Disclaimer: I don't own KKM or any of the 40 songs featured in this fic.
Warning: major cheesiness ahead…? A little OOCness? I'm not sure…
411: the title doesn't name the story (coz I can't think of one that could fit the story). 40 songs are featured in this fic. As you read along, try to guess the titles and see how many you can get it right. Some are one-liners so they might be harder. You'll know it's a song because it is in between (superscripted) numbers (ex: 1twinkle, twinkle little star1) – I'm not sure the superscript works; it didn't in preview. The song titles are listed at the end in order of appearance, but NO CHEATING. Number one's practically a bonus.
Notes: I don't know if you're gonna like this, but I needed to get this out of my system or else I wouldn't be able to proceed with my other fanfic. I did a lot of research with this so please R&R??? Merci:)
Okay, here's the setting: they're on stage wearing leotards… kidding. They're in the GDK, of course – and no leotards.
Name That Tune
Wolfram watched his fiancé and his half-brother play that Earth game called baseball again. They have been throwing the small white ball back and forth for the last two hours and seemed like it wasn't going to end soon. He wondered why they found something so repetitious so fun; because from his point of view the game didn't seem very interesting at all. Wolfram sighed wistfully and wished that Yuri would show interest in him like he showed interest in that never ending game of throwing the ball.
It was true that both of them had professed their feelings for each other and Wolfram honestly thought that Yuri had been truthful to him, really meaning all the wonderful things he had said to the blond, but Yuri showed and acted otherwise; and Wolfram had to wonder if the young king had been toying with him all along, just to stop the blond from complaining about their stagnant relationship. The prince understood that the boy king was rather busy and hardly had any free time they could spend together – or so Yuri claimed; but why was it that he had the time to throw that stupid ball around with Conrart and he hardly had the time to spend with his fiancé? Oh, Yuri, 1If I could escape and recreate a place as my own world and I could be your favorite boy forever, perfectly together. Tell me, now wouldn't that be sweet?1Honestly, Yuri was confusing him. Or maybe there's something that Wolfram failed to see or didn't want to see even.
2Maybe this year, maybe next year, maybe never. I'm confessing that I'm guessing all the time. Though I'm hoping, always hoping that you'll love me and that someday, you'll be saying you'll be mine2 The blond sighed again as he dragged his eyes away form the dark boy and went back to his duties.
Though he wanted to, he knew that he couldn't just stand there all day and stare at that young man who had smitten him real good, and the blow had been so hard on him. He didn't really know that he had been falling in love; he only realized it when he felt his heart bleeding for the boy. Why him? He cried deep inside. Why a wimp like him? He wondered why people weren't allowed to choose whom they fell in love with; it was much less painful that way. Well maybe that's why it was called falling in love. You can let yourself fall but you can never choose where to land and in the end it always hurts. He only wished he could dress his heart in a suit of armor; that way the landing from falling wouldn't be too bad.
He shook his head as he made his way to the stables to shake the thoughts off.
As they made their way to the village, the beating of the hooves was the only sound that Gwendal heard. That was the only sound he wanted to listen to, just to drown his own beating heart that pounded so wildly in his chest. Just this afternoon, they heard the terrible news that a town had been burned to ashes, the people slaughtered and only a few children were spared. It had been a miner's town; the soil filled with rich minerals and a cave hade been dug just a week ago. Since then some vandals had been slowly ransacking the place and eventually demanded the townsfolk to hand over the town to them. They didn't think that it would come to this.
Even before they reached it, they could already catch a faint odor of decaying and burnt flesh. It was getting stronger as they drew closer that it almost made them gag.
Everyone looked at the calamity, refusing to believe that such a thing could occur. The town no longer looked like one; only a charred land.
This was too much for the man. Even though he had seen such tragedies – others even worse than this – it still didn't make it any better for him. He always felt the mix of emotions looking at lost homes, dead loved ones and orphaned children from cold-blooded murder. He didn't think anyone could be so callous.
"Gather the survivors and give medical treatment to those injured," Gwendal barked at his soldiers.
"Yes, My Lord," they said almost in unison and quickly went to the task they were told to do.
Gwendal's eyes roamed the carnage again, sighing deeply. "We might be able to save these poor children, but we could never heal the trauma they suffered. No amount of magic can do that."
Yozak whistled softly. "All this for money?"
"Those greedy good-for-nothing bastards!" Gwendal growled.
"I didn't think money could be so evil," Yuri thought aloud.
Without looking at the young king, Gwendal replied, "3In this world, all our sins are simple. We choose death over innocent life. And in this world, it's not our money that's evil; it's the ones who choose it over life3."
