Undercover Confessions

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Miami or any of the characters.

Summary: "And you know what? Until you pull undercover duty, don't lecture me about how long I've been under. You have no idea what it's like."

A/N: This is set during the season eight episode Meltdown when Eric accuses Jake of stealing the diamonds from evidence. This is purely a CaKe fic and is a bit AU as the events here do not leave way for the hip-hugger relationship shown throughout the rest of the series. Also, the quote in the summary is taken directly from the show and, therefore, is not mine.

I got this idea when I caught the Eric/Jake confrontation on TV the other night - because I'm not ashamed to admit that I stopped watching CSI: Miami during early season six - and I just couldn't help but put the idea into words. Jake seemed a little bitter about, not only Eric's accusations, but his assumptions that he knows what kind of person he is which, in turn, got me to thinking about how Calleigh ended it with him when he asked her to wait. (Which I was never happy with.) As such, I decided to write my own ending because I was not happy with what I was shown and I hope everyone enjoys reading it.

I also have to warn that this is a little bit different from my normal writing style as it's a bit choppier than what I normally write. I wanted to really capture being in each characters head and, as we all know, sometimes our thoughts and emotions aren't the most coherent or cohesive.

Confessions of an Undercover Agent

"And you know what? Until you pull undercover duty, don't lecture me about how long I've been under. You have no idea what it's like."

Just as he was about to turn away and make his exit, he caught sight of the smirk on Delko's face and that just irritated him all the more.

Stalking forward, he came toe-to-toe with the taller man. "Don't you dare stand there, all high and mighty just because you work nine to five," he ground out between clenched teeth. "You wouldn't be able to pull undercover work."

Eric opened his mouth to reply but Jake cut him off, jabbing a finger to his chest. "My job has cost me more than I care to admit. I don't have a normal life and I don't have a family or friends because it's too dangerous. The only women I allow myself to see, I see because it's part of my job and none of them even come close to the woman I've had to watch walk out of my life not once, but twice because of the work I do."

Jake could feel his jaw ticking as he pushed the CSI back against the windowed walls of interrogation, eyes gleaming madly. And he wasn't just any CSI; he was the CSI. The one who had everything Jake had ever wanted. The one who had been there to pick up the pieces of what Jake had left behind.

He'd never wanted to hurt her, he'd never wanted to walk away from her again but, as much as he loved her, his job was a calling. He'd seen it during his time as a homicide detective. While he'd been happier than ever personally, professionally, he had been in a rut. Clocking in and working a couple of cases, cleaning up the messes of a crime already committed just didn't hold the same sense of accomplishment fighting from the inside did.

Going under and getting into the mind of the bad guys.

Becoming the bad guy.

Stopping the bad guy before things got too serious not after the damage was already done.

That was what he'd always wanted, what he was made for.

He had no illusions about his job; he knew it was a nightmare. He lived the nightmare every day. But, despite longing for normalcy, longing for her, he couldn't give it up. Not right now.

When he had been with her, he had been truly happy but it had felt like he had been denying a part of himself. At least this way, he could go under and work and be who he was meant to be and imagine that she was at home waiting for him. It was a sick fantasy but it helped him get by. Thankfully ATF didn't give him much free time between assignments so he could continue to believe, to imagine, to fantasize.

There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't picture her: standing barefoot in the kitchen, wrapped in one of his shirts making breakfast, waiting for him to call. And, occasionally, he found himself calling her during his free time only to hang up at the sound of her voice. That lazy southern drawl acting as his reality check, letting him know that she wasn't his and the reality he'd set up in his mind was just an illusion.

Which brought him back to the present.

The man he had backed up against the walls of interrogation, he had her now and he'd be lying if he said that didn't crease him just a little bit. More than just a little bit if he was honest with himself but, then again, he was rarely honest with himself.

And how could she let herself fall for someone like this? He was a yes man, he had no backbone and Jake wasn't even sure how he ended up as a CSI. Even when he had been with her, this Eric Delko had been trailing behind like some lost puppy, just waiting for some scraps. And, unintentionally, Jake had left all the puppy needed to push ahead when he went back under.

But just because he'd left scraps of her behind, didn't mean that she had hadn't left scraps of him too. Scraps that were still here in Miami and would always be here no matter where he went. Scraps that would be hers until the end of time. He would keep coming back for the scraps too, just to get a glimpse of her. Even if it meant risking his cover and his life.

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