Starting Over Was Never Easy
Week 2 Writing Prompts: Episode Tag Prompts for (3x14 – Damaged): Episode Tag Prompt #4: Write about Hotch's thoughts before/after signing the divorce papers.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Aaron Hotchner opened the front door to his house and knew something was off, it was too quiet. Setting his ready bag down by the door he made his way in the dark to the stairs. The lights were out throughout the house as he made his way to his son's bedroom. He knew the room would be empty before he even opened the door, he was right. He stared at the empty bed with the Superman sheets and comforter on it for a few minutes before closing the door. Turning he continued down the hall to his and Haley's bedroom knowing it would be empty as well.
He knew Haley had been mad when left for Milwaukee. He went and talked Prentiss into joining him and they had met the rest of the team there, even though Strauss didn't want them there. He knew that Strauss wanted him out but the conniving bitch had actually tried to get Prentiss to help her bring him down. But to Prentiss' credit she quit instead of whisper in her ear. That right there had brought new light to the agent he never wanted on his team to begin with. She was loyal, and he respected that.
He knew Haley had been mad but never thought she would just up and leave taking their son with her without saying a word. The anger boiled in his stomach as he thought of the woman he once loved. The nerve she had; to take his son from him and not even bothering to let him know anything. She did it while he was out of state like a coward.
Hotch tried to call her on her cell but it kept going straight to her voice mail. He called Jessica and Jessica told him that they were there but Haley refused to talk to him right now. Jessica said that she just needed time to cool off and then she would have her call him.
Hotch picked up the phone again and started dialing but hung up before he finished making the call. Dave was not an option right now. He needed someone who would listen and not think that they had to put in there two cents on every aspect of his life and Dave definitely fit the latter. Who else did he trust enough with this? Morgan was out; he was definitely not the one to talk to about this. Reid? NO. JJ? She would listen but she would probably tell him to try and make it work and right now he wasn't even sure if he wanted that anymore. Not after the phone call before he left for Milwaukee. He had had his suspicions about Haley cheating on him but the phone call had pretty much confirmed it for him. He had answered the phone and no one would say anything and five seconds after he hung up the house phone Haley's cell phone rang. She looked over at her purse with a guilty look on her face but didn't answer it because she was too busy yelling at him about looking over the case that the rest of the team were currently working on.
Garcia? No not the BAU gossip. That only left Prentiss, could he trust her enough? Yes, she had proven beyond a doubt that she was more than trustworthy. He picked the phone up and dialed her number hoping she had not gone to bed yet.
"Prentiss." He heard her say out of breath.
"It's Hotch. Are you ok? You sounded a little out of breath."
"I'm fine Hotch. I just got out of the shower when I heard the phone. Please tell me we haven't been called in on another case. We haven't even been home for two hours yet."
"No we haven't been called in. I was wondering… I need to talk to you but if you were fixing to go to bed it can wait." Hotch said, his voice shaking slightly.
Emily could hear the shakiness in his voice and wondered what was going on with him. "No Hotch I was just going to sit and watch some old movie on TV. What did you want to talk to me about?"
There was a long pause before he said anything. "Haley took Jack and left."
"This is not a conversation to have on the phone Hotch. Give me 15 minutes and I'll be over."
"You don't have to do that." His voice was quiet almost like he didn't want her to hear him.
"Hotch I'll be over there soon." Emily said and hung up the phone.
Ten minutes later Hotch opened the door for Emily, granting her access to a part of his world few people got to see.
"Hi, thanks for coming over." He said as he led her to the living room.
"That's what friends are for Hotch." She said as she took a seat on the couch.
"Is that what we are Prentiss?" He said shocked that he had referred to them as friends.
"Aren't we? I hope we are. I know you didn't trust me and I know you didn't want me on your team but I thought we had moved past that somewhat. Have we not?"
"Yes, I think we have. I know I have not made it easy on you since you joined the team and I apologize for that. It was not you, it was the fact that you were brought in without my knowledge and I had a feeling Strauss was up to something from the beginning. I took it out on you and I am sorry for that. I admire you Emily for standing up to that woman; you were willing to give up everything you have worked for to protect this team."
"I told you Aaron, I hate politics. I do want to apologize for everything that happened. I didn't know she was going to use me as a mole in her quest to bring you down. I hope you know that I would never do anything to jeopardize the team in any way."
