"No."
It hurt, so much, to say that small of a word, but Beca knew without a doubt that any other attempt at anything different than that simple negative would lead to more talking and discussions and possibly even arguing and fighting. All things that she just couldn't handle right now. Possibly never, truth be told. And it hurt to look into the broken faces in front of her; faces that she so often dreamt of kissing and making smile, laughing, loving. No more.
/
/
For weeks now. Maybe months. The two University Seniors had consumed Beca in ways that she once never thought possible. To find love and acceptance and peace with another person, much less two other persons… it was beyond Beca's ability to comprehend, but she had accepted them both as the gift that they were, even though each of them had been the sources of her unending agony and pain just as much.
Beca had fallen in love.
First, it had been Chloe, the space invader. There was no defense against the redhead. She ignored every wall that Beca had thrown up against her, every barrier that had worked versus all others that tried to get close, Chloe had ignored bulldozing over and under and through whatever Beca tried to block her with. All for naught. Chloe was determined to be friends and Beca had been too weak to properly defend against the bubbly ginger. And truthfully, Beca was secretly glad that she had made the effort. And that had led to Beca finding herself slowly but surely falling in love for the first time.
The second time had not been so overt. While Chloe was like a force of nature, blowing down all resistance, Aubrey had slipped in without any fanfare. Small gestures and kind words, listening when Beca needed to vent about her father or classes or the Treblemaker that wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Never any judgement or condescending looks or words. Aubrey became the rock that Beca needed to understand the world. Beca didn't necessary fall for Aubrey, as much as she accepted that she had fallen in love with her.
All of which meant that Beca had to decide who to pursue. Each offered so much, calling to something different within her own heart. Chloe with her wild eyed enthusiasm and joyful outlook or Aubrey's quiet strength and passion at life. Beca had spent countless hours pondering the pros and cons of loving one of them more than the other; deciding who she wanted as a lover and who as just a friend.
It all came screeching to a heartbreaking crash when Beca accidentally came upon the two kissing at the Student Union Building. Their easy movement next to one another, unconsciously moving in synchronistic harmony that spoke of time spent together. Beca's world went mute, the joy of music and laughter and everything else bright suddenly gone. She'd made her escape, or so she'd thought after making it to her dorm room, until the frantic knocking had jarred her away from the darker thoughts she was considering.
Blurry figures… ignoring her tears… stood at her opened doorway, each so very apologetic. Beca couldn't understand: why were they apologizing? Beca had been the interloper. Beca had been the one to assume so much. In her hasty retreat to almost freedom away from the sight of her heartbreak, Beca had realized that neither Chloe nor Aubrey had made any indication that it was more than friendship between either one of them and her. Beca was embarrassed, and here the two of them were, apologizing. Beca didn't want any of it. All she wanted now was to hide form the world and go back to the simplicity of being alone.
But they weren't going to allow that. Chloe with her wrecking ball against Beca's walls… and Aubrey with her ninja-like way of slipping through Beca's cracks. She could deny them nothing, allowing them both into her dorm. It was only by the grace of their Aca-Gods that her roommate was out.
Once they had convinced Beca to let them in, it was all Beca could do to hold herself together. Chloe had sat immediately on Beca's bed – a place that she so often occupied when the two of them were together, it was almost cruel to see her there now. Aubrey, on the other hand, seemed almost at a loss of what to do. She often sat in the desk chair, but if she took her normal spot, which left Beca to either only stand or sit next to Chloe… and neither of those option were currently appealing. Worse, however, was that Aubrey could sit on Beca's bed next to Chloe, but no one in the room was prepared to see what that might cause. Beca was sure she would puke.
"Bec." Chloe began, using her pet name for her. "We're so sorry you found out like that."
Immediately, Beca went on the attack. She couldn't just let it go. "So, I wasn't just clueless about the two of you? All this time, us spending time together? No one thought to tell me that you were together?"
Both Aubrey and Chloe had the decency to blush. They'd been caught out in whatever scheme they had playing at with Beca and now it was time to pay for their deception.
"What was this all for then?" Beca knew her voice was harsh, but her heart was broken. Not just the once, but twice, and at the same time. "You tow get your kicks playing with the freshman? Make her into the fool?"
"God. No." Aubrey spoke up from where she continued to stand by the door. "We like you, Beca. Both of us."
Chloe was nodding. "We wanted to see if you wanted to be with us. Like, together."
Aubrey took back over. That they were both carrying the conversation, Beca wondered if they had been rehearsing this. Practicing. "Chloe and I were both interested in you. We talked about it and wanted to see if you liked us. Both of us."
"Individually, at first." Chloe added. "And then together."