Yuri didn't say anything back and thought about what the oldest son had said. It was true. Money was never made to be evil. People tend to be blinded by the power it could bring them. "But who could have done this?"
"We don't know who they are," Gunter supplied, "but some people have seen rough-looking men leave from this direction and head north. The witnesses could only approximate their number and said that there must be at least fifteen of them. I seem to remember a town before this had also reported some minor disturbances, but no one had been hurt. They must be the same ruffians that caused this."
Gwendal put his thumb and forefinger to his chin, thinking pensively, "That might be situation here."
"So let's start heading north! We can't waste any time!" Yuri exclaimed.
Gunter looked at the young boy apologetically, "I'm sorry, Your Majesty, but you mustn't come with us. You have to make an appearance tonight."
Yuri pouted. "It's just a stupid party! I'm trying to save people's lives here; I think they'll understand that."
"I know, Your Majesty. But this gathering is just as important. If you don't show up tonight, all those patricians would be offended. You don't only have a duty to the lives of people but also to your country," Gunter said.
The boy sighed in defeat. "All right."
Gunter smiled, "Thank you so much for understanding, Your Majesty! Don't worry, we'll take care of everything here and make sure those men would be captured before they could do more damage than they already have." He looked at the slowly darkening horizon; the sun was slowly setting. "You should be heading back now. Wolfram and his soldiers would accompany you on your way home."
"What? Why do I have to go?" the blond prince asked.
"It's your duty as the future king's consort to accompany His Majesty tonight," Gunter replied.
Wolfram folded his arms across his chest, "Fine! Whatever!"
As the couple rode back to the castle, Gunter turned his attention once again to the ruins. The setting sun cast long eerie shadows that made the place even creepier and he could only feel a pang of regret of the things this place would have been if not destroyed, but he believed that when this town would be rebuilt it would be better than the previous one. "4Fanatics find their heaven in a never ending storming wind. Auguries of destruction be a lullaby for rebirth4," he murmured.
Gwendal looked at the advisor beside him and thought he heard him whisper something.
The ride back to the castle was silent. Yuri wasn't really in a partying mood; but who would be after seeing all the terrible things he had turned his back on? He knew that it wasn't really abandoning the whole situation, but to him, it felt like that. He really wanted to stay and help; release the wrath of the Maou even. It made him wonder why he was king and yet he couldn't decide on his own actions to take. But when he takes matters into his own hands, they somehow turn out wrong. It was frustrating; he felt like a young child still learning how to walk, trying hard just to put one foot in front of the other by himself, but just stumbles in the end. 5I'm a nightmare, a disaster. I'm a lost cause, not a hero. But I'll make it on my own. I'm gonna prove them wrong56I'm stating my independence, gonna take the road I'm gonna take and I'm gonna make my own mistakes. And if I mess the whole thing up, it's my ride6. I wish I could say that to Gwendal, but if I did, I'd be six feet under the Great Demon Kingdom. I know as ruler of this country I cannot afford to mess things up, but it just seems like they're treating me like I can't handle things on my own. He had been thinking very deeply that he hadn't noticed the other boy already beside him, and only when he spoke did Yuri become aware of his presence.
"Yuri, are you alright?" Wolfram asked.
Yuri just nodded.
"You can talk to me, if you want."
"If I want," Yuri blurted out rather coldly and he couldn't miss the hurt on the other boy's face. Oh shit! I did it again! He really didn't mean to hurt Wolfram and he didn't know why he kept doing this to him. He really did love him; it was just that when the king gets so frustrated, it so happens that Wolfram was always conveniently there for him to yell at. He opened his mouth to say sorry, but couldn't bring himself to say it. What is the matter with me? I don't really want to see him hurt but I can't apologize either.7 What do say when it's over?7He sighed, 7sorry seems to be the hardest word7
Yuri's doing it again, pushing me away. All I wanted was to help, maybe ease his burden a little bit; is that so bad? He's not the only one hurting because of what happened. It hurt me, too, to see all the lives lost for nothing. I wanted so badly to believe him when he told me that he loves me too that I refused to see the other signs pointing the other way. I understand that being king can be exasperating and I can accept all the insults and the yelling, but 8everyday it's getting worse. Do the same things and it hurts. I don't know if I should cry. I want to believe in you, but you make it so hard to do, Yuri. Why can't you be good to me?89I can't take anymore of these games you play. I've been through heartache and I've been through pain; and it's hard to believe you still treat me this way9. Why did you say those words to me? I can't find any reason for you to and then do otherwise or do you just enjoy leaving me to run around in circles? I'm getting dizzy from this, Yuri. 10Is this as hard as it gets? Because I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough. I'm here if you want me. I'm yours, you can hold me10…
As the castle came into view a few minutes later, he couldn't wait to get to his room and curl up by himself to drown in sorrow. The charade they were playing was taking its toll on him. He wanted it to stop at the same time he didn't want to let go of the spark of hope that he held on to, no matter how small it was.
