Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me but the plot is mine so please don't sue me. You won't earn anything out of it anyways. Criticism/ reviews are very much welcome.
A/N : This one's for Sakshina.
Sunday Deliverance
It's Sunday again. I thought I had let you know because I couldn't tell if they keep a calendar up in heaven. I wonder if they even need it. Are you listening? Do you count the days like I do? I suppose not for you wait for nothing, nothing, no one and you have nothing more to give, share or take. Your part in this – whatever chaos is going on – is going on. But mine is not. I wonder if it ever will be. I'm trying to make Harry stronger, even if it makes me weak. That's all I can do for you right now. Well, almost all.
It's been cloudy this weekend, as it is always these days, but I do not wish to leave you out here in the rain, alone and unprotected. I know you always liked bright colors but the Potion's Master buying a bright red umbrella would be quite a sight. I do not wish to be discovered and so, I bring you, humbly, this black umbrella. Though you despise the color, I hope it will shield you. Forgive me, if I have offended you by presuming that you will need any protection from one such as me. Therefore, I shall just leave it beside you unopened, and I know you will devise a way to keep it or throw it away – whatever you wish. And I shall find a way to abide by your wishes.
A rather strange thing happened yesterday. I met with Tom (he doesn't know I call him that inside my head) and as usual he was coming up with a plan to take over the world, raise and dark army and God knows what not! All I wanted to do was jump out of my chair and say to him, "Merlin's beard, Tom! Get a life (or at least a proper death)!" I shall never be able to understand his obsessions and he shall never be able to understand mine.
Forgive me. I must not bring that up again. I did not intend to make you uncomfortable. I suppose your husband, who is lying beside you, probably wants to leap out of the earth and knock me down from saying that. I'll probably let him because I know that I can't even compete with a dead man. Does he still hate me? Secretly, I think I am ready to make amends but that's probably because I'll never get down to doing it. Secretly, I keep reminding myself that he is dead to me from going insane. Secretly, I try to keep you alive.
My wallet fell down yesterday. Albus picked it up. He opened it, being the senile, old sneak that he is, and he looked at that picture. Remember, that one? The happy one?
Our only one.
Again, he has advised me to keep away from you and let you be in peace at least after your death. I looked into his eyes and I didn't need to penetrate his mind to know that he knows everything. He knows about the night I spent outside your common room. He knows about the apologies, the cut veins, the tears and the darkness. And I'm completely convinced that he knows what I see when I look into the Mirror of the Erised.
He knows you.
I said to him that I do nothing of the sort – whatever in the world he was accusing me of – and he only smiled and turned away. I know that he saw in me that I was lying. Albus is the only one who knows who I am, because he's the only one who's given me a second chance. And he is wise. He is wiser than I could ever dream of becoming. Were I any wiser, I would not have uttered the 'M' word. Were I more powerful, I would end Tom once and for all. Were I any more compassionate, I would give up taking life forever. But so is the way of the creatures of darkness. All I can do is pray.
"Lily," I breathe, "deliver me from evil."