Pony: Woot! It's back! Mah parody is back!

Disclaimer Dude: Drat! ... Pony doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!.

Pony: There are obviously a ton of parodies, so any similarities are entirely coincidental.

Warning: This parody contains torturing of characters and extreme randomness! We are not responsible for uncontrollable bouts of laughter that may be followed by swollen and/or ruptured abdomen and hyperactive insanity! Read at your own risk!

Chapter One: Bladder... Heart of the Cards

Ah, Domino High... the perfect haven where normal teenagers build character and social skills they need in order to go out in the world and become successful adults. Individuals with low self-esteem were being teased, atomic wedgies were being given, heads were shoved into toilets and given swirlies while the faculty stood by and let it happen because they believed the aforementioned tortured souls didn't matter anyway; but someday, the emotionally and mentally scarred will show them all! Muahahahahahaha!... Yes, it was a beautiful day in this wondrous haven. In one particular room, a group of boys and girls who don't matter in this story were congregated around a group of three students.

"Four!" a boy with a pointy hairdo shouted.

Right... four students... sorry, Tristan. Anyway, two of these FOUR students were in a Duel Monsters match.

"I summon Friendship Guardian in friendship mode and I equip it with Ring of Friendship!" Tea, a spunky brunette girl, cried out in triumph as she once again defeated Joey, a short-tempered blonde boy, in a Duel Monsters match.

"Butta'finga's!" Joey yelled in defeat. He angrily gathered up his cards one by one and ate them.

"Don't friendship, Joey. Every time you friendship, you get friendship."

"Moo?" With half of a Duel Monsters card hanging from his mouth, Joey turned to Yugi, a short boy with tri-colored spiky hair, for a translation to what Tea just said.

"Tea said, 'Don't worry, Joey. Every time you duel, you get better'."

"I haven't seen any improvement," blurted Tristan, the aforementioned pointy-haired tall guy many people forget about. He groaned unhappily at the previous sentence.

"Cockatoo!" Joey leapt at Tristan, bit his leg, and snarled like a rabid dog.

"No, Joey! Tristan friendship!" Tea nagged.

Joey released Tristan's leg, crouched to the floor in submission, and whimpered.

"Good boy, Joey," Yugi smiled and patted the blonde's head.

Joey happily jumped upon Yugi, who giggled as the species-confused teen licked his face.

"Down, boy!" Yugi giggled, "I have an idea! My grandpa has a totally super-sweet card. Let's ditch class and ask him if he'll show it to us!"

Yugi and his friends locked arms and skipped merrily out of the school, trampling anyone in their way. The song "We're off to see the Wizard" from "The Wizard of Oz" played somewhere in the background as they bounded off to the Kame Game Store.

xxxx

In the store, Yugi's grandpa Solomon, had a Kiss c.d. playing. The old man was dressed up like a member of the band and jamming on his electric guitar. When he saw Yugi and his friends skipping toward, his store, he put his guitar away, dressed in his normal attire, washed the makeup off his face, and went behind the counter right before the gang entered the store.

"Hello, kids," Solomon greeted in a almost-too-casual tone, "Back so soon?"

"Hi, Grandpa," Yugi returned the greeting in an almost-too-cheerful tone, "We ditched so we can... is that rock music?"

Solomon realized he had forgotten to turn off his c.d. player even though the volume was cranked up to maximum which gave away to the readers of this parody that he obviously has a hearing problem. The short old man picked up his trusty brick and hurled it at the c.d. player, smashing it.

"I don't hear anything, Yugi. You obviously have a hearing problem. I'll make an appointment for the doctor."

"Yay! Lollipops!" Yugi cried happily.

"Friendship," said Tea.

"Oh, yeah! Grandpa, about your super-sweet card?"

"Yeees?" said Solomon as he got out his Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

"Can we see it?" Tristan asked.

"NEVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Solomon curled up into a fetal position in a random corner of the store, clutching his Blue-Eyes White Dragon protectively.

"What's friendship with Mr. Friendship?"

"Bunneh ears!" Joey gasped at the person who entered the store, who was none other than the multi-millionaire owner of the largest gaming company in the world, Seto Kaiba.

"WAZZAAAAAP!" exclaimed Seto Kaiba and he turned to Solomon rocking back-and-forth in the corner, "Yo, old dude! I want your Blue-Eyes White Dragon!"

"NEVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Grandpa will never give up his Blue-Eyes White Dragon, Kaiba!" Yugi cried out in a heroic manner. It didn't have any effect due to the fact that he was only four feet tall, "It was given to him by an old friend, the famous monkey midget! Right, Grandpa?"

Solomon hissed like an angry cat.

