We've Both Lost
We just can't have everything we want.
I'm feeling insanely bitchy today. I don't know what it is with this week that makes me so pissed. Thankfully, FanFiction dot net has provided me a source of liberation from the world. Thus, expect this to be something darker than what I write.
Not a story, just... thoughts. Free writing.
God, I'm turning emo. No offense meant to anyone.
DISCLAIMER: Danny Phantom and all related aspects are under the ownership of Butch Hartman. All characters, places, and events not involved in the actual series are fictional. Any similarity to people, dead or alive, events, be it past, present, or future, and locations are pure coincidences. The author has clearly stated the ratings and content of the work of fiction before the work proper; therefore the author disclaims any responsibility of writing inappropriate content for a reader's age.
I walk down the road, hoping to see what you're doing. Hoping to talk to you, maybe. We don't talk that much, but I see you from afar. It's like peeking over a fence. You're aware of a life on the other side, many even, but you can't be a part of what it is.
That's how I see you. You're surrounded by all these people. They love you. They want to be you. I, meanwhile, can only watch from a distance, wishing I could be right beside you.
You flirt with people like it's nothing. Every time you do so, I feel a blade slashing my heart, as I grow with envy, wishing I could be the only one that knows the lips you own, the only one your affection is turned to.
I love you. I don't know what it is that makes me do so. I think you're an arrogant bastard, showing off and all, then being all humble about it. I hate your false humility. You're not showing them who you really are. Why can't you just be yourself? We have enough plastic in the world. No need to add more.
You're ignorant about how I feel about you, yet you see me every day. You turn away whenever I want to talk, going back to whoever it is you talk to.
You see me, but you don't need me. When you don't see me, you need me. I don't expect much back from you. But when I said I didn't need you, I lied. I need you. I swear, I do.
Everything I've done. Everything I've given. Everything I sacrificed. Everything I've understood. All the time I've given. It was all wasted on you. It all means nothing now, as I feel discarded like an old toy. Shelved, never touched until I'm covered in dust. Maybe until I turn into it again. It hurts, knowing everything couldn't make you stay.
But I can't give up on you. I can't love anyone else. Where can I go? Where can I go where I want you around? Where can I go, knowing I want you here, but not being able to stand near you? My emotions conflict, but I can keep my composure. I'm surprised I can, actually.
I smile when you do. I laugh when you laugh. I listen when you tell me of your problems. I hold you when you cry. I help you when you need it. I wipe away your tears. But my heart's not in it. All I think about is having you for my own.
I'm scared of what you'll say. I'm scared that if I tell you, you'd laugh. I'm scared that if I tell you, you'd never trust me again. Worst of all, I'm scared of how you'll act towards me.
Will you love me back? Ask me, I'll think you won't, but deep in my heart, I'm wishing you will.
You're crying again. How I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. Why do I even care? Do you care if I care? Sometimes I wonder what it is that you have that makes me try so hard.
Oh, now you're in love. I love to see you happy. I only wish it was me who made you happy. Whoever stole your heart must be very lucky, not like me, who was cursed with the misfortune of longing for you. Your smile is the brightest I've seen, and it makes me smile too. But I sigh in despair, knowing it was not me making you happy.
Every night, I see you. I see you in my dreams. No, my nightmares, because every thought of your ignorance makes me want to throw something at the wall. I see a note you've written to me. I cringe at the touch, as if you were the one I touched. I crumple the note and throw it in the trash. I want to let go of you, but I just can't.
People think I have a great life. But they can't see my pain, locked up in my chest. My face hurts from smiling. You think I'm happy? Look at my eyes. They're the most honest features anyone can possess. Anyone who knows how to read them sees their pain through a glass wall.
I wish my feelings were gone. I want to love you, yet I don't. I want to let go, but I can't. I dry my eyes, but the tears keep coming back.
You're broken up now, and I see a new hope in you and me. Yet, the wistful look in your eyes says otherwise. You want to get over a heartbreak, but you can't. Crying again, and I hold you again.
My tears are locked in as if they were frozen. They want to flow, but are frozen by all the pain in the world.
As I hold you, I realize that you and I can never be. You and I can't be. You and I will never get everything we want. Everything comes at a personal cost. You get some and you lose some.
We've both lost. We're both lost.
Sorry, I'm just really having a bad week that I can't understand.
If you can guess the couple, cookie for you!