The moment they arrived, he went straight to his chambers and dropped on the bed thinking about this whole mess he was in. Just thinking about letting Yuri go, brought tight knots in his stomach, but it seemed like holding on brought knots to his head. It was so much easier pretending in front of the others, but when he was all alone, it was hard to lie to himself.
His mother had told him countless times to smile at every trouble that came to face him, and everything would turn out fine. There was no use frowning. And he did that for quite some time now. 11Underneath this smile, my world is slowly caving in. All the while, I'm hanging on, because that is all I know11he thought sadly. And so far, everything hadn't turned out fine like his mother had told him.
He got up from bed and got ready for the event that was already brewing in the grand ballroom.
The party dragged on for the first hour and Wolfram couldn't wait for it to end. He was mostly seeing the same people other than the king of Rimmaco del Paz and his daughter and it was starting to really bore the prince. This party was really not necessary; just a formality to celebrate their new alliance with the Great Demon Kingdom.
Ever since the party started, Yuri had been dragged from one group to another to engage in a friendly conversation and Wolfram had stayed at his table sipping wine, looking ready to fall asleep. Just as the king sat beside him, he was summoned again. He whispered to Wolfram apologetically, "I love you."
Liar. Wolfram forced a smile. "Love you, too."
Yuri smiled back thinking he had been forgiven for his thoughtless action that evening prior and went off to dance with Rimmaco del Paz's princess.
Wolfram watched him go. Seeing Yuri dance with countless of men and women before, it had dulled the jealousy he once felt; and something always helped him pull through at times like these. He got up and headed to the wine bar to get something stronger.
And for the rest of the night, it was as if Wolfram was not there at all.
It was almost midnight when Gunter approached Yuri and asked if they could have a little meeting at Gwendal's office. Yuri excused himself from the party and followed his teacher out.
"How did it go?" Yuri asked wearily.
"The vandals had been captured, Your Majesty. And the children have been sent to a safe house." Gunter replied but without a hint of a smile.
"That's great! But why d'you look so glum?"
The man opened his mouth then closed it again.
"Gunter, tell me. What's wrong?"
"I think I should let Lord von Voltaire tell you the bad news."
Bad news? Was another town massacred again? His heart started to beat furiously again as they approached the office. When they got there, Gwendal was at his desk, Yozak was leaning against the window's edge and Wolfram was on the couch looking flushed from all the alcohol he drank. They were looking as glum as Gunter had.
As the door closed, the advisor went to stand beside Yozak and turned to Gwendal, "I haven't informed him about the news yet. I thought that maybe you're more appropriate to tell him."
"Come on guys, tell me already. The suspense is killing me," Yuri urged.
Gwendal stood up and looked at the young king squarely in the eyes and without even hesitating he said, "Conrart's been badly injured."
For a while, Yuri just stood there and wondered if he had heard wrong. "What?" he whispered.
"It seemed like the ruffians knew he was human and ganged up on him. We didn't know how it actually happened and we didn't expect him, an excellent swordsman, of all people to get hurt so badly. We didn't expect them to be so skilled with fighting. I guess, it's our fault for – underestimating them. We had gotten everything under control when there was –"
"How badly?" Yuri interrupted.
"Your Majesty?" Gwendal asked, slightly confused at the interruption.
"You said he was hurt so badly. How badly?" He practically barked the last sentence and everyone in the room flinched.
"Um," Gwendal started, unsure if he should be honest with Conrart's physical state.
When the man didn't continue, Yuri turned to Gunter, "Where is he? Tell me now."
"He's in the infirmary. My daughter's taking care of him."
As soon as the words left the advisor's mouth, Yuri dashed outside. He could hear their cries of protest but didn't stop. Conrad, please be alive! Please! Please! Please! The door almost fell of its hinges as he barged into the infirmary and saw Gisela tending to Conrart. At first she looked surprised then worried.
"Your Majesty," she said with a slight bow.
