A/N: If you haven't seen the movie, don't read this. You will be spoiled. I can't stress that enough. This story is connected to 'Man of Steel: Stolen Moments' but you don't have to read that. In this first chapter, Lois remembers everything. The memories didn't bring pain but the hope that life will go on, but in spite of that, Clark is the one who couldn't let go. Thank you.

~o~o~

Chapter 1: The First Time

A week later, the Kent house in Smallville:

Martha Kent had insisted that Lois stay with her for a few more days. They both needed each other for just a little while longer. Lois wasn't sure, but she decided to stay. Still in denial, she walked back to the farmhouse after another visit to Clark's grave site, she headed upstairs to Clark's room. He couldn't be dead; he couldn't be. She lay down unable to function; to think; to eat; to work; but nothing seemed to matter. All she could think of was how they met and the life they shared, although briefly.

Also in her mind were their last few moments together. He said he loved me. It wasn't the first time, but in her heart, she knew it would be the last. But then more words came …

No matter what happens, I will come back to you.

Then the tears came, splashing down her cheeks as if tears could bring him back but they couldn't. Minutes later, her cellphone rang. She wiped at her eyes and picked it up. It was her boss; she hadn't talked to him since the service.

"Hello, Perry," she whispered and tried to sit up.

"How are you, Lois?" Perry asked.

"I'm alright, I think … better."

"I don't want to push, but we need you here."

"For what? He's gone, and there aren't any Superman stories to write, so, what's the point?"

"You don't mean that. You have a job to do."

Tears threatened again. "I can't Perry; it's too soon." She paused. "I lost my fiancé and my best friend all in one day." She wiped at her eyes.

He was surprised to hear that. "Your fiancé?"

"Yes, Clark ... he left me a ring; he was going to propose."

"I'm sorry Lois; alright, another week."

"Thank you, Perry. I'll talk to you later."

"Goodbye, Lois," he said.

"Bye, Perry." She hung up and wiped at her eyes with a tissue. Once out of bed, she slipped on a robe. She listened and Martha was in the kitchen probably fixing dinner for her. She hadn't eaten much this past week, but she was definitely hungry. She headed downstairs hoping her appetite would return.

"Oh, good, you're up. I have some chicken soup, homemade bread and some lemon cake," Martha said and placed the food on the table.

"Thank you, Martha," Lois said. She picked up the spoon and then without warning, she remembered Clark and their first date. He was thrilled that she had accepted as if there was any doubt. They went to her favorite restaurant and they talked about everything. His life on the farm; her life as an Army brat. They just hit it off. "I can't go on, Martha; I can't." Then the tears came again.

"Oh, sweetie," Martha said came and gave her a tight hug.

Lois held on tight as if Martha were her lifeline. After a few minutes, she pulled away feeling a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, please don't apologize." She watched her stare at the food. "Why don't you go back upstairs, take a shower, alright and I'll bring the food up." Lois needed to hear this. "Life will go on, Lois; it will take time, but it will."

Lois didn't believe that; at least, not now. "Alright, thank you, Martha."

"Go on now," Martha said. She watched as Lois headed back upstairs. Martha didn't know what to do to help her. Her memories of her life after Jonathan had died were precious and sweet, but Clark was her lifeline. She wanted to die as well, be with him, anyway that she could. She just wanted to be there for Lois, for as long as she needed her. She wiped at a stray tear removed the food from the table.

~o~o~

Upstairs in the shower, Lois closed her eyes and let the water wash away her tears. It was too soon, only two years, just two years; not enough time; not nearly enough.

After exiting the shower, Martha had left the food, and it was still hot. She managed to eat most of the soup and the bread, but saved the cake for later, then she lay back down, exhausted and in desperate need of a good night's rest. Soon, she fell asleep.

Hours later, in the mists of a dream:

"Lois, can you hear me?" Clark spoke to her in a dream.

She answered without seeing him. "Yes, I hear you."

"Please don't despair; I am with you."

"But I can't see you. Please, please come back."

Moments later, her eyes popped open. "Clark?" Her face was wet with tears. She sat up and looked around. It was the middle of the night. She must have slept for a long time.

It had gotten to the point where sleep was foreign to her. Up late at all hours of the night, afraid of the dark; afraid that falling asleep and waking up without him would make it all seem more real to her. She knew it was ridiculous but now this … now the dream.

