Tears of joy
James, Sirius and Peter were getting more and more suspicious about his monthly disappearances and it was getting harder and harder for him to invent new excuses about why and where he left every month. The thought of his only friends finding out his secret and looking at him with the fear and disgust he knew far too well, was heart-breaking.
He, Remus Lupin, had been an outsider for his whole life since he was only four years old and a malicious werewolf called Fenrir Greyback had bit him. Little had he known then, that the bite would bring his whole life upside down.
After that horrid night, his father had been the first one to leave him. The man just hadn't been able to take it anymore. The full moons, the poverty and the shame of having a Half-Breed as a son were just too much for him.
His grandparents, aunt and cousins followed suit as soon as they'd found out. Who wanted a dangerous dark creature in their family anyway? The sad part was that Remus didn't really blame them. He was a monster after all.
But for some reason his mother never left. She worked hard to feed and take care of him and he knew that it hurt her so much to see her boy so alone and in pain, especially around the full moons. She'd always done her best to make sure that he had everything he needed for living, but what she didn't realize, was that there was still one thing that he needed really badly. And it was simply her time.
Remus hadn't really had many friends for almost seven years ether. Not from the Wizarding nor the Muggle world. He couldn't risk getting too close with anyone. Especially not after that one time…
He had got too close with a boy from his neighbourhood and they had become the best of friends. But as expected, it hadn't lasted for long. Remus had trusted the boy and told him his secret. At first the boy had just laughed, because he thought it had been a joke. But when he had seen Remus's serious and slightly embarrassed expression, he had punched him on the face, shouted at him and run away. The harsh, scared and disgusted words the boy, who he had once called a friend, had said, were even more painful than his first transformation. Since that day, Remus's only friends had been his second-hand books and own wondering thoughts.
But then, after over six and a half miserable and very long years, came his Hogwarts letter. He could still remember his mother's amazed expression and how he had felt something that he hadn't felt in a very long time. Hope.
It had been a firm fact for many years, that he could never join a school for wizards and witches, so it came as a total surprise when the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had come to his house one late summer evening. He had invited Remus personally to his school and assured that he had arranged a safe place for him where he could go through his transformations without hurting anyone. Well, except himself. But he had grown almost used to it. Almost.
So, he had of course accepted the offer and as he had hoped, Hogwarts was much better than being home alone and miserable. And that had been thanks to the fact that for a long time in his life, he had got friends.
At first, when Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew had become his dormmates and tried to get to know him, he had shut himself off completely. Every time he had thought of even talking to them, he had heard inside his head the hurting words that his former friend had said many years ago. Monster. Freak.
It had made him remember that he wasn't normal. That he didn't deserve friends.
But then again, there had been a part of him that had actually wanted to be friends with them. There was just something so marvellous and fantastic about his three fellow first years that he just couldn't ignore them anymore. They were laud (well except Peter), clever and funny and there was just that something that had got Remus's attention.
And then one day as he had sat in the Gryffindor common room doing his homework, he had overhead the three boys, sitting on the couch next to him, laughing and joking about some new prank they'd had in their minds. And when James had imitated a very angry professor McGonagall, Remus just couldn't help a small chuckle escape his mouth. The three boys had turned on him immediately with wide, astonished eyes. Remus had quickly looked away, embarrassed for being caught laughing at them, but after a moment of silence, he'd looked back and seen huge grins on their faces.
"We did it James", Sirius had said triumphantly, his gaze never leaving Remus's just a moment then smiling face.
"I can't believe we actually did it", James grinned goofily even wider if possible, "We finally made him laugh!"
"Frank owes us five Knuts", Peter piped out happily.
"So, Remus, does this mean that you will finally accept a game of Exploding snap?" James had asked beaming and looking ready to run up and get the game.
Remus'd looked incredulously at their eager and even hopeful faces. Hopeful? They actually wanted him to be with them? His face had lit up at the thought and a smile had formed on his face.
"Sure. Why not?"
And that was how the three Gryffindor boys became four.
Now Remus has been friends with them for almost two years and they have become nearly inseparables. The school pranksters, the Marauders, as everybody called them. Everything seemed perfect, but there was still that one thing bothering him. And it was his secret.
His friends had lately seemed to know that something was off about him. He was gone a couple of days every month and the excuse of his mother being sick, was getting a bit old.
And then there were his scars. He has been able to hide most of them, since he always changed behind his curtains or in the bathroom, but the few scars on his face and palms were harder to hide. His friends had asked him once where he got them, and he had just shrugged and told them a story about a bad behaving dog he'd had when he was younger. Fortunately, James and Peter had seemed satisfied with the answer, but for some reason Sirius had looked at him a bit sceptically. Thank Merlin, his grey eyed friend had dropped the subject anyway.