"I'll give you this giant cookie," said Kaiba, pulling out a chocolate chip cookie the size of a pizza pan out of his briefcase.

"Deal!" Solomon handed Kaiba his Blue-Eyes White Dragon card in exchange for the large cookie.

"VICTORY IS MINE!" Kaiba cried out in victory. With the card in hand, he dashed out the door giggling like a little school girl.

"Oh no!" Yugi exclaimed, "Kaiba's got Grandpa's card!"

"Cookie!" Solomon squealed in delight.

"Don't worry, Grandpa, we'll get your card back!" Yugi exclaimed, "Let's go, guys!"

"Friendship!"

"Kitten tires!"

"Yeah!"

As the gang set out on their quest to get Solomon's Blue-Eyes White Dragon back, Solomon was rolling on the floor and singing to his cookie.

"I love my cookie... I love my cookie... My pretty cookie... Oh, my wonderful cookie... I love my cookie... And my cookie loves meeee..."

xxxx

Our heroes arrived at the front of Kaiba Corporations. Yugi knocked on the door and a man in a fuzzy, green outfit answered.

"Excuse us, sir, we need to talk to Seto Kaiba. Can you take us to him?" Yugi asked.

"Nobody can see the Seto Kaiba! Nobody! Not! No how!" the man in the fuzzy, green outfit shouted.

Tristan confronted the man in a huff, "Take us to Seto Kaiba, you green mammal with fuzz, or I'll turn all your white laundry pink!"

The man recoiled in fear at Tristan's threat and squeaked, "This way, please."

The man in the fuzzy, green outfit escorted the group into a dueling stadium and went on his merry way. Eventually, Kaiba appeared in sight and the gang gasped in horror at what he was wearing. Kaiba was wearing a pink, frilly dress with a matching purse and sparkling, red shoes.

"Kaiba! I've come for my grandpa's Blue-Eyes White Dragon!"

"Sorry, Yugi. I fed it to Mokuba."

"So we came all the way across the galaxy for nothing?" asked Tristan.

"Ham radio eagles, Tristan! Dumb cactus blanket!" Joey yelled at the pointy-haired teenager.

"Joey's right, Tristan. We only traveled a few miles."

"No wonder why I bombed the test on units of measure."

"Friendship!" Tea cried out as she gazed at the shoes on Kaiba's feet, "Kaiba is friendshipping my new friendships!"

"Kaiba is wearing your new shoes?" Yugi asked.

"Friendship," Tea nodded.

"Is that your dress too that Kaiba is wearing?"

"Friendship," Tea shook her head.

"Kaiba, give Tea back her shoes!" Yugi demanded.

"NEVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Why did you steal Tea's shoes?"

"Because they're shiny!" Kaiba chirped cheerfully.

"Where did you get that dress and matching purse?"

"I stole them from Pegasus."

"Why?"

"Because I think they make me look pretty."

Yugi and Kaiba agreed that the winner of the duel gets the shoes.

"Let's duel!" Yugi and Kaiba cried in unison.

After Yugi drew his hand, he switched places with Yami. As soon as Yami appeared, his fangirls popped out of nowhere and cheered wildly.

"Go, Yugi! Friendship!" cheered Tea who was now in a cheerleader outfit.

"Shut up, Tea! Your pointless cheering will make me lose my focus!" Yami snapped harshly, making Tea cry.

"Yami! That's not nice! She's only trying to help!" said Yugi in Tea's defense.

"Silence, Yugi!" yelled the spirit, "Or I'll make you listen to audio tapes of Pegasus singing in the shower!"

"NOOOOOO!!" cried Yugi as he fell to his knees, "Please! Anything but that!"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Yami laughed evilly.

"Turkey toasta' oven Yugi?" Joey asked.

"Yeah," Tristan replied, "What's up with Yugi?"

"I don't friendship," Tea shrugged.

"I set two cards face-down!" Yami exclaimed, "I also set one monster face-down in defense position!"

"I summon Giant Bologna Sandwich in attack mode!" Kaiba cried proudly.

GBS:ATK/1500,DEF/900

"And I equip it with Jar of Mayo! Giant Bologna Sandwich, attack Yugi's face-down monster!"

GBS:ATK/2000,DEF/1400

Kaiba's Giant Bologna Sandwich sliced Yami's monster to shreds. Kaiba squealed like a giddy little girl and began break dancing.

Yami just crossed his arms and smiled, "When you destroyed my monster, you activated its special ability."

"Special ability?" Kaiba gasped.

Suddenly, the monster that was destroyed reappeared onto the field.

"Behold! The monster you destroyed! Blueberry Rabid Muffin!"

