Well, hi! You see, I had this great idea for a fanfiction. It was funny, sexy and romantic – till I wrote it down. =( Anyway, some people that I did NOT threatened to death and are NOT some great friends of mine told me I should post it. So here I am. Hope you guys just enjoy it. ;)
Btw, I'm the kind of girl that laughs and cries when she gets reviews, cause my life's THAT boring, so if any of you want to make me happy... just saying. ;D
1. Katherine, the closeted heterossexual
"No, she's not here yet. Yes, I'm early. No, I'm not excited about it, Kurt! Because it's a goddamn blind date, that's why! What are you talking about? I'm always nice! Ok. Yes, ok. Bye."
I hang up and put the phone into my purse, sip my cosmopolitan and look directly at the guy across the bar in attempt to stop him from coming along. It doesn't work, of course. His friends are all watching from distance and I know they spent the last fifteen minutes going on about what lucky bastard would have the balls to come talk to me. So a few seconds later, he's there.
"Hey, I'm…"
"Seriously." I say, shutting him up from the start. "I'm wearing a Jack Spade mail bag, I have my glasses on and I'm drinking a freaking cosmopolitan. I cannot send a gayer vibe than that. Seriously. Are you guys blind or just idiots?"
"What-"
"No."
"But I-"
"Don't." He sighs and turns back to his table as I go back to my drink.
Why would some girl choose such a fucking straight place to have a date is a mystery to me, but I hope she's not late or I'll have to put on my cap. And that's pure lesbian desperation.
"Santana?" I turn my head at the call and my eyes find a smiling face. "Are you Santana Lopez?"
"The one and only."
"Hi. I'm Katherine. Katherine Lillard? Kurt's friend."
"Yes, I- I was waiting for you."
"Did I make you wait for long?" She asks, the soft smile there again. Katherine's wearing a red and black check shirt and her hair is dark blond and short, real short, showing her long neck. And ok, that's a gayer vibe. So I decide to give her a chance.
"No, I was early. Should we get a table?"
"Absolutely."
I get up and follow her through the saloon until a small table where we take sits, front to front.
"I almost didn't recognize you because of the glasses." Katherine says, her hands laced over the table. "At the pictures Kurt showed me, you're not wearing them."
"Yeah, I don't actually need them." I say, taking the Rayban little box out of my purse and accommodating the glasses inside it. "I wear it for hipsters purposes."
"Oh, I see. It suits you nice enough."
"Well, that's the point." She chuckles and I wave at a waiter. "Can I order you a drink?"
"A diet coke will do it for now, thank you."
"No problem." The waiter takes notes and leaves us alone. I don't hurry up to make conversation again. Instead, I let that blake silence take its time as I look at Katherine.
Ok, so I am willing to admit that Kurt is not totally trying to screw me up. Katherine has this pinkish cheeks and big brown eyes. She's thin and tall, with long arms and big hands, and has a very sweet smile when she stops biting her lower lip. I wouldn't say she is properly hot, but definitely cute.
"So… Kurt showed you pictures."
"Yes, he did." Katherine gives me a crooked smile. "I must say you look very cute sleeping with your girlfriend-arm-pillow."
"He does not have a picture of that!"
"He does indeed." She laughs as I make a mental note of stealing Lady Hummel's cell, erase all messages and change every contact name in his agenda to Muppets characters. "Ops, one moment." Katherine reaches for the iphone in her jeans pocket and types a quick message before laying it over the table. "Sorry."
"No problem. Anyway, a bad photo is still more than I had. As long as I knew, this was a blind date."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"And you just went for it?"
"Well, not quite like that." I say and Katherine raises her eyebrow in curiosity. "There was some vodka, a bet and a sing off duel involved. But yeah, I went for it."
"Tell me more about that." She wrinkles her nose at me and I shrug.
"I suppose I've been too busy to date the last couple months, and that's been making me a little…"
"Lonely?"
"Bitchy."
"Oh."
She grins and her iphone makes the table vibrate under our hands. I automatically look at the screen and read the name "Samuel" before Katherine uses her long fingers to type some more - a wider smile in her face as she does it - and blocks the screen again.
"Then our dear friend Kurt decided to set you up, huh?"
"Yeah, he's that nosey." I sip my drink, looking at Katherine over the glass. "But I'm not sorry."
"Me neither." She smiles sweetly. "So… From where do you know Kurt, anyway?"
"He didn't tell you?"
"Well… Let's say that after he showed me your pictures, I didn't bother making many more questions." Katherine blushes as she says it and that kinda makes me reveal the fact that her iphone calls attention again.