But now they seemed to be really close on finding out the truth. The other day they had asked him if he was secretly a girl and had periods or something since he was always gone once a month. Remus had turned scarlet red and assured them, especially James whose incredulous idea the whole thing had been, that he was 100 percent a boy. James had been half relieved and half disappointed. He had lost a galleon to a smirking Sirius.
He had hoped that they would have been at last done with trying to find out his secret, but it had been only yesterday morning, when he had woken up to hushed voices and found his three best friends searching through his stuff. He had asked them what on earth were they were doing, but all he got was awkward mutters about how they all needed to borrow a quill, which was a very lame excuse, of course.
He was sure that it wouldn't take them very long to finally find out what he was and then leave him alone. Because maybe he was just meant to be alone. They will probably be better off without him. Sometimes, he felt like he was a burden anyway.
It was a late Saturday afternoon when Remus finally decided it. He had decided to tell his friends the truth. He knew that he shouldn't have become their friend in the first place and it was terribly bothering him. It had been so wrong of him to lie to them and don't even be able to give them the chance to refuse to be friends with someone like him. He just hoped that they'll give him enough mercy and don't tell the whole school.
He was walking through the crowded corridors, trying to gather all the courage he could. Maybe this was the reason that he was sorted into Gryffindor? Maybe the hat knew that he had enough courage to do this? Was he even making any sense?
He stopped in front of the fat lady and took a deep breath. Could he do this? No, they will hate him. Yes, he couldn't be such a coward. No, he might be expelled. Yes, they deserved to know the truth. No, he had promised Dumbledore not to tell. Yes, he wouldn't be a bother to Madam Pomfrey nor Dumbledore anymore. No...
"Are going to just stand there and waste my time or do you want in?"
Remus looked up, startled, and relaxed when he noticed that it was just the fat lady glaring at him.
"Oh, umm...sorry. I was just umm...nothing. Faustum vinculum."
The fat lady said nothing more and opened the door. Remus tapped his fingers nervously at the covers of the books on his arms, before stepping into the warm and nearly empty common room. It was a Saturday afternoon, so everyone seemed to be outside on the grounds or in the library studying. Good, this way no one will overhear them.
He looked around the empty room and was just heading to the dormitory to search for his friends, when a very familiar voice got his attention.
"Are you sure Sirius?"
Remus turned around and saw his three friends sitting closely, their backs on him, on a red couch next to a fireplace. James was looking at Sirius with pure concern.
"Of course I am, you idiot! Why would I even bother telling you this if I wasn't sure!" Sirius spat, and Remus felt knots forming in his stomach.
"Sure of what?" he asked suddenly, surprising even himself, as he walked nervously towards them.
The three of them froze and turned around with wide eyes.
"Er... nothing, Sirius was just er... talking about... about the essay for tomorrow! Yes! The essay!" Peter ejaculated, looking rather nervous.
"Okay?" Remus said with a frown. There was no essay due tomorrow since it was going to be Sunday, but he decided to let it go and focus on what he'd come to tell them.
He sat carefully down on the armchair next to the couch and took a deep, shaky breath before talking.
"Look, I... I have to tell you something."
He was having second thoughts now, but before he had the chance to think about them more, Sirius spoke.
"We know."
Remus's eyes widened.
"Wha...what?!"
"We know", Sirius said bluntly, a bit slower this time. James and Peter nodded.
"You...you know what exactly?" Remus asked nervously, even though he was pretty sure what.
"We know you are a werewolf, Remus", James whispered gravely after checking that they were alone.
It felt like all the air had been taken from his lungs. They knew already? How long had they known? Did they just find out or had they known for a long time? Had they just pretended to be his friends, so they could prove their point and then tell everybody when they were sure? No, that can't be it, can it?
Remus looked at all of them, one at a time, trying to figure them out. They stared back at him, each with blank expressions. That was when Remus realized that his reaction must have confirmed them that they were right. If he had just denied it, they might have believed him, but it was too late now. And a part of him knew that it was better this way anyway, but that didn't mean it would hurt any less.
His friends just stared frozenly at him. He bended his head down and stared at his scarred palms. His vision got blurry as he fought the tears trying to escape his eyes.
This was it. This was the moment he had been fearing for so long. The moment when he was going to lose the three boys who he cared the most in this cold world. The three boys who'd made his life bearable even though he had to go through hell once a month.
And after what felt like years, he finally let the tears fall down his cheeks and lifted his head up to face them again.
