A future fic, I guess you could say. This takes place after Arthur is King, he's married to Gwen, and Merlin's magic is known and accepted. This is Morgana coming back to beg Merlin's forgiveness. I'm assuming Morgause (SPOILER) died in Season 3 Episode 13.

Disclaimer: "Back to December" is owned by Taylor Swift. BBC owns Merlin. I own…nothing. Sadness.

BETA: Word-Stringer

Read and Review! Also, Happy New Year!

I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life? Tell me, how's your family?

I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up, and I know why

Because the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses, and I left them there to die

Morgana leaned against a thick oak tree, holding her breath. It hurt her frail form to not breathe, but she was so nervous; she couldn't help it. It had been five years since she had become Queen of Camelot and betrayed everybody she loved.

A tear slipped down Morgana's dirty cheek. She'd been wandering the forests, searching for help ever since her sister died. For a long time all she wanted was revenge, and she had wanted everybody to suffer. She wanted to watch Camelot fall and everybody with it.

But then Uther died, and his son had ascended to the throne. He lifted the law and allowed magic back in Camelot. The day Morgana found out about Merlin she had broken down and sobbed. Merlin, who had made so many right choices with his magic, while she had made all the wrong ones.

And here she was, the consequence of her decisions, wretched and sick. The past few years have taken decades off of her life, but it wasn't the lack of shelter, or food or health that had shortened the few years she had left. It was the guilt. The guilt of hurting everybody she cared for.

The culpable witch's eyes lowered. She had waited for so long now, and it appeared as if he wasn't coming. Not that she blamed him; Morgana despised herself, and she wasn't sure how anyone else could even fathom seeing her. More tears slipped down the thin face, weaving trails down her stained face.

A twig broke.

Her pale face shot up, and her ruby red lips quivered in hope and anticipation. Could it really be…?

When she saw the familiar dark head enter the clearing she had taken refuge in, her mouth lifted, and she ignored the pain of her chapped lips. Her smile widened as she looked at the warm blue eyes she had missed, drinking in his image hungrily.

"Morgana?" the voice questions; music to her ears. "I'm sorry I'm late - I had trouble sneaking out."

The once lady of Camelot felt relief swarm through her body. He hadn't told anybody about her, which was good; if he had brought anybody else, well, she didn't think she would be able to handle it. She wiped her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair. Seeing her friend, Morgana felt the long forgotten stirrings of pride. Her beauty may have faded with the five years of sorrow, but she could at least try to look presentable. Her renewed pride was not going to let her see an old friend in tears.

Taking a deep breath, Morgana stepped forward.

"Merlin."

His blue eyes went straight to where she stood, and his face instantly filled with pity.

"I look terrible, don't I?" She offered him a sad smile.

"I- I didn't say that."

"You didn't need to Merlin; I can see it written all over your face. Poor Morgana, her with her sickly form. I've lost my beauty, Merlin. It's gone."

"No-" he began to protest, but she cut him off.

"No need to lie, Merlin." She began to cough, and it shuddered through her whole body. The warlock ran to her and put his arms around her waist, helping her sit down, concerned.

"Thank you, Merlin. You've always been so kind."

He gave her a grin, the same goofy one he'd always had, "I just helped you sit down."

She turned her head gently. "And you came to see me. I know that must've been difficult."

"I saw your note this morning," he replied. There was a moment's silence, and all that could be heard was the peaceful sounds of the forest, undisturbed by the two within its depths.

"How's Arthur? Gwen? Gaius? What about your mother?" Morgana's eyes lowered. She remembered the kind woman back in Ealdor. Hunith had done an amazing job in raising her child. Such a wonderful man Merlin is.

"Arthur's fine. He's head over heels in love with Gwen. Their wedding was spectacular. And Gwen's coronation was-"

"Beautiful, I know."

Merlin's blue eyes widened. "How do you know?" His tone was a bit suspicious, as if he had thought Morgana had snuck into the ceremony.

"I saw it in a dream. Tell me about the rest of them, Merlin." Morgana's eyes slide shut, trying to imagine herself there.

"Gaius is doing well. He doesn't have as many patients to treat anymore; Arthur has created a great Kingdom..."

Morgana didn't reply, so Merlin continued.

"And my mother, she's doing great. She's moved to Camelot, and she's really happy there. She's really joyful that I don't have to live in fear anymore."

A small smile played at the edges of Morgana's lips, "And you Merlin? I hear you're the greatest warlock their ever has been. You're Arthur's most trusted advisor. That must be fun."

She opened her eyes and looks at the other face. Merlin's gaze moved up, staring at the starry sky.

"Weather's nice." He commented, changing the subject.

Morgana looked up as well, and nodded slightly in agreement. There was not a cloud in site, and the sky was so clear that any constellation could be seen. It was slightly chilly, but nothing unbearable. But because of the witch's sickness, she shivered in Merlin's arms.

Instinctively Merlin's thin arms tightened around his old friend's weak body. But he hadn't returned his gaze to hers.

