*Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, or Russian Roulette by Rihanna. I also don't own Backstreets back by BSB or the Youth Group song Jesus loves me.
*Summary: Gun? Check. One Bullet? Check. Four Drunk Teenagers? Check. One Unforgettable Night That Will Haunt Eli, Clare, Drew and Alli forever? Check. RATED M FOR UPSETING DETAIL. MATURE.
*AN: You might want to grab some tissue. This story came out of nowhere. I just needed to cry. I wrote it because I know, even though I am one of those teenagers who loves to drink, some times, drunken nights go bad. If I did a good job on this, I'll know when you all cry. I don't wish this to happen to anyone. Russian Roulette is not something that should be taken lightly.
*Warning: Mentions of suicide, foul language and a sad ending. You have been warned.
Pull The Trigger
Alli's POV
One shot, Maybe a two Shot.
Can you hear me? Yes? Okay, lets get started then. My name is Alliah Bhandari. Call me Alli. I am 17, depending how you look at the current situation. Look at this picture. That girl sitting next to me, that's Clare. She's my best friend. We met at Degrassi Community School in the nineth grade. And that guy standing next to her... No not the one wearing all black, the one with the dark blue flannel, that's my boyfriend Drew. He was a junior when I met him at DCS. And the other guy you were looking at.. Ya, that's Eli, Clare's boyfriend. Drew and Eli were just about to graduate this year until tragedy struck. So, I guess that's my cue to start at the beginning.
Nobody would expect the four of us to do this. Well, actually, nobody would expect Clare to do this. You wouldn't know at a first glance that in the year that Clare and Eli have been together, she parties every weekend, but only with us. Every Friday night, Eli would go into the liquor store and get us the usual. Coolers, beer, the Captain and others. It always came to around $95. But this particular weekend, we wanted to try something new. We all got extra money, and gave it to Eli. We still got our usual, but this time, we also went to another store and got harder alcohol. But all of this doesn't matter, all you need from this is the fact that we were drunk out of our minds when it happened.
I was dancing to Backstreet's Back by BSB when I saw Clare rumaging through her giant bag, almost falling over after all those drinks. She checked to room for eyes on her. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she pulled whatever it was out, hid it under she shirt and made her way into the kitchen. I smiled toward the boys, who were sitting at the dining room table playing quarters, and slipped quietly into the kitchen. I found her hunched over the skin, sobbing. "Clare Bear? Whats wrong?" She jumped when I touched her back, and put her hands in the sink over the object. "Clare, what is that?"
I looked behind me, clearing the boys were still on the other side of the wall. When she didn't answer, I grabbed her wrists and pulled them away. "Alliah, No!" Her voice was nothing in the category of a whisper. "Clare Diana Edwards! Where the fuck did you get a gun!" I didn't notice the music has stopped until I finished my statement. Soon after the word escaped my mouth, our drunk boyfriends were standing in the doorway, dumbfounded. Eli was the first to opened his mouth, "Uh, Blue Eyes, where, um, who do you uh, where'd you get it?"
She explained she stole it from Fitz, she explained that she was scared of what he would use it on. When Drew checked, there was only one bullet. The device was placed in the middle of the dining room table. We all sat there, staring at it. After a few dozen more drinks, I lifted the shotgun in my left hand, "Y'know, we could play an interesting game with this." I recieved looks of shock from Eli and Drew. Clare, on the other hand, just looked very, very drunk. "I mean, one gun, one bullet, six shots, twist it everytime. Nobody will die." Just remember, this is my confession. My friends, they had nothing to do with what happened. You hear here, people, I suggested the stupid game. Russian Roulette. I couldn't predict the future. I didn't know this would happen to the four of us. Please, you all have to understand that.
Now look at me, I'm crying! Back to my rather sad explaination, and you have to listen, to everything. I know I talk a lot, but this is important. We were all drunk. We all agreed. Nobody was pressured, if someone didn't want to play, they didn't have to. We decided that we were going to tell a memory before we pulled the trigger. We positioned ourselves in a circle, or a square, facing our significant other. We settled that Eli would go first, he had the most guts out of all of us, then the gun would be passed on to the next person. We sat on the floor, cross legged, Clare was crying, not knowing if this was the end. "Before we start, we have to make one thing very clear." Drew's voice was shakey, I knew from that he was uneasy about this. "We have to promise that whatever happens, if someone does die, the other three say it was a suicide and we were forced to watch." More tears fell freely from Clare's eyes while we all nodded.
Eli picked up the barrel, playing with it in his hands while he thought of his favourite memory. He finally looked up, into Clare's eyes. "Remember when we first met, and I ran over your glasses. You two... God... I thought you were just horsing around in the street. But then I saw you're pretty, blue eyes, and that's when I knew. I knew I liked you from the start. And now look, you're everything and more to me. Without you, I would have died a very long time ago." He spun the holder, pulled the cock down, and placed the rim to his temple, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Tears fell frantically from his girlfriend's eyes. When he pulled the trigger nothing happened. He dropped the gun and pulled Clare into his embrace, threatening to never let go. Then I lifted it, stared at it. Then looked at Drew.
"Drew. Where do I start? Of all the things we've been through together, the after party of my party was the best. The way you looked at me, the way you kissed me. You made everything better." I mimicked Eli's movements with the holder, the cock, placing it against my temple, squeezing my brown eyes. I took a deep breathe and remembered my mom, my brother, my dad, Johnny, Dave, Jenna and her baby, everyone. I pulled the trigger slowly, hearing Clare whimper in freight. My breathing stopped as the trigger came to a stop after the pull. I was still alive. I made it. The gun dropped and Drew pulled me to him, caressing my hair, and kissing my cheek and neck lovingy. I pulled back to see Clare had the gun in front of her, laying on the floor.