"We went through high school together." I respond, but not sure she's even really listening. Her eyes and fingers occupied with Whatsapp needs. "Then he moved to New York, with another friend of ours, Rachel. And I followed moths later. The three of us are still roommates, actually."
"Yeah? I didn't know that. You guys must be real close, then. Living together all this time… Must get along very well." She says, stopping typing just for a second.
"Yeah, it works fine." I mumble as a flash of Rachel screaming that morning about me using her towel again lights into my head.
"Well, I didn't know it was your towel."
"It has my name on it!"
"Everything in this house has your name on it."
"Not everything, just my stuff!"
"All those creams in the bathroom? All the egypit cotton sheets?"
"Yes! They're mine!"
"You're saying I don't get to use anything that has your name on?"
"Exactly!"
"How am I supposed to live here this way?"
"Get your own stuff, for God's sake!"
"You're such a materialist bitch sometimes, you know that?"
"What- No- I- Grrr!"
Yeah, maybe I should get something of mine. Like a tag maker. So I could put my name on stuff as well.
"What about you?" I ask when Katherine finally returns her phone to the table.
"I work at the publishing house that edited Kurt's book."
"Oh, right, that fairy tale thing."
"Yes. I'm on the child literature department, so I was his editor…"
"Is it any good?"
"The book?"
"Yep."
"It's pretty good. He's talented. Creative."
"Yeah, I bet he can make great things with witches, glitter and unicorns."
"He actually does!" Katherine smiles and I do too, till I feel the vibration under my fingers again.
She doesn't even hesitate before taking the iphone to her lap and starting whatsapping again, fast and furious, with a diverted smile on her lips.
"Look, if you're occupied with something else, we could just call this whole thing off."
"What?" She lifts her head and looks at me, trying to understand what I just said. "Oh, no, I'm so sorry." Katherine waves her hand and blushes, her pink face becoming reddish. "It's just this friend of mine, Sam. He's really lonely, cause we always hang out together at Friday nights. He just got out of a relationship and is kinda sad, so… I didn't mean to be rude."
"Maybe we should just reschedule or something."
"No, come on. I really… I won't text anymore." She gives a concerned look to her iphone and then back to me. "It's just… we haven't seen each other in a while. You mind if he just comes over for a sec to say hi? He's around."
"I…" Really? She's really playing this puppy dog eye crap on me? Damn it! "Yes, all right."
"Thanks. I'm so sorry. I'll just tell him to stop by." So I wait while Katherine types a little more and finally – FINALLY – puts the phone into her purse and closes it. In that mean time I ask for another cosmo, cause it seems like I'm gonna need it.
"Another coke?"
"No, thanks." Katherine responds to the waiter and he goes away. "Kurt says you go to NYU, is that right?"
"Yes. I'm taking some advertising and business classes. You know, when you live with two artists it's kinda hard not to get involved in the market."
"I can imagine."
"What about you? How did you end up in publishing business?"
"Hmm, I did not end up there. I guess I started up there. My moms own the Magic Publishing. I grew up among books, so… was only natural. They're retiring and I'm taking over."
"Sorry, did you say 'my moms'?"
"Yes." Katherine smiles brightly. "I'm the daughter of two moms."
"That's a nice change. Till now I just knew the daughter of two dads. Once again my point's been proved: women do everything better." Yep, I'll have to repeat that on Rachel's face.
"No doubt about it." She laughs and bits her lip again before looking quickly over her shoulder to the doors, but no one is coming in yet.
"Anyway, must've been much easier to come out, right?
"Sorry, come out with what?"
"Come out gay. I wish I had two moms or two dads. Would skip many awkward conversations like 'yes, I gave boys many chances and still like girls, yes, I'm sure, yes, just girls'. Right?"
"Ahm, yes, I guess." Katherine looks confused for a moment then smiles. "It's funny, actually. I never thought of that. I guess I never came out. I mean… of course I'm gay, right? My moms are… I've seen their love for so long. Sure I like girls… How could I not?"
"Hm…" I don't know exactly what to say back at her because she seems to be asking me a real question. And it's not like I can explain how anyone can not like girls. I'm far from understanding that myself.
"Hey, Kitty."
"Sammy!" She shouts when this big tall guy stops around our table. Katherine gets up fast and hugs him tight as I watch. "You ok?"
"Much better now." He answers, a toothpaste commercial smile in his face.
"You fool."
"You look great tonight, you know."
"That's what girls do to go on dates, you know." I say so they can realize I'm still sitting there.