BRM:ATK/500,DEF/500

"Ha!" Kaiba 'ha'ed, "Your monster is defenseless against the awesome might of my Giant Bologna Sandwich! Teeheeheehee!" giggled Kaiba and he happily glomped his purse.

Then, more Rabid Muffins appeared.

"NO! I'M GOING INSANE!" Kaiba cried and he collapsed onto the floor and sucked his thumb.

"Don't be so sure," said Yami, "Rabid Muffins' special ability allows me to automatically special summon all Rabid Muffins from my deck and graveyard. Meet Poppy Seed Rabid Muffin, Chocolate Chip Rabid Muffin, and Banana Nut Rabid Muffin!"

"Oh," Kaiba sighed in relief and scrambled to his feet.

"My tuuuurn!" Yami said in singsong. He drew his card and laughed like a maniac.

"Looks like Yugi drew his card," Tristan smiled.

"Hopscotch, Yugi!" Joey cheered.

"Friendship, Yugi!" cheered... you know who.

"I use a magic card called Muffin Power-Up! It raises each Rabid Muffins' attack by 500!"

"Muffinmuffinmuffin!" The Rabid Muffins squeaked joyfully.

BRM:ATK/1000,DEF/500

PSRM:ATK/1000,DEF/500

CCRM:ATK/1000,DEF/500

BNRM:ATK/1000,DEF/500

"But wait!" Yami said like a salesman, "There's more! I use Muffin Wrap! It turns my Rabid Muffins into one super muffin!"

Blueberry Rabid Muffin, Poppy Seed Rabid Muffin, Chocolate Chip Rabid Muffin, and Banana Nut Rabid Muffin hopped into a giant muffin wrapper that appeared onto the field. It closed up after the final muffin entered. After a moment had passed, a huge muffin emerged. It was Muffy the Rabid Muffin King.

MRMK:ATK/?,DEF/?

"Whether it's two or even one Rabid Muffin, Muffin Wrap turns any number of Rabid Muffins into Muffy the Rabid Muffin King!"

"What about it's attack and defense?" Kaiba asked.

"For each Rabid Muffin that jumped into the giant muffin wrapper, their total attack and defense add up to make Muffy the Rabid Muffin King's attack and defense points."

MRMK:ATK/4000,DEF/2000

"NOOOO!!" Kaiba cried in despair.

"YEEESS!!" Yami cried evilly, "Muffy the Rabid Muffin King, attack Giant Bologna Sandwich and wipe out his life points!"

"NO!" cried Kaiba.

"YES! Mouth Foam Torrent!"

Kaiba's Giant Bologna Sandwich disappeared within the foam that sprayed from Yami's rabid monster. The difference wiped out all 2000 of Kaiba's life points.

"I win the duel!" Yami declared and he switched with Yugi, "Now hand over Tea's shoes!"

"No!" Kaiba retorted and tapped his heels three times, "There's no place like home... There's no place like home... There's no place like home..." He threw a small ball to the floor and it exploded into a thick cloud of black smoke. When the smoke cleared, Kaiba was still standing in the same spot.

"I'm home! In yo' face, Yugi!" Kaiba shouted victoriously.

"Uh... Kaiba?"

"Oh, yeah. I already was home."

"Give back the shoes!"

"Friendship!" yelled an angry Tea.

Yugi turned back into Yami and the security guards were struggling to keep the rabid fangirls back.

"Feel the wrath of Joey's old gym sock that has never been washed!" exclaimed Yami who was now wearing a gas mask.

We see a close-up of Joeys old gym sock. It was moldy, covered in sweat and fungus from athlete's foot, and flies were buzzing around it. The "Psycho" theme music was playing in the background and the high-pitch scream of terror of a woman was heard.

When we back up, we see that everyone-excluding Kaiba-was wearing a clothespin on their nose. Joey was holding a record player that was playing the "Psycho" theme music and Tristan was screaming the woman's high-pitched scream of terror.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Yami laughed evilly and tossed Joey's old gym sock at the millionaire's face.

"AHHHHH!! AHHHHH!!" Kaiba screamed in a high voice, "MY EYES!! MY EYES!!"

"Now, Kaiba, will you give up the shoes?" Yami asked with a devilish smirk.

"IT BURNS!!" Kaiba screeched in pain.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," Yami walked over to Kaiba who fell to the floor screaming bloody murder due to the sock that was still on his face. He took the shoes off his rival's feet and handed them to Tea as he changed back into Yugi.

"My new friendships!" Tea happily received the shoes and slipped them on her hands, "Thank friendship, Yugi."

"You're welcome, Tea."

Now for having Kaiba crying on the floor with a smelly sock on his face, Yugi and his friends locked arms and skipped merrily home.