Disclaimer: If I owned Supernatural it wouldn't hurt me so :[
The five times Lucifer got in trouble for pyromania, and the one time he got away with it
1. Michael Novak frowned, noticing an odd light coming from the backyard. At first, he thought it was a car, but that obviously wasn't the case considering it was the backyard. He glanced to his right and to his left, as if crossing the street, before stepping outside to investigate. The sight that greeted him was not a welcome one. His twin brother Lucifer was calmly burning a stack of unidentifiable items with a serene smile on his face. "Hello brother" he said, calmly meeting Michael's gaze. The eldest Novak twin sighed deeply, before asking the dreaded question. "What are you doing?" Lucifer's creepy smile got even bigger. "Oh, nothing little brother. Just stroking the fire pit." He replied. If possible, Michael began to scowl even more. " First of all, we're twins Luc. And second of all, we don't have a fire pit. So what the fuck are you burning?" he said warily. The reply was almost too quiet to hear, but Michael was able to understand what Luc was saying. "Gabe's cloths." Michael pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why?" This time, the boy didn't even look up from his burning to reply. "Check my room. It's covered in glitter. Again. This was an act of well-deserved revenge brother." Michael couldn't help agreeing with his twin on this one. Gabe kind of deserved it. "I'll deal with Gabe. Give me the lighter." He replied. In response Lucifer stuck out his split tongue and got up. "If you catch me I will." He said, before taking off, running in circles around the backyard. Michael waited for the right moment to strike, and then pounced on his brother, pinning him to the ground. The two proceeded to wrestle, grabbing the lighter from each other's hands. Watching this scene from the window, Gabe couldn't help but laugh, and grab his pink paint. This was the distraction he needed to pull off his master prank- painting the living room pink.
2. "No, you hang up. No Dean! I must insist that you hang up. No!" This was how there morning started. Every damn day. As usual, the Novak siblings were gathered around the breakfast table, watching their youngest brother with a mixture of fascination and disgust. The conversation continued, meaning Castiel was either oblivious to his siblings or didn't care. "Dean, if you do not hang up right now, I will bring the wrath of God down on you." He said, pretending to be serious. The rest of them simply couldn't take it anymore. Lucifer grabbed a lighter, and yanked the phone out of his brother's hands. Then, he took off running up the stairs to his room. He locked his door, and lit the phone on fire, watching it melt and bubble. He unlocked his door, and swaggered back downstairs. "Cassie, you're phone is dead. It's a 300 degree puddle." He announced. The rest of his family looked indifferent, but Castiel looked livid. "Lucifer, that phone cost 500 dollars. I hope you intend to replace it." He said, nearly shaking with anger. Lucifer shrugged. "Replace it? What's wrong with it? I bet it still wor-" Lucifer's sentence was cut off by a fist to the face. Specifically, Cas's fist. The younger brother glared at Lucifer, who was now on the floor. "The replacement better be on the desk in my room when I get home from school." He said. And with that, he stalked out the door and off to school.
3. Michael woke up to the fire alarm. He shot out of bed, and rushed downstairs; desperately hoping that whatever Luc had burnt could still be saved. When he got down, Lucifer was standing in the middle of the room, admiring his handiwork. "Luc, what did you burn?" Michael asked, wondering how important the object was. Lucifer smiled. "Let's play a game of find the burn mark shall we? You have thirty seconds, starting... now!" he said, smirking evilly. Michael turned in circles, taking in the room. At first, everything seemed normal. Then he saw it. Over the mantle, where their father's portrait once stood larger than life, were nothing but a burned frame, and the ashes that were once a canvas. Michael saw red. Lucifer had gone too fucking far this time. "Lucifer Samuel Novak what the HELL did you do?" he demanded, in his most intimidating father voice. "That was one of the LAST things we had to remember Dad by. Why would you burn it?!" he seethed. Lucifer was beginning to look less bored and angrier. "That's why I burned it, brother! He left us. All he is to us is a memory I'd rather forget, a shadow whose footsteps we're supposed to follow!" he yelled. Michael clenched his fists. "Of course I follow in his footsteps, he left me in charge! What was I supposed to do?" he asked, half to himself. Lucifer rolled his eyes at his brother's blind obedience. "Anything, Mike You can do anything you want now, you don't have to follow Dad's dumbass plan!" he said. Michael was done. "Get out." He said, in a dangerously low voice. "Get out, and don't come back until you're ready to apologize. To me, to Dad, and to all of us." Lucifer scoffs. "Sure, I'll leave, except I won't come back. Oh no wait, that was Dad!" he shouted. And on cheerful note, he walked out, slamming the front door behind him.
4. The plan was perfect. There was a fire drill for the high school today, so while everyone was outside, he could sneak in and cause an actual fire. Or, cause one in Naomi's locker anyway. Lucifer reviewed the plan with his friends Ruby and Abbadon. Everything was prepped and ready, so when the fire alarm went off, Lucifer's little gang was able to sneak back in to the school and upstairs to where the lockers were. Lucifer dug a box of matches out of his underwear and lit one. Just as he was about to set the contents of Naomi's locker ablaze, one of the teachers came into the hallway, clearly patrolling for students. While Ruby and Abbadon, who were in the bathroom, avoided the Teacher's sight, Mr. Edlund saw Lucifer attempting to duck behind a locker door. The English teacher grabbed him, dragging him by his wrist into the Principal's office. Principal Kripke looked at him with undisguised hatred. "So, he began, Chuck tells me that you had a lit match upstairs, and were about to light a locker on fire. Is this true?" he asked menacingly. Lucifer shrugged, not denying, nor confessing to the accusations. After a brief period of silence, he finally rolled his eyes and said "Yes Overlord Kripke. However, in my own defense I would like to say that Naomi deserves much worse. She's a pathetic bitch, incapable of being nice, but unwilling to be truly evil." While Lucifer's statement was true, setting fire to lockers was still vandalism. The two teachers glared at him, before leaving the room to discuss his fate. Eventually, it was decided that Lucifer was to be suspended for a week. Lucifer was satisfied with his work.