Thinking of the past week, every night, she would remember … all of it. The first time they met in Canada. He saved her life but it wouldn't be the last time. The first time they talked was at his Father's grave site. She listened to his heartbreaking story and his words were true. The world wasn't ready. Then later, she remembered their first interview at the base; General Zod's ship where they both almost died; his rescue of her from the pod; all of it flowed through her mind like a healing balm to her soul. Oh, but the past several years were so clear; it did strengthen her somewhat. She latched onto those memories as if they would disappear from her life, just as he had done. Then she raised her ring hand, admiring the beautiful ring. "Yes Clark, yes, I'll marry you." She would never forget any of it; never.

Just a few short weeks ago:

After a few sweet kisses in the bathtub, they both dried off and went directly to bed. After a rather vigorous lovemaking session, Clark managed to remove Lois' arms from around him, but before he left the bed, she rewarded him with kisses all over his chest then down even further. He closed his eyes enjoying her kisses.

"Aren't you hungry? I'm making dinner." Her head came up at that.

"You do know how to please me in more ways than one," she replied provocatively.

"I do try," he said and pulled her up and kissed her repeatedly, and of course one thing led to another. An hour later, while Lois drifted off, he fixed dinner for her. She loved Italian and to his surprise, he did too.

"Dinner is ready!" Clark called from the kitchen.

Lois left their bed and slipped on a robe. He was standing in front of the television, naked from the waist up. She reached up and turned it off.

"Hey, I was watching that," he said.

"Well, I was watching you and you seem to be preoccupied with this Batman character."

Sighing, he went to the stove and fixed their plates. "I know, but there's more to this than him wanting to fight me."

Lois thought about his words. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you about what happened … in Africa."

They both sat down and began to eat. "Oh, you mean when I rescued you."

She sighed and put down her fork. "I meant what I said about you being you and me being me, how this is getting hard for both of us."

"Lois, you mean more to me than anyone or anything else in this world. If you're in trouble, I'll be there no matter what." He held up his hand to stop her from speaking. "I love you very much, and," he hesitated.

"I love you too, but," she began.

"There is no but. We knew from the start it would be difficult to balance the many facets of our lives and we've done it for almost two years and with time, we'll get better at it; that's all."

"I hope you're right," she said and took a bite of pasta. "Oh, this is delicious," she said and chewed her food.

"I knew you would love it," he said and winked at her.

"I do," she said and dived in for more.

He smiled thinking of those words. I do too, he thought.

~o~o~

As the memory faded, she realized that maybe the healing had begun and maybe it was time to go home to Metropolis and the Daily Planet, but she dreaded it. Seeing his empty chair, knowing that it would probably stay that way for a long time; she just couldn't think about that.

A few days later, she gave Martha the news that she would be going back to Metropolis.

"Are you sure; I mean," she hesitated.

"I'll be alright. I need to get back to work and keep busy. It will help, I think."

"Alright, but please call me if you need to talk."

Her eyes watered. "Oh don't worry, I'll call you every night. You'll get sick of me."

She touched her cheek. "You're my daughter now." She took her hand and looked at the ring.

"Oh, Martha," she cried and went into her arms, holding her close. "I'll miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too." She pulled away. "Take care of yourself, alright?"

"I will and you too." Minutes later, arm in arm, they headed to her rental car. Another hug and kiss goodbye and then she was gone.

~o~o~

Once back home in their apartment, she opened the door and it hit her in the face. She wasn't expecting that. The pain was back as if the past week was just the beginning. Her chest tightened and she dropped her bag but she managed to make it to the sofa and sat down. The pain stunned her mind and unbelieving at how sharp the pain was, but after taking several deep breaths, her heart rate returned to its normal rhythm. Shaking her head, she closed her eyes and then she opened them. The pain was gone. That was odd, she thought.

She stood up on shaky legs and glanced around. This was their home for the almost two years. They had searched for this place. It wasn't that big, but for them, it was perfect. The bathtub was a nice touch; actually, it's what sold them on the place. She loved this apartment but it was going to be difficult to stay there without him.

She suddenly stood up straighter. She needed to stop this. Picking up her bag, she headed to the bedroom, then stopped before she opened the door. She needed to prepare herself. I can do this; it's just a bedroom, she thought.