The king nodded in acknowledgment and kept his eyes on the unconscious form on the bed. His torso was covered with bandages and bright red blood started seeping through the thin cloth. His right arm was in a cast and so was his left shin. His head was wrapped with cloth as brown hair stuck out smudged with his own blood and his right eye was swollen. There were different cuts and bruises all over his body. He was definitely very badly hurt just as Gwendal had said and he looked so pale that it was amazing that he was even still alive.
Gisela stood beside him, wiping the blood from her hands. "Lord Weller had lost a lot of blood and broken a lot of bones. It was startling that he was able to make it here alive, though…" she took a deep breath, "I don't know for how long he can hold on…" then she added softly, "or if he can even hold on. He's barely alive."
"Gisela!"
Both of them turned around to see Gunter and the others arrive, out of breath. Gunter entered first, keeping his eye on his daughter, "You didn't need to tell His Majesty that."
"I'm sorry, Father, but I feel I must tell His Majesty the truth."
"It's okay, Gunter. She's right. I should know the truth. Everyone deserves it." Then turned to his godfather. Looking down on the bed, he couldn't stop the tears from falling. You promised me before, Conrad, that you would always be here with me. Don't you dare break that promise! Don't you even think about breaking it! So don't die on me.
Yuri didn't feel like going back to the party after that. To hell with it if they're offended! I don't think I can force myself to smile and I might break down in front of everyone. I don't want that.
He entered their room in silence, Wolfram following close behind him. They changed without exchanging a single word and went to bed with murmurs of goodnight, but sleep didn't come to either of them. Wolfram just stared at the canopy of their bed while Yuri rolled to his side to stare at the arched window; feeling totally wiped out but couldn't fall asleep. 12It's just me against the world, and the world is winning12…
Wolfram woke up early the next morning to find the space next to him empty. He found the missing boy sitting by the window staring outside, looking very tired. The blond slipped off the bed and approached the other. Yuri jumped when Wolfram slid his hand to his shoulder.
"Sorry, I didn't mean you startle you," Wolfram said softly.
The king looked at the prince standing next to him. "It's okay." Then turned back to the window.
They stayed there in silence for a few seconds. "Yuri –"
"Don't. Please leave me. I wanna be alone."
"Please don't do this."
Still focused on the window, Yuri asked, "Don't do what?"
"Pushing me away."
"I'm not. I told you, I just wanna be alone. I'm not pushing you away."
"Look, why don't you just talk to me. I know you're hurting."
"Wolf, please. I don't want to talk to you." Still looking out the window.
The blond just stood there, unable to say anything, then said softly, "You said you love me, but the way you act tells me a whole different story, Yuri. Why are you doing this?"
Yuri rolled his eyes as he stood up and pushed past the prince. "Not this again! Please, don't start with me, Wolf!"
"You said last night everyone deserves the truth. Am I an exception to that?"
Yuri stood in the middle of the room, silently; his back at his fiancé.
"13This is more than I can take. You tell me that you love me first, then throw your heart into reverse. I gotta be sure that you really mean what you say. It's so hard to let you in, thinking you might slam the breaks again13."
"Please don't start," Yuri begged.
"Why, Yuri? Don't you trust me enough to confide in me? Every time I ask you or talk to you, you seem to just ignore me. 14Are you aware of what you make me feel? Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real14. You always just turn to Conrart –"
"So this is what it is about, huh?" Yuri growled as he turned around sharply, "You're jealous of your brother? Geez, Wolfram! Stop being so immature! I've already told you what you wanted to hear. I love you! Isn't that enough for you?" Yuri yelled with frustration.
Wolfram was taken aback as tears started to gather in his eyes, but he stubbornly held it back. I've already told you what you wanted to hear… It echoed in his head. He said it like he was forced to. "I-immature?" he choked. "I know you're upset about what happened to Conrart, I am too! How do you think I feel? He's my brother, Yuri! For god's sake! You're not the only one who's hurt by what happened!"
"Don't pretend to care about him. You never liked him!"
The blond was silent for a while, trying so hard to fight back the tears that threatened to fall any second. He hated himself for crying so easily. He didn't want to cry, not for someone who didn't seem to care about him. "This isn't about him."
Yuri chuckled mirthlessly, "Because it's all about you, isn't it?"
"Stop twisting my words, Yuri," Wolfram replied softly. "And yes, those three words aren't enough for me. I was happy when you said that but you keep saying that to me, and lately it's been losing its value, because you don't seem to show it at all! Honestly, Yuri, you 15don't wanna reach for me, do you? I mean nothing to you… The little things give you away15. 16I'm trying not to break, but I'm so tired of this deceit. Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet, all I ever think about is this. Trying to put my trust in you, just takes so much out of me16."
