matter to cover the massacre which followed Seras' great idea of taking her master mushrooming. Thinking of which, the two of them had not been punished enough yet.

"I... it... we could've done better on that case."

"Don't be too modest."

"I assure your Majesty, i'm not."

"As you wish. Anyway, this new case will take all of your skill. Tell your agents to prepare."

"At once, majesty."

"WALTER!"

The butler materialized on the door immediately, like he was waiting right behind it.

"You called, Sir Integra?"

"So it seems. Go and call Alucard and Seras."

Seras walked in the office after a few minutes, staggering half asleep. Her turns had been doubled after the mushroom incident, but that was even a mild punishment, compared to her master's.

A little, red eyed girl in a housemaid outfit entered the room, holding a feather duster. Her expression was the most discomforted possible.

"Here i am Master."

"Very well Alucard. How are you enjoying your punishment?"
He sighed.

"I am pleased. Now, there's a matter of utmost importance we have to attend to."

"A mission?" Alucard's red eyes glittered of joy.

"A mission. It seems Millennium has gotten involved with another dangerous evil organization."

"Oh really? What kind of and organization?"

"I don't know. I only know it's called...

"SPECTRE. This is the name of my organization." Before the Major a man in a wheelchair was caressing a white persian cat. "I am confident i could help you accomplishing our... common purposes."

"Ja, i am most trustful about your skills. Although... your efforts in zhe Cold Var... are not zhe best references for me."

"My results haven't been the best, but..."

The Major rose his hand. "Zath's not vhat i'm speaking about. I mean zhere's no point in a war fought vizhout battles, so... cold. I like real vars, vhere thousands are murdered in pitched battles, vhere planes fight high above zhe skies and zhe sea is full of varships..."

"Oh no, he's beginning again!" whispered Schrö in Zorin's ear.

"Vhy must he start a speech efery time he opens his mouth?"

"He's gonna bore zhat man to death."
"Really. But von't interrupt him. Try to resist."

" Zoooooooooooooooooooooorin..."

"Vhat?"

"I'm bored!"

Would Rip have been there Zorin'd have just told him to torment her instead, but she was on mission.

"Can't you find somezhing to do?"

"Like vhat?"

"Like... i dunno... couldn't you... hmmm..."

Schrö felt something rubbing his leg. The white cat was meowing at him.

"Oooh! A blue blooded cat! I had nefer met one!"

The cat and the cat boy started to converse in meows. Zorin looked at her watch, five minutes had passed. Knowing the major, the least would've been another quarter of hour of ravings.

I wonder what is Rip doing right now, she thought.

"I mean, bro, we just can't stand here the whole day! When was the appointment supposed to be?"

"Exactly now Jan. I know it's a new sensation for you, but we got here early."

"What? You make me haste and everything and now we're fucking early?"

"I made you haste because you always waste hours preparing!"

"What?! I waste hours? I mean, i got washed, dressed and had breakfast in the time you took to dry your hair!"

"Listen, we're here. We've waited for barely two minutes. You could have a bit of patience."

They were in a crowded square, people walking all around.

"And who's this guy we're gonna meet anyway? I mean our contact..."

"Have you at least read your copy of the instructions?"

"You mean that papers you gave me yesterday?"

"Exactly."

"I had planned to, then... i was opening a beer... and i had shaken it a bit, so..."

"I get it. Anyway, we're supposed to be the contacts and it's not a guy the agent we have to meet."

"What, they sent us a chick? Do you have a picture?"

"No, here's the description."

Jan grabbed the paper.

Tall, black hair, wearing glasses and a suit. Blue eyes. Thin physique, pale complexion, with freckles on her cheeks. She'll carry red lily to be recognized.

"I mean, is that supposed to be fucking clear?"

"Well, that's enough to recognize her, i guess."

"You kidding? It misses basic informations!"

"Like what?"

"Like the size of her boobs, and..."