She opened the door but she wasn't prepared, not at all. "Oh, Clark," she murmured, then she dropped her bag and fell on the bed, grabbed his pillow hoping for just a whisk of his cologne. It was there and so she hugged the pillow, buried her face and then the tears. She cried and cried until there were no more.

Suddenly tired of crying, she realized that she hadn't unpacked, hadn't checked her messages, but she just lay there unable to think or feel anything. I need something, she thought. She went into the bathroom and took a sleeping pill. It would relax her and enable her to rest.

Hours later, in the mists of a dream:

"Lois, can you hear me?"

"Clark, where are you?"

"I'm here."

"Please, please come back."

Her eyes popped open. Her face was wet with tears, but now she was worried that she was going insane. It was just a dream, but what did it mean? Why was he coming to her? She sighed and realized this entire thing made no sense. Why did he have to die? Why did any of this happen? Lex was in a maximum security prison for his crimes, but it wasn't just hate and fear that motivated him; there must have been something else. But what could it be? She had to see him face to face.

Suddenly motivated to do something other than cry all the time, she unpacked her bag, called Perry and told him she would be in the office first thing in the morning.

She then checked her messages and Bruce and Diana had called her separately and wanted to know how she was doing. She returned their calls and told them she was coping, but that she would be back at work tomorrow. She also said she wanted to meet with them in a few days to talk about … everything.

They agreed to meet at Bruce's office in Gotham later that week.

~o~o~

A few days later in Gotham:

Lois stepped off the elevator in the penthouse suite, Bruce greeted her with tight hug and a kiss to the cheek.

"Hello, Bruce, it's good to see you," Lois said, although seeing him again brought back that horrible night. "Is Diana here?"

"Yes, she's inside," he replied. He took her arm and guided her inside his office.

Diana stood up and walked over to her. They hadn't really talked only briefly at the service and over the phone. Each taking a step, they hugged each other tightly for a few moments. "Here come and sit down," Diana said.

"Thank you, Diana," Lois said they both sat down.

Seeing Lois again, Bruce felt strange, and that fateful night also came into his mind. Grief was a big part of his life. It came in waves and it crushed his spirit during those times, but life did go on.

"Would you like some coffee, or?" Bruce asked.

"Sure, black with a little cream," Lois replied.

"Coming right up," Bruce said.

Diana turned to her. "Lois, I just wanted to say how sorry I am and I just wish." She couldn't finish.

"I know you wanted to help him and I do appreciate it," Lois said.

Diana nodded, wishing she could have done more.

Bruce brought the coffee to her and Lois took it gratefully. Taking a sip, it did calm her mind for a bit.

"You wanted to see us?" Bruce asked.

"Yes, but I don't know quite where to start," Lois replied.

"Is this about what happened that night? You must have a lot of questions." That was Bruce.

"Yes, not really questions, but concern for all of us. I know about the green rock and how it affected him, but he just seemed to just give up, and I don't understand why. I think he knew he was going to die." Tears threatened again.

Bruce handed her a tissue. "I don't think that's true, Lois. He just felt as if it was all his fault, and killing the monster was his way of ending all of it. He didn't want to leave you; please don't think that way."

"I'm trying not to." She stared at him closely. "I went to see Lex."

Bruce stiffened. "Don't believe any of his lies."

"Why would he lie? He's behind bars." She paused and watched him squirm. "He said that … he said that you stole the green-k from him and," she started.

"It's true; I stole it," he admitted it.

"So, all of this started because you wanted to kill him. Lex … he manipulated all of us and you took the bait."

"Yes, I took the bait."

Diana was stunned to hear this. "I can't believe this. You wanted him dead?" She asked unbelieving it.

"Yes, in the beginning, I did," Bruce stiffly replied.

Lois stood up and walked over to the window and tried to stay calm. "If I hadn't shown up and stopped you, who knows where we would be, with Doomsday, unstoppable, and," she couldn't finish and wiped at her eyes.

Bruce understood. She needed someone to blame and he took that blame because he knew it was true, but in spite of that, he came closer. "Lois, please believe me, I thought he was the one that needed to be stopped, but it was Lex all along."

"Yes, it was Lex; we know that now, but we didn't before," she said and felt his hand on her shoulder.