A tear slipped from Morgana's green eye. Morgana knew exactly why Merlin was not looking at her. This moment must remind him all too much of that time a little more than five years ago. She had come stumbling out of the forest, playing the victim. But really all she had been was the predator, ready to strike at any time. And she had. When she did that she hurt everybody. Both of them heard the echo of Morgana's screams the night her sister had died. She grappled desperately for something else to talk about, something that wouldn't make him think worse of her.

"Remember the time you brought me flowers, right after I lit my curtain on fire and shattered the window? They were really pretty."

Merlin couldn't help it; a smile crossed his face. Morgana, however, looked away. Those flowers died, just like the goodness in her died.

These days, I haven't been sleeping

Staying up, playing back myself leaving

When your birthday passed, and I didn't call

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughing from the passenger side

And realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days

When fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love, and all I gave you was goodbye

"I haven't been sleeping very well lately, Merlin." Morgana whispered.

"That's been the case ever since I knew you, Morgana." Their eyes locked.

"It's for different reasons this time, Merlin. It's not my nightmares."

Merlin's brow creased and he frowned, "I don't understand."

"I stay up all night thinking about what I've done Merlin. So many terrible, terrible things. And I missed everybody's birthdays. You have all matured so much."

"Morgana-"

"No, Merlin; let me speak. I didn't only think about that... terrible day. But I thought of you- all of Camelot, really. How good everybody was to me, even Uther. Though who knows what he would've done if he had found out about my magic earlier." Morgana spat. Merlin quickly tensed, but relaxed when Morgana's face did.

"That's not the point," She softly shakes her head, causing her dark wavy hair to spill all over Merlin's arm; "The point is…that everybody was so good to me. Especially you, Merlin, when you helped me get to the Druids. After that I felt differently about you, Merlin. I - I loved you, Merlin."

Merlin looked away, his face in pain like it was the day he had to poison her, "I loved you too, Morgana." He whispered.

"You did?" she asked in shock.

Merlin nodded, still not returning his gaze to her. The witch continued her story.

"But then…Uther's grip got tighter. More people with magic were persecuted. I got so scared Merlin, and I didn't know what to do. I thought I was all alone…so…" Another coughing fit.

The warlock's arms tightened protectively once more around the witch's thin waist.

"It's my fault. I didn't tell you, and I poisoned you. You were my second love, and I poisoned you."

"For the good of Camelot," Morgana stroked his cheek, trying to soothe his misplaced guilt. "I don't blame you, Merlin. I know I've said that before, but I really mean it now. And as for not telling me about your magic... well, I understand - you were scared too."

"But I could've changed the way things turned out! If you knew you had another friend, you might have never gone to Morgause."

She sucked in a breath of pain. Even if her sister had been evil, Morgana still loved the blonde woman with all her heart and soul.

"That doesn't matter. The fact is that you tried to help me, but I wouldn't listen. You gave me everything you could, and I offered nothing in return. I just turned my back on you."

So this is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

"I don't know how I'm doing this," Morgana continued, "I was never one to admit that I was wrong and say sorry. Always so proud and stubborn... but now, I just can't get over leaving Camelot. When I left I thought it would be great, getting away from Uther and his hate of magic. But freedom…it's not what I thought it would be. All I did was miss you, Merlin. Each night I wish I had realized how wonderful you truly were, and that I had stayed." The coughing spasm began once again.

"Morgana, you're hurting yourself!"

"I have to tell you this, Merlin - listen. Every day I think about what would have happened if I had stayed. I'd have been there for the wedding, the coronation, and maybe something would have happened between us. I go back to that moment all the time, and pretend that I ran to your waiting arms. I pretend that I didn't scream and cause the walls to collapse but sobbed in your arms instead. I think about it all the time, Merlin."

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile

So good to me, so right

And how you held me in your arms that September night

The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking

Probably mindless dreaming

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand

"Morgana, it's…it's alright," Merlin said, his blue eyes brimming with tears.

"Merlin, I've missed everything about you for the past five years. Your pale skin and that goofy smile you've always had. Your only intention was to help me. I remember how you did so, and the first time you saw me cry. I said I was sorry, and usually only Gwen saw me like that. Do you remember what you said in return?"

"I said I didn't mind, and that maybe I could help."

Morgana gripped at Merlin's shirt, "You did help Merlin. You really did." She paused and sucked in a sharp breath, "Merlin, please forgive me. I know it sounds crazy, after everything I've done. All the pain I've caused, and how evil I've been. I was a terrible person and…" Morgana's eyes shifted away from Merlin's, and gazed directly at Polaris, the North Star. North is the direction of Camelot.

"This is crazy, I know. I can't expect you to forgive me. My mind has gone crazy, Merlin, and I'm thinking foolish thoughts. Only in my dreams- not my nightmares- do you take me back. I just…just wish…that you could find it in your heart to forgive me. But, Merlin, I promise…I promise if you forgive me, I'll love you. And I'll love you right this time. If I could redo this all over again, I would. I'd never go to my sister and consult you instead."

Morgana took a shaky breath, "I understand if you don't. I wouldn't. I'll understand if you leave me now, Merlin. It's probably the best thing."

Merlin stared at Morgana's pale face for a long time. The traitor of Camelot expected him to drop her and leave at any moment, but he didn't. He just sat there in silence, thinking.

"Come on, Morgana, I'm taking you home."