This is a dark one-shot of Peter's thoughts later in the night after "Bad Dreams."
I'm sorry, I didn't see this episode as a giant, positive Bolivia fest-I wish I had.
Peter doesn't think of Olivia the same way anymore.
I own nothing to do with Fringe. This story is unbetaed-all mistakes are mine.
Shame
He's feeling guilt. Shame. He feels dirty. He hates himself. He wishes he was dead.
All words coming out of her mouth from Nick Lane. But they certainly applied to him as well.
With two scotches in his system, it was all resurfacing at Mach one in his brain.
The sounds of Boston at night muted themselves around him, He didn't even feel the cold, damp wood of the bench seat. He was totally encased. In shame.
Shame for what he now thought of her. Really fucking damaged goods. Like him. A post-Walter Bishop experiment survivee. She used to be purer, cleaner than himself-in his eyes. Now, she was no better. His equal, in a depressing sense. Damn Walter and Belly's predilection years ago for messing with "pre-disposed' children.
But what bothered him most was he did and didn't want to be there. To hear all that. To watch her say, I could have been. That one sentence changed things for him. And he absolutely hated that. She needed him. He knew that nanoseconds before Walter told him to help her. And he hesitated. God, if that had happened even a week ago he would have been johnny on the spot to help her. He really wanted to run to her, to wake her up and hold her in his arms, but his feet wouldn't move. Until Walter commanded him to. She deserved so much more than that. Especially after what she went through with John. She deserved someone better than he was.
And then there was that other thing. His thoughts of her sister. So supple and willing. Upbeat and innocent to all the shit going on with the ZFT and such. Just looking for fun. He wanted that too-that quick release. Just for a moment to be free of morose thought and damaged goods. But he knew there was a steep price for that. Would it be worth it? He already new the answer, but it hadn't stopped him in the past, had it?
And so he sat, greatful that Nick Lane wasn't sitting next to him, for he would surely would have taken his life had Nick been in his presence. With no second thoughts. Well, that was a lie. He always thought of her. But in a different way now...
With that last sobering thought and tears slipping down his face, he reluctantly rose from the bench and started walking-to anywhere.