All right this is a little out of my norm and first multi-chapter story. Yes, it is a retake of Mr. and Mrs. Smith the movie; expect this is the bleach version. So let's see how well this story actually goes.
Warning: Language, crossdressing, slash, violence, and Kenpachi and Ichigo married (that should say enough)
I do not own anything; all rights go to respective owners! Happy reading! ~DanceOfSakura
Ishida Uryuu sits back in the black leather chair of his office, studying the couple before him, sitting with tense smiles. Well, more of like a scowl on the orange-headed lithe male's face. His black dress outlined his figure quite nicely, if Ishida was to be honest. Looking down at his outline notes of the couple, he comes to the conclusion that the smaller male is Kurosaki Ichigo-correction Zaraki Ichigo. His gaze swept over to the male's husband, the man was built of purely muscle and his expression spoke volumes of boredom. Zaraki Kenpachi.
Ishida sat there scribbling away at his note pad, taking down the little things he's seen from the odd couple. He could easily see how guarded the two were, it reminded him of another couple he seen last month. The scratching stopped, as the intimidating male in the room broke the silence.
"First of all, I wanna say we don't really need to be here." Kenpachi said, irritated just a little by the situation.
"It really is a funny story," Ichigo amended for his husband, "You see we have neighbors and there was a game…Kenpachi can get a bit competitive."
"I won."
"So we find out the grand prize is marriage therapy!" Ichigo and Kenpachi finished together.
Ichigo slightly tilted his head his eye's flashing with malice, "Yes, the Kuchiki's have a great sense of humor."
The room was tensed as the couple laughed at the dry humor. Ichigo shifted his legs crossing as he pulled down the hem of his black skirt, sweeping his long orang hair onto one shoulder. Kenpachi leaned back pulling down the cuffs of his suit, before crossing his arms across his impressive chest. They sat starring as the pen scratched along the paper.
"You didn't have to come." Ishida stated, the glare on his glasses flashing, just a little perplexed.
"Right."
"We have a theory though." Ichigo inclined his head, as he trailed off.
Kenpachi cut his gaze to his 'wife,' confusion clear in his gaze, "We do?"
"The oil check." Ichigo reminded the taller male simply.
"Right, The Oil Check," Kenpachi nodded, as he remembered. "See we have been married for five years…."
"Six, 'Pachi."
"Five, six years, and this is like a check up for us. Pop the hood, check the gears, rig the oil, and maybe replace a few outdated parts." The older male said nonchalantly.
-Mr. and Mrs. (Mr.) Zaraki-
Pushing up his black rimmed glasses, "On a scale one to ten how happy are you as a couple?"
"What is eight on that scale?" Ichigo asked.
"Wait. So Doc is ten bein perfectly shit happy and one being a fucking shit storm?" Was the other man's question.
"Just answer instinctively." The raven-haired male said, his patients echoed in his voice.
"Ok. Ready Ichi?'
"Sure."
"Eight." The couple answered at the same time, positions changing, as they grew restless.
-Mr. and Mrs. (Mr.) Zaraki-
"On a scale one to ten, how happy would you say your partner is?"
"Easy, eight." Kenpachi answered, his confidence reflected into a wide face splitting grin.
Ichigo bit his lip for a moment, his eyebrows creasing, "Can it be fractions?"
"Instinctive, Mrs. Zaraki." Ishida could see the male twitch at being referred to as a female; well he did wear female clothing.
"Alright, I'm good. You good?"
Kenpachi held up his hand counting down two three, "Eight." Was the easy reply, from both the married male's.
-Mr. and Mrs. (Mr.) Zaraki-
"Now, how often do you have sex?" Ishida scribbled down in his tablet, interested in the way the orange-headed male became flustered. Likewise Kenpachi had a look of a starving man, dying for his next meal.
"I don't understand the question." Ichigo answered quickly, hoping that Kenpachi wouldn't say something that would make this even more awkward.
"Is this a one to ten thing? Cause honestly Doc, Ichi's ass hasn't been molested today."
"Kenpachi!"
"This is not a one two scenario. Just please answer the question. How often do you have sex?"
The couple sits there for a moment, Ichigo shooting a glare at his older lover. Kenpachi leans onto the armrest, checking the time on his watch. Ishida waits for five minutes, letting out a sigh at the obvious lack of a straight answer from the two.
-Mr. and Mrs. (Mr.) Zaraki-
Turning to the second page of notes, "Describe how you first met."
"Columbia."
"Bogota, five years ago," Kenpachi finished.
"Six." Ichigo said, his brown eyes rolling in exasperation, as he hit the closes muscled arm.
"Right, five or six years ago," Kenpachi growled at the rough treatment.
Hope you liked it, give me some feedback as too if I should continue on with it. ~DanceOfSakura