"Oh, Sam, that's Santana Lopez. Santana, that's my friend, Samuel Williams." He extends his arm and I have to shake his hand cause, you know, I'm always nice.
"Nice to meet you, Santana." Samuel says, playing cool, but he is an intruder in a date that could go very well if he was not so needy, so I just smile forcefully back at him because not even baby Jesus would be nice enough to say nice-to-meet-you-too to that guy.
"Are you feeling better? When I let you at home Wednesday night you're a little green."
"Yes, I just had some bad turkey sandwich, no big." And then, guess what? He waits till Katherine sits back, bumps her with his hips, making her slip at the bench, and sits right besides her.
"I told you not to trust that snack bar!" She scolds him, but has a bright smile to warm it. "We went to this very hipster exposition at Soho, on Wednesday. Would be the ideal place to you to wear your glasses." Katherine says to me and I wonder if I should thank her for trying to include me in the conversation.
"Wednesday, huh? I thought you guys haven't seen each other in awhile." I quote, and they both stare at me.
"Yeah, since Wednesday night." Samuel reaffirms, nodding.
"Today is Friday." I tell back, just in case they got lost in the calendar. But they just stare blankly at me, like they have no idea what my point is.
"Hm, what are you girls drinking?" He asks while making a move to call the waiter. Then I realize he's really stopping by. Not passing by. But fucking stopping by.
"Oh, nothing strong enough."
"Let's solve that right the way." I sigh heavily but no one seems to notice or to care. They're teasing each other about their drinking preferences.
"You guys excuse me a moment." Katherine just nods and I get my purse and walk to the ladies room.
I place the purse over the sink and capture my phone, cursing between my teeth as I dial. She answers in the fourth ring.
"Hello."
"I'll give you an address. Take note."
"In what purpose, may I know?" Rachel asks and I roll my eyes. She's doing that British accent again.
"So you can come over."
"Why would I do such a thing?"
"Cause I'm asking you to. And lose the accent, will you? You're so not sounding like Adele. In best case scenario, you sound like Emma Watson in first Harry Potter movie, and by that I mean cocky and forced."
"It's always delightful to get in touch with you, Santana. Goodbye."
"Wait! Rachel, I'm serious."
"Aren't you in a date?"
"Yes. Until this friend of Katherine's showed up and he won't leave. So I need you to come over."
"You want me to double date?"
"Right."
"Sorry, can't do it."
"Oh, cut the crap and hurry up, Berry."
"I'll have you know, Santana, that I have my own agenda that does not include attending to your every request right the way."
"Oh, really? What does it include? Watching Mamma Mia again, shouting along so you won't hear Kurt's new and loud loverboy in the next room? That sounds like a great night."
"That's not what I plan."
"I can hear the menu song of the DVD, Rachel."
"Ok, fine, just text me the freaking address."
"Finally!"
"And he better be cute!" She shouts before I hang up.
I text Rachel in the way back to the table, where it doesn't seem I've been missed at all. Katherine and Samuel are laughing and I just have to glance over them to see his hand resting naturally on her leg. That's when I start to wonder what the hell is going on.
"Hey. I hope you don't mind, but I have a friend coming over too. You know, all lonely souls abandoned in their couches Friday night must be reunited."
"Oh. That's fine." Katherine smiles sheepishly.
"I just figured that since Samuel is already here and doesn't seem to have any other place to get to, we could try a less awkward situation."
"Ahm…"
"Rachel may sound like a little too much at first, but she'll do it for the night. She's hot, I'll give her that. You guys will get entertained, I'm sure." I smile at Samuel and watch his confused yet bubbly face. Yeah, Rachel will find him cute.
"Santana… What are you talking about?"
"A double date." I say and Samuel chuckles as Katherine seems a little pale.
"You got me a date?"
"You bet."
"In the ladies room?"
"I do my thing anywhere."
"That was not necessary." Katherine lets out in a small voice. She's truly intriguing me.
"Sorry, Kitty" I blurt, little pissed off "but I don't do tricycle rides."
"Excuse me?"
"You know. With a third wheel."
"Oh, Gosh. Maybe I should get going." Samuel realizes suddenly. I roll my eyes.
"A little too late. Rachel is coming, you're staying."
"Uh, bossy." He grins, seeming amused. I shrug. Katherine doesn't look very pleased, and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Luckily Rachel will arrive soon enough and put on all her weird talk and embarrass herself even more then we all are embarrassed by now.
"So what are we drinking now?"
"Vanilla Vodka." Katherine mumbles and sips her glass.
