Disclaimer: You know, I just felt like writing this… 'cause I'm a dork-wad. I have neopets accounts, but nothing else. Well… a pocket neopet! I don't own/work on the site.
This is based on… well, my sister and I love this song, and it's a long running joke with us that Velm is gay. This is not meant to insult gay people!
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If Velm Were Gay
Velm- Ah. An afternoon alone with my favorite book: Neoway Musicals of the Maraquan Forties. No roommate to bother me! How could it get any better than this?
Rohane- Oh hi Velm!
Velm- -disgruntled- Hi Rohane.
Rohane- Hey Velm, you'll never guess what happened to me in Sakhmet City today! This guy (Phebiya) was smiling at me and talking to me…
Velm- That's very interesting.
Rohane- He was being real friendly. And, I think he was coming onto me! I think he might've thought that I was gay!
Velm- Ahem, so uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What monsters did you kill today?
Rohane- Oh you don't have to get all defensive about it Velm—
Velm- I'm not getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I am trying to read.
Rohane- Oh I didn't mean anything by it Velm… I just think it's something that we should be able to talk about—
Velm- Well I don't want to talk about it Rohane, this conversation is over!
Rohane- Yeah, but Velm—
Velm- Over!
Rohane- Well, okay… but just so you know… -sing along time!-
If you were gay…
That'd be okay…
I mean 'cause hey! Ha!
I'd like you anyway!
Because you see…
If it were me…
I would feel free to say…
That I was gay—but I'm not gay.
Velm- Rohane, please. I am trying to read.
Rohane- …
Velm- What?
Rohane- If you were queer…
Velm- Ah, Rohane!
Rohane- I'd still be here…
Velm- Rohane I am trying to read this book!
Rohane- Year after year!
Velm- Rohane!
Rohane- Because you're dear to me!
Velm- Argh!
Rohane- And I know that you…
Velm- What?
Rohane- Would accept me too!
Velm- I would?
Rohane- If I told you today 'Hey, guess what, I'm gay!'—But I'm not gay.
I'm happy… just being with you!
Velm- High button shoes, Pal Joey…
Rohane- So what should it matter to me… what you do in bed with guys?
Velm- Rohane, that is wrong!
Rohane- No, it's not!
If you were gay…
Velm- Ah…
Rohane- I'd shout… HOORAY!
Velm- I am not listening!
Rohane- And here I'd stay…
Velm- LALALALALA!
Rohane- But I wouldn't get in your way—
Velm- AAAAH!!!!!
Rohane- You could count on me… to always be…
Beside you every day!
To tell you it's okay!
You were just born that way!
And as they say, it's in your DNA…
You're GAY!!!
Velm- I AM NOT GAY!!!!!
Rohane- If you were gay—
Velm- ARGH!!!!!!!
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I love that song. I love saying that Velm is gay. You know what else I love? Reviews. I just LOVE reviews. Please be nice and give me a few!
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)