She looked her sad blue eyes from me, to Eli, to the gun. She took my hand in hers, her icy eyes couldn't meet my brown ones. A pain of sadness corrupted me as she spoke. "Do you remember when we were at Conner's house, working on the robot, and you wanted to look around so we 'went to the restroom' but ended up in Mr and Mrs Simpson's room, and you put that vibrator in my bag and the next day, Jane caught us in the bathroom looking at it." She placed a shy smile on her face when she caught Eli's look of astonishment. "Then, in class, it started going, and they called my mom. I still have it, in the small box in my closet. It's underneath the box labelled "Darcy" in the box labelled "Clare and Alli" but you have to pull the box out completely to see the label. If this bullet comes out, I want you to keep the box." Tears traced lines down her cheeks while she lifted the gun as she let go of my hand, twisted, cocked, placed and took a breath, closing her eyes. She pulled the trigger quickly, jumping at the sound of emptiness.
Drew wanted to get it over with. He stated that if he was the one to go, he wanted it to be quick. "Alli, on my bed, is the label from the day we became official. It was the best day of my life at Degrassi." His eyes never left mine as he toyed with the gun the way the rest of us had. Then, he was pulling the trigger. Nothing happened. Drew was still here. We all survived. Then I remembered. We said six shots. That meant Eli and myself still to shoot again, rendering it possible that either of us could die. Elijah Goldsworthy took the gun from Drew and placed it between them. He pulled Clare to his lap and ran his finger's through her hair, his head in the crook of her neck.
"Edwards, at Adam's secret party, I told you my wish had come true. I discovered for myself, laying in tht hammock with you, that I, Elijah Goldsworthy, want to spend the rest of my living days, with you by my side. There isn't anyone else out there for me." He sealed his promise with a kiss, and he pushed her away. In his mind, this was it, this was the end. He did his thing, fiddling with the nobs and gagets on the tool like a Bop It from the 90's. He put the gun to hs head once more, "I love you, Clare, so so much." He pulled the trigger quickly, but nothing. No blood, no brains. Just an alive Eli.
I pulled the gun from his hand and locked eyes with each of them. "I love you all. My favourite memory with all of you, is the time Clare found a gun, and we played Russian Roulette. It may not have been the happiest night of our lives, but we each found out something about each other. Clare, I found out you have a box full of all our memories, including the vibrator. Drew, you told me you care without saying those words. Elijah, you proved to me that you are worth everything Clare has to give, and you're willing to be there unconditionally. If this is goodbye, I love you. All of you." I wiped the tears from my eyes and placed the gun to my head. It was fate if the bullet was in the next hole. It's what God wanted. I ignored the sobs from Clare while I pulled the trigger.
And now here we are. I'm telling you the last two hours of my life while Clare stares down at my lifeless body in shock, my blood covering the front side of her body, and the living room floor. I'm sitting here watching Drew cry. Eli's punched a few holes in the walls. It was me. This is why you don't see me, only feel me, hear me, miss me. I wish I could say I live. But I don't. At least we were at my parent's house though, right? When they say you're life flashes before your eyes when you die, I'm telling you, the best parts of it do. I saw Clare, smiling and happy, I saw Drew, leaning to kiss me, I saw Eli the day we met, when he told Clare she has pretty eyes. He didn't lie. She really does. I saw Jenna holding her baby, Sav leaving for university, Johnny smiling, my parents hugging me, Adam smiling. Everyone I loved was there, then gone.
So look at this picture. That's me, the short Indian girl, the girl next to me, with auburn hair, that's Clare Edwards, she's wonderful, I'm really going to miss her. The boy in the dark blue flannel, that's Drew Torres, my boyfriend, my rock. I'll miss him too. And the boy in all black, that's Eli. He's the one who's going to help Clare through this. I just want them all to know, I'll always be here. I'll always watch over them. I'll always remember them. Tonight may have been a mistake. It may not have ended the way any of us wanted, but this is how God wanted it. And if anyone knows anything about what God wants for us, it's the girl who taught me everything I know about Heaven. Clare.
This might sound really dumb, but I am going to Heaven. Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so... Except, Clare told me that, and taught me that song. Crazy, right? I should have just spun that damn thing! But it's too late for what if. My name is Alliah Bhandari, call me Alli. I'm 17 years old. Or was. Depending how you look at it. My death was watched by my three best friends while drinking and playing Russian Roulette. I do not recommend you try that at home. Looking in the future, I can tell you that these three wonderful people will miss a great deal of school, going through witness accounts and therapy. Drew will give up, he won't drop out, but he won't accept anything from anyone. He'll be kept back a year, to be with Adam and Clare. Eli, who will stay behind a year by choice, will go through his guilt phases, like with Julia, only this time, he'll have Clare, who will pretend to be strong for the sake of Drew and Eli, but secretly, I'll watch her cry alone in her room, over the box of memories we made in our four years of friendship. She'll suffer the most, but she'll push herself to do everything she can to graduate with our class, everyone around her, besides the love of her life will never see the difference. They'll all think she got over it in six months, but Eli, Drew and I, we know the truth. This night will haunt Clare for a long long time.
*AN: I'm sorry if you're crying right now. I'm sorry if I just ruined you're day. In my original plan, it was only Eli and Clare, and Clare died. I figured that was too harsh. And it probably would have sucked. To my fellow Alli fans, I don't hate her, but I didn't want someone I hated in a sadfic. The point of this story was to make those of you who needed a really good cry, to cry. I'm on that boat. Please leave love. I promise, if I post a part two to this, it will most likely be Alli's funeral, jumping from Clare, Drew and Eli's POV's. Maybe even Adam, Jenna and Sav's. But I make no promises, as per usual.