He can't be here. And yet, I can feel his presence. But it's impossible. After all, only authorized people can get into the planet, so how is he here in the first place?
I forget. He is Han Solo, the man who can defy all odds. The man who is also my father.
I am not supposed to feel anything for him now, so what is this feeling I have? Excitement? Nervousness? Anxiety? No matter. I will meet him soon.
Maybe a bit of meditation will help, I thought as I enter my meditation chamber.
There's this feeling again. Despite focusing on my anger, on my pain and all the other dark side stimuli, this feeling is still here. I can't express it. It's just sort of…there.
My meditation suddenly brings back memories, taking me back to a time and place when I was still a naive child. Leia singing me to sleep with her beautiful, gentle voice. Luke teaching me the force with patience and care. And Han… Han leaving for a certain "business" to take care of… At the time, I was always impatient for him to come back from his "trips". He always brings gifts whenever he comes back to us, but that's not what I was impatient for; I was impatient because I miss the company of my father. His stupid jokes, his thrilling stories, and his lopsided smile.
Now I know what I was feeling this whole time. It was longing. I was longing to go back and reunite with my father. I wanted to be with my family again.
How weak of me. To desire family… Not anymore. I destroy the feeling before it consumes me.
He is near.
I exit my meditation chamber, and walk down the halls.
Despite being confident that I destroyed the feeling of longing, it came back. Subtle, hidden, yet strong.