Author's Note:
So yeah, this is the rewritten version of How I Met Your Mother. I've watched the original HIMYM earlier and I got inspired to rewrite my admittedly crappy flow of story. In fact, some lines here are actually from HIMYM. Though like the first one, I'm not completely basing it off the original since I need it to be parallel with the Naruto Universe.
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto. If I did own it, I would have called it Kakashi Gaiden since for me Kakashi and Obito's story is more interesting than Naruto and Sasuke's. It's only my opinion though.
I also don't own HIMYM, thank god. I might have ruined the whole show from the start.
How I Met Your Mother
YEAR 2025
"Okay little Quacklings, I'm about to tell you an incredible story. This is the story of how I met your mother." An Obito in his forties said to his older daughter and younger son. He even added jazz hands to 'spice up' the whole "I know you're going to get bored but I'm going to force you into it and you're going to like it" problem.
His son immediately raised his hand. "Yes, my second minion?" The oldest Uchiha asked.
"Are we getting punished about something?" The thirteen years old boy questioned 'innocently'. He was pouting in a cute manner, head slightly tilted on a side and his eyebrows are a little bit scrunched. Obito thought him well.
The eldest Uchiha chuckled at his child's antics (like it's going to work on the original mastermind and creator of 'the gullible idiot act'. Tsk, tsk, kids…). "No you're not, but I do know what you're thinking. Somebody broke the vase earlier and I'm pretty sure it was not a fourteen years old brooding female or a forty-seven years old single dad."
His son's pout got even bigger and his whole body slouched. He exactly looks like his old man when he was thirteen years old except the boy's eyes are brown not black and his hair is a little bit longer.
Obito's daughter raised her hand this time. Her daughter has long, dark brown hair tied up in a ponytail and her eyes are black as coal. She never smiles though making Obito wonder where the hell she got it from as her father was a sunny child and her mother was a warm and friendly gal. "Is this going to take a while?" She asked with a deadpanned look. Her father frowned at that and just nodded.
"So… let's start I guess." Obito cleared up his throat. "It was way back to two thousand and five, before I was 'Dad', I got this whole other life. I was twenty-seven and my current job at that time was being a secretary to my own Uncle, Madara Uchiha. My pay was slightly bigger than average, I live in Konoha city, and I room with Nagato, my best friend from college. My life was good and then your Uncle Nagato had to screw the whole thing up."
The two children looked at each other, sighed and got comfortable on the sofa while their father flashbacked about his youth, sitting on his favorite armchair.
Don't mind me, I am just a line break.
YEAR 2005
Both twenty-seven years old adults were inside their kitchen. The table was covered with a red cloth with various delicious looking dishes on top. There was also a tall scented candle on the middle, two big white plates and fancy silverware.
Beside the table, Nagato went down on his single knee and opened a velvet red box in front of Obito. "Will you marry me?" He asked with a face filled with hope. The other man gasps in surprise as he saw the golden ring. It was simple yet beautiful.
"And… cut!" Obito dropped his acting with a huge grin, congratulating his best friend for a job well done and took out two beers from the fridge. Nagato stood up, looking nervous.
"Are you sure I said it right, Obito? I mean, Konan keeps hinting that marriage proposals had to be perfect."
The Uchiha nodded enthusiastically. He gave the other bottle to Nagato and his companion took it without hesitation. He needs a drink anyway.
"It was great." When his best friend was still looking uncertain, he quickly patted the other's back and started using his infamous 'persuading skills' he always use whenever Nagato gets second thoughts.
If he could convince his pal to watch the whole saga of Twilight in one night, he could convince his best friend on just about anything. "Hey, don't worry about it. It's pretty simple. You're going to have a romantic dinner thanks to a lovely invention called 'take outs', then you pop the big question while her face goes whoa, she says yes and then the two of you would go and have amazing just-got-engaged sex… in second thought, can you not have sex? Uncle Madara needs me to wake up early for tomorrow and you know how he gets."
Nagato rolled his eyes and playfully punched the Uchiha's shoulder. His buddy always know the right words to say at a time like this. But sometimes he's not sure when the Uchiha is teasing or actually earnest. "Wait, are you serious?"
Obito nodded apologetically. "Yeah, the old man thinks I still need to arrive earlier despite me arriving thirty minutes before work time everyday."
"That's sucks."
"I know right."
Both of the adults sighed. Uncle Madara owns the whole Uchiha Corporation and being his secretary means you can't mess up or shit's about to get real. He was strict, ruthless, heartless and demanding but he gives a big pay. Big pay equals a happy Obito, so he has to suck it up, put on a façade and pretend to love his job that he was surprisingly good at.
"Well, depressing boss aside thanks for helping me out."
The Uchiha shook his head. "Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Konan! I've been there for the whole moments with you and Konan. The first night you met, the first date… the other first things…" He shivered.
Nagato grinned and sheepishly scratched his cheek. "Sorry about that. We thought you were asleep."
