This was made to Y!Gal and to Cai & Rasengan - they made challenge and my two words were Sound and Trust.
We had week to do the pieces and I'm happy that I managed to do it.
Naruto is war orphan, going through foster families and abuse. Portrait how a mind can go blind, and how trust is luxury.
Enjoy.
You are walking in the house, from one room to another - like a ghost that isn't dead but isn't alive.
In the darkness, blindly you go on. Heart beating, fear touchable in the air. What happened that made your mind shatter like a glass in the ground? Like a doll you are stepping, never seeing the truth nor the lies that dance around you.
Walking with monsters at your heels, you are spinning around. Sounds whispering, demanding and tempting – overload. Like a child, you are trying to grasp some light – sense to this madness.
Heartbreaking.
Steps coming closer, going away – the days, years passing by. Yearning for touch, yearning for love, for heartbeat. It has been so long when the sun touched your face, so long when the rain danced on your skin.
Making you feel something so lost and precious.
Now that it has come to this, betrayal still after all these years playing the strings of your soul. The world is black, never hope for colours anymore – you are just a monster. No human rights.
Once you had people that loved you, cherished you until something changed. You were not worthy anymore. And so they played, made you a machine. Still you smiled, tried and tried until there was nothing left anymore. Your heart cracking with your steps, tears tried in your cheeks – you lost your trust. Trust to yourself and people around you, started listening the shadows on the wall that you couldn't see, only hear.
Oh how you are longing for friendly touch, a heartbeat making everything okay. As they once were - Your salvation denied, warmth disappearing like smoke on the sky.
They never wanted to see you without your mask, never wanted to know you. You were their tool, a piece on the chess board.
Your eyes full of spark once now dulled, closed as the darkness suffocates you – after all you are child of war. The blood and the cries, the smell of rotting flesh and those empty eyes. They still haunt you, wanting to drown you deeper down with them. The maniac laughter, you were the puppet – never trust anyone, anything.
You remember, like spiral they flash in your eyes. The gentle touches, the soft smiles and the treachery. They shattered, broke and enjoyed every minute of it. And still you ask why, why me – why did it happen?
Shackles that are keeping your soul still, the bloody ashes that you are breathing. Numbly you watch days passing, giving up in little steps. As the times passes, you sit still, only your breathing showing that you are alive – behind the walls and bars that they made to keep everyone there for their sick enjoyment, pleasure.
A prison, home, nightmare and hell.
You are a runaway, running away deeper and deeper into your mind – locking everything away. Untouchable, unable to feel. Never trusting, loving. How long can you run little one, until they catch you?
How long can you hide in your nightmares – when will you fight again? You don't know, don't want to know. You have lost everything and more, no strength in your body left.
Weakling
Monster
How many taunts, how many hits, how many betrayals does a human need before breaking, shattering - too many.
The storm drowning the cries of night, destroying evidence of fear and death. And you know, you know as you knew then – they are coming. Coming like they did then, when you thought they were your family, you were worthy of the love. Masks properly on the face, facade – they didn't want to know.
And when your mask started cracking, your loneliness and pain showing – they looked away. After all they wanted only you when mask was built in place, laughing and dancing. You were not worthy of feeling loneliness, pain because of what you saw, heard and felt. You were not worthy of real love, the black and white ruling all over the world – colours burning away.
Not accepted.
They feared, they loathed – the moment they saw. Saw little pieces of your true self. Ruthlessly they showed you that you were not worthy of anything, you were only a piece in this war on a chess board. A puppet who jumps when master demands. So they broke everything that was you.
Monster
Unworthy
Demon
Bastard
Words whipping in the air, your mind screaming in disbelief, you couldn't understand. Oh little one how could you have understood – when the world is black and white, colours not in display. You were danger, you were a monster, piece on a chess board. The blame game had started, first slowly, then faster and faster until you were bloody and in the ground – you were the reason, the blame.
Never enough.