"Why do you complain so much, Wolf? It's not like the world revolves around you, you know! There are other people in this castle. Don't think about yourself too much."
I was immature, now I'm being selfish? "All I ask from you is to be honest with me, okay? 17I don't mind you telling me what's been on your mind lately. I don't mind you speaking up… I can take your honesty17. 18You know that I can take it… I don't wanna guess… tell me what you're thinking18. You're confusing me –"
"Wolf –"
The blond held up his palm, "19I can't get your attention and I'm so sick of it. I've got something to say to you, so shut up and listen19." Wolfram knew that he had been the one monopolizing the conversation ever since it had begun but he needed to get things off his chest before someone interrupted or before he chickened out. "20We've done this once and then you closed the door. Don't let me fall again to nothing more… Don't give me this feeling; how lonely believing. Make it real or take it all away20."
Yuri's head was starting to hurt real bad and all this arguing was making it worse. "What do you want me to say? 21There is nothing left to say to you that you wanna hear21 –"
"Don't think of what I want to hear, but what I should hear, Yuri."
The king turned his back at the prince again. He just wanted to sink into that cool bath waiting for him and just listen to the silence and not this. He sighed, "Let's talk about this later, okay?" he said forcefully.
Wolfram stomped his foot, "No! Not later, now! If it's over, then 22tell me that it's over, and I'll be the first to go… I don't wanna be the last to know22! Tell me now, Yuri! I don't wanna keep guessing anymore!" Wolfram ordered just as forcefully.
Yuri pivoted sharply and wished he hadn't for it had made his headache even worse, but this was going too far. He was tired, he was scared, he was angry and all he wanted to do was shut the all screaming directed at him. The loud and hateful words quickly spilled from his mouth; where it had come from, Yuri couldn't be sure. He was just seeing red everywhere. "23You think you're so special, but I know and we know that you're not… It's all a big show, it's all about you23! 24Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break! I need a little room to breathe24! Don't keep demanding things from me, Wolfram! You say I don't want to reach for you, because this is exactly why! You are such a selfish brat and I've had it! 25Tell me why should I waste my time with you… I know you think you know me; you don't know anything. I know you want to help me; I don't need anything… I don't need you to know25!" And with that he turned and left, making sure he slammed the door hard.
The other boy left in the room still stood by the window, unable to believe what Yuri just said – no, spat out. He didn't really expect loving words to come, but he didn't also expect such wrath either. Maybe he had been pushing Yuri too hard about this, but it was long overdue. Was it really too much for Yuri to just stop everything and talk to Wolfram seriously about the things that the prince considered as one of the most important?
Since Yuri first confessed to him about his so-called true feelings, Wolfram honestly thought things would change – well, for the better, but it only seems to have gotten worse. What did I expect, really? That things would change? Yes. 26I keep telling myself, things can turn around with time. And if I wait it out you could always change your mind26… but it would never change, would it? And now as he stood there weak, but unmoving, the silent tears started to fall
Emerald eyes gazed down lovingly upon Conrart's face and felt the tears well up again. Damn it! After all that crying, I still have some tears left? Why can't I seem to stop? Why am I so weak? The wimp shouldn't be Yuri, it should be me! At the thought of the boy, he couldn't hold back his tears.
He could clearly remember what Yuri said that morning. Don't pretend to care about him. You never liked him! And Wolfram couldn't help but feel a little guilty upon hearing those words. It wasn't true that he didn't like Conrart; he cared about his brother, but he just didn't want to show it. He was scared of getting hurt again. He had been hurt once when he found out that his older brother was really half human, but now he wasn't really sure what he was so afraid of. He had already accepted the fact that he was going to say goodbye to his older brother sooner than he had expected and nothing else warranted Wolfram to fear. He wanted to be close to him once again like before. He had so many fond memories of them together, so many happy times just wasted in the gardens, maybe pulling a prank or two on the maids. He chuckled as he wiped his cheeks with his sleeve, feeling a little nostalgic. I'm sorry, Brother. I should have been kinder to you. All you ever did was love me, but pushed you away; I no longer became your brother. 27And how can I make amends, for all that I took from you…? And how do we forget and forgive? What's gone is forever lost27
He sat beside his brother on the bed and leaned against the headboard. He sighed. "Maybe I'm such a damn hypocrite," I talk to Yuri about telling me the truth and not to just push me away and yet, without realizing it, I was also doing it – to my own brother. Now I know how he felt, how he must have hurt seeing me deny him like that – like the way I hurt now. 28If I could change, I would. Take back the pain, I would. Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would. If I could take all the shame to the grave, I would28.