"Nagato, when the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk follows." Obito deadpanned. To rid him of the awful memory, he shook his head and changed the topic. "Anyway, you are getting engaged tonight."
If it was possible, his best friend's grin could have gotten bigger. "Yeah" the other agreed. But the red headed male suddenly wondered what his buddy is planning to do while he gets the apartment all to himself for the next five hours. "What are you going to do tonight?" He asked while casually sipping on his beer.
I am a two lines.
BACK TO YEAR 2025
"'What was I doing?' I asked myself back then. There was your Uncle Nagato taking the biggest step of his entire life... and me? Can somebody guess what I did?"
The two of his children moved their heads left to right and vice versa as they didn't know the answer. His daughter asked for a hint and Obito gave her smirk, eyes gleaming with an evil glint. Then the kids understood and gasp… well, his son gasps, his daughter's eyes just widened a fraction and then went back to her default emotion: nothing.
"No! You didn't!" Obito's younger child exclaimed.
"Yeah! I did!"
The fourteen year old daughter sighed. "…You called Uncle Hidan."
"I called Uncle Hidan!" The father said with absolute glee.
How I Met Your Mother
After three rings, the phone was finally picked up. "Hello?" a slightly sleepy voice said.
"Hidan? You there?"
The other line groaned. "What the fuck kind of question is that, of course I'm here. Who would answer the phone otherwise, fucktard. So why'd ya call, Tobi?"
Obito scowled at the nickname. It was the alias his ex-boyfriend used when he was still in college. Don't get him wrong. He wasn't bitter or anything due to the break up. He was actually glad his ex-boyfriend found another guy that could understand his… quirks. No, what he hates about that name is the fact that it started with a joke, a bet and plenty of alcohol. He'll tell the exact story on another time though. "Want to meet up at Kakuzu's bar tonight?"
Hidan has this weird crush on the owner (and who's also the bartender) of the nearby bar they all attend to, Dollar Green. The owner's name is Kakuzu and he has stitches all over his body that apparently Hidan thinks is 'fucking hot' (Hidan's words not his). On the plus side, he was tall, dark and definitely mysterious. It's just that his a little creepy for Obito's taste.
"Shit, I'd love to!" The albino said as expected.
Twenty minutes later, Obito came barging in at the bar. He went straight to the counter as he presumes that his friend was already there and quickly ordered a drink from Kakuzu.
"So why'd you actually called, Tobi?" Hidan asked beside him. He was already drinking his second glass of beer. The albino's alcohol tolerance was to die for.
The Uchiha frowned. "I told you to stop calling me that name." He stated seriously but his companion just laughed at him. "Ugh, nevermind. I called because Nagato was going to propose tonight."
"Oh, really? Then tell them a big fat congrats and have a happy fucking."
The raven haired man quickly shook his head. "Uh-uh, no can do. I need to wake up early tomorrow and Konan's a screamer."
Hidan suddenly burst out laughing. "Ha! I knew it!" He was laughing so hard, Kakuzu glanced at them with an annoyed look until the albino sobered. "Anyway, aside from telling me the unavoidable, what'cha going to do tonight?" he asked.
Obito shrugged. He doesn't actually know yet. He was pondering about the implications of his best friends getting engaged that thinking of things not related to that subject didn't occur to him.
It was always him, Nagato and Konan since the day they started being independent but now that both of his closest friends are getting hitched, would he be that bachelor that was always waiting for someone to come when all of his friends are all paired up? Was he too late to find his significant other?
No, that's ridiculous. He is still twenty-seven. That's considered as young. But… he doesn't have a girlfriend/boyfriend yet, not even close to that.
"I know that look." His albino friend muttered. It cut whatever train of thought Obito was brewing earlier.
Once the sentence has properly processed inside the Uchiha's mind, he questioned Hidan with a "What look?"
"You know that face you get when you overthink about something." The albino shook his head from side to side, looking like he was disappointed at Obito. "You forgot what I told you when we first met."
How I Met Your Mother
TWO YEARS AGO
Uchiha Obito was alone drinking beer on Dollar Green that Friday night of late June when a man with white hair and dark pink eyes suddenly sat beside him.
"Obito, I'm going to teach you how to fucking live." The stranger declared. The Uchiha looked at him questioningly. "Hidan… we met at the urinal." He reintroduced, but Obito was still confused. "Lesson one, always have sex."
"…I don't have a girlfriend."
"It's okay; it doesn't have to be a girlfriend. You just need to bang her or him and then leave a message in the morning… or maybe not." Okay, now Obito was beyond confused and more horrified. That's pretty rude. And apparently, when the stranger said he was going to teach him how to fucking live, he meant more 'fucking' then actual 'living'.
"Lesson two, don't get married until thirty." The albino continued.
Note: Do not listen to Hidan. Ever.
BACK TO DOLLAR GREEN 2005
"Thirty, right. Never marry until you're thirty. You're right." Obito muttered again and again while nodding his head. He might look stupid right now but it's his way of convincing himself. "But it's just… My best friend gets engaged and you start thinking about that stuff. How could I not think about my future?" He said while his mind was drifting away to that subject again.