But the real question little one is, will you let them win?
Another day passing, sounds going louder and louder – screams, cries and pleadings. Always in the nightmare, never ending cycle. You are lost in the darkness, only pain and suffering your companions. The sounds calling, tempting. You are too broken, too in the darkness to care.
Numb.
Shallow breathing, eyes open but dull – like a doll leaning to wall. Hurried steps coming closer, going away, lights flashing like fireflies in the night. Why does your heart once again starts beating faster and faster, little bit hope rising to your mind. So faintly flickering away and coming back.
Suddenly the noise, the sounds harden. You hear everything like behind of glass. Window cracking, pieces of glass flying everywhere. People are around you, blue uniforms, some red and they are trying something – you begin to fight, never, never, NEVER again.
You are scared, overwhelmed. Panicking, trying to breath as the room spins around – paranoid and suspicious. You have learned not to trust, knowing that everything had a price. You wanted something, you gave something. Sometimes higher, sometimes low.
But trust, that's something different, bullshit and a way to hurt someone. Know enough and you could make that person's life a living hell.
So the people watch as panting, something moves front of the window. Like an old man he sways as he walks, heart clenching, he's shaking. Fear obvious in his posture, trying to hurry, to be quiet. This is it. Now or never.
They are yelling to you, trying to speak. But you know better, never trust to words. They are just a way to hurt, to torment – to show pieces, places in this world. But you haven't realized little one, as you are standing there panting and fire in your eyes – you are starting to break free from the nightmare, the prison.
The blue eyes looking people like a wild animal in distress at the corner. You are shaking, as you are trying get free, trying to save something that you can't remember anymore. It's one shot and blessed quietness. Only darkness remains, but this time it doesn't scare you – you are peaceful. You can hear voices, sounds but they are so dim, so faint that you can blissfully ignore everything.
Snapping your eyes open, you are awake. The whiteness making eyes squinting. Heart starting to run, you don't know where you are. Who are those people that you can hear and what they want with you?
You hear the door opening, stiffening instantly, narrowing your gaze you look at the person. Almost growling, hands in fists – like a hurt animal you are watching, trying notice the moment of attack and hurt. The person is coming steadily closer, smiling sadly, brown eyes full of sadness. He is checking your vitals, speaking softly, trying to calm you. You just watch, body tensed – blue eyes like an old veterans, full of sadness and suspicion.
That person, nurse tells you about the trial, and the sentence that your foster family got. He tells that you weren't the only one, but one of the rare that were still alive when police raided the manor. He claims that you will be okay, that those person cannot never again hurt you – in time everything will be okay.
But you know better, it's only words, sounds of others. You have seen what they can do, did and you have been trained to be a tool a chess piece. As you narrow your eyes more, tensing more as you need to protect yourself from hope, from trust.
The nurse just sighs, goes to hallway and says "It will take time, little steps – but it will be alright."
Only after that, you notice the window and the light. The sun touching your face, making your golden hair shine – eyes big, you just watch the world that is behind the window. The people, light and greys, colours – different shades.
One steps a time, tiny, tiny steps that babies take when they learn to walk – maybe you will too learn again to trust. To love and cherish.
The nightmare has ended, all the greys and colours intertwining around you, softly, faintly. Maybe someday you can feel safe here, taking steps back to the world – stronger, older and wiser.
Even though, now it still sounds like bullshit to you, but as you are hungrily watching through the window, you cannot stop the little bit of hope and relief blooming inside of you.
Little one, they couldn't broke all the spirit you have – better being a thorn in a flesh than giving up and six feet under while maggots eating.
FIN.
"Trust to yourself or others is not easy to find, the sounds of world and the darkness playing maddening beat makes human loose themselves to the crow – after all it's easier to walk away, look another way than really look and see, to understand. It's easier to hurt and be hurtful than really live, shallow and in black and white. The road rocky and painful, do you have the courage to accept, to see and hear?"