Chapter One
"You can have a seat wherever you would like. I'm sure you'll fit right in."
Judgmental eyes looked the nine year-old kid up and down, scrutinizing every detail to a T. If they made any sudden movements or said the wrong thing, the students would quickly form their opinion of them. Timidly, the child played with the hem of their spring green T-shirt to distract themselves. They didn't realize how nerve-wracking being the new student was until they were suddenly thrown into that position. Their mother's kind words from this morning were not enough to reassure them.
Their eyes quickly scanned across the room in search of an empty desk. They were wary about sitting by any of the classmates out of fear that they would eat him alive. Their eyes locked on a seat at an empty table in the back of the classroom.
'That one'll do for now,' they thought to themselves.
When the eyes of their classmates were no longer on them, the child let out a sigh they didn't realize they were holding.
With a scowl, the teacher glided over to them. She knelt down to their level. "Are you sure you want to sit over hit? It might be hard to see the board, plus you'll be alone."
The anxious child nodded without a word.
She gave them a sympathetic look, her thin eyebrows knit together. "Tell you what, I'll give you more time to decide. When you're certain of where you want to sit, you can let me know and I'll add it to the seating chart," she proposed.
The child nodded again.
"Don't worry. You're a nice a boy, everyone is going to love you if you give them the chance." With a small smile, the teacher playfully ruffled the child's pumpkin-colored hair and went back to the front of the classroom.
Boy.
When she was gone, the child unzipped their backpack and began placing their supplies inside of the desk one by one, from pencils to notebooks. They sighed again. Normally they weren't this shy and awkward, in fact at their old school they were quite the social butterfly. It was just now she was surrounded by many unfamiliar faces that judged their every movement and they could only open up when people talked to them first.
They glanced around again, trying to get used to the room. It was filled with colorful images and inspirational posters. On the left of their desk was a book shelf, teeming with books. Their neon green eyes scanned their way to the right of the room and they stopped on some poster with a cat on it that was probably supposed to be inspiring. They squinted their eyes.
A pair of demure lavender eyes behind glasses locked with theirs. They guessed that when their eyes were in that direction, it appeared that they were glaring at the poor girl. It wasn't the best first impression to make. With a timid blush, they gave the girl a tentative smile and turned to face the board as the teacher began to lecture.
They tried their best to pay attention but they couldn't help glancing back at the girl sitting on the other side of the classroom. She was also alone. Based on her body language and her small, cutesy handwriting, she appeared very closed off, delicate and introverted. She stared down at her hands folded together on her lap. Every time girl would look back at her, they would unsubtly narrow their eyes and pretend to be searching around the room for something only to return their eyes back to her as soon as the girl looked back at her hands.
They couldn't place it. For whatever reason, they found the lonely girl... intriguing. Was she also a new student? They wished that she would just speak to them first so that they'd have at least one friend.
They fidgeted in their seat, chewed on the end up their pencil, and adjusted their pant leg idly as the teacher droned on about multiplication tables. With one last glance to the right of the classroom, they took a deep breath. They quickly and quietly gathered all of their things into their backpack and stood up. They darted for the empty seat next to the girl who had picked her interest.
If they couldn't count on the girl to talk to them on her own, then they'd have to make the first move.
"Hi," they said timidly.
The girl squirmed in her seat and sputtered, looking for a response. "I-I'm sorry. If you think you'll see the board better from here I'll move!" she said in a hushed, breathy voice. She scrambled for all her belongings.
The child waved their arms. "No, no, that's okay! It's alright if you stay." They didn't anticipate on her being shy to this extent. What had they gotten themselves into?
When the girl shut her notebook, they couldn't help but notice the pink cover of it. They gasped.
"Wait a second- is that Miyuki?" Bright ultramarine, unruly, shoulder length hair; piercing crimson eyes; a cute, petite body; a flashy, yet trendy outfit? It had to be none other than super idol Hanari Miyuki. Saying that they were merely just a fan was quite the understatement.
"Uh, y-yes... I really like her music, I guess..." the girl replied, fiddling with her fingers.
They couldn't help but beam at her. "She's the best, nya!" they claimed, albeit a little too loudly. They clapped their hands over their mouth and the girl seemed to shrink in her chair when all eyes were on them. "Sorry," they muttered.
When the attention was finally away from them, even the shy girl couldn't help but giggle and the sound of it made the child's heart warm.
"Um, anyway, my name's Ren," they said.
The girl's cheeks reddened and she didn't meet Ren's eyes. "U-uh, my name is Koizumi Hanayo..." she murmured softly, her voice trailed off at the end.
Ren scowled and scooted closer to the girl. "I didn't catch that." She turned her ear to the girl with two fingers behind it.
She sat up, cleared her throat, and spoke, this time slightly louder. "It's Hanayo."
