Innocence Lost
by iheartGibbs
Written in response to the Operation McAbby Fanfiction Challenge (NFA)
Story scenario #1
Rating: M (R)
Warnings: Dark story; disturbing imagery

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OPERATION MCABBY – ORIGINAL CHALLENGE
"story 1"
what if Abby had a past that nobody knows of. she had a daughter, but died in a hit and run. Abby thought she was over it, but deep down she isn't.

Conditions/Restrictions:
pairing: Abby/McGee + any other pairing you want.
preferring a angsty/dark fic, can be set in any season

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Chapter 1

It was dark, which I like; but it was also cold, which can be nice, but not this kind of cold. This was the kind of cold that seeps deep into your bones and makes you feel like you are being physically changed by the extreme conditions to which you are being exposed. The tears on my cheeks were instantly crystallizing into small, diamond-like ice fragments that caught the moonlight and transformed it into little bursts of color. There were always times when things were taken too far. There was cold; and then there was bitterness. There was dark; and then there was darkness.

He looked deeply into my eyes, his promising I was the most amazing sight on which he had ever the pleasure to gaze. I tried again, fruitlessly, to stop the tears from falling. The fear I felt was shadowed only by my helplessness, trapped in his embrace. The madness in his expression served only to freak me out even further. I had exhausted every avenue I could imagine to escape him; he was simply too strong, too determined, too smart. It was all I could do to keep the fear and utter revulsion from showing on my face. I knew that would only hurry things along. If I were going to get out of this, I needed time.

I steeled myself for what was certain to happen next, my mind never ceasing to desperately search for a way out. I had learned over the past few hours that I couldn't surprise or overpower him. I couldn't beat him. It was something my mind had never yet encountered. And it scared me more than anything I had ever experienced up to that point in my life.

I shivered, again shocked by the bitterness of the cold air. I could see in his dark, obsessed eyes that he mistook my involuntary movement for fear. And he liked it.

In my thirteen years of life, I had experienced many things. Lots more than my classmates. I winced internally at the memory of how I had flaunted some of those experiences. What I wouldn't give now to have that youthful naïveté I so often scorned in my acquaintances. What I wouldn't give to go back to the time when I, myself, cherished my innocence.

I've often joked that innocence lost is experience gained. But some experiences aren't "gains" at all. Some experiences encompass losses so great our mortal minds cannot fathom their depths.

I was so frozen that I almost didn't feel his hands as he violated me. But what I couldn't physically feel, my imagination provided. When the time came and I realized no one was going to save me, I began to struggle against him. I kicked. I jabbed. I bit. I broke his nose with a sharp head butt to the face. Frantic, I screamed as I fought to get away from him. The harder I struggled, the more interested he became. I knew even then that his taunts would forever haunt my nightmares.

Cast aside, I lay on the cold ground. I was useless to him now. I lay, bruised and battered, sobbing. "Mommy," my shaky voice said again and again. I had wanted her to find me. I could never tell her. She would never believe. Not him. Never.

"Abby! Wake up," Agent Timothy McGee said, rushing toward the futon where his coworker had been sleeping on the floor of the forensics lab that she often called home. "Abby, please!" he begged, tentatively touching her harm to awaken her.

Instantly his hand was captured in her firm grasp as she let out a blood-curdling scream. He attempted to step away from her, but was unable to gain freedom from her vice grip on his wrist. His hasty retreat, impeded by his caught wrist, caused him to lose his balance. Tim's eyes widened as he realized he was about to fall, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Violently shaking away the cobwebs of the recurring nightmare she most abhorred, Abby opened her eyes to find a large form fast descending upon her. The scream she had involuntary emitted while still sleeping was nothing next to the one that soon followed.

"I'm sorry," he half-spoke, half-shouted, as she used her grip on his arm to help guide him to the space next to her. It nearly worked. His knee struck her calf and his elbow landed hard in her gut as he scrambled to move away from her. "I'm so sorry," he continued, his face bright red in embarrassment.

The absurdity of the situation struck Abby almost as hard as McGee just had, and she burst into laughter. With the glow of the florescent lights in the lab, she banished her demons, once again, to the far corners of her mind and focused on the present.

McGee pulled himself into a seated position next to her, bowed his head in embarrassment and began to apologize for the fourth or fifth time. "You were having a nightmare," he explained. "I was only trying to wake you up."

"I appreciate it," she said sincerely.

McGee noticed the shadow that crossed her bright features when he mentioned her nightmare. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What are you, my shrink," Abby joked.

"No, but I am your friend." The look he gave her said he believed he was, but wasn't entirely certain.

"Of course you are." She moved from her seat across from him to sit directly beside him. She leaned in to him, grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her. She signed deeply as she rested her head on his shoulder. "Perfect."