It's one of those days and this spilled out. I usually never write in this format. Feedback is always appreciated etc
The first time I said "hello", it wasn't really a hello.
You arrived looking meager and bland and nothing at all like the lunatic warrior I had envisioned.
You looked like the silly thing they'd named you from. I often wondered who gave you that name.
Some said you'd gone crazy from sticking your hands in other people's innards too many times, and that you should be disbanded, dispelled.
They talked badly of you but I disregarded them.
They talked badly of me too.
The second time I said "hello", it wasn't really a hello either.
By then you had already weaseled your way past any inappropriate descriptions they flung your way. We had a hellish test, and we persevered.
It was astonishing to see the notorious Hatake-san (for you were notorious, truly) crack such a broad smile.
They had called you callous.
You proved them wrong.
The hundredth time I said "hello", I didn't.
You caught me and I said nothing but your name.
Your name was that you were home, and your name was that you were here.
Iruka always thought highly of you, as did anyone who knew you.
I knew I didn't know you, but I liked you anyway.
I never saw your kindness as weakness or your tediousness as a defense, as I heard so many nonsense people sprout. You were kind, tardy and infallible.
It must have been the thousandth time I said "hello" by then.
You had been missing from me, maybe from us all. I met you in the rain and you looked beaten and wary but there was still some kindness in you, for me.
That always amazed me, you know.
The longer I knew you, the more times I heard it; that you had failed many students, failed yourself, failed your friends.
Are they blind?
Because you are the only person who has never been cold.
To me.
The last time I said "hello", I didn't say hello.
I have never done what I should or felt like I should or learned what I should.
I said "sensei".
Because you deserve more than a hello. Because you're more than that.
To me.
The last time I said "goodbye"
I can't believe that I would even write or say it or think it, but god. damn. it. sensei.
I wish you could explain it to me, because you did it so well every time maybe everyone else was good at explaining too but I never listened to them as I listened to you