"Is that strong enough?" Samuel asks me.
"We'll see it soon."
Thankfully, Berry doesn't take too long to show up. My eyes are on the door when she crosses it and I can identify her hot-messy-quick look, which is basically a high ponytail, light eye shadow, tight jeans and tall scarpins. If that doesn't take Samuel's attention away from his very boyish lesbian friend, I'm definitely out of ideas.
"Rachel's here." I announce more than a bit relieved and K. and S. stop laughing at some internal joke to follow my eyes.
"Good evening, guys." Rachel says as she approaches the table.
"Hey…" Katherine and Samuel politely get up to compliment Rachel.
"You must be Katherine. It's a pleasure to meet you. Kurt is all candies and glitter about you."
"Kurt is all candies and glitter. Period." I say and Rachel gives me a reprimand look.
"And you are Katherine's friend, I suppose."
"Samuel Williams, nice to meet you."
"Rachel Berry." She says and they all sit down again, so I have to slid and make room in the bench for Rachel.
"Oh my God! Rachel Berry, of course!" Katherine exclaims suddenly, her brown eyes all excited. "I knew you looked familiar."
"You the Rachel Berry?" Samuel follows Katherine's lead, of course. "From Autumn Breaking Down?"
"Yes, I am. You guys know the play?" Oh, great. That's just freaking amazing. Rachel's smile is so damn big that I can count all her white teeth.
"If we know the play? We already went to see it three times!" Samuel goes on.
"It's so great. You're amazing, really. We're fans."
"Oh, thank you so much. I'm happy you guys were satisfactorily entertained."
"You're so going for the Tony this year."
"I'm trying to keep my hopes low." Rachel says in such a shyly voice that would have anyone convinced that she does not have her winning speech already figured out.
"Can't believe we're hanging out with Rachel Berry." Samuel smiles brightly but, for my total confusion, takes Katherine's hand over the table and squeezes. I look at him sorely trying to make him understand that by the end of the night he could be making out with Rachel Berry, if just stands up to get a date of his own.
"You've seen the play, right?" Katherine asks me in her soft voice.
"Yes, I have."
"Isn't it great?"
"Santana thought me and Jeremy, the leading actor, had too little chemistry. That Humphrey, who plays my father, didn't know all the choreography. And that the scenario was just poor." Rachel recites, her eyebrows doing that perfect indulgent arch. Even so, I'm a little amused she remembers my words in such a precise way.
"Really? What a critical audience you are." Katherine says. I just shrug.
"Well, by then we were still an off-Broadway show. The production and the crew are much better now. You should go see the play again sometime." Rachel tells me and I shrug again.
Truth to be told, I had seen the play again. Seven fucking times till now. And yes, it is great and Rachel melts on the stage in every performance in a way that I hardly know how she gets herself out of there by the end. I hardly know how I get myself out of the crowd by the end. But it's not like I'm telling her that. Same way I didn't tell her I was the one sending all those cardless bouquets to her dressing-room in that first week when the play was an off-Broadway mess and I thought no one else would send her flowers – what would make her disappointed and sad.
Thankfully now she is Broadway's new sweetheart and I don't have to spend time or money worrying about that stuff anymore.
"So, Samuel, what do you do?" Rachel asks, using her purr voice. But instead of answering, Samuel and Katherine just look at each other and start laughing again. It goes on for awhile. "What did I miss? That was not the funny part of my allurement speech."
"I don't know, they just do that. They laugh."
"And they are touchy." Rachel whispers, glancing at them across the table. They exchange a few nonsense words and laugh a little more. All the while, Samuel squeezes Katherine's hand and caresses her arm.
"I know, right!" Then I was not crazy, they are a strange couple of friends.
The whole thing does not improve in the next minutes. It just looks like someone switched the cards on that double date game. I was right about bringing Rachel, though. She makes conversation for the four of us and it's less awkward then before. But Samuel and Katherine really seem to have another private chat going on even when they're not talking at all. Most of times I open my mouth is to order drinks.
"Quick, do that foot thing."
"What foot thing?" Rachel asks me confused.
"That caressing sexy thing when you use the heel and the ankle to… You know!"
"I thought you said it was lame and I should never do that again." Berry wrinkles her nose in speculation.
"Not on me!"
"I was practicing! Could not practice in someone I actually wanted it to work."
"Well, it works! Just do that on Samuel." I say between my teeth, listening to the jingled laugh of Katherine. Really, Chris Rock would eat his heart out about how funny this Samuel guy seemed to be.
"I will not."
"Why not?"