"Hey, Conrart. I know you'd be going sooner than we hoped you would, but don't you think you'd be exaggerating a little with this…?" Wolfram smiled. "So don't die. It's too early for you. Got that?"
He stood up and headed to his room where his mother had been waiting for him, sitting by the vanity. "Hello Wolfie," she said sadly. She knew; the whole castle knew about their fight that morning. It had been their alarm clock.
"Hello Mother," he answered closing the door behind him. "What brings you here?"
His mother pouted as she stood up and strolled over to her son. "Can't I just visit my son for no reason?"
"Yes, you can, but I know you have reasons why you came here," Wolfram replied, cocking and brow at her.
"Oh, Wolfie, you know me too well." She headed over to the bed and motioned for him to join her. "Shall we sit here and talk?"
"Very well." He sighed as he sat down beside her. And as soon as he did, her arms wrapped around him and her head on his shoulder. It gave him a warm feeling and he welcomed it. Maybe just now he would allow it.
"29You are here alone again… all too calm; you hide yourself from reality. Do you call it solitude? Do you call it liberty? When all the world turns away to leave you lonely29. Don't you know that the pain intensifies when you're all alone?" she asked. When Wolfram didn't respond, she continued, "30Why don't you tell me where it hurts now, baby, and I'll do my best to make it better… And I love you with a love so tender… You just need somebody to hold on. Give me a chance to put back all the pieces. Take hold of your heart, make it just like new30."
"Mother, really. All I want right now is to be alone."
"Why? So you can cry your eyes out again? That's not really healthy, my dear."
Wolfram sighed, "I don't really care what's healthy or not."
His mother groaned dramatically, "But, baby, I can't bear to see you like this! Are you using this as an excuse to avoid His Majesty? You know, he's pretty sad about this, too."
The boy tore away from his mother's arms and fell to the bed face down. He suddenly felt tired. "31I don't use excuses; don't ask why. It's just a breakdown; it happens all the time. So get out of my face. Don't even try. You wanna help me, just let me cry31."
His mother was just too understanding to be offended by such disrespect. She patted his leg before she stood up. Sighing to herself, she went out and closed the door softly behind her, hoping to spot a particular black-haired king who might listen to her more.
Now that Wolfram was given the solitude he asked for, the tears refused to fall and wondered if he must have gone dry. He pounded the mattress with all his might and wished he could put all the blame on the inanimate object so that he'd have a reason to rip it to shreds. Damn Yuri! Why do you make me feel like this? 32I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident because you don't understand32
In the gardens, Yuri sneezed. He rubbed his nose. I think I'm getting sick!
He was such in a foul mood that afternoon that even Greta avoided him and played with Anissina instead. He really didn't mind; he was scared that he might just yell at his daughter too. He just felt so fragile. Not only that, he was feeling very guilty. He had no idea why he said that to Wolfram; he knew he didn't mean a word of it. He just wanted it to stop. I could have been more picky with my words, he mused. 33I don't know what I'm doing. I say the wrong things half the time; I'm only human33but then, he painfully knew that that wasn't good enough reason. I am such a moron! So why couldn't I just say I'm sorry?
In a distance he heard a high-pitched, "Your Majesty!"
He turned to look at her direction and waved hello. In a second she was at his side. He anticipated the bosom hug, but it didn't come; this time, only a warm embrace around the shoulders. "Good afternoon, Lady Celi."
"M-hm. Good afternoon to you, too, Your Majesty. Taking a leisurely stroll in the garden?" she asked as she unwrapped her arms.
He smiled and scratched his head. "Just enjoying my time alone. I'm sure you're here to talk to me about Wolfram?"
She clasped her hands together, "Your Majesty, nothing escapes you. You are absolutely right. So how are you and my son?"
The young king looked at the former queen incredulously, "I'm guessing you didn't hear our wake up call early this morning?"
"Oh, don't be silly. Everyone did. I think even the next town heard it."
Yuri blushed. He really didn't realize they had been that loud.
"So have you patched things up?"
Yuri shook his head.
"You poor thing; you must be so disheartened!"
Yuri shrugged meagerly. "Nah. I'll be fine."
"Your Majesty, 34who d'you think you're kidding? He's the earth and heaven to you. Try to keep it hidden; honey, I can see right through you. Boy, you can't conceal it. I know how you feel and who you're thinking of34."
"Okay, okay. You got me. I just… I just kept on saying all the wrong things. I couldn't control myself; it's like when I turn Maou, but only I'm aware of everything. I should have just said sorry, but I… but I…" he groaned in frustration and tugged on his hair. "35God must hate me. He cursed me for eternity35!"
