Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and all of it's characters are the property of Syfy. Stargate SG-1 is the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. Come on, if I owned it, do you really think Daniel and Vala wouldn't be together?
A/N: As you can see in the title and summary, this story contains drunken characters. If that bothers you or if you're not old enough to handle such a theme, please don't read it. That being said, if you do continue on, please note that any OOC-ness is (hopefully) purposeful on my part and is meant to be a result of the alcohol. Also, I don't have a beta, so any and all mistakes are my own. Okay, I think that's everything. Enjoy!
Some Explorers Just Can't Hold Their Alcohol
By CountryPixie
"Anyone know how long this shindig's gonna last?" Cam asked his team as they took their seats. There were easily three hundred chairs in the room, with twelve at the table SG-1 was at, yet they were the only five in the room.
"Since their customs appear similar to Earth's," Daniel answered, "we can probably expect a multi-course dinner followed by a ball."
"Yeah, but how long?"
"I don't know. Three to five hours," Daniel guessed. "Why does it matter?"
"Just wonderin'." The team sat in peaceful silence for a few moments until Vala began to drum her fingers on the table. She stopped when she saw that everyone was watching her.
"What? You can't tell me you're not bored."
"We've been in here for all of two minutes!" Daniel exclaimed.
"Yes, and how much longer are we expected to wait? Aren't we the guests of honor?"
"It's a tradition of theirs. By leaving us alone in this room, the Laniour are showing that they trust us."
"Trust us with what?" Cam asked. "Their potted plants and a few paintings?"
"I don't know, Cameron. This dinnerware would fetch a fine price," Vala pitched in, holding a wine glass up to the light.
"Put that down," Daniel ordered. Vala ignored him, instead snatching up Daniel's water goblet to compare.
"Look at the clarity of this crystal," Vala said, more to herself than her teammates. "These have got to be at least forty-five percent lead, which means we could probably get two cases of naquadah. Four if you let me handle it."
"Did you just say lead?" Cam asked.
"Yes, why?"
"Leads not exactly the healthiest thing to be drinking out of," Sam explained.
"We'll be fine," Vala said dismissively, shifting her attention to the silverware. "How important is this treaty?"
"Very. Now behave," Daniel warned as the doors opened and people began to file in. Vala opened her mouth to protest her innocence, but Daniel's glare kept her quiet.
It took more than twenty minutes for everyone to be seated at the circular tables on the main floor. The rectangular table SG-1 was at was raised, but the other seven seats were still empty. The room was deathly silent, with all eyes on SG-1.
"Do I have something on my face?" Cam whispered, trying to ease the tension he could feel coming from his teammates.
"They've never met anyone from another planet. We're very strange to them," Daniel said.
"Yeah, well, strange or not, it's rude to stare."
"And more than a little disconcerting," Sam added.
"Indeed."
"Come on, guys. They're just curious," Vala said, waving at two men at one of the closest tables, shooting them a quick grin and a wink.
"Vala!" Daniel whispered sharply, getting her attention. "For all we know, that could be very offensive to them," he admonished, choosing to ignore the approving looks she got from the men. He couldn't help but feel grateful that she hadn't seen their responses, telling himself that it had everything to do with not wanting to encourage her and nothing to do with the fact that he didn't like seeing her flirt with other men.
"You said their customs were similar to Earth's," Vala retorted.
"I've never said your behavior was appropriate on Earth! In fact, I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that it's not," Daniel snapped.
"Well, I'm sorry that your beliefs are as ancient as a Torillian kerring pot, but not everyone is shocked when two people express an interest in each other," Vala stated matter-of-factly.
"First of all, you were waving at two men, so that's three people, and second of all - ," Daniel was cut off as the doors to the hall opened once more and everyone stood. Daniel quickly motioned that they should stand as well, the brief argument now far from his mind. The seven ruling chancellors made their way to the front table, occasionally stopping to greet some of the guests. Eventually, all seven were standing in a line facing SG-1; as one, they bowed. Daniel and Teal'c immediately returned the gesture, and Sam, Cam, and Vala followed. The Chancellors came around the table and sat down, indicating that SG-1 should take their seats as well. When everyone at the front table was situated, the audience followed suit.
After the room descended into silence once again, waiters began to weave through the tables, delivering food and drink to everyone. When the waiters took their places at the edge of the room, High Councilor Borick stood, raising his glass.
"To our new friends. May our alliance last as long as the Laniour." With this, everyone in the room lifted his glass. SG-1 took a quick sip and placed their glasses back on the table. The Laniour, on the other hand, had each drank every last drop.
"You do not agree with the wish?" Borick asked when he noticed the full glasses.
"The wish?" Daniel asked.
"That our alliance last as long as the people of Lanio," Borick explained.
"Of course we agree," Daniel said, very perplexed.
"And yet you drank only a small amount?" Borick asked.
