Tengoko: Hey, all. I wrote this a while ago, but I decided to finally post it on Essentially, this fiction is about Rei's last thoughts before dying at the end of the Sailor Star Series. Some creative liscence was taken (a bare minimum), but I think I stayed true to the essence of it. Well, enjoy. Oh, and please review. Thank You.
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Rated T
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Forgive Me
----------(Told in Rei's POV)
Do I regret this? You can honestly kneel beside me as I take in what is sure to be the last few moments of existence, and ask me if I bemoan my choice? You look down at me with your powerfully sorrow filled eyes, and the only regret I feel, my friend, is that I leave you alone to grieve, that I leave you alone to face the reality of my death.
Could you ever forget what has happened today? I fear that the events that transpired here would forever be pressed into your mind, forced to be played over and over like a broken record. I don't want that fate for you, my friend. That's not why I lie here. That's not why I made this decision, to make this passage in your stead, so you could live for the both of us.
What does it matter? You ask me what the substance of living is? Oh, it seems this has already changed you. I reach up and wipe the tears from your face as you hover above me. There are others around, but you are all I see. I did this for you. Not them. Please don't cry, my friend. Not for me.
Oh, yes. The importance of living. I did not mean to evade the question. It's just, I cannot tell you the significance. It is something that only you can experience. It is not up to me to tell you what your life means. Though, it was up to me to make sure that you could one day know. My life? It is nothing compared to yours. I gladly forfeit it for your sake.
Why? Because…my friend, you were my life. You brought me laughter when I thought I could no longer smile. You brought me happiness when I thought I could no longer feel. You brought me love when I'd lost all faith in such an idea. You gave me hope. Gave me faith. My friend, I've already lived so much. All through you. What would I do without you? If you die, so too do I.
I'm getting cold. You hold me against you in an effort to keep me close. It's as if you imagine that if you hold me tighter, I'd be forced to live. It's too late for me. I'm spent. I smile at your attempt to keep me in this world. You claw at my life with more vigor than I do. You still harbor the idea that through some work of divine intervention, you can keep my soul within this fleshy shell.
Don't die? How could you ask such a thing of me? You forbid me now to expire, to give up my ghost, to pass into the next plane. Even as I let your words sink in, I feel my life gradually sliding from my body. Your arms tighten around me as you tell me you will hate me if I leave you alone.
Hate. The word, from your lips, tears at me as though you'd stabbed my heart. I feel the warm liquid of my own tears slide down my cheeks, falling into my hair that fans across your lap. Your lap, stained with blood. My blood. It flows steadily from my wound, spilling my life onto the pavement. You put your hand over it, trying your best to keep it within, to keep me with you if for just a few minutes more.
I tremble. It's almost as if the merciless, icy breath of death is upon my face, beckoning me to let go, to release my life and follow him towards that river. Will I drink of Lethe? Will I forget all that has happened here? Will I forget you? Now I'm beginning to become afraid. What is infinity if I can't remember you? What is paradise if you aren't in it? It could only be likened to agony, to something worse than hell.
What am I thinking? What a strange question to ask me? I smile as I take your hand and hold it against my heart. I open my mouth, the words came out softly. I beg you not to hate me. To forgive me for all of this. To forgive me for leaving you alone like this.
You don't say a word. I close my eyes to hide the pain. Your silence hurts more than the fatal blow had. Your hesitation scares me more than that sliver of gold that had ripped through me, settling my fate, putting me so close to death. I tighten my grip on your hand. My silent plea for you to grant my final wish.
Friendship is a blessing. It is a beautiful thing. To know it also means to know love. And that is why I do not regret dying for you. I told you long ago that I would. I hope one day you find it in your heart to forgive me. I wish that day could be today. I wish I could look into your eyes and see peace. Not anguish. Not sorrow. Not pain.
I'm slipping away. You scream. I do not hear. I let go of your hand and watch as my own falls upon my stomach. I feel you grab my shoulders and shake me. Rather, I see it. I no longer feel. I no longer hear. Just see. The last moments of my life. I smile, and you finally set me back upon your lap. I forgive you. I make out the words and gladly close my eyes. And just like that…I am gone.