She looked at him and smiled quite forlornly, "But you love him?"
He blushed. "Ye-yeah…"
"Then that would be no problem, wouldn't it? Can I give you some much needed advice, Your Majesty?"
The boy nodded.
"Keep your communication lines open."
"Huh?"
"You know why my baby keeps bothering you? It's because he feels insecure."
"Wolfram feels insecure? You're kidding, right?"
She shook her head. "I'm pretty serious – and seriously pretty, I might add. It's just you don't really talk to him very often. It's not really my business to whom you confide in really, but my baby hurts when you choose Conrart over him – oh my Conrart – and it makes him feel so inadequate. It makes him wonder why. Do you… get me?"
He nodded slowly. "He told you this?"
"No. But when you watch from the sidelines long enough, you're bound to understand even without the words."
Yuri sighed, "I wish I could be more like you."
The blonde chuckled, "You really don't mean that, Your Majesty. I'm completely fickle!"
"Maybe I should go talk to him."
"Yes, maybe you should," she said, smiling brightly.
As he started to move back towards the castle, the words he had planned to say to his fiancé went flying out of his head, along with his confidence. He took a step back. "Uh, maybe later this evening."
She nodded again, "That's also fine. But I must leave you now to think!" and with a wink, she bounced off.
Shaking his head, he looked at her leave. Tonight, I'm going to fix this. I'm going to keep my cool and we'll just talk. I'll straighten this out, Wolf, I promise! I won't keep ignoring you this time. 36I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way. I know it's not alright, so I'm breaking the habit, tonight36…
Unfortunately, the tonight he promised himself didn't come. When he arrived in his room, Wolfram wasn't there just as he had expected, but hoped otherwise. He had considered very seriously going to the other boy's room and talk to him, but thought that it was so late that Wolfram probably didn't want to be disturbed and he was too tired that he'd most likely start loosing his temper early in the conversation and it was really so dark outside and maybe the blond didn't want to see him yet, the argument still so fresh in their minds and it was starting to get really cold outside and he didn't have a jacket. Deep inside, he knew those reasons that he just thought of weren't the ones holding him back – he had gotten cold feet.
As he lay in his side of the bed, he stared at the canopy and wondered why he wasn't lying on the middle. He knew that that someone wasn't going to creep into his bed in the middle of the night, like he used to do. He scooted to the middle and never realized just how big his bed really was. This feels… different. I feel like I'm drowning. He moved back to his side again and for the next hour he just tossed and turned, but, for someone who hadn't slept for the past twenty-four hours, sleep hardly came to him. With a frustrated sigh, he stood up and decided to pay his godfather a visit. His condition hasn't changed since yesterday; it was probably better than a worsening condition, right?
He made his way into the infirmary, barefoot. As he placed his hand on the doorknob, it jiggled and he withdrew his hand as the door was pulled inwards. Red-rimmed green eyes stared into tired black eyes.
"Um… Hi, Wolf." The greeting was awkward.
"Hi." The reply was short and soft.
"So… how's Conrad?"
"He's okay. He is neither better nor worse." He opened the door wider as he stepped aside. "You can come in. I was just going to bed."
Yuri placed a foot into the room then stopped. "No, I think I'll see him tomorrow. I trust your account." Then stepped back into the hallway.
Wolfram looked surprised for a bit then said, "Okay." He closed the door behind him. "I'm going to bed now. Good night." With a slight bow, he left.
Yuri shivered and knew that it wasn't because of the cold – it was not even a cold night. Wolfram had acted so formal around him. "Wolf, wait!"
The blond stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around.
Yuri grabbed his hand and dragged him up to their room. Along the way, his mind was filled of all the words he considered right to say at that moment, but as soon as the door was closed and they were standing face to face in the middle of the room, the words evaded him. He opened his mouth, not really knowing what to say, and closed them again. Say something, idiot! We just can't keep standing here all night! "Look, this morning, I was just really tired. I couldn't get any sleep at all; I was worried sick about Conrad. Then you were pressuring me. I was having a hard time thinking; honestly, I couldn't think straight…"
The prince looked at him with even more hurt in his eyes, expecting him to continue and when he didn't, he said, "Oh…" An awkward silence ensued. Wolfram fidgeted nervously and decided it was best if he just went back to his room. "Um, I must go to bed now. Good night." and turned to leave.
