Summary: A shamelessly perverted take on episode 153 of the anime. A 16-year-old Kagura can't fall asleep, so, as usual, she bugs Gintoki to help her. Unfortunately for him, she's learned some very impure things over the past few years.
A/N: This is a severely abridged version of this fic, as the rest is largely smut, and the events that happen at the end don't make any sense without the context of that smut. So if you want to read the rest, you're gonna have to pop over to my livejournal account, which is listed as my homepage.
Warnings: Sexual undertones for this part of the chapter.
Insomnia
It was happening again: Kagura had slid open the shoji of his bedroom. Undoubtedly, her eyes were wide with a near manic alertness, and the skin beneath them was puffy and dark.
"I can't sleep."
Gintoki pretended that she hadn't succeeded in waking him up, letting out a loud snore. Like always, this did nothing to dissuade her, and he heard her heavy footsteps approaching his futon.
"I can't sleep." This time, her voice was practically right by his ear.
Reluctantly, he opened his eyes. "And just what the hell do you want me to do about it, huh?"
"Swap futons with me; yours looks like it's more comfortable."
A vein popped in Gintoki's forehead. "You say that every single time, and it never helps!"
"But this time it will," she said, her voice more monotonous than certain.
Huffing, he rolled out of bed and went to get the spare futon from the closet. Soon, they were both lying down. And, just as Gintoki felt the warm embrace of sleep start to envelop him once more, Kagura said: "This isn't working."
Gintoki lurched forward, glowering at her. "I KNEW IT WOULD'NT, YOU STUPID BRAT!"
She turned her head to the side, eyes wide and unblinking. "It's okay – I'll lie here for a little longer and see if that does anything."
Slumping back against his pillow, he said, "And when that doesn't work, you're going to go for a run around the city, get sweaty, have a bath, get me to make you food, eat too much, listen to the radio, and only fall asleep once you've made sure that I get insomnia!"
"Fine then, I'll just try something else. You go back to sleep."
She made no indication of what this "something else" might be, but it gave Gintoki a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. So much so that he found himself staring at her for a few moments.
She had rolled onto her side facing him and buried her face into the pillow, and it seemed as if she was...sniffing it? That's too suspicious, he thought, and couldn't stop himself from saying something. "Oi. Are you smelling my pillow?"
"No way," she replied, voice somewhat muffled by the pillow in question. "Who the hell would get a whiff of your old man smell on purpose?"
His eyebrows twitched as he rolled onto his back, hoping against hope that this was indeed the case. "Is that right? I guess I must've imagined it. It must all be in my head!" He let out a forced laugh and closed his eyes tightly, willing himself to fall back to sleep.
But sleep did not come, and the room lapsed into an oppressive silence broken only by the occasional sound from outside. He kept his eyes closed and tried to ignore the growing anxiety in the pit of his stomach.
And that's when he heard it: the distinctive sound of rustling fabric and hitched, irregular breathing.
Eyes snapping open, he tried to convince himself that he was jumping to irrational conclusions. Kagura was just shifting around in her sleep, and she was breathing oddly because she was having a bad dream. That had to be it.
A moan emanated from Kagura's futon – muffled, but still audible – and Gintoki felt like his brain might very well explode.
He turned his head to look at her, only to find that she was still curled on her side, her face was still buried in his pillow, and there was definitely some suspicious movement happening against the thin fabric of her blanket. To add further evidence to his conclusion, her cheeks were flushed pink, her eyes closed behind flickering eyelids, and she was biting her bottom lip as if in intense concentration.
Not for the first time, he cursed the fluorescent streetlamp that streamed in through his bedroom window; without it, he may have remained securely ignorant. "O-Oi." His mouth had gone dry, and he swallowed to try and dampen it. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Her eyes snapped open, the movement beneath the blankets instantly halting. "N-nothing," she said breathlessly, rolling quickly onto her other side. "I was just scratching an itch."
Feeling more than a little hysterical, he yelled, "That's not the type of itch you scratch while sharing a room with somebody else!"
Kagura became defensive. "I tried to do it by myself earlier, because it helps me go to sleep, but it wasn't working."
