Seventeen years.
He and Makoto had never fought in seventeen years.
Not until now, that is.
He said some terrible things to his best friend and they were eating him alive. It was easy to put what he said on the back burner as Rin and Australia had his undivided attention. However, now that he was on a plane heading back to Iwatobi – and Makoto – Haru's words slapped him across the face. It was almost time for Nationals. How could he swim with his best friend and teammate if they were currently not on speaking terms?
Haruka had to make things right.
For him.
For Makoto.
For the team.
For a moment, Haruka almost thought to run up those stone stairs and all the way to the Tachibana residence to make peace with Makoto. He was scared, but he knew that Makoto was, inevitably, a big softie, and would welcome Haruka back into his life with some heartfelt apologies.
He honestly didn't know how to apologize to him. They had never fought. He couldn't just say 'I'm sorry' and leave it at that. Makoto was no idiot. He knew empty statements.
He thought about enlisting Nagisa and Rei to help him, but would they really?
Unfortunately, jet-lagged and tired, Haruka crumpled into bed to an uneasy rest, plans of meeting and reconciling only in his dreams.
The day before the Nationals, Haruka was saddened, but not surprised, that he had to get himself up and out of the bath and to school. When he got to class, Makoto was already there, sitting in his normal seat, writing idly and chatting with a classmate.
Haruka dragged his feet, not wanting to kick the other student aside, but desperately needing to talk to his friend. So, he shrank himself, weaved behind Makoto, and sat in his seat.
Makoto never once looked his way, fully engrossed in the jovial conversation.
"I promise I'll give it back to you by lunch!"
"You don't have to make me any promises," Makoto said, trademark smile splayed across his face.
The classmate stood up, bowing to Haruka.
"Good morning, Nanase-kun."
Haru looked up from the window, acknowledging his classmate with a nod.
"To you as well."
The kid moved to his own seat, leaving an awkward air between to the two best friends. Before Haruka could part his lips to speak, Makoto beat him to the punch.
"Good morning, Haruka. And how was your trip to Australia?"
It was strange hearing Makoto call him by his full name. That in itself drove home the distance between the two.
Haruka shook his head. "I really don't want to talk about that right now. I do need to talk to you, though."
"Whatever for?" asked Makoto, shrugging lightly.
"About…our fight," Haruka said.
Makoto turned away from Haru, eyes glancing at the door.
"So, you actually acknowledge that? I've long since forgotten about it, so I suggest you do too."
"Cut the crap, Makoto! We need to talk this out! I've…figured out my dream."
"Really?" Makoto asked, turning to his friend. "Well…good for you, Haruka. Glad to see you on the right path."
The brunet looked straight ahead, eyes unwavering. "We'll speak at lunch."
That was not the Makoto he know. This Makoto was hurt and vulnerable. Haruka just had to make sure not to cut deeper into their already wounded friendship.
Like he said he would, Makoto was already on the roof waiting when Haruka got there. He tilted his head, waiting for Haruka to open up, since he apparently had so much to say. Haruka bowed deeply, apologetic.
"I'm sorry, Makoto. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just was so frustrated and I thought you were trying to pressure me too. I got mad and did and said some really nasty things to you. I wanted to come by your house, but I wasn't sure you wanted to see me. I'm just…really sorry, Makoto. From the bottom of my heart."
And then there was nothing.
Haru rose slowly, staring at his friend's impassive face. No trademark Makoto smile. No acknowledgement.
Nothing. Radio silence.
When Makoto finally said something, Haru's heart sank.
"Is that all?"
Haruka's eyes glistened with tears, Makoto's indifferent eyes looking back at him as if to search his soul.
Just what the hell did he mean by that!?
"I- 'Is that all'? That's it? That's all you have to say!?" cried Haruka.
He grabbed the front of Makoto's shirt, a last desperate move to make peace.
"I just apologized to you from the bottom of my heart! I want to reconcile with you! I can't have this end like this with us!"
Gently, Makoto removed Haru's hands from his shirt, dropping his wrists at his side.
"So, you're doing this for your own conscience then?" the brunet inquired.
"No! Makoto, this is killing me inside! I don't know how to make you know I'm sorry! We've literally never fought before!"
Haruka took a step back.
"What happened to you? This isn't the Makoto I know."
Makoto turned his back, preferring to stare at the bland brick wall instead of his friend's tear streaked face.