"Remus...", James started, but Remus already knew what was coming. The accusations, the shouts, shunning, a hit or two and worst of all, the harsh words. The words that felt like thousand sharp diggers spiking through his already injured heart.
He didn't...no, he couldn't take those words anymore. Especially not from them. He'd had those enough for a life time.
"I... I'm sorry", he interrupted James quickly and miserably. He stood up and started rushing out of the cosy common room.
He'd just reached the door when he heard the three Gryffindors stand up too.
"Wait...what?" Sirius called after him, confused, but before the lost looking boy could say anything else, Remus ran out to the chilly corridor.
He ran and ran without stopping, ignoring the curious looks that the other passing students were giving him. He didn't know where he was going, but he didn't really care. The only thing on his mind was that he was alone again and that might be his last change to wander in the beautiful castle.
He ran corridor after corridor, thinking of how things just couldn't get any worse. But then, as he turned the corner to the Clock Tower Courtyard, he felt his body collapse with someone else's.
"Sorry", he muttered sincerely as he stood up, wiping tears from his eyes.
Then he glanced up to see at whom he had collapsed, and his eyes widened. It was the one and only Evan Rosier. The Slytherin boy looked back at him furiously, his hands turned into fists. And he wasn't alone. Almost his whole Slytherin gang was there with him, including Avery, Snape, Black and Lestrange.
"Well, well, well who do we have here? Oh no! Have you been crying? You poor thing!" Bellatrix Black mocked, her voice full of amusement.
"Isn't that the Half-Blood freak with scars all over his face?" Avery asked grinning viciously.
"I'll leave now," Remus mumbled quietly, turning quickly away. He had taken just two steps before, as expected, he felt someone pushing him sharply against the wall. Panic rose in his chest as he realized that he had left his wand laying on his bedside table in the morning.
"And where do you think you are going you filthy Half-Blood?" Rosier asked, pushing him harder. He seemed to be the only one who was angry, because the others seemed rather amused.
Only Snape seemed a bit uncomfortable, and Remus guessed it was because the black-haired boy knew that Remus got well along with his best friend, Lily Evans.
"I asked you, where do think you are going you filthy Half-Blood!?" Rosier shouted and spat on Remus's face. He closed his eyes in disgust. The others just snickered.
"I-I really don't want any trouble. Please le-let me go", He begged, trying to squirm away from Rosier's tight grip.
"And why would we let you go, if the fun has just begun!" Bellatrix laughed enthusiastically, "I guess that we should teach the little Half-Blood Gryffindor here what happens when you mess up with people with cleaner blood than his."
The boys laughed mockingly as Bellatrix came face to face with Remus, pointing her wand at his chest. There was something disturbing about her look that made Remus shiver.
"Now, where do we start? Should Evan do the honours or should I..."
"Hey, I will catch up with you guys later. I have a detention to attend to", Snape interrupted suddenly with a blank expression.
"But Severus! You will miss all the fun!" Bellatrix complained in a mocking voice.
"Yeah, well, punch him for me Evan", he said and rushed off.
Remus watched frowning as Snape walked away and disappeared around the corner. He didn't have much time to wonder if he had left just because of Lily, when suddenly he felt a fist on his nose.
He groaned in pain and closed his eyes as he felt involuntary tears trying to fall down. Judging from the crunch that came from the hit, his nose was surely broken, and he could feel warm blood flowing down to his robes.
"Good one Evan!" Bellatrix laughed cheerfully, "Can anyone do better?"
Remus heard steps coming closer and then felt a fist on his stomach. All the air was knocked out of his lungs and he was dropped to the ground, coughing, catching for air.
"Please...stop...please" He begged between coughs.
Now everybody was laughing. Even Rosier's mood seemed to have lighten up. Remus felt hot tears trying to escape his eyes again.
"Aww, you are not going to cry again, are you?" Bellatrix derided as she scanned him and suddenly her eyes widened in surprise, "Wait a minute! Aren't you one of my Blood-traitor cousin's pathetic little friends?"
"Yes, he is indeed. I saw him on the train with him." Remus heard a wicked voice say. He guessed that it belonged to Rodolphus Lestrange.
"Well then, I think he should be treated more privilegedly, don't you think Rodo?" Bellatrix said in an uppish voice, "This will be a great revenge on Sirius!"
"Absolutely."
Bellatrix giggled madly as Rodolphus walked, smirking, next to Remus and pointed his wand to the frightened boys face.
Remus lay helplessly on the floor, blood and tears still running down his face. Stop crying. This is life. It's not just rainbows and unicorns. Just deal with it. He closed his eyes, bended his head down in defeat and got ready for whatever was coming.
"Crusi...!"
