Warnings: Spoilers, language, sexual innuendos, violence, drunkenness, nudity and general stupidity - everything you would expect in a bachelor's party. Plot, What Plot?
Characters/couples: Hints of many pairings, I started writing them down and gave up.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I don't own Maruma
Summary: There's a joke where a woman is asked why she hadn't gotten married, she replied that she just forgot. Anissina is declaring her singlehood in a 'wedding' ceremony and the boys have a bachelor's party.
Author's Notes: Okay, I have to warn you, this is a one-shot that got way too out of hand. It's mostly just one scene. It's like a big Italian family get-together (not that all Italian families are like this) - it's loud and boisterous and chaotic with people talking over each other, and teasing, and violence, and hugging, and kissing, and lots and lots of alcohol. The story is first-person POV and the narrator gets drunker and drunker as the evening progresses. It may be headache inducing so I've split it into segments. I'll post a segment each day.
Also, there are no OC's here (I did give a name to one of Wolfram's soldiers) so I put this who's who among the ten nobles because some of them and their relatives show up: http: // seamusog. livejournal. com/7956. html (remove the spaces)
Yozak's Sidetrip: The Bachelor's Party
I have been riding since I woke up very early this morning, early enough that the sun had not yet shown its face to the little human village on the borders of Shin Makoku. I would complain that my ass hurts and my thighs ache from the non-stop galloping, but at least I'm not the horse. I did stop once, but only to change steeds.
The wind feels strong and cool on my face as the brown mare gallops at full speed. I only give a cursory note to the passing vistas of green forests, golden fields and brown dirt. The sun is close to the horizon before I breathe a sigh of relief as I spy the familiar road going up the hill to Blood Pledge Castle.
It's my own damn fault for waiting until the last second, but I found too many reasons to stay where I was and too many reasons to keep away from where I should be. Not reporting in person for a whole month after repeated requests from the Commander may land me in some hot water. Not making it to the actual event, however, will definitely earn me several mind-numbing missions. I haven't forgotten that last punishment: going undercover as an accountant for several months. Gambling with Gwendal's ire is tricky, but I wasn't about to chance my life, health and happiness to the dangers presented by a notorious redhead inventor.
The trials and tribulations of a world-class spy are nothing to be laughed at. But I would take my chances with capture and torture from Shin Makoku's worst enemies than hazard the month-long planning devoted to Anissina's Big Day.
No, it's not cowardice nor is it running away. Call it strategic positioning. It's what spies do. I know better than to stay in the vicinity of an event where Anissina is the main attraction. Well, that's not completely true. There is one event that falls in that category where I would be more than happy to participate. However, it's unlikely to occur tonight or tomorrow night when this big happy celebration is dedicated to her vows of remaining single for the rest of her life. The wedding and the afternoon festivities (currently dubbed the 'Giant Annual Celebration for the Advancement of Women Everywhere Involving Lots of New Inventions') will most likely conclude with amusements exclusively for her and her 'sisters'. Alas, I am not woman enough for Anissina and, unless there is an experiment involving half-demons, my chances of participating in the wedding night's entertainment are nil.
As I go through the castle gates, I salute a greeting to the posted guards and suffer their taunts about my long absence. They're jealous of my freedom of movement and talent to escape the castle at the most appropriate time. I really can't blame them so I give them my most coquettish smile as compensation. As typical, I'm awarded with several blushes.
I lead the brown horse through the maze of strange contraptions littering the courtyard. I almost make it past the major section of displays when a sweet young voice freeze me in my tracks. My heart jumps in anticipation of danger, but I keep the casual nonchalance on my face. I turn around to find the cause of my month-long self-exile. It is the girl whose wish started this terrible event that strikes fear into the hearts of men. We only hope the Maou has learned his lesson and not give her carte blanche on her wishes in the future.
"Hi Yozak!" says the sweet voice.
"Hello Princess!" I reply in an equally sweet tone. "Did you miss me?"
"Uh-huh, you've been gone for a long time. Where did you go?"
"Here and there," I answer vaguely.
"Is it somewhere interesting?" she asks jumping excitedly.
"Nah, unless you think dirty bars and filthy neighborhoods are interesting," I answer.
Most girls don't. But then most girls don't have Anissina as their personal hero.
