"What do you think is out there?"

James felt her warm body weight shift slightly, her soft feathery hair slipping over his chest. Gazing upwards he regarded the white puffy clouds floating way out on the horizon as they slowly turned pink, the specks which he assumed were birds circling high, high above them. Turning back his neck, he looked at her, and immediately had to fight back tears.

She looked so beautiful on the grass beside him. Her head rested lightly on his stomach, radiant red waves of hair tumbling over his arm. The sun was sending out a warm orange glow, lighting up her eyes, making them seem fathoms deep, mystical green pools. She stared upwards, an almost reverent, wondering look on her face, pale skin lit up on one side, darkened to shadows on the other. He found it hard to believe someone could ever be so elegant, mythical, flawless.

With difficulty he turned his eyes back to the sky, pondering her question.

"I'm not sure I believe anything is out there, Lily," he choked her name out, stomach giving a terrible lurch as he spoke the word, and he felt her stiffen. In terror he ripped his eyes from a cloud, swinging them round to her, anxiously raking her face for any signs of anger, but there was none. She was swatting at a wasp, nose scrunched up in annoyance.

"Bloody little things always know how to ruin the moment," she mumbled, letting her arm flop back to the grass. James took it in his, running his fingers gently over her soft skin.

"It hasn't ruined it has it?" he whispered, and she smiled at him, eyes shining reassuringly. At the same time his heart squeezed, suffocating him under heavy pressure, but he didn't understand why. He was with the girl of his dreams, in a perfect moment, but all he felt was pain. Such heavy, unbearable pain.

"Of course it hasn't ruined it, James. I could have a whole army of wasps over here and it wouldn't ruin it at all."

"Because I'm with you?" James found himself whispering, every beat of his heart needling him in the back of his mind.

"No. Because I don't mind wasps!" she laughed, a dirty cackle that made him grin, then she turned her entire body over, putting her face comically close to his, almost nose to nose. "I see your head still hasn't quite deflated yet."

She smiled as she said it, but James just couldn't smile back. He was all too aware of their bodies entwined, close, too close, strands of hair tickling his face, sending shivers down his spine.

"Lily," he began, then stopped. She fell back to her original position, head lolling comfortably on his chest this time. Instinctively he reached out, stroking her hair with longing fingers, wanting what he already had. She looked curiously back at him, but it felt as though she was behind glass, so close but not his. He traced out random patterns on her neck, feeling the emotion cloud his head. Why did he feel this way? Confusion crossed his mind, but those sea green eyes were steadily burning their way to his heart, preventing rational thought.

"What's up James?" she asked, her sweet voice full of innocent questions. For a moment the picture blurred, faded, then it returned in almost sharp reality. Too sharp, harsh, the colours stinging his eyes, making him blink.

"I love you so much," he murmured huskily, the pain hammering in his head but he didn't care, he had to tell her, had to let her know exactly how he felt. Something inside was screaming it wasn't right, but he ignored it, pushed it away, and sat up, pulling her softly closer.

"I've always loved you," the words were costing him such terrible effort, and the picture was fading, slipping away but he hung on tightly to her hand and suddenly he felt it squeeze back. His heart leapt as her face outlined itself, gazing into his with expressionless eyes. Slowly he slid his other hand round her waist, almost crying when she didn't pull away in defiance or leap up in outrage.

"And I always will, no matter what happens."

He wanted to lean in, to press his lips softly upon hers but he couldn't, his limbs were paralysed, heart hurting as it drum rolled itself on his ribs so badly. She gazed at him, face full of wondering expression like he was a constellation of stars, galaxy of planets. Her mouth opened, soft words starting to form but no sound came out. All sound was shutting off, all light fading away but with the thrill of anticipation James suddenly knew she was leaning towards him.

It was all slipping away. In desperation James clutched at her hand, but it felt different, the wrong shape, the wrong feel. No! He pressed harder but it was crumpling away, and suddenly, horribly he realised his eyes were closed, body no longer on blades of grass but something softer, much softer.

He squeezed his eyelids, imagining Lily, but it remained no more than an image, and a heart breaking shatter rang through his heart, and even before he opened his eyes he already knew why.

She wasn't his.

The ring of chatter in the common room crept back to him, and he sensed through his fingers he was no longer holding Lily's hand, it was the rough material of his schoolbag.

She would never be his.

The portrait banged open, making him snap his eyes open with a start, and a small crowd of people cheered as Sirius Black came in, hand in hand with Lily, his girlfriend of two weeks.

"Hey Prongs!"

"Hi Padfoot. Hey Lily."

"Bugger off, Potter."

James stared at her, taken aback; he dropped his head and staggered to his feet, the comment searing him to his heart. With a mumbled, "You know you love me," he was gone, taking off up the stairs, though it felt as though he was running through tar.

He couldn't bear it, every day seeing her with his best friend, seeing Sirius get to kiss her when he knew he never could.

It was killing him.

And no doubt, it eventually would.

0o0o0

Alright, don't kill me, chapter sixteen of Twisted Perfection is coming along very soon. But I just had to get this one out first! I wrote it ages ago, and it's been bugging at me for a while. And you know how I love my one-shots…plus I'm listening to Green Day, Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) right now (a song I'm totally in love with), and it always makes me think of Lily and James, which made me think of this story…well anyway. Please review! I'm actually proud of this little bite-sized story, so I'd love to have your comments on it, good or bad. Remember: criticism improves my writing, I write better, you read better stuff. Sounds good, huh?

Best be going to continue with Twisted Perfection now ;)

Love and peace xxx