"Because…" Rachel glimpses at them and sighs heavily. "Because, Santana, they are in love."
I open my mouth to ridicule that affirmation. But I don't. Because I just know she's right. All that laughing and touching and gleaming. I just cannot believe I'll lose my goddamn first date of the year to some weirdo.
"Excuse me, ladies, I gotta hit the toilet." Samuel announces subtly and gets up.
As he departs, Katherine turns her attention at me again, for the first time in many minutes. She's a little blushed but that's nothing to do with me. Nothing at all.
"Are you gay?" I ask directly. I can feel even Rachel, by my side, jump a little.
"What- Yes!" Katherine's answer is almost offended.
"You sure?"
"Santana, what's that?" Rachel asks in a low voice.
"I wanna know if she's sure she's gay." I turn back to Katherine. "You dated girls before? You had relationships?"
"I dated girls before! And I- Well, I haven't quite had relationships, but that doesn't mean anyth-"
"What about chemistry?" I go on. Rachel is hiding her face in a napkin, but I'm pretty sure she's having fun.
"What you mean?" Now Katherine's voice is tense.
"What makes you think you're gay?" I can hear the laugh that Rachel is holding in.
"I- I don't know! It's just natural, that's how I grew up to be. I'm gay. I- I like check shirts." Katherine says like this is a really good argument.
"And?"
"And… And I like my hair short. I always have."
"Dear, do you like women?" Rachel finally asks making me nod in agreement.
"Of course I do!"
"Sexually speaking."
"Yes! I… Ok, maybe I haven't got much lucky in that particular subject yet, but-"
"How so?" I question, even though Katherine is already looking dizzy enough.
"Well, maybe I never met some great kisser but that-"
"Rachel, move." I say interrupting Katherine's every-minute-worst speech.
"What?"
"Move!" Rachel jumps up freeing my way till Katherine. She has this surprised look on her face when I take a place next to her in the bench.
"What did I miss?" Samuel is back and his smile dies quietly when he looks at us.
"Some, but the best part is yet to come." I say back at him, and then I turn to the girl besides me and crush our lips together.
She has soft lips that tremble with the surprise of my gesture. Only when I run my nails through the back of her neck they part to take in my kiss. But all the time I can feel her tense, unmoving body.
"What about that?" I ask a moment later, ignoring all the eyes laying on us.
"Well… That was nice. Yes, really nice. Pleasant." Katherine nods, swallowing hard. "Very good technique." She says glancing such a lost look at Samuel, still standing around the table, that is infuriating slash touching.
"Good technique. Ok." I sight and get up again. "Now it's your turn." I say, pushing Samuel again to the sit next Katherine.
"My turn what?"
"You kiss her." I explain calmly, going back to my own place, next to Rachel. She seems so amused that can barely keep herself from smiling.
"What- Santana!" And just then, after all the questioning and insinuating and kissing – just THEN – Katherine looks pissed at me.
"I mean it, Samuel. Kiss her."
"What are you talking about?"
"Call it a scientific test. Or a social experiment. Doesn't matter. Just kiss her."
"Santana, you're way over the line!" Katherine shouts, her cheeks as red as could be.
"Come on, Samuel, be a man. You know you want to. Just kiss her."
"Sam, I-"
"Kiss her!" I demand and he finally makes up his mind, turning to her side and holding her face with his two hands before sealing their lips.
It's nothing more than a long peck but when they break apart Katherine's eyes seem even bigger and lost.
"So is he a great kisser?" I ask, but get no response because a moment later they are kissing again, now much more forcefully and hungrily.
Rachel's laugh suddenly makes its way out of her throat but not even that can separate the entertained couple. They keep kissing, and hugging and cuddling and kissing and kissing and kissing. So I get up again and make a move to tell Rachel to follow me. I leave a few bucks on the table before we go, cause I'm pretty sure those two won't remember there's a check to be paid when they make their way out to the nearest motel room.
"Did you just hook your date up with some random guy?" Rachel asks me as we stand at the sidewalk, waving at cabs.
"Looks like I did." I almost bark back, even though I don't feel as pissed as I should be. "You're a witness: Kurt is not up to plan blind dates; I must be freed from the bet."
"Oh, I don't think the bet said anything about the date having to be good."
"What about having to be gay?" I ask and Rachel laughs again.
"Hold your breath. The year is just beginning and you'll have many more dates to attend to."
"Goddamn." I curse a little more till a cab parks in front of us.
"Let's just go home." Rachel says and in the way back home we're already going over Mamma Mia's set list.