Summary: Once upon a time, there was a boy who had a bruised soul and a bitter heart. He meets three people, and they're easier to accept. The fourth crawls under his skin and leaves a mark. Brian-centric one shot with a slight AU ending.
Trigger Warnings: Alcoholism, abuse.
Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Queer As Folk. I do not own any of the characters, or plot lines.
Once upon a time, there was a boy who had a bruised soul and a bitter heart.
His name was Brian Kinney and he grew up in a nice house with a mother who drank too much, a father who angered too easily and an older sister who had a knack for ignoring the bad stuff. Home was the last place he wanted to be and for a while, all family was to him was a tipped bottle, a raised fist and a pair of earplugs.
He meets Michael Novotny about two weeks after his parents pack he and Claire up and move them to Pittsburgh. He's a sight to see, Michael is, with his short body and scrunched up face. He bumps into Brian, who's leaving an English class, and he's got a Captain Astro comic cradled to his chest amongst school books and Brian is curious. They bond over their mutual fondness for men in tights and their mutual disgust for Mrs. Howard, their old and wrinkly physics teacher. It takes longer for Brian to let Michael into his life - into his heart - though this is hardly surprising if you consider their different familial upbringing.
Michael grows up with just a mother, Debbie Novotny: single, loud, proud, compassionate and straight-forward. He may not have had a dad, but he had someone willing to take the roll of both mother and father, someone who taught him to love and be loved, that people shouldn't be judged on appearances, prejudices, or stereotypes; that everybody should be accepted and everyone deserved a chance. Brian grows up with a family that has the appearance of an all-American, white-picket-fence type family, leading an apple-pie lifestyle. (But, wait - what are we taught about appearances? "They aren't everything.") Jack Kinney, though a successful, charming, all around man's man, is an abuser; physically, emotionally, in every way possible. Joan Kinney seems like a nice woman, she's got a beautiful smile and nice style, she's smart, and a stay at home mother - but she's also the one who taught her son that he wasn't a man if he didn't take the blows he was given, and that he deserved them if he took them with anything more than a clenched jaw or tightened fist. And as for Claire - well, what is there to say? She's there, but she's nothing. She does nothing when she finds him on the ground after Jack has left the room, and she does nothing when their mother starts in on him for being weak. She acts invisible, so that's what she is to him.
It may take longer, but eventually, Brian stops fighting it and accepts that he's fallen a little bit in love with the comic book geek that may have saved his life. Michael is snuggled up in his heart, and Brian will never be able to get him out. Debbie soon follows, becoming like a mother to him - a real mother - and the Novotny household soon becomes a safe haven for Brian. It's a place away from his father's beatings, his mother's disgust, and his sister's ignorance.
But, as they grow up, it doesn't seem to matter that Brian lets go of his own family and joins Michael's; the damage is already done - Brian is who he is. And the thing with the Novotny's, his new family? They'll accept him no matter what mistakes he makes, or things he values or what he believes in.
He meets Lindsay at Penn State. They share an art history class and with her bright blonde hair and bubbly attitude, she'd be hard not to notice.
They are assigned a project together and that gets them talking. Their friendship seems to sprite out of nowhere. Brian quickly discovers things about Lindsay, like that she's a lesbian, that she's an artist, that on a good day she's as sweet as sugar but on a bad day, she could be as fierce as a lion. They do a lot together; suffer through the worst hangovers, the best mistakes, the ups and downs of university life and after all is said and done, he falls a little bit in love with her, too.
He doesn't know what makes him agree to Lindsay's request - he could have just blown it off, he should have. It's against all he believes in, it's heteronormativity at it's worst. But Lindsay gave him that look and he had a sinking feeling that she might resort to desperate measures had he tried to decline.
So, he jerks off in a cup, and nine months later, he'd begrudgingly admit it was one of his finest moments. Because he and Michael and Justin run through that hospital and they finally get there, and Melanie and Lindsay are surrounded by their fellow munchers but it's that little bundle that's got his attention. All he can think is, "Oh my God," and that might slip out but he doesn't care because that little boy is the most beautiful thing Brian has ever seen.
Lindsay gently placed him in Brian's arms and the kid had drool on his lips and his eyes were closed and Brian fell a little bit in love with him, too.
Justin is more complicated. He doesn't immediately fall in love with Justin.
There is a series of events that unfolds, and Brian learns things. About Justin, of course.
He's persistent as hell.
Kind of a manipulative bastard.
He's got a thing for saving the day (or at least for saving Brian's ass.)
He cares. A lot.
Love has always been a hard thing for Brian. When he was a kid, there was no love in his family. Love with Michael and Lindsay and Gus is different; they were unexpected, sure, and Brian didn't choose to love them, but even though they were closer than most people, they were still at an arms length. Love with Justin was harder. Because the kid crawled under his skin and ruined him from the inside out. Because he stayed, and even when Brian thought he might, Justin never gave up on him.
Because he went to New York and conquered the art world and for some reason decided to come back for him.
Justin knocked down his walls, and he latched himself on to Brian like a leech and Brian hated him for it but after a while he started to hold Justin as tight as Justin held him.
And Brian fell a hell of a lot in love with him.