"I wish I could turn back the clock and figure all of this out, but I can't. All I can do is apologize and try to live my life like he wanted me to."

"That's all any of us can do," Diana said coming closer.

She stood up straighter, looked up at the sky then she thought of her dreams. "He comes to me at night."

"Really?" Diana asked and glanced at Bruce.

"Yes, it's so strange. He just speaks to me."

"What does he say?" Diana asked.

"Just that he was with me and not to despair."

Bruce was thoughtful. "Anything else?"

"No just that," Lois replied.

"I see," Bruce thoughtfully said.

"What are you thinking?" Diana asked Bruce.

"We don't know that much about his physiology and maybe," Bruce stopped and turned to them. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. I thought the same thing," Lois said, beginning to hope.

"You don't mean?" Diana asked unable to finish. "Is it possible he could be alive?"

"I don't know, but maybe there's a way to find out more about him," Bruce replied. "The scout ship that Lex recovered; it's still there or maybe the military took it."

"I have contacts, my Father for one, and Senator Swanwick may help us," Lois said, as hope blossomed inside her chest.

Bruce sensed this and had to calm her down. "Lois, now we don't want to get our hopes up, but," he started.

"I know and whatever happens; happens," Lois said. "But maybe he'll come to me again and give us some clues?" She hopefully said.

Diana just smiled at her. "Maybe he will."

"Alright, I'll go now and make a few calls." They didn't look too hopeful, but Clark's middle name was hope so she wouldn't give up not yet anyway. "I'm fine; please don't worry about me."

"Okay; we'll wait for your call," Bruce said.

They walked her to the door; more hugs and kisses, then she was gone.

~o~o~

Bruce shut the door, went over to the bar and poured a drink. It was ten o'clock in the morning.

"You shouldn't have done that; give her hope for the impossible," Diana said, a little upset.

After taking a sip, he put the drink down and turned to her. "Impossible, you say?"

"Yes, impossible. There was no heartbeat; none at all. He can't be alive."

He sighed and went to stand by the window and looked up into the sky. She followed him, then she touched his arm. "He's gone, Bruce, and we need to accept it."

"I know, but why can't we at least follow this through, and if nothing pans out, we move on?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Bruce, after what Lois told us, you must feel guilty about all of it, but it's in the past now and we can't change it." She paused. "We will move on with … the other meta-humans from Lex's file." He was silent. "That is real hope, Bruce. They're just waiting for a chance to help."

"I know and thank you for saying that." He needed comfort or maybe something more? He turned to her and touched her shoulder, then without even thinking, his hand moved down her arm. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, he thought. His eyes moved over her face asking a silent question.

Diana didn't know what was happening. Her heart told her the truth; she was attracted to him.

At her silence, he felt encouraged, then he leaned down. Diana stiffened and turned from him and walked over to another window.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "Please forgive me."

"No, don't worry about it." She paused and tried to steady her breathing but it was difficult.

"I won't do it again, unless," he began, his meaning clear. He walked over to his desk then he sat down and tried to get to work.

"I'll go check Lex's file again and …" She hesitated.

"You do that," he said.

"Call me if you find out anything?" She asked and picked up her bag and her jacket.

He looked up and she was at the door waiting for him. He felt awful, but he wanted to be friends; that was the most important thing; wasn't it? He stood up and helped her with her jacket. "Sure, I will." He opened the door for her.

Diana walked out but then she felt compelled. She came closer and held out her hand. "Bye, Bruce."

He stared at her hand and raised his eyes to her face. "You're not leaving, are you?"

"No, I want to see this through, the same as you," she replied.

Someone is setting boundaries, he thought, but he loved a challenge. "Bye, Diana." He shook her hand, then she was gone.

He shut the door and leaned against it, then an unfamiliar feeling warmed his heart. He knew what it meant.

TBC!?

~o~o~

Song Inspiration: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, Roberta Flack.

A/N: Well, I so want to continue this. When I thought of Lois in mourning, this song went straight into my heart. Of course, Lois would remember everything about their relationship from the first moment they met. Bruce and Diana are sweet, and so I added them to this story. I will continue this hopefully, when videos and rumors come out about Justice League: Part One! I know it will be awhile, but Comic Con is coming soon. Until then, stay strong readers. Thank you for reading and please excuse any errors. Reviews are love!