"I do! You must meet all sorts of different people there. And there must be lots of crime and evil things going on. It would be the perfect place for Anissina the Poison Lady to appear." Her eyes glisten with wild anticipation. "Maybe Greta can go with you next time..." she added wistfully.
People have yet to learn to be fearful of the Maou's daughter. I know better. Friendly, innocent smile. Girly giggle. Big brown eyes... Big brown eyes that hold an unmistakable sparkle reminiscent of a redhead menace. Let's consider for a moment who she is raised by: Mr. ViolentTemperTrantrums, Mr. Grumpypants, Ms. ScaryInventor and, last but not least, Mr. I-do-not-kill-men-but-you-leave-me-no-choice. This alone makes me wary of her. People, also, forget that she tried to assassinate the Maou. The girl has spunk with a capital S. She's dangerous alright. Not the I-am-planning-to-destroy-you kind of dangerous. But more of a sorry-didn't-mean-to-kill-you dangerous. I only need to scan the courtyard littered with unsuspecting victims lying beside mangled remains of failed inventions. It's no wonder the commander hid himself for a whole month. The girl is just too cute for words.
"Well, Princess, I'd love to take you. But I don't think your fathers would like that."
Even her pout is cute. I think she's been taking lessons from her father. The blond one. Nope, the Commander didn't stand a chance. I can't see him surviving this month without hiding -- I mean strategically placing himself far away from the cute.
She starts looking at me and then at the nearest machine and then at the clipboard in her hand. Uh-oh, time to move on. A required trait of a good spy is knowing when and how to get out of a sticky situation before it got sticky.
"Since I can't take you with me yet, how about I tell you some of the stories later. That is, those that aren't strictly confidential." I add a wink for good measure.
"Well..." she frowns adorably, "okay."
I relax and flash her a genuine smile.
Hot bath – check.
Catch up with the current gossip – check.
Flirt with the cute new maid – check.
Report to the Commander – gotta find where he is holed up first.
Escape four attempts to make me a guinea pig – check.
Open a package on my bed and stare at the contents in mild surprise – hmmm, that wasn't on my list. Oh well, I'm sure it's on someone else's list.
I get hungry so I walk towards the kitchen area. I'm just a lowly commoner so I don't get to eat with the big wigs. Not that I mind, I prefer the large cavernous and noisy common dining hall to the intimate and stressful royal dining room. I don't really enjoy eating when Günter is watching, making sure I mind my p's and q's, and Conrart is covertly scolding me for every potential joke I might make. What's the point of having dinner with the king and his fiancé if I'm not allowed to make fun of them.
As I approach one of the entryways of the large chamber, I am surprised to see royalty there. In the area usually populated by army officers, surrounded by blue uniforms, the Maou and the three ex-princes are having a conversation.
Before I can enter, I hear my name being called. A grin spreads on my face. No interruptions please me more than my encounters with His Eminence. For a world-class spy like me, no high is more satisfying than mental sparring, and no one is more capable than the Great Sage.
I glance to my right and I see him walking towards me holding a tray with three bottles and several glasses.
"Good evening, Your Eminence. What are we doing lurking around here?"
"Hi Yozak. It's good to see that you're back. You've been missed."
"Ah, yes. It's quite unfortunate that my assignments took me far away from the castle. It seemed I missed most of the fun stuff."
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll make up for it tomorrow." His smile turned slightly evil.
"Well, Your Eminence, are you practicing your serving skills or are we short on maids this evening?"
"Ah this? Can you do me a favor and bring it into the dining room? I have to go talk to the maids about something. it would do Lord von Voltaire and Lord von Bielefeld much good to have a little bit of ah... 'stress-reliever', you might say."
His eyeglasses flash and I understand his meaning. The knife has been thrown and the challenge accepted. I take the tray and quickly scan the labels on the bottle. I give a whistle of appreciation; this is shaping up to be a fun evening.
"Oh, by the way Yozak, did you receive the package I left for you?"
My lips curl up in a knowing smile. I am not surprised that the package, containing the white thing made mostly of leather and buckles, that I found on my bed came from him. The contents practically screamed 'inspected by the Great Sage for your enjoyment'.
"Someone was kind enough to get it to the room I'm staying in."
"I hope it fits. I think I got your size correctly."
Wicked thoughts manifest as a mischievous grin.
"I'll be in there as soon as I'm finished with the maids. See you," he waves casually as he walks off to the kitchens.