You Ever Wonder Why They're There?
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"You ever wonder why we're here?"
Sam looked up from where she was seated on the edge of red base. Her gun was placed next her, along with her helmet, as she swung her legs back and forth.
Her fellow privates, Grif and Simmons, were currently having a very philosophical discussion about their pointless lives.
"It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it?" Grif answered, staring dramatically into the sun. "Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic conscience, or is there really a God?"
Sam rolled her eyes, looking away and ignoring the rest of his speech.
"What?" Simmons asked, frowning. "I meant, like, why are we out here? In this canyon?"
Sam snorted as Grif started stuttering to cover up his mistake.
"Seriously though, why are we out here? Far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere, with no way in or out," Simmons said, nodding his head towards the middle of the canyon.
"And the only reason that we set up a red base here," Simmons continued, "is because they have a blue base over there. And the only reason they have a blue base over there is because we have a red base here."
Sam stood up, placing her helmet back on and walking next to Simmons. "Yes, that's because we're fighting each other," she said.
"No-no, but I mean, even if we were to surrender today, and they were to come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon," Simmons was ranting now, not able to wrap his mind around the ridiculous idea. "Whoop-de-fucking-do!"
Sam rolled her eyes once more, looking at Grif, who started to agree with Simmons.
"I don't know why we're here either, but if you guys don't stop talking, neither of you will be here anymore."
"What are they doing?"
"What?"
"I said, 'What are they doing now?'"
Lily looked over and glared at Church and Tucker. All they ever did was bicker back and forth. Currently, they were on a cliff, attempting to spy on the blues. Lily had given Church the sniper rifle, partly because she didn't trust Tucker, and partly because she was too lazy to do it herself.
"God damn!" Church shouted, turning to scowl at Tucker. "I am getting sick of answering that question!"
Lily groaned and put her pistol back in it's holster.
"Hey you have the fucking rifle!" Tucker complained, pointing at the rifle for emphasis. "I can't see shit. Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick all d-"
"Okay, okay," Lily cut him off and held her hands out. "Look: They're just standing there and talking," she said, pointing to the red base. "I even knew that without the fucking rifle, because all they ever do is stand there and talk! That's what they were doing last time you asked, and what they'll be doing for the rest of their time in this God forsaken canyon. So the next fucking time you ask, 'What're they doing?'" Lily made her voice sound low and stupid, "The answer is gonna be, 'They're still just standing! And they're still just talking!'" she finished, giving a harsh glare at Tucker, though he couldn't see it with her helmet on.
He was silent for a moment before turning back to Church and asking, "What are they talking about?"
"I fucking hate you."
"Talk about a waste of resources," Grif was saying, moving his hands around as he spoke. "I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life. You know, fight them."
Sam snorted, "Yeah, no shit. They should put us in charge."
"Ladies! Front and center on the double!" Came Sarge's gruff voice from down below, causing each private to groan in annoyance.
"Yes, sir!"
"Fuck me," Sam mumbled, picking up her rifle and following Simmons down.
"You don't gotta tell me twice," Grif snorted from behind her, causing the brunette girl to roll her eyes but smirk under her helmet.
"Hurry up, ladies!" Sarge yelled at them. "This ain't no ice cream social!"
"'Ice cream social?'" Sam asked Simmons, who only shrugged next to her.
"Quit the pillow-talk, you three," Sarge chastised. "Now, does anyone wanna guess...why I gathered you here...today?"
Grif glanced at Sam and Simmons before giving a half-assed answer. "Um, is it because the war's over? And you're sending us home?" he asked, a little too hopefully.
"That's exactly it, private," Sarge answered, voice laced heavily with sarcasm. "War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero, and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, Reyes will give out party favors, and Simmons here, is in charge of confetti!"
Grif sighed, "I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir."
"God dammit private!" Sarge yelled. "Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!"
"Oh, I'd do it, too," the said soldier murmured.
Sarge nodded respectfully. "I know you would, Simmons. You're a good man."
Sam rolled her eyes and sighed, mentally urging Sarge to get to the point.
"Couple of things today, ladies," Sarge said, finally getting to the point. "Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."
Everyone (except Sarge) groaned loudly. "Crap, we're getting a rookie," Grif mumbled.
"That's right dead man," Sarge confirmed. "Our new recruit will be here within the week. But today, we received the first part of our shipment from Command. Lopez! Bring up the vehicle!" he called behind him.
Suddenly, a jeep drove over, the driver indeed being Lopez. He was a robot Sarge had built to take care of things like maintenance, or whatever else the privates were too lazy to actually do.