"Oh!" Daniel said, finally catching on. "We have a similar custom on Earth, which we conclude by taking one drink. But you must correlate how much you drink with how much you agree with the toast? The wish?" Daniel asked, making his statement a question.
Borick nodded his head once, apparently satisfied that Daniel understood.
"In that case…" Vala said, picking her glass up and waiting for her teammates to do the same, "to our new friends. May our alliance last as long as the galaxy itself." The team threw back their drinks, Teal'c grabbing the water goblet instead of the wine glass.
"Whoa," Daniel said quietly, blinking a few times. "That's some strong stuff."
"Good stuff, you mean," Vala said, smiling at the waiter as he refilled her glass.
"To your wish," Borick said to Vala, raising his glass once again.
Vala, Sam, and Cam picked their glasses up, while Daniel joined Teal'c in drinking water. Once the second wish was finished, Borick finally sat down and began to eat.
Dinner lasted close to an hour, with questions being passed back and forth between the Chancellors and SG-1. Every ten minutes or so, one of the chancellors would stand and make a wish; eventually, all seven had spoken. Sam drank the alcohol two more times before switching to water, but Cam and Vala stuck with the alcohol all seven times.
When everyone was finished, the waiters cleared the tables and then moved them and the chairs out of the room. With more precision than anyone on the team had ever seen off the battlefield, the dining hall became a ballroom in less than five minutes, and the band was set up and ready to play within another three.
"Wow. These people can change a room quicker than my man Walter can say, 'Unscheduled offworld activation'," Cam said, his words slightly slurred. "That man is awesome," Cam continued. "I mean, does he ever go home? Does he have a home? I should ask him when we get back."
"That is a great idea, Cameron," Vala said, slinging her arm around his shoulders. "Oh, music!" she exclaimed as the band started up. She was quickly approached by one of the two men she had waved at earlier, and agreed to dance with him when he asked.
"See, Daniel? This is what a gentleman does," she said as they passed him on their way to the dancefloor. Daniel glared at the man, who only looked smugly back. Trying to distract himself from watching Vala, Daniel turned to ask Sam to dance, only to find that she and Cam were already dancing. Or at least trying to dance. They looked like a couple of newborn fawns learning how to walk – Cam trying it on ice. The other dancers moved out of the way of the careening, chuckling couple, throwing them bewildered looks.
"Your friends are behaving most unusually," Chancellor Wespouti noted from beside Daniel. Turning, Daniel was able to see the confused look on her face.
"I'm sorry. The drinks were very strong, and there were a lot of toasts. Wishes," Daniel offered.
"You and your friend Teal'c drank just as much, and yet you do not act this way."
"True, but we were drinking water," Daniel said, trying to ignore how close Vala was to her partner. "Wait," Daniel said, his brain finally catching up to him, "are the Laniour not affected by alcohol?"
"Alcohol?"
"Oh. Um, the fermented drinks you made the wishes with."
"Affected how?"
"Well, when the people of Earth drink a lot of alcohol, they start acting very strangely. Much like Colonels Mitchell and Carter are now," Daniel explained.
"I see," Wespouti said, though she clearly did not. "Our 'alcohol', as you call it, makes children sick, which is why they are not allowed to partake in wishes. We have never observed such behavior in adults, however."
"That's very interesting," Daniel muttered, his gaze drawn towards Vala. Any other observer would see a woman enjoying a dance, but Daniel could see her discomfort from across the room. "Would you excuse me?" he asked Wespouti, not waiting for an answer.
"Vala!" he called out when he got close. She turned, and he waved her over. He'd been hoping her partner would take the hint and leave her alone, but he followed Vala.
"Hello, darling. I was just telling Jearson here about our first date. Remember the fancy dinner, and then afterwards we went dancing. We stayed up the whole night," she said, flashing Jearson an obviously fake smile. Turning to Daniel and placing her hand on his chest, she said, "We really need to do that again soon. I enjoyed it so much."
"Me too," Daniel said, enfolding her hand on his chest in his, only too eager to help her get rid of Jearson. "Do you want to dance?"
"That sounds wonderful. You don't mind, do you, Jearson?"
"Not at all," he replied, smiling at Vala while he simultaneously managed to glare at Daniel.
"Well then," Daniel said, holding his arms out. Vala took her place, and they left Jearson standing alone in the middle of the dancefloor.
"Thank you, Daniel," Vala said sincerely. "Apparently, he's High Councilor Borick's nephew, which he thinks means that he can do whatever he wants. You have no idea how much I wanted to inflict bodily harm on him, but you said this treaty was very important, so I refrained."
"Very wise of you," Daniel said. He opened his mouth to say more, but Vala cut him off.
"I just had no idea how I was going to get rid of him diplomatically. I mean, I knew I could always lead us over to Teal'c, and then he'd take care of him, but I don't think Borick would like it if his nephew was suddenly in three pieces. But then I saw you waving me over, and, I'm sorry, I know you don't like it when I'm inappropriate, and especially not in public, but I couldn't think of anything else to do," she finished with a pleading look.