"EXPELLIARMUS!"
Remus's eyes shot open and when he looked up, he saw something that he will never forget.
James had jumped on top of a very shocked looking Rodolphus, beating the hell out of him while Sirius and Peter were shouting spells at the other Slytherins.
"You bastard! Potter! Get off him!" Bellatrix shouted furiously as she tried to hex Sirius.
"Did you just call my friend a bastard?!" Sirius yelled fiercely, "Flipendo!"
Remus watched with wide eyes as Bellatrix' body flew to the nearby wall of the courtyard. She hit the wall with a thump, but it didn't take long for her to stand up again.
"How dare you, you filthy Blood-traitor!" Evan shouted and raised his wand towards Sirius but was knocked out by James who had left Rodolphus laying groaning on the floor.
"Don't you dare to harm any of my friends, you git!" James shouted punching him on the face. Remus had never seen him so furious before.
Remus tried to stand up and help, but the pain on his stomach was so intense that he collapsed to the floor again. He watched helplessly as James was duelling with Rosier, Peter with Avery and Sirius with Bellatrix. Luckily, Rodolphus was still also on the floor, holding his nose with both hands. Ha, now he knew how it felt.
Suddenly, Remus groaned as someone grabbed his hair and put a wand on his throat.
"STOP!" Remus heard Bellatrix shout behind him, "Stop or I swear I won't be so benignant!"
Everyone stopped. Avery, Rosier and even Lestrange were grinning while James, Sirius and Peter's eyes widened.
"Let him go, Bellatrix", Sirius hissed in a murderous voice.
"What about...no", she said grinning like a lunatic, her wild black curls covering her face, "I think I will maybe give him one more scar to his collection."
"Don't you dare touch him, you...!" James shouted seething, but was attenuated by Bellatrix.
"Well if you insist!" Bellatrix shouted in a high-pitched voice and pointed her wand towards Remus's neck. He closed his eyes as tears fell down his face. How many times was he going to cry today? He felt so weak, so worthless. Like a pathetic wooden desk where you could just carve your name.
And then he felt the sting on his neck. He whimpered in pain and tried to get out of her grip but in vain.
"STOP!" He heard the three of them shout, panic in their voices, "STOP YOU MANIAC!"
Bellatrix just laughed madly and tightened her grip on Remus's light brown hair.
"This is just a lesson for you, dear cousin. I really..."
"What is happening he...OH MY! What in the name of Merlin do think you are doing Ms. Black!" Someone shouted, and Remus felt Bellatrix' wand fly away from her grip. It was professor McGonagall.
Remus was thrown to the floor with a loud thump as Bellatrix stood up immediately. Remus sat up staggering and grabbed his neck from where he felt a cut bleeding.
"I was...we were just messing around a bit, professor. Nothing serious really." Bellatrix said as matter of factly.
"Nothing serious?! NOTHING SERIOUS?! Then why were you pointing your wand at Mr. Lupin's neck?!And who did this to him?! What happened here?!" Remus turned to see professor McGonagall's outraged face. He could swear that she was fuming.
"These maniacs should be expelled!" Sirius raged suddenly, "Look professor what they did to Remus!"
"You did this, too?!" She asked looking shocked at Avery, Rosier and Lestrange.
"That idiot bumped on me!" Rosier said defensively. James, Sirius and Peter growled at him and the fiery professor looked like she was going to explode.
"You three", She pointed as calmly as she could at James, Sirius and Peter, "Take Mr. Lupin to the Hospital Wing. I'll meet you there later to hear your part of the story. And you four are coming with me to professor Dumbledore's office, right now!" She said strictly and stomped to the corridor that led inside, " I said RIGHT NOW!"
The four Slytherins follower her haughtily, giving the other four some nasty looks before turning the corner.
It took James, Peter and Sirius two seconds to rush over to Remus's side.
"Bloody hell, Remus! Are you okay?" Sirius asked concerned.
"Really Sirius? Of course he's not okay!" James bursted.
"Hey! Burst your anger on those slimy Slytherins if you want, not me!" Sirius shouted.
"Sorry mate. I just...I can't believe they did this to him", James said ruffling at his already messy black hair, his eyes scanning worriedly at Remus.
Remus watched them nonplussed. They knew what he was, so why on earth had they helped him? Why did they still care?
"Can you walk?" James asked after a while.
"I-I guess so", he muttered and pushed himself carefully to his feet. His stomach ached as he felt dizzy and started wobbling, but just when he felt like collapsing to ground again, he felt four strong arms catching him.
"Next time I see those four, I swear that I will kick their hideous Pure-Blood Slytherin ass'!" Sirius shouted furiously as he and James put Remus's arms around their shoulders.