"Oh, Hanayo? That's a pretty name."
Hanayo muttered a quiet thanks, keeping her gaze down at her lap.
Ren smiled; it seemed that she found her permanent seat.
Ren never suspected it at first, but they and Hanayo ended up being nearly inseparable once the introverted girl finally opened up to them. As it turned out, they had many things in common including their love of Hanari Miyuki. Speaking of idols, surprisingly Hanayo was absolutely captivated by them; it was a borderline obsession. She was a completely different person when the conversation topic turned to idols. She could dance the choreography to every idol song, sing all the lyrics, recount obscure information about the lives of idols, and she knew it all by heart. Ren loved this new quirky, firecracker side of Hanayo.
That wasn't to say that they didn't admire her softer, more delicate side. Ren was, at almost all times, full of energy and rather impulsive. Having someone like Hanayo by their side helped them to slow down and be more careful.
"I know you love cats more than anything, so do you have any pets at home?" Hanayo asked, sitting on her knees on her bed next to Ren.
Ren chuckled, shaking their head. "I actually don't have any, I'd be too allergic."
"What? That sucks!" The words escaped Hanayo's mouth before she could think. She quickly covered her mouth.
"Don't worry about it, Kayo-chin, it does kinda suck, nya," they replied with a shrug. Ren didn't quite remember where the nickname 'Kayo-chin' came from, but they both seemed to like it and it stuck.
"Sometimes I like to look at pictures of cats or I see them on TV. Of course it's not the same as actually owning one," they added.
Hanayo nodded. She took a bobby pin from the nightstand behind her bed and used it to pin Ren's bangs back. She took another and did the same to her own bangs. The two of them got off the bed and went over to the mirror next to her closet.
"So... do I look cute?" Ren asked warily.
Hanayo nodded with alacrity. "Mhmm! You're way cuter than me!"
Ren's cheeks reddened. "Uh-uh! You're the cute one! I'm just the clumsy, awkward one."
It wasn't unusual for Ren to hang out at Hanayo's house. They always enjoyed when Hanayo would put pins or bows in their hair or let them wear her skirts and dresses. Fortunately for them, they were about the same size. Sometimes they would sneak Hanayo's mother's makeup box into her Hanayo's bedroom and they would put some on each other. Their first attempts where they had no idea what they were doing were a sight to behold.
Ren loved to admire themselves in the mirror and twirl around in Hanayo's skirts because for that one short moment they would feel, well, cute.
When Ren's mother caught them at home in flowery skirts and makeup prancing around, she would simply arch a brow but then pay it no mind. She called it harmless behavior and just laughed it off. No one could deny how cute her Ren looked.
Ren thought that probably the main reason why they loved idols so much was because it seemed they could do anything they set their minds to: give hope, make a difference, change people's lives, and look cute while doing it.
As a way of fitting in with the boys in their class, Ren took on sports which they ended up actually being pretty good at and they even enjoyed them quite a bit. Still though, they couldn't help but envy seeing the girls try on nail polish, talk about idols, try on pretty clothes, and even gossip. Ren was happy that they had Hanayo to do all these things with behind closed doors.
One gorgeous spring day, Ren was feeling particularly confident. They decided that they were going to wear one of Hanayo's skirts to school that day.
It was a cute lemon yellow one that was frilly at the bottom and it was probably one of Ren's favorites. They walked with Hanayo side by side with their head held high. They only got as far as a block when they started having second thoughts.
It didn't help when three boys who were in their class decided to make fun of them. Suddenly all of their confidence was washed down the kitchen sink and they ran all the way back home to change into some pants. Hanayo tried to call out to them, but it was too late.
Ren didn't understand why they were like this but that was just the way they were.
Years began to pass and Ren began discovering new things about themselves. For starters, they made less and less of an effort to fit in with the boys. As much as Ren loved sports, they felt no connection to the boys. It was more often than not that they were hanging out with the girls where they could be themselves.
Ren would have been lying if they had never considered that they might have been gay. In fact they were called that, but a much worse word, on almost a daily basis by most of the boys. Ren tried not to let that bother them.
It wasn't until one day when Hanayo told them something that finally made everything begin to click and make sense.
Hanayo had told me about a new idol that had just made her debut. It was Egami Naoko, the first mainstream, transgender idol. This was the most controversial thing that happened in the idol world since… ever. Naoko spent much of her childhood as a boy but then once she turned fourteen, she came out to her family and friends and started transitioning into the person she always wanted to be. The thing she said in an interview that stuck out the most to Ren was "It's never too early or too late to be yourself."
The more Ren thought about the topic of transgender, the more it seemed to apply to them. They were elated that they now knew that they weren't strange for doing things society sees as girly or for never really identifying with the boys. At the same, they were anxious because, the way they saw it, in Japan if you were transgender you couldn't have the life you want to live because you'd be forced to hide and conform. If you strayed from that, they would not be accepted.