"Jan, shut up!"
"Okay, okay, now, let's see if she's around here."

"There she is. Fits perfectly the descriptions."

"Luke, that one is a dude."

"Are you blind or what? Can't you even recognize a girl?"

"Come on, flat breast, a man's outfit..."

"Did you read the part where it said she would've worn a suit?"
"No, the thing had already bored me at that point."

"Okay. Now, for the good of everyone, let me speak. You don't even know the password."
"What, is it something like 'open sesame' or..."

"Shut up!"

They approached the girl, who was looking around disoriented.

"Excuse me miss, might i have seen you in my dreams?"

"Uh? Vhat? Ah, Ja, just... hm..." she looked at her hand, reading on it. "Hm. 'Only in your vorse nightmares.' are you the contacts?"

"Yes, we're the Valentine brothers, i'm Luke and this is Jan." Luke shook her hand and Jan waved his own.

"So... i'm Obersturmführer Rip Van Winkle. I vas sent to take part in Millennium operations here."

"Well. I'm... very glad of having you in the team. I... hem..."

"Don't mind him" said Jan "Ha can never speak to girls."

"Jan!"

"What!? It's true! You always get so..."

"Jan, please, can we discuss this later?"

"Okay, okay, i was just... trying to help."

Rip felt terribly out of place and wondered what was Zorin doing.

Only five minutes left. Resist Zorin. You can do it.

"Okay, so let me speak Jan, agreed?"

"Right."

"So... well. We have instructions to... host you in our home."

"I... i hope i'm not causing any inconvenience..."

"No, we have a guest room, right Jan?"

"Yeah, but we should clean it a bit before. I mean, we've been piling up stuff there for ages."

"Jan, yesterday i asked you to tidy it up."

"What? When?"

"While you were watching TV!"

"I mean, there was a football match! I'm insulated during football matches! You know i can't hear anything!"

"I can alvays find an hotel, if..."

"No. We'll arrange something. What about if i show you a bit of the city while Jan goes to clean the house?"

"Why me? Couldn't i take the girl and..."

Luke stared in his brother's eyes with a determination he rarely shown.

"Okay, right, i'm going. Have fun."

"And make sure to put away all those pin-ups." Luke whispered.

"Come on, you like them too."

"Jan! Just make them disappear!"

"Okay, okay, right. See ya later!"

"So what are we supposed to do with this?" asked Alucard, still in his girlish shape.

"This man is an agent of the MI6. Secret services. He's their top agent."

"And he's dead."

"Not yet. He was critically wounded, he's dying and unconscious"

"Quite a top agent, a shot is enough to take him out."
"Alucard, do you understand what is your task here?"

"No. What?"

"What did you do when Seras was in his same condition?"

"You forget one thing. It only works with the opposite sex. And on virgins."

"But you are currently female, aren't you?"

The vampire looked down at his body and sighed again.

"I have discussed with Walter already. We have deduced that you, after all, are actually male, and since our agent was not homosexual, he'll count as virgin."

"If you say so... this is going to be humiliating anyway."

"Alucard, you've just spent a week cleaning the mansion in the shape of a young girl, between the jokes of the mercenaries. Draining this guy is much less humiliating."

"Its' just... that i... oh well. Let's do it."
The girl climbed on the table the body was lying upon and started sucking from the neck. He was definitely enjoying the meal. Integra's instinct was telling her to stop him, but this time he had to go on until the end.

"Finished." she affirmed proud when she rose with a blood stained mouth. Integra took her handkerchief and cleaned with a somehow motherly attitude.

"So are you sure he'll become a vampire, Master?"

"Almost. Let's just wait."

The agent opened his eyes.

"Where am i?"

"In an English secret services secret base" answered Integra.

"How's this guy called anyway?" asked Alucard.

After half an hour of non-stop speaking the Major realized he was surrounded by sleeping people. The only two who were wake were playing with a ball of wool and purring.

"Vhat has happened here?"

No answer came for a long, long time.