Title: The Tallest Heights of Luv
Summary: After years of searching, Ed finally finds his true love... By the way, I have a bridge I want to sell -- any takers?
Genre: Humor/Parody
Rating: PG. There's nothing objectionable, really... aside from some really nauseating terms of endearment.
Timeline/Spoilers: ...What are those?
Pairings: Note to the pairing rabid: I have no mercy. Leave now, or prepare to accept the consequences.
Disclaimers: Nope. Not mine. Not yet. Any lasting emotional or psychological trauma isn't my problem either. Read at your own risk.
Edward Elric cradled his newfound love close, whispering affectionately. (Rather, since both terms are quite relative as far as Ed is concerned, his voice wasn't quite ear-shattering and had a tone that vaguely resembled Black Hayate's playful growls.) After searching far and wide for months -- years even -- he had finally found his true love in the back of a laboratory warehouse, cold and alone, neglected in favor of more interesting specimen. How could one abandon such perfection? Ed knew that his beloved was truly one-of-a-kind.
"Thanks to you, the colonel will never make fun of me again!" he shouted with a slightly crazed look on his face. With his cherished one came the hope of fulfilling his biggest dream... well, his biggest dream after rectifying Al's distinctly inorganic state-of-being and getting himself a pair of considerably less metallic limbs, that is. (It wasn't the one that involved public disgrace, humiliation, and/or injury of said colonel either.)
"Together we will tower over Winry, the idiot colonel, even Al!" His voice reverberated throughout the empty waiting room, mingling with the squeaks of the chair that he stood on abruptly, his treasured one at his side. Cushion springs squealed violently in protest as the two crashed back down to the seat -- Ed realized the torment he'd be subject to if anyone saw his... odd display. There would be snide comments about "compensating", no doubt.
He gazed at the inspiration for his grandiose musings, letting his eyes inspect every last millimeter of the smooth, clear surface. So fragile, so delicate... He would guard his love with his life if it came to that, after having searched for so long and endured so many taunts along the way. He embraced the object of his affections possessively, as if it were one of his prized mechanical belongings that Winry threatened to dismantle, looking increasingly deranged.
Never again would he be without his precious, precious...
Al cautiously poked his metal-plated head into the room, startling Ed and prompting him to hold the object of his adoration at arm's length to avoid suspicion. "Nii-san, the nurse wants to prepare the syringe."
Ed blanched.
"...You mean I can't just drink it?"
"No, didn't the nurse tell you?"
"Tell me what?" He was sweating profusely; Ed knew what his brother was going to say next, but he wanted to remain in a happy state of denial for just a few moments longer. He looked at the vial in his hand.
"The growth hormone has to be injected."