Yuri could only kick himself. Shit! I'm saying the wrong things again! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Do something! Say something! And no more stupid excuses this time. Quickly, before he gets away, you idiot! It's not so hard. SAY YOU'RE SORRY! He could see Wolfram reaching for the doorknob and turning it. SAY IT, YOU MORON!!! "I'm sorry!" he practically yelled.
Wolfram stopped.
"I'm sorry," Yuri repeated, more softly this time.
The blond turned his head sideways, "For what?"
"I'm sorry for this morning, for yelling at you and for calling you a selfish brat, though you tend to be one at times – but it's okay with me! And I lied when I said you weren't special; you are very special – to me. 37Nobody's perfect and I stand accused; for lack of a better word and that's my best excuse37."
Yuri wished the other boy would look at him. This was really uncomfortable for him and he didn't know how Wolfram reacted.
"And I'm sorry for acting like an idiot –"
"Come on, Yuri. You weren't acting."
That stung! "Okay, I probably deserve that." He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry for confiding in Conrad rather than in you –"
"It's okay for you to do that. I just wish you'd take notice of me like the way you do with him because sometimes it seems like Conrart's your fiancé and not me."
"I swear I don't have any romantic feelings for your brother!" He knew he was sounding very defensive, but he couldn't help saying it. "I really love you, Wolf, and 38it wasn't my intention to hurt you. This feeling is true38… It just took me some time to realize what I really have and I'm glad I did before I lost it completely. 39You were better to me than I was to myself. For me, there's you and there ain't nobody else… I needed the shelter of someone's arms, there you were. I needed someone to understand my ups and downs, there you were39…"
Wolfram finally turned around to face him and chuckled, "And I hope you realize just how cheesy you sounded."
"Aw, come on! Don't laugh at me; I'm baring my heart out here!"
Wolfram smiled.
Yuri smiled back. "Does it mean I'm forgiven?"
"Of course. I was starting to miss my wimp."
"Just for tonight, I'm going to let that pass."
"Does this mean I'm free to call you wimp as much I please tonight?"
"Don't push it!" he warned but smiled. "I promise, I'll be good to you from now on. I won't ever make you cry. I promise –"
Wolfram held up his hand. "Don't start making promises you might not be able to keep. I just might only get disappointed. 40I'll love you in the best way that I can and I only expect the same. Don't promise me forever… Don't pretend to know you'll never make me cry. Just… promise me you'll try40…"
Yuri smiled and nodded. "I think I can do that. Okay, Wolf, I promise I'll try…"
"Good." He turned around and opened the door.
"Where are you going?" Yuri asked alarmed.
"To my room."
"Oh." He's not sleeping here? Does this mean I'm not completely forgiven? But I thought everything was okay.
"I'm just gonna go change. Be right back."
Yuri felt a surge of relief and smiled. "Okay. Hurry back."
-BOW-
Scene 1:
The Sweet Escape – Gwen Stefani feat. Akon
Maybe This Year – Laine Laudico
Scene 2:
In This World (Murder) – Good Charlotte
Key of Twilight – OST: dot Hack sign
Scene 3:
Me Against the World – Simple Plan
I Decide – Lindsay Lohan
Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word – Blue
Scene 4:
Be Good to Me – Ashley Tisdale
Don't Treat me Bad – Firehouse
You don't See Me – OST: Josie and the Pussycats
Underneath this Smile – Hilary Duff
Scene 7:
Me vs. The World – Halo Friendlies
Scene 8:
The Getaway – Hilary Duff
Loosing Grip – Avril Lavigne
The Little Things Give You Away – Linkin Park
From the Inside – Linkin Park
With Love – Hilary Duff
Speak – Lindsay Lohan
Outside of You – Hilary Duff
Don't Say You Love Me – The Corrs
Tangled – Maroon 5
Over – Lindsay Lohan
Shut Up – Simple Plan
One Step Closer – Linkin Park
You Don't Mean Anything – Simple Plan
Something I Never Had – Lindsay Lohan
Scene 9:
Brothers – OST: Fullmetal Alchemist
Easier to Run – Linkin Park
The World – OST: dot Hack sign
Tell Me Where it Hurts – don't know who originally sang this
Just Let Me Cry – Ashley Simpson
Faint – Linkin Park
Scene 10:
It's Life – Ashley Tisdale
I Won't Say I'm In-love – OST: Hercules
God Must Hate Me – Simple Plan
Breaking the Habit – Linkin Park
Scene 11:
Dearly Beloved – Greenday
A Little Bit – MYMP
How Sweet it is to be Loved by You – Back to zero
Promise me You'll Try – Jennifer Lopez