"No, it's alright Sirius", Remus said as tried to focus on his steps.
"What?! What's up with you lately, Remus?! First you say that you are sorry for being a werewolf and now you're saying that those Slytherins beating you up is alright?!" James asked stunned.
"Why are you even still helping me?" Remus asked weakly. He was starting to have a headache and the many questions on his mind weren't making him feel better.
"That's a joke, right?!" James laughed but stopped when he saw the pained and confused expression on Remus's tired face, "You serious?"
"No, I'm Sirius."
"Sirius, now's really not the time."
"Sorry."
James rolled his eyes and turned back to Remus.
Remus hesitated a moment before nodding slowly.
"We are your friends Remus! That's what friends do!" James shouted scandalised. Peter nodded reassuringly.
"You would have done the same for us!" Sirius said as they reached the door to the Hospital Wing.
It was true. He would have done the same.
"So, you...you are not afraid of..." He muttered, but before he could end his sentence, the school matron, Madam Pomfrey, came running to them.
"Oh, dear! What happened!?" She asked as she flushed over to examine Remus's injuries.
"Slytherins happened", Sirius answered darkly and a bit out of breath for carrying Remus.
"Slythe...wait, what?! What happened? Does the Headmaster know about this?!" She asked incredulously, her wand inspecting Remus up and down.
"Yeah, professor McGonagall took the idiots to professor Dumbledore's office when she found us", James said bluntly.
"Very well then", the matron said, looking satisfied enough," Put Mr. Lupin down on the bed, you two. Carefully! I will be right back to check on the wounds." And with that she disappeared out of the Hospital Wing, muttering something about healing potions and professor Slughorn.
James and Sirius helped Remus to lay down on the bed while Peter brought three white chairs next to it. When Remus was finally laying down, James and Sirius sat with Peter and the three of them stared at him intently.
"W-what?" Remus asked after a minute when he couldn't take the tension anymore. He was so confused. Didn't they understand what a werewolf meant? Or was this a part of some act? Was this a prank?
"Nothing...it's just that...mate, you look terrible", James said, failing to grin.
"Why did you run?" Sirius asked suddenly, "And why did you apologize?"
Remus looked down at his lap and felt his cheeks flush.
"I just...I just couldn't bear to hear what you were going to say", he whispered quietly looking at the red marks on his robes.
"And what exactly were we going to say?" James asked raising an eyebrow.
"To leave you alone of course", he said simply, "I mean, who would ever want to be friends with a monster like me?"
They stared at him for a minute with their mouths open before they suddenly bursted out laughing.
"What!?" Peter exclaimed.
"That's the most stupid thing I've heard all day! Even though we talked with the Slytherins", James laughed.
"But... aren't you... aren't you afraid that I would hurt you?" Remus asked completely dumbfounded. Their reactions were certainly not what he had expected.
"I'm sorry Remus, but you couldn't scare the hell out of us even if you wanted to. So, shut up and accept that we will hang out with you, wanted it or not", Sirius grinned and patted him carefully on the shoulder.
"I... I don't know what to say. I...?" Now he was completely speechless. They were laughing about his Lycanthropy. Not shunning him or looking at him with disgust, but...laughing?
"You don't have to say anything, Rem", James said. His laughing had died, and he looked at him with a soft look, "Just...just know that we really don't care if you're a werewolf or a vampire or even a bloody hippogriff. You are still the same clever, funny, calm, amazing, chocoholic, book-loving Remus that we love and not even a furry little problem can change that."
"James's right", Peter said nodding.
"Yes, and don't you call yourself a monster ever again Remus", Sirius warned. His grin had also died out and his stormy grey eyes were looking strictly into Remus's green ones. "You are probably the nicest and purest person I've ever met, so don't you dare to call yourself that again. Understand?"
Remus looked at all of them with wide astonished eyes before his face slowly softened into a genuine smile. He let everything that he just heard to sink in. They wanted him. They knew what he was, and they truly wanted him.
He nodded to Sirius and as the three boys grinned brightly back at him, he felt something warm spreading in his chest. Something that he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. And then the tears came falling down. He felt them falling slowly and warmly against his bloodied cheeks, but this time he didn't wipe them away. In fact, they felt welcome. Because this time they were not from the pain or loneliness or desperation. This time, for the first time in his short and miserable life, they were tears of joy.
Thank you so much for reading this! I know that I'm not the best writer, but the Marauders are really close to my heart, so I just really wanted to give it a go. Also, sorry for possible grammars! My English is not the best, but I'm learning:). And please review your thoughts, but no mean comments thank you3