He could see the worry in her eyes and he knew he had to try and reassure her that he didn't blame her for anything. Not anymore. Now that he knew the truth.
"Emily I don't doubt for one minute that you would do whatever you can to protect us. I knew that when you turned in your resignation."
"Thank you for trusting me. Now tell me what happened with Haley." She said turning the focus off of her and back on to his problems.
"She wants me to leave the BAU. That is why I put in for the transfer. When I decided to go to Milwaukee to help the team she was furious. She said it would never end, that there would always be one more case. I knew she was mad when I left but I needed to help the team. It is who I am; this job is who I am. I care about making a difference. I need to make a difference, I thought she understood that but over the past year things have changed and I don't know how to make it better. I don't even know that I want to anymore." He sat there with his head in the palms of his hands.
"I'm sorry Aaron, I really am." Emily said as she reached over taking one of his hands in hers.
"I think she has been seeing someone else."
"Oh Aaron…" She began but he cut her off.
"I find myself not feeling to torn up about it. Not surprised either. We have had problems for a while. I knew this was coming I just can't believe she took Jack without a word and just left." He said as he absently squeezed Emily's hand a little tighter.
"She is upset Aaron. Give her time; she'll call when she cools down. Maybe you can work this out."
"I don't know if I want to work it out."
They talked for hours about the options for him and his son's future. Emily finally headed home around two in the morning hoping she was of some help to her boss and friend; had promised him that she would be there if he needed to talk.
The day he received the divorce papers was hard on him; not the end of his marriage but the fact she was using Jack against him to get what she wanted. She wanted the house which was fine because he wanted to make things easier on Jack. But the fact that she was keeping him from being able to see his son was really pissing him off.
Who the hell did she think she was to hold their son over his head like that? He would never forgive her for that but had tried to comply to her demands just so he would get to see Jack. No matter what his and Haley's situation was he would be damned if he would let it affect his relationship with his son.
He never brought up the fact that he had suspected that Haley had been unfaithful. That was beside the point at this stage. He tried to get her to understand that he couldn't leave the BAU but she didn't. She never understood how he could give up on them like they didn't matter. He lost it then and told her that he wasn't the one to give up; she did that when she walked away and tried to get him to choose. She was the one that filed for divorce not him.
He signed the papers dissolving his marriage. He wanted his son but didn't fight her; had settled on joint custody with her as primary care giver.
That night after signing the papers he thought about his future while he sat in apartment alone, drinking his self into a stupor. He missed his son more than anything. His new apartment was too quiet without Jack being around. The quietness was going to drive him insane. He kept drinking letting his thoughts wonder. Was he destined to be alone for the rest of his life? Could he be happy again? He thought back to the conversations he had had with Emily since that first night. She had been there, lending her shoulder as he cried over his son; lending her ear as he tried to work through the whole damned thing. She had proven to be a better friend to him then he could ever have imagined when she first joined the team.
He thought about her more and more over the past few weeks. She had been there for him in ways that no one else could ever be. He found that he actually liked spending time with her. She was intelligent, funny and beautiful. He wondered why he hadn't noticed her beauty before or how funny she could be. He had already known she was smart; anyone that could go up against Reid on some of the things he knew was without a doubt smart as hell. She had become an extremely close friend to him. One he wouldn't trade for anything.
He knew that his marriage was over a long time before Haley had even left. They had grown apart over the years; had wanted different things in life now. He realized that he had stayed for as long as he did because of Jack. He wanted to make it work for him, but what was that actually showing his son? That it was ok to stay in something that made you unhappy? That it was ok to settle because you were comfortable? No matter what, he wanted to teach his son to never settle for less than you deserve. It was ok to move forward in life and let go of the past. It was ok to be happy.
He looked back on his life and came to the conclusion that he and Haley loved each other but had not be in love for the longest time. They had settled; settled for what was comfortable but they deserved more than that. He wanted her to be happy, that was all he had ever wanted.
Letting go was never easy, starting over was never easy either but as he sat there and looked at what the future held for him he had to smile. He had found a friend in the unlikeliest of people and who knew where that friendship would take them. Maybe they would remain friends, but as he thought about Emily he wondered if there was a possibility of there being something more with her. He knew he wasn't against that idea. Not against that at all. One day he might actually get the nerve to see if it could be more, but for now he was happy with just having her in his life as a friend. Who knew what the future held but he was willing to go where it would take him next.