"Shotgun," Simmons immediately said.
"Shotgun-"
"Shotgun-fuck!" Sam muttered, a little too late.
"May I introduce, our new light reconnaissance vehicle. It has four inch armor plating, mag buffer suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12-LRV! I like to call it the Warthog," Sarge added humbly.
Sam raised an eyebrow, "Um, why 'Warthog,' sir?"
"Because M12-LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son," Sarge answered, and Sam didn't even bother to correct her gender. It was like every time someone tried to correct him, he refused to believe there was a female working under his command.
"No, I think she meant...why 'Warthog?' It doesn't really look like a pig to me," Grif stated. "I think it looks more like a puma."
"What in Sam hell is a puma?" Sarge asked.
"Uh, you mean like the shoe company?" Simmons wondered.
"No, like a puma."
Sam rolled her eyes for a millionth time at these morons. "It's a big cat. Like a...like a lion," she explained.
"Yes - see? Thank you," Grif said, pointing at her.
"She's only defending you cause she likes you," Simmons mumbled.
"No I don't!"
"You two're making that up!" Sarge argued, still caught up with the whole 'puma' nonsense.
"No, sir! She really likes him!"
"Not that, you moron! That fake animal they keep saying!"
Grif groaned, "I'm telling you; it's a real animal!"
"Simmons," Sarge turned to the maroon soldier. "I want you to poison Grif's next meal. You can leave that Reyes alone; it's clear Grif has brainwashed him into believing whatever lies he spouts out."
"Oh. My. God. I don't like Grif!" Sam groaned, flailing her arms.
"Yes, sir!"
"Okay, you see these two tow hooks?" Sarge asked, pointing to the jeep that Lopez still sat in. "They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?"
"A walrus?" Sam and Grif answered at the same time.
"Didn't I just tell you two to stop making up animals!"
"What is that thing?" Tucker asked, referring to the new car thing the reds just got.
Church shrugged, looking away from the sniper rifle. "I dunno, but it looks like uh...looks like they got some sorta car down there."
"Hm," Lily nodded. "Maybe we should get back to base and report it."
"A car?" Tucker demanded, "How come they get a car?!"
Lily frowned at him. "What are you complaining about, dude? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."
He looked at her pointedly, "You can't pick up chicks in a tank."
"Oh you could bitch about anything, couldn't you?" Church snapped. "We're about to get a tank, and you're worried about chicks? What chicks are we gonna pick up man?!"
Lily cleared her throat.
"Uh, well, would you really-"
"No."
Tucker sighed, "What kind of car is it?"
Church mumbled something under his breath and looked back in his rifle. "I don't know, man. I've never seen a car like that before. It almost looks like a...big cat."
Lily scrunched her eyebrows together. "What...like a puma?"
"Yeah, there ya go."
"So, unless anybody else has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a new name for the vehicle," Sarge looked pointedly at Sam and Grif, "we're gonna stick with the 'Warthog.' How 'bout it, Grif?"
The orange soldier sighed, "No, sir. No more suggestions."
"And you, Reyes?"
"I'm...I'm good, sir," she mumbled.
"Are you sure? How about Bigfoot?"
"That's okay," Grif said.
"Unicorn?"
"Really, sir. I'm good," Sam repeated.
"Sasquatch?"
"Leprechaun?" Simmons added.
"Hey man, he doesn't need help," Grif deadpanned.
"Phoenix!" Sarge exclaimed.
"Christ," Sam muttered under her breath.
"Hey, Simmons. What's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats?" Sarge asked.
Simmons looked around nervously. "Um, uh, that would be the uh...hey, Reyes," he whispered to the girl next to him. "Help a man out here, you're Mexican, right?"
Sam rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yes. I am. And he means the Chupacabra," she answered emotionless.
"That would be the Chupacabra, sir!" Simmons replied, louder and more confidently this time.
"Hey Grif!" Sarge shouted. "Chupathingie! How 'bout that? I like it! Gotta nice ring to it!"
A/N: Hey guys! Guess who's back even though it's been like a day and a half! Like I said, I'm just really excited about this story and-well, yeah. Anyway, first chapter, and an introduction to my new oc, Sam, who we'll learn just a little bit about in the next chapter. I know I said I'd have like a submit your own oc thingie but I really couldn't wait and sort of came up with her on the spot. Also, the title is in reference to the theme song, Blood Gulch Blues so yES!
I hope you enjoyed this simple chapter, and enjoy the rest to come!
~Saammmm :-D