"AND THAT MAKES IT OKAY TO DO IT HERE?"
It was always only a matter of time before Kagura hooked into his yelling, and it seemed as if she'd finally reached her limit. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOUR STUPID FUTON MAKES ME SO EXCITED!"
It took him a moment to fully process the implications of this statement. Namely, that this wasn't the first time that she had done this in his bed. In fact, it was possibly not even the first time that she had done it while he was sleeping no more than a meter away from her.
He refused to believe that his boxers had in any way become tighter.
Taking a deep, calming breath, he said, "You know what? Let's just go to sleep and forget that this ever happened." He was never going to switch futons with her again.
A little meekly: "But...I can't sleep."
"So then lie there and meditate. Maybe you'll achieve nirvana by morning." With that, he pointedly pulled the covers up to his chin and closed his eyes.
A few minutes passed – perhaps fifteen or twenty – and Gintoki once again found himself unable to sleep. His thoughts kept racing, and he had the insistent notion that he might just need some "alone time for itch scratching" himself. It's not that he'd never thought about Kagura in that capacity – she was an attractive girl, after all, even moreso now that she'd developed more defined curves, and he was a healthy adult man – but it had never before left him in such a...state.
I guess I'm going to a special kind of hell.
"Hey...Gin-chan..."
He pretended not to hear her.
"Come on, Gin-chan – I know you're still awake, so don't ignore me."
He cracked open an eye. "What is it, then?"
"Since you already know what I was doing, maybe you could help me out."
Gintoki let out a strained bark of laughter. "What a funny joke! Now, if you're done messing with this old man, he's going to go back to sleep."
"But I'm not joking. And you're not really an old man; you're only twenty-#$%."
"Wait...why was my age bleeped just then? Has Sorachi really not revealed it yet?"
"Stop breaking the fourth wall in order to change the subject! Are you gonna help me out or not?"
His boxers had become even tighter. "Kids shouldn't be saying such perverted things. If you're really that frustrated, go for a walk or something."
"I'm not a kid anymore!" she yelled, sitting up and glaring at him. That glare, however, quickly shifted into a rather evil-looking smile. "And who knows what I'll do if I go for a walk right now. Do you think the Sadist might still be awake? I bet he wouldn't mind giving me a bit of hand."
"O-oi. Is that supposed to be some kind of threat."
She shrugged. "Not really. I just know that I won't be able to go to sleep unless I get off, and I know that tonight I won't be able to manage it by myself. So if you won't help me, I'll find somebody who will."
"So that's your ultimatum? Either I deflower you or you'll get someone else to do it? That's not even remotely fair!"
"Sorry, Gin-chan," she said, not sounding even a little bit sorry. "I'm way too horny to be fair."
He wasn't sure if this was the result of her naivete or the result of her losing it, but he was sure that his options were severely limited. Was she bluffing? Possibly. But, knowing Kagura, it was entirely possible that she was being completely serious. And the thought of that sadist Okita with his hands all over her, with his mouth making her squirm and gasp and moan, was enough to make the prospect of doing it himself seem a whole lot more reasonable.
I wonder if they have Jump in hell? His lips twitched into a frown. Probably not.
"You know that this will make everything really awkward for a really long time, right?" he asked her. "That it could change everything?"
There was a distinctly mischievous spark in her eyes. "We're comrades," she said. "You're not my father-figure or my brother-figure or whatever-the-hell else you've convinced yourself you are to me. You're my comrade, Gin-chan, and I don't think doing this will really change much of anything at all."
He sighed. "You really are still a kid."
"And you're really being condescending. So: are you gonna come play with me or not?"
Oh, who the hell was he kidding? He'd lost this battle before it had even started. "I'll...help you out," he said, and crawled over to where she was sitting. But, when he reached her and got a better look at her face, her eyes betrayed her apprehension.
Stupid brat, he thought fondly. Always getting in over her head.
"Are you really sure you want me to do this?"
"Please, Gin-chan." Her confident facade finally fell away, and, if anything, it made it even harder to deny her. "I need it to be you."
(The rest of the fic can be found on my livejournal account, as it's not suitable to be posted at this site.)