Running Around in a Tunnel of Love…Naked

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Ron walked up to Hermione. "Hey Hermy, Have you seen my Harry-poo? I want to tell him something."

"Oh, yeah. I think he was eloping with Hagrid."

"What!" Ron said. "That is so unfair! What did I ever do to him?" He started to sob. "SNIF… I thought we were in love!" He ran away, crying. He saw Peeves in the corridor. "What's wrong?" Peeves said sympathetically.

"My stupid ponce of a boyfriend left me for a half-giant!" Ron yelled.

Peeves looked at Ron. He had always had a 'thing' for him, and now he could woo him! "Oh no, that's awful!" he said. "Let's go to a room I know, we can sort it out there." So Ron and Peeves walked to the room of requirement, Peeves being perverted and thinking of all the things he could do with Ron.

After the night of hot ghost sex, Ron woke up to Peeves staring at him happily. "Won-won, I love you!" Peeves squealed. Oh, dear! Ron had just gone with Peeves for comfort, and now Peeves thought he loved him! "Listen, Peeves… I'd make an awful boyfriend, how about you go be with Remus? He's always been crushing on you."

Peeves grinned and said, "Really? OK!"

The next day, Remus went up to Ron. "Thank you so much for getting me together with Peeves!" He said. "We're perfect for each other!" After hearing this, Ron ran away to cry on Hermione's shoulder. He was seriously considering going Goth. "Hermy, wanna go on a date with me?" He said hopefully.

"Sorry Ron, I'm already dating McGonagall." She said. "Besides, I don't like you in that way, and what if you have STDs or something?"

Ron stared at her. "What are STDs?" He said.

Hermione looked at him. "You don't even want to know."

Ron trudged into Moaning Myrtles' bathroom. "What's wrong?" she said.

"Hermione just blew me off, I'm really lonely, my boyfriend left me, I might have STDs (whatever they are), and I'm contemplating suicide!" Ron howled.

Myrtle sniffed. "Wanna go on a date with me?" she said. "I'm lonely too." Ron brightened up and agreed.

Several weeks later, Myrtle floated over to him and said, "I'm dating Draco Malfoy. Never speak to me again." Ron raced off crying, again.

In the nearest muggle town, Ron walked over to…what was it called again? A fellytone? And called Lord Voldemort. "Hey, wanna go on a date with me?" he said.

"Sorry, Weasley, I'm busy." And Voldemort hung up. Ron ran back up to Dumbledores' office. "Proffeseur, no-one wants me!" He wailed.

Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "Why don't you go on a date with Ginny?" He said. "She's always coming up here to tell me how much she loves you."

Ron smiled. "Thanks Proffeseur!" He yelled, and ran off to ask Ginny out.