Castiel was doing it again; watching Dean Winchester. It was something Castiel often did will his time when he wasn't particularly busy. It wasn't that he enjoyed it. On contrary, he simply had nothing better to do. And why he watched only Dean, not Sam? Easy, that is because Sam's room, for some reason, is warded far more than Dean's. That's all. At least that's what Castiel would tell himself whenever his mind began to... wonder.
At the moment, Dean was sleeping soundly in his room within the bunker. Castiel stood at the door to the bed, cloaking his presence by shifting onto another plain of existence, as he usually did when observing the hunter. Dean's chest rose and fell slowly with each shallow breath, his eyes closed but still furrowed with concern and worry. It seemed impossible for Dean to go as much as a minute without feeling the urge to protect, to defend the ones he loved. Castiel subconsciously reached out a hand to comfort Dean when he began to roll in bed. Castiel touched two fingers to Dean's forehead and he instantly settled down. Dean had so more nightmares then seemed possible for one human being. This one was just another version of him loosing Sam, his mother, father, and... Castiel. Dean was also having a nightmare about loosing Castiel. But that didn't make any sense. That would mean that Dean worried about him, carried about him. As much as his own brother Sam. Dean... care... about him? A useless angel with burnt wings? A smile tried at the corners of Castiel's mouth. But he quickly shoved those feelings down somewhere deep, where they could never resurface. Angels didn't, couldn't feel emotions. Not only was it a weakness, it was just impossible. Never mind what would happen if Castiel let his emotions go unchecked. What emotions? No, Castiel definitely didn't have those.
Dean mumbled something intangible in his sleep. "Chm... Cas..."
Castiel removed his fingers from Dean's forehead. He hadn't purposely kept them there. Castiel then flew off, leaving Dean to his dreams. Castiel couldn't stay in that room any longer. That would be very, very dangerous.
Castiel was watching Dean, again. Dean was stuffing his face with apple pie. Castiel couldn't understand as to why Dean enjoyed the dessert so much, but the way the hunter shoveled the food into his mouth to make chipmunk-cheeks amused Castiel. Dean suddenly put his fork down, even though there was still plenty left to eat. Castiel ceased smiling. Was Dean upset? Why?
The hunter leaned back in his chair and gave a heavy sigh. Castiel was fighting the urge to comfort Dean, to make his presence known. Something told Castiel that Dean would not like being watched. Castiel searched Dean's mind instead for an answer: worries about Sam, worries about responsibility, worries about Castiel, and something more. Castiel focused harder on Dean's thoughts. Dean was thinking about Castiel, but concerning an emotion Castiel had never witnessed in Dean. When the angel realized what it was, he just about screamed. Castiel spread his wings and took off. He had to get away, far away. Castiel flew to the top of Mt. Everest, and landed on its highest peaks. It was there Castiel, angel of the lord, first cried. He cried for all his mistakes, the horrible choices he made. But most of all, he cried for Dean. Castiel did not sob, nor take quick breaths. He simply stood there while tears rolled down his cheeks. He knew it wasn't real, just feelings that were planted there by god. But Castiel could feel himself love Dean Winchester, feel his heart grow warm when he was near. No, it isn't real. None of what you feel is real. The same goes for Dean. He doesn't really feel these things, only thinks he does. Castiel held his head in his hands. He wished it would all just go away, that he himself could just disappear. He couldn't handle these feelings, these horrible, fake feelings. He couldn't handle disappointing Dean, not when he wanted it so badly as well.
Castiel remained there for many hours, wishing, begging for it to go away. He desperately wanted to stop loving Dean Winchester, but he also hoped that it would never stop.