Hey guys! This is teardrops of ink but I changed my pen name. Yeah my new pen name is kinda formal and I'm playing with my name but I have a certain reason for changing it but I'm still the same old me who pops up and vanishes again from time to time. Ugh! College is so hectic! I haven't even read my botany book yet.
Yes... I know, right? Uh huh... NCIS is not mine... Nope... not mine... that's why Jenny's dead.
He watched the woman lying on the hospital bed through the clear wide windows of the ICU 1.
The woman looked fragile with all the tubes attached to her. She was covered with plain white sheet up to her shoulders and the only color that contrasted the sickeningly unstained room was her bright red curls that grew longer since she was comatose for over a month and a half.
And yes, those were the curls that he longed to tangle his hands with whenever he kisses her. Those were the strawberry strings that he loved to brush off her face when he watched her sleep. That was the only thing that brightened up that lifeless dungeon of hers and the yellow daffodil portrait across her bed didn't do any help to restore the beauty of life that was locked up in the deepest subconscious of her mind.
The only part of that room that seemed to move was her chest that lifts up slowly every now and then. He didn't know what would happen to him if he would see her chest stop rising after a few seconds. Would his breathing stop too? Just the mere thought of her dying already constricts his lungs and prevents him to breathe. It wouldn't feel the same to inhale the air around him if she wouldn't. It would not feel right. He had been there. He knew the feeling.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
And then there was this annoying beeping of that stupid machine with the crooked line that irked him. That maddening noise was like a ticking clock of her life that could announce her time of death at any moment.
It fed his mind into playing him with all these scenarios of what would happen if she will not wake up. He already figured out that he'll drown himself to oblivion if he will lose his world again. Maybe he would let Svetlana have her revenge after all if Jenny dies. Yeah, that will do. He'll arrange a play date with her. He can't go through all those pain again.
He already lost his wife and it result to a havoc. He bait himself to save his men in battle and let himself die with that bomb a few feet away from him..
But when he heard that he lost his daughter also...
A heavy sigh escaped as he remembered his daughter. She was the center of his world but when she... when she... when... she... died... he fell apart.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
He can't take it anymore if he'll lose Jenny too…
She restored his life. What is the point of living if there's nothing to live for anymore?
Beep! Beep! Beep!
He straightened up when that noise echoed through his brain again. That irritating sound made him wonder now why was he still alive.
He was a breathing and functioning human being but his life was sucked out of him when he found out that they died. His life ended because they're dead. He was just going to wait for a knife, a bullet, a bomb or even a heart attack to take his life and be with his family again but that hadn't happened yet.
And everything changed when he worked with Jenny in Europe. He found a reason to live even if everything was a lie. Their marriage, their bond and everything that they shared were all lies… in the eyes of the paper. But he believed that most of it was real. He believed that everything that happened beyond the lines of the report that they passed were real. But he also knew that after the op there was a huge possibility that they'll go on separate ways but he was still hopeful to get her back to DC… to live with him.
But of course, it didn't turn out like that.
She left.
Him.
With a letter, a coat and a peck on the lips.
Though she came back, they cannot be together anymore. She made it clear about off the job. But he still believed that she twitched her right eye. He didn't go for that tell. What a Probie mistake! What kind of bad luck did he came across to if he's going to lose her eternally?
Beep. Beep. Beep.
That was all the answer that he could get.
As much as he wanted to smack the life out of the beeping machine, it was the only thing that was giving him hope that she's still alive and he needed to let her know that he can't live with that kind of loss all over again. He needed to let her know that she taught him how to love again. All he has to do is to wait and he wouldn't give a damn how long it would take.
Well, that was far away from the idea of what I had in mind in the beginning...
-Chelle