"The Makoto you knew died in that fight. You told me yourself not to 'meddle' in other people's business, so I'm taking your advice and doing just that."
With that, he turned on his heels and left, Haruka sobbing quietly in the distance.
Haruka refused to stay for the rest of school. He immediately went home and curled up in bed, weeping silently into his pillow.
When in arguments, people say the stupidest and meanest things to hurt the other's feelings. Haru was learning that first hand. That was the worst possible thing he could have ever said to Makoto, and now he was paying the price.
First thing in the morning, Haruka was woken by his phone's notification light blinking. He powered it on.
He'd missed a text. From Makoto. Maybe he slept on it and decided to reconcile with his oldest friend.
Hopeful, he opened the message and found himself dejected at the contents.
Just a mass text to him, Nagisa and Rei about morning practice before the relay.
He had an hour and a half to get ready and get to the location.
Haruka took a quick bath, just as quickly dressed, and left the house.
On the way, Haru shot one last text to Makoto.
We need to talk. For real this time.
Makoto pulled his buzzing phone from his pocket, sighing at the message. He decided to humor him.
Didn't we talk enough yesterday? That wasn't 'for real'?
Barely a minute later: I know you're angry, but we seriously need to talk this out. I won't race with you angry at me.
Haru had a point. Makoto didn't want to drag Nagisa and Rei into their spat, but he also needed to be laser focused for this race.
Fine. We'll talk during practice. Away from Rei and Nagisa.
After practice, Makoto and Haruka ducked into the locker room to talk, the larger boy folding his arms defiantly.
"We have an hour to talk, so make your case."
Haruka exhaled. "What I said, about you meddling…I won't say I didn't mean it, because that takes away from how you feel and the fact that I said it. I will say that it was stupid, so stupid, of me to say something so stupid like that to you. Makoto, you're my best friend and I never want to hurt you like that. Not now and not ever again. I want it back; our friendship, the closeness. I miss you, Makoto."
"Do you miss me, or do you miss the things I do for you?" Makoto asked.
"I miss everything. I miss your smile. I miss walking to school with you. I miss you telling me not to eat too much mackerel. I miss your understanding kindness and compassion. I know I'm not good with my feelings and I'm kind of awkward, but I don't want you to give up on me. Not yet. I need you."
Makoto listened to Haruka go on.
"Remember a while ago when you said 'it's meaningless without you'? Well, I'm telling you! It's meaningless without you, Makoto! How can I swim in the Olympics if my best friend and biggest fan isn't there to cheer me on?
Makoto's eyebrows rose.
"So…you've decided to go pro?"
Haruka hung his head. "Yes. After graduation, Rin and I are going back to Australia to train with the national team."
Makoto nodded. "I figured as much. Congratulations to you and Rin."
And he smiled a broken semblance of his smile. It wasn't the same.
Makoto breathed a sigh. "I was going to leave him out of this, but you brought Rin up."
"What about him?"
"Perhaps…he's the force you need in your life, Haruka. I can't ignite that competitive spark in your belly that gets you fired up for a race. I'm…inadequate."
Haruka's brows knitted together. "What are you saying, Makoto?"
"What I'm saying is…I'm jealous of Rin. I always have been. He has a relationship with you that I'll never have. One that is more fulfilling and exciting. I can't give you that, so all I can give you is your space."
"Makoto, that's not it." Makoto shook his head, cutting Haru off.
"In the end, Haruka, I will forgive you. I won't forget and things will probably won't ever be the same, but I do forgive you."
Makoto forgave him, but he didn't want to hear that things couldn't be the same.
"I apologize for the things I said to you that day and pressuring you. That wasn't my battle to fight and I stepped over the line. For now, let's just do the best we can in this race and win," Makoto said, walking past Haruka to open the door.
It left him no choice but to follow him.
Follow him into the light.
Nagisa nudged Makoto as he took his seat next to him.
"Did you and Nanase-senpai talk about what you needed to?" whispered Rei.
"For the most part," replied Makoto, shrugging.
"Are you back to being best friends?" Nagisa asked, hopeful.
Makoto smiled wistfully.
"I honestly don't know if we ever will, Nagisa."
Graduation came and went and Makoto was now preparing to go to Tokyo. He didn't want to leave his friends behind, but he had to do this. Nagisa and Rei still had another year together. Haruka and Rin were likely getting ready to relocate. However, he was all alone.
Figures.
He'd spent so much time doting on others instead of himself and ends up all alone.