5. The younger Winchester brother was leaning against Gabe's locker, waiting for him. Again. Lucifer sighed, and ugly scowl on his face. He'd been admiring Sam from afar for TWO YEARS and Gabe just swooped in and stole him. Just like Ruby had, and before that, Jessica. It was a never-ending cycle to him. Wait for Sam to be single, and then be disappointed when he was taken again. Well no more. Luc was going to get his revenge this time. He snuck up behind the tall boy, already pulling out a match. By the time he got right behind the boy, Gabe had noticed. "Luc. What are you doing to Samsquatch?" Lucifer tried to play it off, leaning casually against a locker. "What makes you think I was doing anything? Quite frankly brother, I'm offended by the accusation! I don't spend all my time hurting people." He said. Gabe rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and I don't have 27 twizzlers hidden in my clothes." He replied sarcastically. It was then that Sam decided to join the conversation. "Wait, do you have 27 twizzlers?" Gabriel rolled his eyes again. "Hello, Trickster." He said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. It was Lucifer's turn to roll his eyes. Those two were disgusting. Which of course, led him back to his thoughts of revenge. So, he did what any rational person would do: Lit Sam's hair on fire and ran. Everyone was too caught up trying to put the fire out to notice him slipping out of the school doors. As usual with his ditching, Lucifer came back eventually to pick up his siblings. What he didn't expect however, was for Dean Winchester to be waiting for him, leaning against the Impala looking pissed to high hell. "Lucifer you set my fucking brother on fire. What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded. Lucifer backed away slowly, looking slightly nervous. "Hey, what do you expect from someone named after the Devil? Besides, that kid needed a long overdue haircut. Now there's an excuse to do it." Dean couldn't help but crack a smile. Lucifer had a point. "Yeah, but c'mon man! Fire? Next time just put Nare in his shampoo like I do." Lucifer grinned evilly. "Maybe next time. Besides, his burns aren't that bad anyway." He said, believing he was in the clear. Dean's face consorted with rage. "You HURT HIM!? WHAT. THE. FUCK. How DARE you fucking burn him? If he's not in fucking mint condition by next week, I'm calling the cops. Capiche?" he yelled. Lucifer nodded, knowing with his record he'd be in jail in no time. "Good." Said Dean. The older Winchester then got into his beloved Impala, and drove off.
1. Anna plopped her backpack down on the kitchen table. "Hey guys look what Gabriel jacked from a second grader." She said as a way of greeting. The Novak siblings gathered around the table to see the product of Gabriel's latest heist on the elementary school across the street. Anna unzipped her backpack and pulled out a doll that quite frankly looked like it belonged in a horror movie. "This thing is fucking adorable! Can I keep it in my room or something?" The rest of the Novak siblings either rolled their eyes or pretended to barf. Finally, it was Gabriel himself who put his foot down. "No way! I mean, I took it 'cause I want to put it in Dean's locker tomorrow, but that's just creepy sis." He said. Anna pouted. "Please? It's not that bad. If you're gonna be a pussy about the doll it's not my problem." Gabriel swatted her on the head, while Castiel grabbed the little doll and threw it across the room. When the thing landed, it made the creepiest laughing sound known to mankind. All but the youngest Novak stared in horror. That's when Lucifer came in. "What are you guys looking at. Did you find Balthazar's stash of sex toys?" he asked, with sinister curiosity. Gabriel grimaced. "No. I actually would have preferred that. I brought home this toy to stick in Dean's locker, but it's freaking me the fuck out. And Anna wants to keep the thing! Do something!" he demanded. Lucifer pushed past his siblings to look at the thing. "Huh. It kind of looks like Lilith." He observed. Castiel rolled his eyes. "Why do you think it is so terrifying?" he said. Lucifer shrugged. "So, what do we do with it?" asked Castiel. Lucifer's baffled expression turned to a maniacal grin in no time flat. "I know. Don't worry little bros. I won't let this thing exist." He said, striking a match. He set the doll's face on fire and watched the plastic melt as the fire spread. The siblings crowded around the burning doll, each wanting to see it turn to a puddle. Finally, Gabriel spoke up. "Don't worry Luci. We won't tell Michael you set something on fire. Well, I won't anyway. Can't say anything for Mr. Anal-and-responsible over there." He said. Lucifer turned to Castiel, who smiled slightly. "I am just glad to be rid of the thing. Sorry Anna, but that may in fact have been the most terrifying thing in existence." He said. Anna rolled her eyes. "That's why I wanted it morons." She said, humor flashing in her eyes, though her words were harsh. That was the moment Balthazar and Michael got back. Michael was immediately suspicious. "Do I smell burning?" he asked, in his most dangerous voice. The siblings all shook their heads, doing there best to look innocent. Which was of course, even more suspicious. Michael narrowed his eyes and went upstairs to his room. "What'd you guys do?" asked Balthazar, never one to be out of the loop. His brothers and sister simply rolled their eyes and went upstairs. "Ah, well. Can't have been anything interesting seeing as no one has a bruised face." He concluded.