Still, Naoko was fourteen when she came out, and Ren was thirteen, not quite fourteen yet. It was never too early.
It was just a few short days later when Ren couldn't take it anymore and they, on a nervous impulse, came out to Hanayo.
The girl was stunned at first not quite sure how to respond to the impromptu news. Ren could feel the tears stinging their eyes and threaten to fall down their cheeks when they didn't receive the reaction they had hoped for.
Hanayo gasped, seeing Ren so distressed and solicitous. She ran over to them and wrapped her arms around them. She allowed Ren to rest their head in the crook of her neck.
"I accept and support you anyway you are, I want you to know that!" Hanayo reassured. "You're still the same person. What gender you are doesn't change that."
"I-I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now, it's just that you're my best friend and your opinion matters the most to me and-"
Hanayo shushed her, rubbing their back in small circles.
They stayed like that for a while in silence, just cherishing each other's presence. Finally, Ren stepped out of Hanayo's embrace.
"So what now?" Hanayo inquired.
Ren sniffled and wiped away the rest of their tears with their sleeves. They thought for a moment. "Well, you can start by using feminine pronouns, and by calling me Rin."
Rin was very thankful of the fact that she was still pretty short and skinny and that her voice hadn't dropped yet. She was absolutely not excited for what puberty had in store for her.
Eventually she came out to her family as well and much to her surprise, most of them took it extremely well. The family members that mattered to her, that is. Now, going shopping with her mom was one of her favorite things to do and now, instead of her grandpa's old ties and slacks, her grandma sent her dresses from when she was Rin's age, and even bought her new ones that she was sure she would love.
Even though she had all that, she still loved sharing clothes with Hanayo the best.
Of course there were the people who still weren't very accepting at all, but, Rin thought, with a support system like the one she has, who could ask for anything more?
She didn't anticipate all the backlash she would get just by trying to wear a dress in public so when she was outside of her home or Hanayo's, she would just have to stick to pants or shorts.
The school year was slowly but surely coming to a close and that meant for certain one thing: applying to high schools. Hanayo didn't plan on telling Rin this but she had considered going to an all girls school called Otonokizaka High. The thing is, she wasn't certain if they'd allow Rin to enroll.
Rin eventually did find about this when she found an Otonoki pamphlet lying around at Hanayo's house and she was concerned and upset. She was concerned and upset that Hanayo would be willing to give up a school that she wanted to go to just so the two of them wouldn't be separated.
She made a proposal with Hanayo: they would both apply for Otonoki and if neither of them got in, fine, but if Hanayo did get in, she would have to go and leave Rin behind.
Rin must have blinked for a second too long because she when opened her eyes, it was already exam day. She awoke early and frantically went to look over some of her notes, for math and English particularly. She already those subjects weren't her strong suit so for the past couple weeks, she had been studying hard so that she could do her best on this test.
Rin wasn't expecting to make it into an all girl's school at all because of the situation with her gender identity but she promised that she would try for Hanayo.
In the classroom where the exam was held, Rin heard nothing but the ticking of the analog clock and the sharpening of number two pencils. She glanced behind herself at Hanayo close to the back of the room in her desk, clearly just wanting to get this over with. Rin smiled and mentally wished her good luck before turning back around to face the front.
A test booklet and answer document were placed on her desk. She first checked to see if her scientific calculator was in working order. Once that was done, she held in her breath and tore open to the first page of the, opening to a new chapter in her life.
"Rin-chan, hurry up!" Hanayo exclaimed, dragging her best friend by the sleeve.
"Slow down, Kayo-chin, nya!"
Today was a big day for the two girls, and not just because it was super idol Hanari Miyuki's birthday.
"Are you sure it's already up?" Rin asked.
"I'm positive."
It seemed a crowd had already formed so they had to force their way through. When they shoved past a red-headed girl with violet eyes, she glared at the two trouble makers.
"Do you see your name?" Rin asked eagerly.
"Wait, I see it! There's mine and… there's yours!"
Rin gulped and first looked at the numbers next to Hanayo's name.
She got a fabulous score which was no surprise at all to Rin. She knew Hanayo had the brains to get into any school she could want.
Rin didn't dare gaze upon her own score. She shut her eyes and braced herself.
"Rin, look!"
Warily, Rin opened one eye and looked at the numbers next to her name. She had to read them over several times so that she could be certain that this wasn't a fluke or disillusion. But no, the numbers said what they said and they meant what they meant.
The first thing Rin thought to do now was wrap her arms arms around Hanayo's neck in a tight embrace.
"Kayo-chin," she began, tremors in her voices, "I made it into Otonoki…"