It was a regular Friday afternoon at Wayne Manor. Alfred was downstairs in the laundry, sorting through the clothes.
Suddenly his eyes widened in horror as he picked up a pair of black slacks belonging to Tim. Standing out in stark contrast to the pants, were several flecks of white matter. Alfred sighed heavily.
Not again!
That was it, he was going to confront the young lad about this nasty little habit he had developed lately!
***
Tim was upstairs, relaxing after a particularly stressful week at school. Six assignments, two essays and a speech. Now he and Dick were kicking back on the sofas, watching The Three Stooges, drinking soda and eating junk food.
"MASTER TIMOTHY!" came Alfred's voice from the hallway.
Tim gulped. Dick grinned at him.
"Ooh, busted."
"Uh-oh!"
"If I were you man, I'd go and stick your hand in the waste disposal then go feed yourself to the dogs right now."
Alfred stormed into the room, carrying the incriminating pants.
Dick jumped up and ran over to Alfred.
"I'll try to hold him off! Quick Tim, run, save yourself. Don't worry about me, I'll only slow you down," he said melodramatically, chuckled and slapped the butler on the back. "Give it to him Alfie."
Alfred said nothing and gave Dick a stony look. It was obvious who Bruce had learned it from.
Dick, fell silent and shuffled quietly out of the room.
"Now young man, you have some explaining to do."
"Um…oops?"
***
Tim sighed again as he scrubbed away at the white muck on his pants. It was hard work, as the offending mess was very stubborn and difficult to remove.
"Timmy! You're alive and in one piece," said Dick as he came downstairs. Tim hated it when he got called that. " He must have been feeling merciful."
"Yeah well he made me clean my pants."
Dick put his arm around Tim.
"Let me give you some brotherly advice Timbo. The problem isn't that you did what you did, it's that you got caught. Found out. You got careless. Take it from me, you got to be really cautious when it comes to stuff like this. Like… The Question cautious."
Tim nodded. That was pretty cautious.
"When I was going with Helena a while back, I did it all the time. She was furious." Dick paused and shuddered for effect. There were few things scarier than a ticked off English Butler. One of those things was a pissed off girlfriend who happened to be highly trained in martial arts and weapons combat/ vigilante.
"Anyway, what I'm saying is, you gotta use your head more, be alert. Just as if you were fighting the Joker or Scarecrow."
"Er…okay."
"See ya round young one. By the way, you missed a spot," Dick said laughingly.
"Thanks Dicky-bird."
***
A little later Bruce came in to talk.
"Now Tim, just because I'm letting you stay at the manor while your parents are away, that doesn't mean you can do things like that. So I want you to go and apologize to Alfred and promise that you won't do it again alright?"
"It's not that bad."
"You know how strongly Alfred feels about that sort of stuff. Go and apologize, or you won't be coming out on patrol."
"But Bruce—"
"No buts Tim."
Bruce was giving him one of those stares. Tim wondered if it was at all possible to die from over-exposure to 'don't-mess-with-me' looks.
"Yes sir."
***
Tim psyched himself up as he walked to the kitchen where Alfred was. Oh well, lets get this over with.
"Uh…Alfred…."
No reply
"Look, I'm sorry about the pants."
Alfred turned around.
"Um…I made a mistake and I'll try not to do it in the future."
For a moment there was nothing but and awkward silence. Tim braced himself for the worst.
Alfred's features softened.
"That's alright Master Timothy. After all, we're only human. We all make mistakes. Next time, however, you might to well to empty your pockets before putting your trouser down to be washed and perhaps use a handkerchief rather than those horrible tissues."
END