Halfway through Vala's ramblings, Daniel had stopped them on the edge of the dancefloor. He couldn't believe that she thought he'd actually be mad at her, but then he realized that she was only going off his past reactions. He'd spent so long hiding his budding feelings from himself that there was no way she could have seen them. The fact that the more he was unable to deny his feelings, the grouchier he got towards Vala didn't help.
Deciding to fix that problem, Daniel looked Vala straight in the eyes. "Vala, we may argue a lot, but I don't want you to ever think that you can't come to me with a problem." The honesty behind the words was unmistakable, and Vala could only nod. She was completely caught off guard when Daniel drew her in for a hug. She stood still for a few seconds before wrapping her arms around him and hugging him back with just as much fervor.
They stayed like that for a minute or so before Daniel stepped back and looked at Vala. "Did you really tell Jearson that we were dating?" he asked, smiling a little.
"Yes," Vala said guiltily, missing his playful tone. "He just kept asking me if I wanted a private tour of the palace residences, so I dropped some hints that I was taken. I already said I was sorry, but it's not like I expected you to find out and I really didn't think it was that big of a deal. If you want me to go tell him the truth, I will."
"Well, if we finish our first date when we get back, it won't be too far from the truth. Our fancy dinner was interrupted, so we'll just have to start all over." Daniel held his breath, hoping Vala picked up on what he meant. Judging by the size of her eyes and the shocked look on her face, she did.
"Are you asking me on real date, Daniel?"
"Vala," Daniel started, then stopped. "Look, it's hard to explain to you how I feel when I don't even know myself. I'm horrible at the whole dating process, and I can't promise that I won't mess this up, but I'm willing to try if you are."
"I'm been willing for a long time," Vala said. Looking at each other, the couple broke into huge grins, both experiencing the same mixture of excitement and nervousness for whatever was to come.
"I would suggest leaving so that we could go somewhere to talk, but I don't think the guests of honor are supposed to," Daniel said. He and Vala looked around the room, taking in the other occupants for the first time in several minutes.
"It doesn't look like the rest of the team agrees with that view, darling, because they are nowhere to be found."
"I was just about to say the same thing. We better go look for them." Daniel took Vala's hand and led her to the door. They found two of their missing teammates in the hall right outside the ballroom. Teal'c was holding Sam by the upper arm and talking with two members of the Laniour security.
"Hey guys. What's up?" Daniel asked when he and Vala reached them.
"Daniel! Vala!" Sam exclaimed, wrapping Vala in a one-armed hug. "Where have you guys been? You've missed all the fun. Why are you holding hands? Did something happen between you two? Oh, you guys are so cute together!"
"Colonel Carter was found attempting to start the vehicle we have been given for the duration of our stay. She was apprehended by security personnel and brought inside when she started yelling at and kicking it."
"I wasn't trying to start it," Sam defended. "I was trying to improve it. Those things can go so much faster than they do, but Cam didn't believe me, so I was going to show him."
"Where is Mitchell?" Daniel asked Teal'c.
"Security forces are attempting to seize him as we speak."
"Oh, I think they've found him." Vala pointed to the other side of the hall. Cam had just run in, followed closely by four officers.
"You can't catch me! You can't catch me!" Cam taunted, dodging security with apparent ease. When they begin to close in on him, he feinted to the left and managed to escape. "Oh! Look at that! Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?" he began to sing.
"Daniel Jackson, will you please hold Colonel Carter for me?" Teal'c asked, passing the giggling Sam over to Daniel. He walked over to Cam, who had no idea Teal'c had joined the chase.
"You guys are so slow my Grandma could pass you!" Cam turned to run out the other end of the hall, but instead he found himself running into Teal'c.
"Teal'c, buddy, you gotta help me. These guys are after me!"
"I will lead you to a safe place, Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c said, dragging Cam over to the rest of the team. "I believe it would be a good idea if I took Colonels Mitchell and Carter back to our assigned quarters."
"I think you're right, Teal'c. I'll go let Councilor Wespouti know what's going on, and Vala and I will join you soon." Teal'c led Sam and Cam away, and Daniel and Vala turned to go back in the ballroom.
"Aren't we supposed to stay for the whole thing?" Vala asked.
"Yeah, but I already explained the situation to Wespouti. They'll understand. Plus, drunken team members always make for great blackmail." They turned around when they heard a loud crash behind them.
"Teal'c, it was an accident, I swear." Cam was standing above the shattered remains of a piece of art, slowly backing away from Teal'c. Sam took the opportunity to bolt outside, and Cam followed when Teal'c moved to catch her.
"Like I said…blackmail. Come on, if we tell Wespouti quickly we may get to see Teal'c tackle Mitchell."
A/N: I don't know if you guys could tell or not, but I was going for a very talkative Vala, a happy/adventurous Sam, and a rowdy Cam. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated.