Disclaimer: Not mine
Episode tag to 'The Voyeur's Web'
AN: So this is my first attempt at writing in almost a year. I saw The Voyeur's Web the other day and just wanted to write something to that episode. I'm still planning on finishing 'Memories From the Past' at some point (have it in my head, but can't seem to form any sentences), but all I can manage at the moment is just this one-shot. Anyway, enjoy :)
"I'm surprised too." Gibbs looked strangely at her, urging her to continue so he might actually understand what she was referring to. "That it didn't take longer for you to see me as the director and not a field agent", Jenny elaborated. Her eyes were fixated on the closing elevator doors, refusing to look at his face to gage his reaction.
"It's your own fault," he remarked, "For behaving the way you do".
"You mean follow the rules?" she asked.
"You didn't used to"
She laughed, but it was hollow and cheerless. "Back then I only had to prove myself to you, and you couldn't give a damn about the rules."
"Who are you trying to prove yourself to now?" he asked partly curious and partly patronizing. "Shouldn't you be the one people were trying to impress."
"Oh, be realistic, Gibbs. I have to prove myself all the time. I'm the first female director of a federal agency for goodness sake. People are overseeing my every move, waiting for me to make a mistake so that they can have me fired."
"You're just a human, Jen. We make mistakes." He said in a low, almost sympathetic voice.
"I can't afford to make them, not right now." Jenny answered, her eyes still focusing on the doors. "Right now I have to follow the rules. All the rules," she added, "even the stupid ones."
The elevator 'pinged' indicating that they had reached the garage. "Right now, I have to prove that Morrow made the right choice"
"Even if it means compromising your values?" he inquired as they stepped out of the confined space.
"Drop it", she warned,"You can't make me feel guilty about my way of running this agency."
"Don't have to. You already do."
For the first time since they'd stepped into the elevator, she met his gaze. "I've worked so hard to be where I am today. I've given up on so much." She paused and stated, "I want this job, and I want to do it right".
Gibbs sighed, knowing that he shouldn't push any further. She had made a choice and he just had to accept that. "Just wondering where the carefree, funny woman I met 8 years ago is."
She broke the eye contact. It was too intense for a conversation like this - for a conversation about the past. "She is still here", Jenny replied almost inaudible.
"Really? Cause I sure as hell haven't seen her in a while." He was getting frustrated, why couldn't she just admit that she'd changed?
She shrugged. "Time changes and we constantly have to adapt to a new life."
"Doesn't mean you should change who you are"'
"I haven't!"She too was getting frustrated. Why couldn't he see that this was difficult for her; that she needed time to establish herself as the director, before she could make crazy decision based only on the fact that she'd worked with him and knew first-hand that he was good? "But I can't behave like I used to either. I needed to grow up. I mean, could you imagine Tony as the director of NCIS at this point in his life?" Jenny asked, a hint of a smile gracing her lips. She'd been an awful lot like Tony, when she had first started at NCIS.
"I could never imagine Tony as director" he replied, ignoring her attempt to lighten the mood.
"You couldn't imagine me either", she said softly.
"You're too good for that job." His eyes search for hers, but she kept avoiding his stare. "It's nothing but paperwork and loneliness". Despite Gibbs' lonely-wolf tendencies and hate for official parties, in general he liked being around people and having a team to rely on. He liked talking to other human-beings and having fun even though fun for him meant building a boat. He liked being around friends, as long as he got his space when it was needed.
"It's not just paperwork!", Jenny exclaimed, screwing her eyes up almost as if she was trying to tuck her face further into her head. "And it's not lonely, I've met lots of interesting people through this job", she defended.
"Politicians?", he inquired.
"I am not lonely", she said over-articulating every word.
"Yet", he added. "You've only been the director for a month".
"Gibbs", she sighed.
He held his hands up in defense, "just saying. You're the boss, the one who more than often needs to be the bad guy. People will only see you at work: serious, focused and professional. You can't be their friend, because no matter what you always be the boss."
"Never heard the expressing 'it's lonely at the top'?" He asked, but she ignored him as she got in her car.
He opened his car door, but on the way to getting in, he rested his hands on the roof. "When you get lonely.."
"If", she stated, looking up as she was fasting her seatbelt.
"When you get lonely..", he smirked.
She shook her head, unable to keep a smile from her lips. She grinned, "yeah?"
"Don't…" He paused, his facial features forming a more somber expression. "Just call, you know"
She couldn't help but smirk at his statement, and this time it was his turn to shake his head. But when he looked back at her, she gave him a short nod, silently accepting and thanking him for his offer.
"Goodnight Jethro"
"Night Jenny"