A knock came to his door, Makoto surprised at the face he saw upon opening it.
"Rin?"
Rin thrust his thumb behind himself. "Let's go. I'm taking you out. For old time's sake."
Makoto shook his head. "Haruka may follow you to the ends of the earth, but I will not. I've got things to do."
Rin caught the door as Makoto tried to close it. "I know you and Haru are having a rough go, but I want some one on one time with you. Just hear me out."
In the end, Rin took him to a café.
"Want anything?" he asked.
"I'm fine," Makoto said brusquely. "What do you want? Aren't you and Haruka supposed to be going back to Australia soon?"
"It must be a pretty bad spat to have you address Haru so formally. I take it he didn't like the news of you going to Tokyo?"
"No, he didn't. It's none of my business," said Makoto.
Rin leaned on the table. "None of your business? Look, I know Haru hurt your feelings. Big time. I've never seen you brush Haru off like this. Nagisa told me you guys kinda made up at Nationals, but I guess that wasn't enough."
"So, Haruka has sent you to convince me?"
"No. Haru needs you more than anyone. More than me. More than Nagisa. More than Rei. Anyone. Besides, he's not going to Australia with me."
Makoto frowned. "He's not?"
"Nope," Rin said, sitting up straight. "He's been scouted by some university in Tokyo. He's gonna be in Tokyo, you're going to be in Tokyo. It might be good for you guys to be close again. It's obvious you don't do separation well."
After a long period of silence, Makoto began to speak with a sigh.
"You know, initially, I was super mad at Haruka for the things he said and did to me. While he got to think about you and his dream in Australia, I got to replay his words over and over in my head. I wanted to end all contact then. But, I couldn't. I still care for Haruka because he's my best friend. But, his words…they changed me. He told me to stop meddling in people's business, so I've decided to focus on myself. Now, I just wanted Haruka to stew, to realize that he isn't the only one hurt out of this whole ordeal. I know it's cruel, and it hurts me because I want to be back to normal with Haruka."
Makoto trailed off, shaking his head.
"Anyways, tell him not to go to Tokyo. Take him to Australia with you and take good care of him. He needs you, Rin, to invigorate him. He needs you to compete at his best. I can't do that."
"You've been real passive aggressive with him from what Haru's told me. That's not like you, Makoto. You can't end a friendship this long like that. Just talk to Haru straight. Don't punish him any longer," said Rin. "You guys haven't had to talk to each other, but now that you do, the two of you are stuck on stupid and don't know how. Haru has told you how he feels. Now, you need to tell him how you feel. Tell him what you told me."
"I have –"
"You haven't. You haven't told him what his words did to you. You're so good at reading Haru's feelings that you've come to disregard your own."
Rin was right. Honestly. Rin was the last person he wanted giving him advice, but he was right.
He had to talk to Haru.
This time, it was Haru receiving the cryptic 'We need to talk.' text. The next read 'Meet you by the stone steps'. Blood flowing and hopeful for peace, Haruka rushed to meet Makoto.
The two sat on different steps, pause heavy between them. In the end, Makoto was the first to speak.
"When our fight happened, Haruka, I was so hurt and angry. I almost thought of severing contact with you if it made you happy."
Haruka moved to speak, but Makoto wasn't finished.
"But, I didn't. I wanted you to come around and say it was a mistake. I wanted you to plead to me to not go to Tokyo. I still care about you. I'll never stop caring," Makoto said, clenching his hands in his lap.
"Your words that day, they changed me. They made me realize that I don't care enough for myself. When I arrived at that point, my next thing was to just let you stew. Let your words eat you from the inside. For a while, I've been acting very passive aggressively. For that, I'm sorry. I haven't given you the straight talk we both deserve."
Haruka shook his head. "I don't care about that. It was my fault. I lashed out at you for just trying to help me. I almost lost my best and closest friend. Swimming won't be the same if you're not by my side, even if you aren't in the water with me."
"I still won't meddle in your affairs, but it will take a while to get back to where we were. I'm willing to work on it."
"I don't care how long it takes," snapped Haru. "I just need to be by your side."
"Rin told me that you aren't going to Australia after all," Makoto said.
"Yeah. He can't still be my rival if we're on the same team, so I'll compete for Japan and keep our rivalry."
"But…why Tokyo?"
Haruka stood up, walking past Makoto with a smile.
"Because no matter what, without Makoto, it's meaningless."