Beca sat in her chair; her legs no longer willing to carry her weight. "You both wanted me to fall for you? Right? And then… you'd tell me that we could all be together?"
"Exactly." Chloe answered, a smile breaking out across her face. Aubrey wasn't smiling.
"Beca?"
Looking at the blonde, Beca sighed loudly. "What would have happened if I only wanted to be with one of you?"
The two seniors looked at one another before Aubrey spoke, her fingers nervously twitching. "It had to be both of us."
Chloe nodded softly. "Bree and I have bene together for almost three years, Bec. We want you. Both of us, but it couldn't be just one."
"All of nothing?"
When both of them nodding, Beca closed her eyes. This was definitely going to suck.
"No."
/
/
Opening her eyes, Beca could see how her refusal was not what they had wanted. Not at all.
Chloe was crying, those huge blue eyes of hers filling with tears, some already trailing down her cheeks. Beca hated how she was the cause, but there was no way for her to help. Not now. Not over this.
Aubrey looked as if she was holding herself together just a little bit better, but Beca knew enough about the blonde to see that it was all an act. She was just as possibly devastated as the redhead at being refused.
Beca found it somehow ironic that she was now the only person in the room not crying. Did that make her a horrible person? She mulled that thought over for a moment before discarding it. She was still hurting. In fact, Beca was probably now hurting even more than she had been before the two came into the room and explained their plan – well, not that they had really explained anything.
Chloe was the first to recover. "Why, Beca? We could be great together."
She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Chlo. There are so many reasons why I have to say no. You just don't understand. It would have been a no if you have both come to me about this from the very beginning. I am so attracted to you. Both of you. I'd have bene the luckiest girl to be able to call either you or Aubrey mine. I can't be the third part of, well, whatever you were wanting. And now, knowing what your plan was and that it had to be an all of nothing choice, it definitely is a no."
Aubrey stood silently at the door. Beca could see that her eyes glistened now with unshed tears, but she was holding strong, most likely for Chloe.
"You've had three years together, Chlo." Beca continued. "I don't have that. And before you try and say that I would catch up, the truth is I never would. You have stories and jokes and memories that I don't share. And while you can tell them to me, I won't experience them."
"We'd make new ones."
"I'd be jealous of the ones I wasn't a part of. It would be hard enough with you two being such close friends and me dating one of you. Trying to be with both would tear at me."
"Aubrey and I would be there. For you." Chloe pleaded.
Beca nodded. "Yes, but then there's the fact that the two of you have been lying to me. I've been struggling with the idea of falling in love with not one, but two amazing women. And the amount of personal heartache I've had to deal with on deciding if I should pursue one of you or not has been hard on me."
"But you don't have to choose." Aubrey spoke quietly, almost a whisper.
"I didn't know that. And I bad as that was, I did finally choose. I had made my choice. I was looking for one of you tonight, to tell one of you that I chose you to love." Beca smiles sadly. "And to close the chance of love with the other."
"Oh." Chloe gasps.
"I can't be with both of you." Beca leans back in the chair. "I can't even be with one of you now. You're both in a committed relationship, happy and in love. I'm not going to a part of breaking that up."
"You wouldn't be."
Beca looked directly into Aubrey's eyes. "Are you in love with Chloe?"
Aubrey nodded. "I am."
"Are you in love with me? Honestly?"
"I think I am."
Beca nodded. "Is it fair to me to be in a relationship where you are more in love with someone else than you are with me?"
Aubrey got it. Beca could see when the understanding light bulb finally went off. It was almost as painful to see as seeing Aubrey and Chloe kiss at the Student Union Building.
"Come on, Chloe." Aubrey said, her voice sounding rough. "We need to go."
Beca watched as the redhead kept shifting her gaze between Aubrey and Beca. It was clear that she wanted to continue the conversation, to press her point of view until she got her way. Beca didn't envy Aubrey's task of explaining that they had failed in their pursuit of her. It would be even worse when Chloe realized, as Aubrey seemed to have gotten, that their friendships were over, as well. Beca would never be able to trust that either girl's motives were true.
Chloe stood. She seemed to hesitate as if wanting to hug Beca, but she wasn't going to stand. Aubrey took her girlfriend by the hand, pulling her towards the now open doorway. Pushing Chloe ahead of her into the hallway, the blonde looked back, tears finally falling down her face.
"For what it's worth. I'm sorry." Aubrey offered softly as they both exited Beca's dorm.
"Me, too." Beca replied softly after the door had closed.
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /
NOTE:
The Fan Fiction that the above is based around could be from several ABC or Triple Treble stories currently out there, but I was inspired by "Rolling with the Punches" that was written by RavenclawGenius and "Look Who's In Treble" by VeronicaSummers.
More to come.