MIND BODY & SOUL
Grissom and Sara were sat on the sofa, well, Grissom was sat, Sara lay across him with her head on his lap. His hand stroked her hair back, being careful not to touch the stitches in her cheek. He was watching a documentary and although she was staring at the screen, Sara had no clue what it was about. She was too deep in her thoughts. Mainly of the hours between when Natalie took her until she woke up in that chopper. Her and Grissom hadn't spoken about it. He had admitted to her before in a letter that he finds it difficult to express his feelings. She needed someone to talk to and who better than the man she trusted, respected and loved, much, much more than she had told him. Her nightmares were still plaguing her sleep. She hadnt returned to work, not feeling comfortable enough with what had happened to her to have people talking about it and asking questions. Although the people she worked with were not like that, and she knew it. It was all an excuse she had made for herself to shelter her from what she was really afraid of. The outside world.
As the documentary credits rolled Grissom glanced down at Sara's face, seeing she was still staring intently at the screen, he ran a hand down her bare arm.
"What are you thinking?" He asked quietly.She didnt answer right away. She wasnt that great at sharing her feelings either.
"Just stuff.." She shrugged.
"Like.." He asked, she turned her head round to look at him and he immediately knew she was ready to talk about it. "Do you want to talk about that night?"
"Yes. I really do." She sounded relieved he had finally asked and he felt guilty for not doing do before now.
"I wasnt sure you were ready, I figured you would let me know when you were. Im sorry." Sara sat up and crossed her legs under herself.
"Dont you be sorry for starters." She took his hand and kissed it. "I'm letting you know now, and you did a pretty good job of seeing that. So thank you." She paused, looking down. "I just want to know some stuff. Things that might seem irrelevant to you..but to me.. I mean, if I can just piece everything together maybe I can move on..and..get over it.." She shrugged, unsure she ever would. Theres only so much trauma one mind, body and soul can take.
"What do you want to know, honey?"
"I just wanna know where you were, what you were thinking.." He closed his eyes momentarily, everytime he saw her he thought back to how he felt when she was missing, when he saw her limp body lying in the desert sand. Gil just stared at her for a while and she stared right back. She took his hand and again kissed it before putting it between her two warm hands.
"I..er.. when I realised you were gone, I called your cell..Brass found it in the trunk of your car." He closed his eyes as he remembered begging for her to answer. Looking at her he carried on.
"I couldnt believe I had been so stupid.. after waiting the best part of a decade to be with you.. you were taken away from me just like that." She saw his eyes start to glisten with unshed tears and squeezed his hand. " I told myself over and over again, if I'd lost you I'd never forgive myself.. I was imagining every day waking up expecting you to be beside me and then remembering I hadnt protected you like I should have. I thought of everything you have already been through, thought how cruel it was that it was you she had chosen and then I realised it was my fault she had.. thats when I let it slip about us." He looked up and into her eyes.
"We found a body in the desert before Nick found you.. when I was running towards that body thinking it was you..begging it wasnt. I couldnt breathe, I couldnt see.."
"Ok thats enough." Sara stopped him, she couldnt bare to put him through that any longer. Not while it was all still so fresh. "Im sorry, it was stupid of me to make you go through it all again." She said tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked at him and he pulled her into a hug.
"You're the one that went through it Sara, you're so strong. I'm just so glad you're so strong." He kissed her and she settled into his lap, resting her head on his shoulder.
"You know, after my Mom.." She decided to rephrase. "When I got taken into foster care, I used to have these really vivid dreams, everything was perfect..they were so real and each morning when I woke up I was so disappointed to see it wasnt.." She sighed, "Thats how I feel now. I want everything to be perfect again."