Hidan slapped him in the face. Hard. "Ow, what the hell!?"
"I think I have the fucking solution for you." It appears that the albino's solution was to tap the nearest female's shoulder and point at Obito. "Hey, have you met Obito?" he asked and then proceeded to ran away from the counter as fast as possible.
Obito mentally cursed his friend. Like the first time they met, when Hidan meant he has the 'fucking solution', he actually meant 'FUCKING solution'. Whatever, what's done is done so he has no choice but to talk to the woman. Speaking of the woman, she's actually cute.
"Hi, my name is Haku. I assume your Obito?" The woman greeted and the Uchiha confirmed it.
She has long, pretty black hair tied with a white bun holder and two locks of hair framed her face. She's got pale skin, large, dark-brown eyes and a slender frame. She's wearing a dark green dress with white trimmings, a brown belt, matched with a pair of brown doll shoes and a black choker.
"That's a pretty name for a lady."
"Thank you… by the way, I'm a guy."
Gender was never an issue to Obito. And remember his ex-boyfriend from college? That guy was also a cross-dresser so he was not surprised at all. "I'm bisexual."
"…And my boyfriend is over there." Haku pointed behind Obito. The Uchiha turned his back to see a tall muscular man with pale skin, short spiky black hair, brown eyes and small eyebrows, wearing a white, black and gray camouflaged knee-high shorts and a white shirt. The guy was cracking his knuckles. "His name is Zabuza."
"… Hello Zabuza." Obito greeted with a lazy wave followed by a nervous chuckle.
How I Met Your Mother
YEAR 2025
"So kids, never ever hit on a cross-dressing dude with a muscular over-protective boyfriend. I could still remember the black eye the dude gave me. Trust me; it was not fun no matter how much your Uncle Hidan kept bringing it up." Obito said to his children who silently agreed.
How I Met Yo Mama
BACK TO YEAR 2005
Hidan never laughed that hard in his entire life. He was a few feet away from his friend, watching the events unfold.
It started out great. Obito was making the lady respond and smile so it was good on Hidan's book. What he didn't expect though was when the woman pointed at the pissed off man behind his friend.
Oh, so that's why the guy was pissed.
After his friend awkwardly waved at the fearsome man, the guy suddenly punched him in the face. It's a good thing Obito only flopped down on his butt on the floor or he could have gotten a concussion.
Hidan might not look like it, but he's actually loyal and caring to his friends. If somebody hurts a member of his band of misfits, somebody's going to have an ass kicking. But since it was only minor, he laughed. A lot.
Once he sobered though, he stood up from his seat to go and help his admittedly pathetic friend, but apparently some dude with shockingly silver hair approached him first.
How I Met Your Mother
It was painful.
His right eye stings. His nose was bleeding and the blood was still flowing like the Niagara Falls (note that he's in a bad shape and he's just exaggerating everything). And he's pretty sure his skull broke.
He shut his eyes from the sheer pain and humiliation his stupid friend caused. Stupid Hidan. Supidstupidstupid!
"Hey, are you all right?" a raspy deep voice asked him. It was quite pleasant.
"Yeah I think I'm- nope, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die." He muttered. His head ached even more. "Please tell my friends to put 'Hidan's fault' on my tomb."
The stranger chuckled. "Dully noted but I'm sure you're going to be fine. Just add ice to that bruised eye. It looks… horrible."
"Gee, thanks for being straightforward. Is it really that bad though?"
Obito doesn't see the guy cringe. His eyes are still closed. "…Do you want me to be honest or talk bullshit?"
Yeah, he's not dumb no matter how idiotic he was when he was a kid. He knows the answer. "…Nevermind."
"Can you open your eyes now?"
"I'll try." And bit by bit, he could see a pair of stunning gray eyes, then a head full of silver hair that seems to defy gravity, and when his sight completely cleared, he saw a face… half covered with a surgical mask. 'What the hell? Is this guy sick?'
"For a moment there I thought you were going blind." The stranger laughed. He somehow looks familiar.
"…."
And then it hit him.
How I Met Your Mother
Obito's daughter interrupted the storytelling with a monotonous question. "Wait, silver hair and a surgical mask, was it Uncle Kakashi?"
The eldest Uchiha nodded, amused. "You see kids, that day me and your Uncle 'Kashi met at the bar was the first time I saw him after our high school graduation. Kakashi and I go way back as childhood- not exactly friends- but we had a long history together. What I could tell you from my youth though is that Kakashi was a huge jerk face when we were young. "
How I Met Your Mother and Uncle
"Hatake Kakashi?" Obito asked the silver haired man once he recognized the face. The Uchiha was definitely surprise to see his past frienemy on the same bar he always visits.
The man simply gawked at him for half a minute until he finally found his voice back. "Uchiha Obito?"
End of Chapter One
Question Time!
Is that better than the original or just meh?
Are the line breaks annoying?