A/N: Anon over at the kink meme said:

So I can't be the only one who wanted their Fem Shep to jump Cortez right? So Shep and Cortez become very close friends. She helps him grieve and move on from losing his husband. I'd like to see her losing Thane and him being there for her. They end up falling for each other, but not knowing the other has too. Shep thinks he is only attracted to men, so just kinda puts her feelings for him aside and keeps tries to think of him only as a friend. She does things that drive him crazy, like getting undressed in front of him cuz he's not attracted, right? I'd like to see a lot of UST. They finally figure it out, maybe a crew member points it out? Go where you will with this. I just love Cortez!

And I said – huzzah! Buh then I 'dared' to add my opinion to the prompt, as well as announcing another person who is likely to fill the prompt and immediately I was jumped for daring to speak up. I understand that I joined the debate about after a month the prompt was posted - but really, I knew there was a reason why so many prompts remain unfilled, huh. Almost prevented me for really filling the prompt myself – because hey, if my opinion, together with the announcement was a bother, it would suggest that my prompt fill would also be a bother. So – so far I'm really wondering whether to actually post this at the meme, or just keep it here at and my own LJ.

Disclaimer: No hetero-/homo-/bisexual people were hurt in the making of this fanfic; I'm not here to "cure" anyone from their sexual orientation – I just decided to play on the note that maybe, just maybe, Steve found some traces of bisexuality in him. I own nothing – but if you had free Jokers lazing around, feel free to send them over! ;)

One

Some months ago, his life had been pretty; he was happily married to a man he loved and who loved him back, they had nice flat at the colony and everything was fine. He would wake up sooner than Robert each morning, savouring the time before his husband awoke, and gazed upon the face of the person he loved so much.

His love, his anchor in this crazy world.

Things changed abruptly. He was on the outer rims of the colony, repairing something when the Collector swarm stroke. The fate was unmerciful back then – his vehicle refused to work and when he started running back to the colony, his communicator came alive.

"Robert!" he yelled to the comm, desperation making him quicker, "I will come for you, don't worry!"

"Steve, do not dare come back – stay where you are, you would only got caught, too!"

He couldn't understand why his loved one doesn't want him back. "Robert?" he gasped to the comm, running as quick as he was able. Damn! Trust it to his luck to make him twist his ankle now of all the times!

"Steve," Robert's voice sounded calm and serene, "Promise me something. I love you – but I know you. Do not make this moment; do not make me, your anchor – live, my love, live for me."

"Robert?" he whispered to the comm, not wanting to believe what he heard. "Robert! Don't!"

But the comm remained dead, just like the colony, when he finally managed to drag himself there.

-o.O.o-

Steve woke up with a startle, gasping for air like a fish out of its tank. Blasted nightmares. Every time he was trying for more than six hours of sleep and went to his bunk while not being completely drained, the nightmares came, leaving him trembling and scared.

He hated feeling so weak and helpless.

Look at the clock revealed it was about three in the morning. 'Damn it. Once again no more than about five hours of sleep.'

Kicking the blanket aside, he reached for his pants and shirt. He won't fall asleep again, so he may as well make himself useful and look at the Kodiak thrusters again.

-o.O.o-

"I love you, Steve – but I know you. Do not make this moment, do not make me, your anchor…"

Steve knew he shouldn't listen to the last message he received from Robert as much and as often as he did. Especially not after waking up after another round of nightmares about the whole attack. But these moments, stolen in the dead of the night were usually the only moments he could steal just for Robert's voice.

Not this time, as it showed, when a discreet cough sounded from behind him, alerting him to someone's presence.

"Lieutenant?"

"Ah, Commander," he replied, straightening himself while trying to brush away the tears he felt falling. "I wouldn't have expected anyone awake at this hour."

"I would be happily sleeping, if I wasn't having those blasted Prothean nightmares again. Guess that getting yourself spaced doesn't help you to sleep peacefully, either," she finished, grimacing.

"I know the feeling," he said, closing the file and turning to face Shepard. "Every time I have too much time to think before I drop asleep, I dream… I dream of things. Of Robert."

"That's recording from the attack on the Ferris Fields, isn't it?" she asked quietly.

Steve nodded. "Yes. I had been working on some construction few clicks south from the station when the collectors hit. Robert somehow managed to get out of the field Collectors put up. And instead of running… he called me."

"He must have cared about you a great deal, your husband," offered Shepard, coming to stand beside him. He nodded. "He was afraid I wouldn't let go. But for him, I moved on. At least I thought so. But then the invasion hits and the only thing I grab is… is this," he said, feeling weak.

He turned to Shepard. "I mean – what's the point of moving on with your life when everything is going to hell?"

"Do not say that," said Shepard hotly. "If even we start thinking that, we can drop trying to do anything and just sit and let the Reapers harvest us, for we already lost."

Steve was silent for a moment, before he replied to Shepard's declamation. "Yeah, you're right… but to tell the truth, I've never felt as alone as I do right now."

It was Shepard's turn to be quiet, her brain obviously rushing to decide on something. She gave him a small smile. "I know, Steve. Ever since I managed to hold off the Batarians at Elysium, I've felt the same – no one really comes closer, once they decorate you a hero." She snorted. "And the only one, who actually came and survived, is dying now. And I spend the last six months, when I could be with him grounded on Earth, not allowed to see anyone from my old crew. Tell me about taking way too many things for granted."

It was strange to see the woman, who had been strength personified to be so down. But then she looked up and quirked another smile. "I'm here, Steve. If you ever feel alone, just give me a shout."

Before he could say anything, she was gone; the only sound the door closing behind her.

"Thank you, Allison," he said into the silence, feeling calm as he didn't for very long time.